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Finances

10 years ago
last modified: 10 years ago

This is my third try at this post, dont know why it keeps disappearing.

DH and I went out to dinner on the weekend with my sister and her family. My niece is getting married next year. The topic of finances and how the young couple were going to handle it came up. We had different advice to give as usual. DH and I got married very young and just did what our parents did and have everything in joint accounts. My sister and her DH on the other have separate accounts. The only joint thing is their house.

Just wondering what the majority is these days, joint or separate money.

Comments (30)

  • 10 years ago
    last modified: 10 years ago

    Re financial advice, I think sometimes repeating the most obvious is still the best since so many people fail to heed it. My parents always cautioned us kids to not live beyond our means and taught the value of saving for things instead of relying heavily on credit. Definitely common sense, but in our culture where everything is increasingly set on instant gratification, it's a simple concept that seems to be lost on so many.

    I don't know that there's any right or wrong regarding joint or separate money. I've seen it work both ways, and I've seen it not work both ways. For us, our lives are two combined into one and that includes all aspects of our finances. It works for us, and helps facilitate our marital unity. That may not be the case for everyone, and I think couples have to decide for themselves what's going to work best.

  • 10 years ago

    My ex and I did both. We married young and everything was joint, at first. Later, we evolved into still having the joint account that most major things were paid from. But we also had our own accounts and credit cards.

  • 10 years ago

    We've been married for 33 years and everything is in both our names. Every account, every investment, etc. We only have 2 credit cards and pay each off in full every month. Our agreement has always been that if we can't afford to pay it off when the next payment comes due, we don't buy it until we can. It's worked for us all these years.

  • 10 years ago

    We are the same way Lynn. We actually only own one credit card which I got about 40 years ago and I have added DH to that card. We collect air miles so we put everything we can on that card.

  • 10 years ago

    There are valid financial and legal reasons why some accounts should be owned separately. The best advice I would give a new couple is to be informed about how control of financial instruments works in their state under the many circumstances of life, illness, divorce and death and to set up their finances accordingly.

  • 10 years ago

    We are pretty much the same as Lynn. Both on accounts, investments, home, etc. We are debt free, we don't buy on credit. I know it is hard for young couple starting out to not have a mortgage and/or a car payment, but that would be my best advice. Save and accumulate as little debt as possible. I do have one CC and a bank account in my name only - at my husband's insistance. He thought it wise to have credit in my name - should something happen to him.

  • 10 years ago

    Ditto what Lynn said, but we have been married 45 years have three credit cards. One for our small business, one household, and one I keep on my desk and use only for online purchases (its a no annual fee card I've held onto for that reason). All paid in full, every month and always have been. Every thing we own is in both our names.

    We have friends who keep separate accounts, divide expenses, and I'm never convinced that works in their best interest. My own brother and his wife have separate accounts and responsibilities - she pays the private schools, he pays the mortgage etc etc. Right down to his silly expensive car that is in his name that he does not insure his wife or children to drive. Oh I shouldn't get started ;-) It doesn't feel like a household functioning as a single unit with common goals to me.

  • 10 years ago
    last modified: 10 years ago

    Re not buying on credit: I generally agree, but do keep in mind that a stellar credit rating is something to strive for, and in order to have one, you have to use credit advantageously.

  • 10 years ago

    We have both joint and separate accounts. Pre-marital assets as well as some personal holdings each.

  • 10 years ago
    last modified: 10 years ago

    Everything is joint. I do see why second marriages, children, etc might keep finances separate. I wanted to add my DH was the primary on credit cards, we both had a card, same number. We switched one so I am the primary on a card.

  • 10 years ago
    last modified: 10 years ago

    TurquoiseRose, I worded that wrong. We do use credit cards, but we pay them off each month. We have of course had a mortage and car loans in the past. Right now as we work on my grandmother's house, I am taking full advantage of the 5% discount to use our Lowe's card!

  • 10 years ago

    Oh, I understand, Tina. The discussion brought to mind a couple I know who believe that credit should never or only very rarely be used. That may be fine once financial history is established (but even then I think it should be kept active to an extent), but it's particularly vital for young people starting out on their own.

    We don't carry a balance on our cards, and with the exception of the one with air mile dividends, don't even use them much at all.

