I have had a go around with in laws and furniture. My advice is return it. If their son paints it, they will probably still blame you. If you aren't free to do whatever you want with it, it's not a gift and I would not want to worry about scratching it or damaging it, or wanting to get rid of it down the line. Just give it back now.

I know you're seeking advice on what to pair with this particular table, but if you leave the table untouched, no matter what chair you pair with it, it's going to look like an outdated, ubiquitous, 1970's or 80's replica of an antique oak claw foot table. Unless you cover it (then your current chairs would work) or paint it, that's what you'll have - no chairs are going to change that.

People have given you good "outs" for returning the table and getting what you want. The other option is to do some research about how difficult it would be to strip the paint off the table once it's done and present that to the in-laws to show them that I could be restored to its current "glory" fairly easily. Painting isn't going to ruin the wood.

I like plimpset's response. And, yes, those tables were very popular in the eighties. Perhaps now is the time to set a precedent of not accepting their cast offs. They are being kind to think of you, but you have your own vision for your home and that should be respected.

I agree with the idea to find something you love and then return their table to them. Until then, cover it w the linen tablecloth and use your chairs. You will hate that table all your days and then resent them.

$213.58 EBAY Free shipping If you can't paint "your" table then figure out how to return it, as it is not a true gift. They will probably back down...if not then you've learned a good lesson. I wouldn't get rid of the chairs you selected and restored! You may find a great deal on a table at the Re-store or another thrift shop. I just pulled an adorable rush-seat antique chair out of the trash...so keep your eyes open for free tables!

my mother is the one in our family -- not only does she occasionally ask for a gift back, but if we're not using something, she may ask for us to "just return it to her," and she often complains that we use her gifts wrong ("but I bought that for the office space!"). onward and upward...

Check Craigslist, too. I just did a cursory search on mine and found these:

$80 including chairs$79 - antique
$296

You basically have to chose between what is more important to you. The feelings of your in-laws or a possessions. My mother in law didn't have much and struggled financially most of her life and gave me a few thing she prized, but I wasn't wild about. I displayed them, I was honored that she thought enough of me that she gave me something she valued. The look of joy she had seeing her object displayed far out weight the so called perfect house. Either throw a table cloth over it or return it telling them it isn't your style. But be honest with them, don't make up some story that they will see through.

You've gotten great advice on this situation, so I'll only add to gird your loins, cuz if they are playing these kind of control freak games before you are married, it will only get worse once you are, and if you have children, well, that ups the stakes even more. Remember, believe people when they show you who they are. They showed you.

How can anyone give a gift and then tell the recipient how to use it?? That is just control at the highest level. Your husband says to paint it. Let him take the blame. Truthfully, though, I would kindly explain how you have a vision (show them the pictures) and that their table doesn't fit that scheme without painting it. So, you will have to pass on accepting her gift and buy a used one and paint it instead.

Personally, it might be beneficial to your future relationship if you're honest and upfront

My DIL sometimes accepts my things and mostly doesn't. No hard feelings.

Please come back and show us your finished room. Sounds like it'll be gorgeous

A few yrs ago my mil ask for payment for a table she my dh some 30 yrs earlier.

the same table as in the pic above. She wanted $1,000, since we have moved several times and have it stored I told her I would add up the cost of moving and storing the table. Also she could have it back but she would need to come and get the table.

Needless to say I've never had her approval.

lol

It absolutely stinks that th gift table has strings attached. But if your mate paints it, family will think you manipulated him into painting, whether it's true or not. I think honesty is best policy so telling them you want something you can paint and not ruin their table would be the way to go. If f you don't want to make an issue of it at all, posters have suggested lovely tablecloths idea. But oh, how I hate gifts w/strings attached.

I would smile and return the table. “Thank you so much, but our vision is a painted table. We so appreciate the thoughtful offer”.

Return it and don’t fall for the control thing. And that is what it is..major control. Put everything in its place right now.

The table is turn of the century oak with claw feet. Originally it was most likely bought when women saved up their soap coupons. Came back into style in some parts of the country in the 60’s and early 70’s.

It has no intrinsic value, IMO, and the table is only great if incorporated into a contemporary scheme by painting it.

The picture of the table which you posted, is that the table or a facsimile?

