You nailed it.

Brilliant insights you've got there! Extremely entertaining! Fit for publication! Thanks for sharing with us!

Moses

Amen to all of that!

I don't mean this in a religious way whatsoever. I'm just saying that these observations are all so true of me. I am currently cursing the weather forecast because I'm about to have my spring flush & we are getting a lot of rain in the next few days! Then when it's hot & dry & I spend days & weeks watering, I'm cursing my ridiculous water bill. Then there is the spacing issue - I say I'm done buying & planting, that my garden is perfect & done. Then I find that "one" rose I've been looking for. Than I squeeze it in somewhere. Knowing that in a few years I will need to replan & redig a whole bunch of plants! But all worth it when the roses are blooming!

I love this. I identify with quite a few of these realities lol. Thanks for the chuckle. I made my hubby sit thru me reading this out load. He snickered too!!!

Glad to be of service, Prettypetals. You can tell your husband the only thing I haven't done is use the dark nail polish, lol. It only took me a few minutes to come up with the list because it's all personal experience ;)

John

John, love it! You're a song writer, write a rose nut song. :-)

Thanks, Summers. As for writing a song, I'm afraid the audience is too small for it to be a commercial success; no one would "get it" except us rose nuts! It would just be one of those vanity projects...you know, art for art's sake, lol.

Wow!!! That was REALLY good!!! All of it true!

Carol

Love this!! Therapy!! Lol.. this happened last week ... I had a melt down for some reason and there went angel face into the ground and golden shower SPed ...;). Can't agree more with this hahaha

And I thought .. I am the craziest one to talk to them and give them names..lol

Truer words haven't never been spoken ;)

Spot on! I chuckled through it all, but it's so true!!

So hilarious and so absolutely true!!! Roses create such a beautiful mess in our lives!

I'm already going to have to write an addendum, lol. Since I wrote this, I've thought of several other obsessive things I've done that only a rose nut would do, such as:

getting to the grocery store checkout and realizing I had pruners in my pocket...well, I was only going to deadhead that one rose on my way out.

And the fact that I had halogen floodlights (they're actually commercial grade, ugly as sin...) installed when the house was built...so I could plant roses after dark. You can see my house from the International Space Station when all the lights are on, lol.

Or the time I used every umbrella I could find to shade newly-sprouted bareroots from an early heatwave. It looked like Mary Poppins had crash landed.

Or every Spring when I haul out two steamer trunk's worth of sheets and blankets and cover about 1/2 an acre with with them for frost protection...several times, if need be. A linen factory explosion wouldn't be any trashier looking.

I'm sure I'll think of more. If not, I'll probably do something new and list-worthy within the week, lol.

John

Haha this is great !!! My little girl fell into a salvia the other day and I said "are you ok ?" But obviously I meant the plant ;)

Cynthia, it's really nice to know someone is *almost* as crazy (obsessed) as me, lol. Those are great "experiences" you list. The one about prioritizing roses' needs over pets' needs is especially poignant, lol. But I would amend one of yours in my case. When coming home from a trip, instead of "I missed you", my first comment has been "Did you remember to water the roses on the patio?". My excuse is this was years ago before I had a cell phone, lol.

I keep thinking of more things I've done. I almost scare myself.

Oh my goodness!!! These are great!!!

linen explosion!! itching to prune roses that we see as we're about!! French and German classes!! Leaf bag knee jerk reaction!! There are soooo many good ones there!!

Carol

Carol, aren't we a mess? In the original post I said I wasn't indicting, accusing or inveighing, but I don't need to. Everyone is confessing! lol.

(guilty) John

Oh dear, I have to admit that I see myself in nearly all of these, lol! I have done a lot of wacky things, it's true. Oh well, when I think of all the crazy people out there, doing heaven only knows what,I think our little nuttiness is a good thing not a bad one!

I've posted this little counting list for several years and I think it's appropriate here too.

HOW TO COUNT ROSES -- Kim_SC at Gradenweb

1. Mini roses don’t count.

2. Floribundas — because they are not full-fledged hybrid
teas — count as half.

3. Shrubs, Climbers, Ramblers, Old Garden Roses, etc. don’t
count because they can be considered "landscaping."

4. Roses not planted — or in pots — don’t count. (See the
"Territory" Clause).

5. Roses that were discounted count as half.

6. Roses received as gifts don’t count.

7. Odd numbers must always be rounded off…if you’re out of
room, round the number down. For every one-hundred, divide by two. This is
known as a "stock split."

