I can really identify with this. I had accepted a new job, leaving one that did nothing to instill confidence in myself. I had the opportunity to take several weeks off between jobs, so I did. During that time I fell into the feeling you are having now, with a lot of depression thrown in. I could barely get off the sofa. I was a wreck. I think my bad experience at my old job was making me think I was going to fail at my new job.

of course, I had no choice but to get up, get dressed and go back to work. Crazy thing that helped was that I was called for jury duty after a few weeks on the job. I ended up on a jury for two weeks! Somehow having my mind consumed by something different for a couple weeks helped me get my brain back in order.

once I was in the swing of the job I could not believe how much more I knew than those who were already there, down to something as silly as pointing out that no one had put any money in the post office account (direct mail returns) and that's why no checks were arriving. Jeez!

try not to catastrophize. Just show up and bring your experience and charming personality with you and it will all work out. Kind of feels like being the new kid in school, doesn't it?

This is so trite but once I stopped worrying about what everyone else was thinking, started being honest (and humble) about my strengths and readily admitted my mistakes and weaknesses, I always seem to fit in wherever I go. The confidence is liberating.

Good luck with your new job! It sounds great.

Keep forefront in your mind that you would not have been offered this new position if your supervisor/boss didn't think you were qualified and would be excellent at it. Good luck, you will do great!

Paralyzed on employment, no. Paralyzed on paint color for the living room, oh, yes.

Best wishes for success in your new role.

I have found the most helpful thing to do when confronted with new things that may put me in a position of not being as competent and in control as I would like, is to communicate clearly with everyone around me about what I understand the challenges to be and ask them if I am right in my perceptions and ask for their advice on how my game plan looks to them. They after all know so much more about my position than I do at the time. This communication reinforces my twin positions of being a newbie and being a strong leader.

TEA Congratulations on your new position!! You will be stellar, no doubt.

Probably goes back to childhood when we all had to face school alone. I think it's pretty normal to have that blah feeling. It's like accepting an invite and then on the day of it, just want to stay in bed lol. You're going to do fine, I'm sure of it. Changes are not only good for the brain but for the challenge. Think of it all as a positive growth session. Good luck.

Yeah ... I think I'm just inherently lazy. ;-) It does feel much like receiving a lovely invitation, but when it comes right down to it, on the day of the event, you suddenly just want to lie around in your scruffy pajamas and flip channels on the TV. I know this feeling only too well! Even if it's something long-awaited and much-anticipated, there are always feelings of "but I don't wanna" when the time comes. (Thankfully, that passes quickly once I'm on my way.)

And I hope this feeling of fear-driven inertia passes quickly too. Just since I started this thread, I've had an opportunity to get started on three separate projects for my new team (I'm still in transition mode, so I don't think they fully expect me there yet), and have been able to quickly gather info and do what needed to be done to get things underway. Just that boosted my confidence tremendously - and all within the past hour or so.

I tend not to think of myself as a perfectionist, mostly because I know how cluttered and scattered I can be, physically and mentally. I have always thought of a perfectionist as someone who is extremely organized, with everything perfectly lined out, the epitome of efficiency. I realize, of course, that I have the smarts to do what must be done, but I also think that often I just get damned lucky when it all works out, ya know? I have even had those moments where my inner voice whispers "you're a sham" ... and I so fear everyone "finding out!'

I think I probably just need to keep moving and producing, and in so doing, will learn more each day and will become more comfortable in time. I've been with this company for a quarter of a century now, so if nothing else, I will keep reminding myself that I have staying power. ;-)

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and kind words. You've given me so much to continue contemplating.

No advice, just congratulations on your new job.

Signs of being a perfectionist. I suggested that you might be one because that's how you portray yourself to me. Not an insult, just an observation. Choosing the correct shade of blue for your kitchen counter accessories along with your husband leaving piled of paper in the kitchen were the giveaway signs to me:).

"

1. You have a very specific manner in which things should be done. Many times, people don’t get you because you’re so specific about how things get done. As long as something is out of place or doesn’t conform to your approach, it’ll not be acceptable. Because of that, you often find it very hard to find the right people to work with; some may find it hard to work with you altogether.
2. You have an all-or-nothing approach. It’s either you do everything well, or you don’t do it at all. Everything in between is a no-go.
3. It’s all about the end result. You don’t care what happens in between or what it takes to achieve the goal. You just want to ensure that the end result is attained; otherwise you’d feel annoyed, devastated.
4. You are extremely hard on yourself. Whenever something goes wrong, you become really hard on yourself. It doesn’t matter if it’s due to your fault or just one small thing — you’re always quick to beat yourself up and feel extremely bad about a mistake for a long, long while.
5. You become depressed when you don’t achieve your goals. You often mull over outcomes that don’t turn out as envisioned. You keep wondering “What if?” Most importantly, you feel that everything must be your fault if you don’t achieve that perfect, desired standard (see #5).
6. You have extremely high standards. Whatever you set your mind to do, you will have high targets. Sometimes, these targets stress you endlessly. You may end up breaking a neck just to reach them. At one point, you become held back by these standards as you procrastinate and stop working on your goals out of fear that you can’t reach them.
7. Success is never enough. Whatever you do, there’s always a greater height to aim for. Even when you achieve X, you want 2X. Even when you achieve 2X, you want 5X. Beyond this desire for betterment, many times you’re just not happy if you don’t go for a higher, bigger goal. You are rarely content with status quo and you keep wanting to see more and better things.
8. You procrastinate just to do something at the “right” moment. You are constantly waiting for the “right” moment to work on your goals. You only want to start when you are “ready,” so as to deliver your best quality of work. However, this state of “readiness” never seems to come sometimes. Sometimes, it never comes as you perpetually wait just to get something done.
9. You constantly spot mistakes when others don’t see any. While this can simply mean that you’re just very detail-oriented, perfectionists often spot mistakes, issues, from a mile away. Sometimes these mistakes are real. Sometimes they seem self-imagined.
10. You often spend copious amounts of time just to perfect something. Perfection is the end goal. It’s not uncommon for you to sacrifice your sleep, personal time, and well-being, just to bring your work to the highest level. To you, it is all part of achieving your goal.

