A gift card ($ 50.00 range?) is fine, but I would choose something from the registry that will be delivered directly to her.

If she has a registry, then make use of it. They can send stuff gift wrapped already.

I disagree with Funkyart. This is a family member. Your husband's niece is your niece too, right? Making you Aunt Ratherbesewing. To keep harmony and peace in the family send a gift.

A few thoughts. I agree with Funky that people often over-invite for fear of offending, with no intent of angling for a gift. So I think it is fine to send regrets and not a gift if you do not really want to.

What I personally don't like is sending a gift that is just sort of a "check the box" gift, where you go to an online registry, click order and send. To me that feels more like a family "tax" than gift giving. I think it is best to find someway to both respect their wishes (ie the registry) and to personalize a gift in someway... if only via handwritten non-Hallmark card. I think Funky and I always give the same answers on that!

As for amounts, one thing that happens to most people is our concept of what to spend on something gets frozen in our early adulthood. So, for example, if you got your first car or apartment 30 years ago, you get a little stuck on that reference point. SO if one felt that, say $50, is a nice amount for a shower gift to a niece, keep in mind that $50 30 yrs ago = $110 today, and decide accordingly.

Mtn said it much better than I did.. I agree with her completely

I want to be clear that I am not saying, "don't under any circumstances send a gift"! I love giving gifts and I think I am a good gift giver. I try to always choose gifts to reflect the personality, circumstances and needs of the recipient. In this case, the OP says they haven't seen the bride-to-be in a great many years and something like a toaster doesn't feel right... and she's definitely in the "check the box" realm of gifting.

In the absence of "knowing" her niece, I made a few suggestions for something personal and modest that I would think would be appropriate for the relationship and event.

I don't know who prepared the invite list but I would never dream of inviting someone so many states away and not close to the honoree to a *shower*. Much as I am big on giving gifts, I am not big on doing things out of obligation. I would mark the event with something focused on the family and the family's traditions... even if that went "off registry". Anything else would be family tax as Mtn so aptly put it.

again, I would go off a family recipe.. a holiday tradition.. something that belonged to grandma or great grandma.. something that reminded you and the bride-to-be of a memory. I received (not as a shower gift) a potato masher that had belonged to my great great great grandmother as a gift. It is a much cherished gift that cost nothing. My sisters still reference the small cookbook of recipes my grandmother gave them for their wedding showers. These are small things that mean lots.. and that *I* think are appropriate shower gifts.

And Funkyart those are nice gifts. But this question was about what to send for a Shower. Not to give in a private moment with the bride where the meaning of a whisk might be explained and appreciated.

The OP gave what I thought were her choices. Gift card or something from the bride's registry.

The people I know, and family members, always invite other family members to almost all the parties that honor the soon to be couple. No, all are not expected to attend. In some families it would be a slight if some of the aunts were invited while some were not.

Remember the bride and any children of the aunt have a set of grandparents in common. The husband and either the mother or the father of the bride are siblings. Family.

Typically, in our extended family, if someone is intended to be invited to the wedding, especially family, they are also invited to the shower. I realize this may vary regionally/culturally.

I had a small shower and insisted on local people only. In my family, showers can get to 50-60 people!

You don't have to send a gift at all, especially if you will be there at the wedding and will give a gift then. Or just send a gift card.

I certainly didn't mean to set off an argument, Maddielee. I don't deny that the OP is family.. only that the OP doesn't know the bride very well (her own characterization). I guess I assumed it was obvious that a gift of a recipe+kitchen item (which could surely be more than a whisk!) or a family heirloom (like my wooden potato masher) would be accompanied by a personal note.

What is appropriate will vary by family, honoree and perhaps region... and of course the gift giver. I pretty clearly said what I would do.. everyone is free to go their own way!

I wasn't arguing. Sorry you took my statements as such.

OP here. I will absolutely send a gift, but the registry selections are kind of vague. Sure, she has Lenox china on the list, but also simple kitchen supplies. As I mentioned, I don't know her (like I don't know what color her hair is) so choosing off the list seems like a crap shoot. A gift card seems more practical.