8. Roses whose names you don’t know or can't remember
obviously don’t count.

9. Roses that are on Shovel Prune Watch don’t count; the
roses that replace them also don’t count as they cancel each other out.

10. Duplicate/multiples count as one as they are considered
a set.

11. Roses that are not planted in a bed don’t count. (See
the "Landscaping" Addendum).

12. Bareroots don’t count because they are dormant when they
arrive; once you plant them and they start to bud out…well, you’ve already done
your count, so you will just have to wait until next season—by which time
you’ll be sure you already counted them.

13. Mislabeled roses don’t count because you probably
already have one of them somewhere, which has already been counted
once…probably.

14. Anything less than Grade 1 counts only a fraction, and
since fractions are not whole numbers they can be rounded off (remember the
rounding off rule).

15. Roses that you think you might give away can be excluded
from the count…makes it easier to part with them; if, by some chance you wind
up keeping them, well…oh well.

16. HTs that get huge and wind up taking more than one space
should be counted twice, but remember the duplicate rule.

17. Now…if, after counting, you have under a hundred roses,
you must immediately place some orders—and they don’t count because they’re in
transit and therefore not in the ground.

18. Roses ordered on a whim really don’t count because they
were never on a list. (This is known as the list rule: If it’s not on a list,
it doesn’t exist…most likely).

19. If you cut many roses and give them away, this is
considered Charity, and everyone knows that you get special allowances for
Charity—which brings us to…

20. Tax Deductions… (see Claiming Roses as Dependants).

See? You really didn’t have as many as you thought you
did…time to go order some more.

Clothing from thrift stores so we can afford $300.+ rose orders. Priorities, don't you know.

Dinner begun at 8pm, or not at all, because you were planting roses.

You have to crawl to get from the back yard to the front because you can't bear to cut back the beautiful rose bush whose canes overhang the pathway.

You can, and do, speak extemporaneously for an hour at the drop of a pin on such fascinating topics as own root vs. grafted and why you really hate Dr. Huey, the correct ID of 'Darlow's Enigma', your favorite David Austin rose and your opinion of his business practices, why you love or can't stand Jackson & Perkins.

You were in mourning for a year or more after Vintage Gardens closed.

You can recite, without even thinking about it, at least 20 roses no longer in commerce, of which no one else has ever heard, which those mercenary, short-sighted nursery growers ought still to be offering.

What a fantastic thread !!! Bookmarked for sure !

Dinner at 8 or later!! Clothing from thrift stores!!! These are great!! I can so relate!

Carol

These comments are hysterical, and yet somehow, make me feel better to know that I'm in such good company!

See DH, it's not just me.

Bookmarking this thread too, thanks everybody!

John, this is priceless and needs to be submitted to a rose publication. There are a few posts such as this that I have printed and saved in my rose file. This is one of them. Others are Kim's How to Count Roses that Seil reminded us of above and Pappu's Big Stinking Mess.

I can't count how many times my husband has walked out on the back porch at 10 pm and tentatively asked if we're going to have dinner. My name is flowersaremusic and I'm a roseaholic.

I no longer frequent the forums (How-uzzless knows why), but a friend who is still here asked if I could remember the title of this post. She was reminded of it by a newer thread asking "How Many Roses Do You Have?", but couldn't find it. I couldn't remember the title either, so I had to sign in (breaking a vow of "never again", lol), and since I'm here, I thought I'd resurrect it for your amusement...I hope ;)

Feel free to add your own thoughts.

Confession is good for the soul ;)

I love this, thank you Fig. We are carrying on in spite of Houzz.

Welcome back!!!

Agree with Vap, Welcome Back! Loved reading this post again.

Ha! Here you are John! I knew you’d be back!! Welcome back!! :-) Is there a hardy fig tree I can grow in zone 5a PA ( snow country)?

Gee...I guess I am back, lol. I brought up this thread when I posted "Borrowing Trouble", and Flowersaremusic found it and kindly posted the link for me. I think we could all use a little humor right now (always?!?!), and laughing at ourselves is the best medicine. So I hereby resurrect this thread..again...and wish you all smiles and smiles for miles and miles.

