Bpath, sending emotional support your way.

The only contact that you have had was through the campus staff? Not sure what you mean by uber-conference?

The one thing that was non-negotiable was keeping in touch and answering any communication from us.

I hope things work out but from my personal experience, your son might need to come home.

Cyber hugs definitely help me so here's some for you. (((((Bpath)))). All the best to you and your sandwich family.

DD figured it out after several attempts at college. Yes low grades in the beginning a year off, then a false start in business Finance. And then after working at YDOC and helping her boss with bookkeeping she turned around Dug her Heels in and headed straight for accounting. Luckily she hadn't spent all of her College money yet. She received a diploma with distinction and received seven job offers. We are so over the moon proud of her and she is doing very well in The Firm that she has Apprenticed at :). We are now breathing easy on her behalf. So hold hang in there Bpath. He will find his feet.

DS is a whole other story. His disabilities make it impossible for him to get through even a two-year program in 2 years or even 5 years. Finally he is two courses away from having his programming ticket. We are actively looking for work now. So far no luck but we will find him something.

Some kids get off to a rough start in college. I was one of them. My first two years, especially the second were abysmal. After a year off, I went back got it together and graduated. Although my GPA couldn't fully recover, I was able to do very well on the LSAT and get into law school, graduating with high honors and after that at the top my LLM class and hired by a top rate firm.

DD had a bad first semester, but brought her home for a second semester (her idea) locally and when she went back to the university her sophomore year she made all A's, graduating with a very good GPA. So don't let a bad semester get you down, recovery is possible and probably likely.

You all are giving me hope, when I really, really need it. You're the best! Truly, I am in good tears.

DH made beef stew tonight, so it's red wine with Dancing with the Stars. It helps (and I sip it more slowly than the Chardonnay so it lasts longer lol)

Rita, I had a little charge like that when I was a Special Ed aid for preschool. And let me tell you, he was my favorite ever.

sherry, that's why we don't have dental. And my requirement is that my parents be in the same place. Whether it's home or a senior community. They may not be in the same bedroom, but they need to be in the same building. I just hope I can get Dad on the same page!

{(((Yeonassky)))}

Thanks, Blfenton. (You're Canadian? DH, too). We'd be very happy for DS to work, or volunteer, or something. We know, from our own and our siblings' experiences, that you don't have to follow the linear path. I worry now that DS will compare himself to his classmates who are following a path, and not notice the ones who are not.

Here is a story from my local newspaper about graduates who take a slightly more circuitous route after high school- my town is well known for its academic pressure and suicide clusters :-( The article is interesting because it links to a website that has first person accounts of the graduates from our local high schools and how they navigated the post-high school water.

https://www.paloaltoonline.com/news/2017/06/02/alums-to-grads-theres-more-than-one-path-to-success

Plus, I am fairly certain, graduating in more than four years is the norm now anyway.

I worked for a community college for three years, and have also worked at two prestigious schools and a big university. When it comes to the first two years, there is very little difference in the coursework. The campus environment, yes, but not the course work. And how well a class is taught depends on the teacher. The worst classes are taught by "publish or perish" stars who are great researchers and can crank out grant funded research but have lousy people skills. They aren't judged on how well they teach, and they tend to be very unsupportive of students and harsh and judgemental. They are good at one thing, big deal to many of the rest of the world. I very often would have students from my community college who transferred to fairly prestigious schools come back and say, "Classes here were just as good if not better, the other place is a lot of hype." The key is for a student to find good mentors and a niche. It is so much harder for a young person to do that at a big university. Can be done, but it is an uphill battle. I really floundered for a long while at my Big Ten alma mater. But I thrived at a big university for graduate school ten years later. The best thing about community college is that there are "OWLs" there, (Older Wiser Learners) who have real world and work experience. They can serve as great role models for younger students.

Pink, we are totally looking at the community college. Our older one took 4 courses there (including one online, WHILE he ws enrolled at university). One benefit is that DS' tutor teaches there, and would be available as an inside-outside resource. She is also gifted, and they get along famously. But he also needs some therapy, we just don't know what kind.