  • 10 years ago
    last modified: 10 years ago

    We had separate accounts when we married, but once we each resolved some earlier finance issues (for me it was selling a house 2000 miles away) and I adjusted to the idea of sharing, we moved to a joint account. I also wound up staying at home after a while, so spearate accounts seemed even sillier. It was just easier to pay bills and balance one account than todeal with two. IRAs stay separate and as you get older, inheritance might be something that stays separate.

  • 10 years ago

    LOL TR, I've got to have one to use for my on-line shopping!

  • 10 years ago

    I second, third and fourth what Fun2BHere posted:

    "There are valid financial and legal reasons why some accounts should be owned separately. The best advice I would give a new couple is to be informed about how control of financial instruments works in their state under the many circumstances of life, illness, divorce and death and to set up their finances accordingly."


  • 10 years ago

    No right or wrong----whatever works for the couple. We've always had joint everything. We are at a stage in life where we pay off the credit card every month. It wasn't always that way, especially when I was a stay at home mom. And we made some financial mistakes along the way but then worked diligently to correct them. It's added stress no one needs. Being debt free brings peace of mind.

  • 10 years ago

    We have both joint (most) and a couple of separate accounts. Both names are on the separate checking accounts now, but we keep them 'separate' because we, pre-marriage, had our banking preferences and also to ensure we had immediate access to an account, should something suddenly happen to one of us. Just got used to keeping them that way. Everything else major is joint as are the big decisions. We also have only 3 major credit cards, none with a balance, as we pay them off every month. I have 2 department store credit cards I use on occasion for convenience & the store benefits, but pay those off too.

    I do think for a young couple just starting out, these decisions need to be made and should be dependent on their financial situation and spending habits. If one is a 'saver' and one is a 'spender' then there could be a big disconnect in philosophy.

  • 10 years ago
    last modified: 10 years ago

    This is not a subject I would broach with anyone as I find it very personal. Don't mean it shouldn't be broached here. But I wouldn't give advice in this respect. Does the couple have a pre-nup? Many do these days. Who can ask such a thing. It gets tricky, even in a family that's all.

    That said, I've read that when young people start to date these days and it begins to get serious, they find out the other person's credit score. Some won't date anyone without a good credit score. That seems to be a "yuge" issue. Joint can affect that. Some are very sophisticated about all this while others clueless.

    I never paid attention to credit score in the past but it seems to affect everything -- even getting a job, mortgage etc. So it pays to be very careful with that. One of my credit cards gives me our monthly FICO score. When we bought a new car it dipped so it is constantly updated. If I was asked for advice, I would say that credit score is a key issue and to be aware of it when taking out cards, paying bills and incurring any sort of debt. Even if finances are seperate both spouses would need good credit scores to do anything jointly.

  • 10 years ago
    last modified: 10 years ago

    We're like Lynn except two credit cards are in each of our names separate just because we had them before we got married to help establish credit. We consider any amount on them ours.

    This was one of the many things we talked about before getting married as we wanted everything jointly and it's important in general. Either of us would be reluctant to have everything together if the other was irresponsible and reckless with money. I actually am not sure we would have continued the relationship had that been the case.

    .

  • 10 years ago

    Investment accounts and houses are in both names, as are mortgages. We have joint credit cards. Separate IRAs.

    We each have separate businesses (individually incorporated) and separate business accounts. We also each have a "separate" bank account (mine is in my name only just b/c I kept it open from before we got married, DH uses the one in both our names).

    We both charge virtually everything on our credit card, which we each pay half of out of our "separate" accounts each month. It is ALWAYs paid in full. We each pay half of the mortgage out of our "separate" accounts each month and we split practical purchases (like solar power or home repairs, etc.), vacations, etc.

    DH pays the electric bills out of his account and he pays our joint taxes (We have to pay in by sending quarterlies, other than the small amount our companies pay each of us in salary as we take most of our income in distributions). I invest into my IRA with "my" money and he invests into his retirement accounts with "his" money.

    The reason we keep two separate accounts for the cash left over, despite splitting almost everything 50-50, is because I'm the spender and DH is a saver. So, we use the money in "my" account to do stuff like landscaping projects and big home improvement projects and buy expensive furniture and then we use the money in "his" account to put into joint investment accounts. We still make decisions together, although if I'm buying furniture or something with "my" money, I don't always consult with him.

  • 10 years ago

    Our IRA's are separate also as are 401k's, and of course, retirement accounts. IRAs can't be joint can they? Stupid question I guess! I agree with keeping some separate "spending money". I strongly believe that each spouse should have some money they can spend or do with as they wish. We have good friends who do their money much like Beagles mentioned. The wife is more into buying house stuff, etc. and the husband is much more attuned to saving for retirement.