Thanks for sharing that, Jmc! I definitely see myself in most of those traits. I'm not sure if I see myself in all of them, but I'll give those I'm on the fence about a little more thought. #8 is ringing especially true to me right now, in several situations!

It takes me about two weeks to start settling into a new big change where I feel comfortable again. I dislike the whole initial process.

Congratulations on your new position!

Congrats on your new position!

Here's a TED talk about feeling like you don't belong in some way.
Impostor syndrome

Congratulations! What I have found is (I agree with d_gw) to not worry about what others think, take the time to understand the "landscape", don't be afraid to ask for help (clarification, understanding, etc.), don't worry about being "wrong", don't panic, and breathe! :-)

You'll be great!

Congratulations on the job offer! Isn't it so nice to be appreciated? After two weeks, it will seem like you have been in the new position forever. Good luck and enjoy the moment!

I jumped ahead to say I'm traveling this week, but also changed jobs two years ago. I'll weigh in on this over the weekend if you're interested in my experience.

Even good change is stressful and it takes time to settle in.

If you have doubts about where to begin, why not just start talking too the people on your new team? They will appreciate being given an opportunity to give their input (especially if they don't have reason to feel like it is a setup to deciding who to let go, etc.), you might learn things you wouldn't have otherwise and avoid some mistakes or hard feelings, you won't come off like the know it all who came in changing everything without knowing anything, you will get to know folks and better build a team. Learn from the folks who are doing the job and take it from there.....

By the way, I have no doubt from what I have learned of you here as well as the fact that you were offered the new position that you will do well -- and I think you will probably enjoy the challenge and accomplishment once you get into it. Comfort and ease are great things and we all need them -- but we only grow when we push the boundaries.

You wrote this: I want to put myself out there as competent and eager to be a part of this new team. But inside, I feel very much like that little self-conscious girl, afraid of making mistakes. Afraid of being laughed at. Afraid of appearing completely inept.

Which reminded me of a story...

I sew clothing. When my daughter was a young professional in her late twenties she asked me to make a calf length wool coat for her to wear to her new job. We shopped, found gorgeous forest green wool for the outside. I was shopping for the linings, a few minutes later she appeared with the lining she wanted.

Know what it was? Flannel backed pajama satin in a Holly Hobbie print. She wanted to look like a professional woman on the outside, but acknowledged that she often felt like the scared little girl who loved Holly Hobbie on the inside.

I think you are right to acknowledge those feelings. Most of us have them, and acknowledging them keeps us real. Those of us who don't are probably a little to full of themselves.

You're going to be just fine.

I didn't read the other comments, but wanted to share my experience because we're of similar age and I'm two years into the transition. Where we are different is that I have always embraced change and I am not in management.

Despite a mindset that I wasn't going to make a job change, I left a company I'd been with more than 15 years after being recruited by some former colleagues. It took eight months of phone calls before I took the risk. I was 49, the primary income and quite settled in my former company.

It was the feeling of "settled" that I realized was the scariest thing. Because in this day and age, comfortable + >50 = higher likelihood of layoff. Add to that the fact I knew I wasn't getting paid current market rate and want a comfortable retirement.

So imagine my surprise when I found myself resisting, comparing and judging this new culture against where I had come from. Turns out change was more of a challenge than I thought it would be. And that mental resistance impacted my confidence.

What worked best for me was purposely looking outward and trying to learn the new organization. Just learn, not compare. Truth is that I frequently failed, but the outward focus and gained knowledge have allowed me to understand this company's culture and experience success as defined by this new culture. I have not bonded with a lot of my colleagues, but that's coming around slowly. I stay focused on goals, being genuine and trying to embrace the way things are done. Only then can you effect change.

Remember that you bring new ideas and energy to this role. But not everyone wants to hear it. So you learn and adapt. A large team will have a very different dynamic, less personal for sure. Sounds like that will take some getting used to. Not all of your small group skills will translate to this new position. Just take time to learn.

Look outward and know that it will get easier. No one judges your ability more harshly than you. I was the second highest performer last year and still judge myself very harshly.

Two years in and my confidence has increased greatly. Trust me that yours will too.