Your picture has the look of a reproduction. Oak was not highly shellacked as what you are showing us.

https://www.dutchcrafters.com/Amish-Round-Pedestal-Dining-Table/p/947?so=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwwLHLBRDEARIsAN1A1Q4Fj5q8YH624dSgtMdA0T8s4F-DwaVdprve-9OVBmHzRMa4-W50wKIaAlrxEALw_wcB

Give your in-laws the choice. Tell them if you accept the table, it's going to be painted the color that YOU want. If they don't want it painted, then nod and say it would be for the best that they keep it in their own home.

I would throw a tablecloth over it until you find your own table (probably free or less than $100 if you look--heck, check the Salvation Army), then return it. "Thank you so much for letting us use your table. We found one that I can paint." And let it go and be happy. Once you get older, you never know what you'll become sentimental about. It could be a hideous broken down rusty and scratched item that someone remembers using daily when everyone was healthy and small. Think of that when you think about why they don't want you to paint it. It might not be a control over you issue--it just might be that they aren't quite ready to fully let go of the days they served little Junior his Cheerios there. Which is very sweet if you think about it.

My mom gave me a table like that when I first moved out. At the time I didn't mind because I needed a table and wasn't into decorating much, but I still remember moving out and having to get rid of that heavy beast of table + chairs. My husband still laughs at me for accepting it. Sorry not really advice. If you can't "return" it I like the idea of covering it with the Burlap until you find your dream table.

Do not paint it, do not let your DH paint it. Give it back to them. This is a losing situation for you.

My son and his GF just bought a place and we gave them a coffee table and a side table that we were no longer using. It is theirs to do with as they see fit for their space and vision.

Return this table to your in-laws. Buy a new table from CL. There are enough hard things in family life that will crop up. No need for a table to cause present or future drama. Your MIL is attached to the table. She should not part with it.

"They" tried to talk me into this same table. I just made mumbling noises. In the end, they didn't want it either, I guess.

I'd let HUBBY set the new standard here ( right away) with a call to "mother" saying my bride and I very much want a painted table in OUR home. When is a convenient time to return this to you , mom?

Get your own table and let him make it clear you will have your own life. It is actually his life she is trying to run, and thus his home decor. You're simply in the unfortunate middle. Get out of the middle right from the start . If he won't make the call, I'd be a bit worried........this won't be a first I guarantee.

Then sit yourself down and watch that movie with JLO and Jane Fonda, and have a great laugh: )

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njLr1z66EfA

A vote for the thank you but no thank you approach.

Just tell them its lovely but but you are going for a different look.

I agree with not allowing them to manipulate or control you. If they do it with the table, they'll be doing it with your lives, your relationship, your future children (if you have them). Might as well establish some healthy boundaries now.

I wouldn't just paint it. I would have a conversation with them and explain how you both feel. If they don't understand I would give it back. Your going to totally change your design directions if you use this table!

Nope. I also vote to return it. This table is too expensive. You can always say something on the lines of, "Thank you so much, it is a beautiful table, but it just isn't quite what WE wanted." Keep an eye out on Craigslist or Estate sales for a used one.

Should you go the return route, I sure hope they don't ask that you keep it for a while b/c they don't have room for it, IOW, using your house as storage. Best of luck to you, you should have what you want in your own home.

This is a little reminder for all of us in the boomer generation! I'm in the process of clearing out some furniture.. I have things I'm trying to work in from my recently passed Mother's that I hate to part with as well as trying to update my own house a little. My kids are offered anything first, but in most cases, they either don't want it, or don't have room for it. I can certainly understand how OP feels.

Hopefully your future in laws will not be as offended as you fear, but having Your house look the way you want is nothing to be ashamed of, and they should understand. I'd offer it back with regrets you can't use it as is.. but would love it in your home as you envision it.. for a long long time. Good Luck!

oh boy. My father always said " the road to hell it's paved with good intentions" return it to them if you cannot paint

I also agree you should return it. This is less about a table and more about establishing yourself-in the nicest and most respectful way possible.

My MIL (who is an extremely nice person and we have zero conflict) gifted me a cheap laminate hall table about ten years ago. It wasn't my style or color and I've kept it upstairs as a dressing table. I have been asked "where's that table" conservatively twice a year in each of the past ten years. How I wish I didn't take it in the first place!