  • 10 years ago

    Married 29 years this month, and everything is joint. Well, I guess IRA's are separate, technically. I think my car might be just in my name. DH is an engineer, I am an accountant. He announced early on that I was in charge of anything related to money. I was fine with that! We still discuss large purchases, but he is happier not having to deal with any of it. If anything has to be researched, applied for, or arranged, I do it and he signs where I tell him.

  • 10 years ago

    We're in our 16th year and everything we own and do is joint. We have credit cards but other than the mortgage, we're debt free. My husband has no interest in the finances either, I take care of it all under the agreement that he at least stay informed about it all so if something were to happen he could still take care of things.

  • 10 years ago

    My only advice would be "don't touch the principal."

  • 10 years ago

    For us, having joint accounts was affirmation that we were joining our lives. We did it before we were married and I remember the first thing we bought with joint funds - a collapsible top hat for my husband (then fiance) to wear at our wedding. We've been married 28 years.

  • 10 years ago

    The problem with having a "....household functioning as a single unit with common goals...." is that a household holds two separate individuals who will have common goals but also individual goals which may or may not mesh. And there is nothing wrong with that. I have a girlfriend whose DH has a fancy sports car, does she agree with the purchase - no, but he's 60 and has worked hard so she lets him have it. I say, and so does she - so what. My DH buys season tickets for hockey and soccer - do I agree - no and he sees my gym class dues as a waste of money - so what. We can afford both of them.

    Back to OP - I would suggest making sure that they have established a credit rating. So many young people, my own kids included, pay for everything with a debit card and so can't establish a credit rating. There are only certain bills that can be used to establish a credit rating and having a credit card and paying it off every month is one of them. One of our sons bought a car using a car loan even though he could have paid for it in cash, just to establish a rating.

  • 10 years ago

    We have some separately titled assets, primarily from inheritances, but we consider them jointly owned and decisions about those assets are made jointly. I have interest in a couple of family farms (one of which is a fairly significant portion of our income most years) and he has some rental property and some investment accounts that are titled separately. I don't want him to have to deal with the family issues the farms involve and it's only fair that if those stay separate, he keeps his rental property and some investments separate. We also have a separate 401ks. My car is titled in my name and his is titled in his name.


    That said, regardless of how something is titled, the understanding is what is mine is his and what's his is mine -- it is all ours -- and all earnings from separately titled assets go into joint bank accounts as well as all our income from employment and anything purchased from these earnings -- vacation home, primary home, the new lot for our retirement home, etc are also held jointly. All bills are paid (by him -- I'm spared that job) from our joint accounts and he manages most of the banking. Big decisions are made jointly. We're both professionals, but my income from employment has for the last 10 years or so has been higher than his, but without his conservative management (and keeping me in check) we wouldn't be in as good shape as we are now. We've been married for 32 years and have found what works for us -- it probably took a good 10 years though to reach this point. I'm sure that other ways work better for others.


    Oh, we both do have a couple small accounts that are separate 'mad money" accounts, but even then he can sign on mine and I can sign on his, but that's just a convenience and frankly the largest expenditures from these separate accounts over the years have been gifts to the other. We don't consult on all expenditures, but any decision over 5 or 10k will be discussed to some extent. At the moment no debt, joint or otherwise. We've always had separate credit cards, again just for convenience, but those are paid monthly from our joint household account.

  • 10 years ago

    When I first married, the last thing I was ever going to do was ask DH for money. We were both working, so while both checking accounts were joint, one was his and one was mine. My check was deposited in mine, his in his. And we parsed out the bills. He paid things like mortgage and insurances, I paid the monthly expenses and fuel costs and credit cards. He had money to buy what he wanted, I had money to buy what I wanted. But when it came to major purchases, it had to be "reviewed by the board".

    This system has worked well for us and continues to do so. But I think what underlies the success is that we both have the same attitude toward money and spending...we save a LOT, we both love a bargain, and we both agree on spending money on things we value. I think it's much harder on couples where one likes to spend and one doesn't.

    One thing about joint accounts is if one of you should die, the other still has access to the funds. For IRAs, make sure your spouse is the beneficiary...if that's who you want to get the money.

  • 10 years ago

    Ditto what kswl said.