The guy dishing out lawn care advice in the article looks like the closest he ever got to a hoe is on Tinder. I mean seriously, it feels like everywhere you turn we're being lectured by know-it-all metrosexual yuppies.

" He lives in Park Slope with his wife and their books."

Yes ... I'm really going to take his advice. He must have an impressive lawn.

Here is my list of alternatives to grass. Many of these are not practical for small spaces, but if you have more than an acre these can help break up the appearance of grass, grass, and more grass.

accent lighting in trees
arbors (for vines)
bamboo
beds (perennials, annuals, bulbs, herbs, ferns, roses, hostas, container plants, rock, and fruits).
bee keeping
benches
butterfly garden
decks
decorative gates (may be free standing)
dog run or kennel
edibles (veggies)
fences (accent)
fences (privacy)
fountains
fragrance garden
gazebo
greenhouse
ground covers
hedges
herb garden
hot tubs
hummingbird garden
Japanese garden
jogging track
moon garden (plants and lights for night time viewing)
orchard
ornamental grass garden
other groundcovers
out buildings (like sheds)
outdoor theater
overhead sunshades
parcours (exercise stations)
parking area
party room (free standing for games, theater, pool table, etc.)
patios
picnic or barbecue area
play yard for children
ponds or garden pools
pools
potting bench or shed
putting green
rock garden
rolling hills
rose garden
screened rooms (free standing)
screens (foliage hedges or growing on a wire mesh)
sitting or reading area
sports courts
statuary
steps
storage buildings
sun room (free standing)
swimming pools
tool shed
topiary
trees (shade)
trees (accent or decorative)
tulip garden
vining plant garden
walkway (formal paved)
walkway (informal path)
walls (retaining)
walls (accent or decorative)
wildflowers
Zen garden