It's not a table, it's shackles!

I never really understood before I was married, but, you spend all this time trying to find the person you love and want to marry, and then you marry them, and you realize you didn't just marry them, you married their family too.

There is nothing in life that prepares you for having a mother-in-law.

@truey

I bet your mom told you that, and so often you forgot to remember her wise words? :)......and wise they are indeed!

No, she just told me to find someone that I loved, figure out what their flaws were, and then decide if I could live with those flaws for the rest of my life. And that's the person that you should marry.

she never mentioned in laws.

Another return it, who knows when faced with a choice of taking it back they may change their mind. Recently my Dad passed away and my step-mom gave my daughter a cute side table from the 40's that has been around my entire life. Daughter only wanted it if no one would be unhappy if she painted it, she asked before accepting the table. While I would have prefered that the table not be painted I would rather see the table painted and being enjoyed by her, than in my garage not being used, the likely other outcome.

If it's really worth it to you to keep the peace, you could have a top made in your preferred finish and just put it over the existing top.

Yes but when the MIL saw the new top laid over it, or even a tablecloth on it, it's almost like it's insulting her style as she was the one who probably picked it out in the first place. It's better just not to take the table

If it were me, I would just paint the dang thing. Do you like the table? I mean, if you like it, and they gave it to you, then paint it. A gift that comes with restrictions as to its use, is no gift.

Hmm...so your pic is not of the actual table since it exactly matches the one online that was posted by JudyG Designs. Can you post a pic of the table you received?

I really love this discussion..some comments are too true and too funny..but I like all of them!

let me understand two things:

-a) you mention "salvaged" .does it mean the table wasn't in your in laws family from the beginning? the less time they had it-the less sentimental value they attach to it.

-b) do you like it enough if you could paint it according to your initial plan? or is it a make do because that's the table you started your plans with?

Let your SO do the main talking but tell them honestly that your vision includes painted table, and you'll be happy to incorporate theirs not somebody else's. But you don't want to sadden them either, so if they're adamantly against it you return the table to them as not to ruin the magnifecent furniture.

The golden rule is: "Critique" part should be 20%, "praise" should be 80%..then folks usually can hear what you say to them without getting all offended and defensive.And you can be pleasantly surprized by their reaction.

I'm also unclear about what the "salvaged" means. If this is not a family heriloom, they have no say. Period. Even if it is an heirloom but it is a gift, then it is yours to do with as you please, even if they state their preference. If the ILs think they have say over your possessions or life choices, that's another ball of wax and probably a very good reason not to accept the "gift."

"I'm sorry. I realized it just doesn't look right with my newly painted chairs."

I think that's enough of a statement to give it back.

There's another lesson here: never, ever again ask someone else for permission to do what you want with your own things.

Hi Jess,

Congrats on your new home!

The answer is no, in no way does that table fit in with your design. The table is a warm color whereas you are going for more of a cool tone.

Good luck and keep us posted on what you choose to do!

I have truly laughed at so much of the wisdom here, and the ingenious ways you folks have thought of handling these in-laws. I have/had in-laws like that! I wish I had known to ask about such things here, or I wouldn't have suffered so many years!! My inlaws gave us some things, including paintings done by my mother in law. she paid to have them all expensively framed, and at the time, we had nothing on our walls. They weren't bad, or I should say, better than nothing!! But..... they have followed us around through 8-10 apartments and homes, and how can we ever get rid of them?, or even tuck them into a closet?... and DH feels worse about it than I do, and I respect his feelings, so some of them are still up. But oh gosh, it's been 2 decades...

I think it comes to this: if decorating/designing is important to you, and since you're here and asking the question, it IS important, then what you need to do is establish yourself as someone who makes your own decisions (with your husband) about decor, and stand firm. I love that your husband seems to support you--lay the groundwork now. These inlaws may seem helpful, but most likely they are just getting of their table, and justifying their own guilt about it by making themselves think they are doing you a favor. I think you need to forge your independence now, and be strong, or this will be a pattern. Look at their household full of stuff!! You want all that in your house one day?

And just to put in my 2 cents when I was in a similar situation with my MIL years ago...I called and profusely thanked her for "the gift", but respectfully and politely refused it. My MIL burst into tears and hung up on me...

Many years later, we are the BEST of friends.