John

Oh, @summersrhythm_z6a, I apologize for not seeing your question about figs until now. At the time, I was still boycotting How-uzzlezz. If you send me a PM ("private message", not "powdery mildew", lol) I'll give you the names of a couple of figs that might survive with adequate protection. Unfortunately, no fig will survive long-term unprotected in Z6. But then...you DO grow roses. What's one more baby? lol.

Thanks John! PM sent, not powdery mildew. Lol

I can’t stop laughing, it’s all so true it burns a little! Thank you for bumping this! Saved for posterity!

Does ordering four teas the day after the snow melts from a week of sub zero winter temperatures because you’re sure the damage on your current roses is your fault from lack of winter prep and not actually, you know, winter, count or does it fall under the umbrella of “We’re never convinced a rose isn’t hardy until it has died three consecutive winters. If it survives one out of three winters, we’re convinced it was our fault it died the other two.” ??? Hahaha. I’m hopeless.

@Katherine OK zone 7b I think that falls under a sub-heading, something like "buying new roses as insurance against any potential dwindling of the number of our roses, regardless of possible cause of loss, but especially when this might be the third winter you lose one". lol

Cracking up!! I don’t even know for sure if I’ve actually lost any yet and I‘ve already ordered “replacements!“ I’ve read about the infamous “pot ghetto” for years and I’m pretty sure I’m going to be intimately familiar with it myself before too long!

Spot on, so funny, yet so true

Here are a few from a warm weather gardener (who has done ALL of these things):

Any tiny rose volunteer sprout which emerges in the garden anywhere (including in the middle of the lawn) must NOT be pulled up (or mowed down!) until it has grown big enough to produce mature blooms, and then also not touched until I find out whether it repeats or not, and then it might be moved to a large pot in order to observe it further, ....

If a climbing rose gets too big for its trellis, build a bridge for it to the nearest building or large tree.

Water the roses if there is a drought and hot weather, if necessary at midnight. In order to do this, talk your DH into building some sort of system to pipe bath & shower water into the garden automatically. If your water bill is huge because of tiered pricing, pay it and cut the household budget somewhere (anywhere) else.

Volunteer to help your next door neighbors with that annoying "hell strip" in front of their houses, if those strips are obviously being neglected and have run to weeds. That way you can plant them FULL of roses. If there are telephone poles or large street signs in the hell strips, they make great structures for climbing roses, as do street trees.

If your next door neighbor has a neglected rose within sight of your garden, beg them to let you prune/take care of it, as the poor thing is suffering.

When you have run out of sunny spots to plant roses, you can plant climbers in full shade, and then sweet talk them into getting taller really fast, at which time you can guide them up a tree (on your property or the neighbor's), the neighbor's fence, or your or the neighbor's house.

Jackie

@jacqueline9CA Jackie, oh, the things we do for our rose babies, lol.

I intentionally grow climbers where it's "too dark". But I cheat, lol. I grow them in pots in the sun until they have canes long enough to reach the sun in their intended spots. Considering I grow a lot of wichurana hybrids known for being rambunctious, it really doesn't take but a couple of years. I've done Glenn Dale (which is pretty dang shade tolerant anyway), Silver Moon, Francois Juranville, and a couple of others like that. GD and FJ especially grow 12', limber canes in just two years in 7 gallon pots, lol. So I guess this goes under the heading of:

We never let the horticultural reality of a situation dictate where we plant a rose, if we want a rose badly enough *right there*.

Lol

This List is SOooo GOOoood! It has me laughing out loud. Perfect way to end my day. Thank you for this!

I finally reread everything here!!! I copied these and put them in a word document so I can print them out and laugh when needed. LOL These are GREAT!!

Very funny! I especially enjoyed this one -

"We can’t decide which of the roses that we don’t need, don’t have room for, and can’t afford, that we’re actually going to buy- in spite of inconvenient realities."

I have long lists...

The only thing that saves me is that when I actually go to order them, they're out of stock. But then I want it even more! So I have to be sure to order in the summer or fall for delivery the following spring! And then I forget how many that I actually have on order, so when I see another that's on my list that's in stock - I order that one!

Yikes!

Yikes!! I'm right there with you. :) :)