Once she had time to cool off and rethink, she appreciated that I spoke to her "woman to woman", she comes to me for help and advice, and likes knowing that she has a family member who will speak up and who is not a pushover.

My MIL was a gifter, that was her love language. So she gave many, many gifts and they weren't always what we loved. My attitude was always "thank you so much for thinking of me, I love you too" and her attitude was "I gave it to you to enjoy, use it in a way that you will enjoy it or find someone who will." When her mom got upset because a pottery bowl MIL gave us broke, MIL's response was "I would rather see it get broken while being used than sit on a shelf or in a closet."

All this is to say, that is a *healthy* way to show love through gift giving. (And to brag on my late MIL a bit of course!)

While not necessarily as manipulative as some would have you believe, your ILs are definitely at least suffering from the illusion that they know best and the kids need to be taught the "right" way to live. That would be the approach my mom takes. Don't allow it to slide or you'll be submitting yourself to a life sentence of being educated. After all, they will *always* be older than you and "have more experience". Good advice above.

I know I am chiming in again, but I want to reiterate that I don't think using a table that has absolutely no intrinsic value at all should be your opportunity to "set boundaries" or draw a line in the sand--i.e. taking the table and painting it anyway to show them you won't be manipulated. It's not worth it.

I have been very lucky to have in-laws who are friendly, aloof, and ambivalent and parents who kept completely hands off in our relationships. My niece's future mother in law is nice, but she has also been catered to her entire adult life. My niece lets her get away with a lot of minor manipulation and criticism and shrugs it off and goes about her business. However..

(For reasons that I find mysterious), my niece and her fiance are having a reception that is black-tie-optional, sit down, evening, fully-stocked open-bar, no-children-invited at the most expensive venue in the city.

Her future MIL handed her a list of over 300 people who must be invited to the wedding, not encluding any of the FIL's family, just hers, and lots of children. This would drive the cost of the reception alone into six figures, and she was not planning on contributing to the cost of the reception. This is where my niece and her fiance drew a line. The MIL was given the option of no children, period; cut back on the list, or pay for everybody over a certain number. They also said that they would agree to a much smaller list and would have an informal party in the next year to which any or all of those people could be invited. And of course she threatened to boycott the wedding altogether, and she was told that would be her option, too. That's the sort of thing you set boundaries over, not a table.

I'm blessed with wonderful MIL..who's not a natural lets say and also is not interested that much in the topic..yet of course tried to give me-a very general-opinion, when house was yet at its down to the studs stage. Like " light colors make space bigger", that sort of conventional stuff. She also looked at me like I was mad, for choosing the right color for the kitchen cabs for days..I had like 14 samples of kitchen doors and dragged them everywhere, sunny spots, shadow..

Bottom line: the kitchen color is her absolute favorite. Now she sees was worth me dragging those doors around.

As for the rest, I told her very honestly (lucklily our relationship allows for that):

-look I'm usually very easy about lots of things. when comes to houses though it's like I have this demon inside me, who's really stubborn, and who won't listen, and will do his own thing. so when comes to how it'd look like and feel like,-consider me a bad witch. everybody has its shortcomings; this is mine, and it's hard to battle it, and too late for that.

that was the end of advices, and we were totally able to stay on extremely friendly terms

I suppose if I'd tell her I don't need her advice because I know better-things wouldn't turn out that lucky for neither of us

put in a way that other person can accept and understand. most people can be worked with.

Jess?

@Mrs S - Speaking of paintings - my grandmother was an amateur still life painter. All her grandchildren and great grandchildren have 2 or 6 of her paintings. I put 2 up in our sitting area and my DH asked me if I was planning on putting up anymore of them. Message received and understood :), I didn't put up anymore. It's his house as well.

@jansgirl Ha ha ha!

I just want to say that I bought a table like that in about 2003. It was new, and about $250 with leaves (leaves which I have never used, but useless table leaves are a topic for another thread). I had a guy paint it a kind of pickled white, and painted the matching wood chairs a Provençal yellow. So bright and cheerful I can't tell you! All these years later it does indeed have gouges, scratches and signs of its daily use. Shrug - it was so inexpensive. I love that patina and I never expected that happy result. I could never have a dining table you have to baby or worry about. Setting aside the whole in-law thing, I just wanted to relay that.