In other news, Mom fell at home this evening. The caregiver called me, I told her to call 911 (that is, in fact, what they are supposed to do). The EMTs are so nice. They have been there enough that they know exactly where to go in the house.

Talked a little with Dad today about what's going on with Mom. He really wants to be home. Sigh.

Oh so sorry about your mom falling... And your dad wanting to come home. I would have done the same and said call emergency. I would feel a lot of guilt about saying no if it were my father but I would do it if it were best for him.

Thank you for the Hugs back bpathome.

That's where my daughter went was to Community College all the way through. She loved the atmosphere and didn't want to switch when we tried to get her to go to University of BC. She made the right decision. I stayed out of most of those decisions let me tell you. She's a strong woman and knows her own mind.

yeonassky - exactly what we went through with our youngest. He knew exactly what program he wanted from Grade 10 and our local college offered it as a 4-year Bachelors degree and no one else did.

I am so sorry about your mother's fall and your father's insistence on staying put. I can imagine how incredibly stressful this is for you- and I am sure your father would be horribly upset were your mother to hurt herself seriously.

Maybe your son's tutor can help him sort out how he wants to proceed next semester. A little breathing room for this year may be a great thing- but maybe he wants to jump back in with a little less pressure on him and some lessons learned.

Bpathome, you seem to have a good handle on what you need for your parents. It may not feel like it at times, and you may not be where you want to be yet, but you have a good handle on it and you will make the best decisions you can. That's all you can do. I am so happy for you and the fact that you can keep them together. I think it will mean a lot for them going forward. My parents wound up split, but it wasn't my choice.

My heart is aching for and your concern for your son. My son had to answer a mom's "our son is MIA - do you know if he's okay" texts yesterday and then again today. He was able to tell her that he's seen him and said little else yesterday. Today, he told her that her son was let into the apartment at 2:30 this morning sobbing that his keys and car were stolen and his phone was locked up. I think it is going to get worse before it gets better. I hope you never have a call or text like that.

Wednesday was a doozy.

Talking with Dad, his CNA, and the home medical supply fellow about wheelchairs, it solidified in me that Dad will not be able to function at his house. Fortunately my brother was there, too, and we are totally on the same page. So, Dad will stay at the facility for now, but move to a different floor, bigger room. This buys my brother and me time to determine a more permanent facility for both Dad and Mom, while getting Dad into a more traditional, non-rehab-but-chock-full-of-activities setting.

Meanwhile, the caregiver called this morning to tell me the doorbell was haywire. Yet one more thing to deal with. So today Dad and I resumed a talk from the summer about selling the house. Whew.

We feel like we are on a bizarre HGTV episode with three facilities I've pc becomes out to choose from:

Central Location (easiest access for me, brother, and Mom's sister, next to grocery/drug store, very nice inside but not a great site, no outdoor setting for a stroll-and-roll) or

Room for Two (nice AL apartment, no cooking but a la carte pricing, not convenient to us or any stores or services), or

Known Quantity (where he is now, not too far, close to stores and services, lovely setting)

"Well, siblings, have you come to a decision?" "Well, host, we have talked it over and ... ... ..." and now this commercial.

Meanwhile, it was a do-or-die day for DS, and lo and behold, he texted me with his plans that he's working on with a counselor. Huge step for him.

Bpath: I've been following along on your journey and remember the days with children-didn't go through that with parents. I feel for you! No easy decisions, but glad to hear your brother is involved and that your spouse is so supportive. Also, glad to hear about the text from your son. Sounds like a step in the right direction for him and also good that he is taking charge of his school issues and getting help doing it. Hope you have a little time to put your feet up and breathe!!

I am so happy to hear about your son's progress.

I wish you the best of luck sorting out your parents' situation. I am sure you will find the optimal solution and your parents will be happily settled in sooner rather than later.

Good news on your son. College is so much different from high school. The counselor will help him work it all out.

You are making progress with your parents. I would lean toward #1 or #3. The Room for Two has a couple of negatives. Big one is that it is not convenient and your Mom may not be able to function in assisted living. My husband and his brother tried assisted living with his mother. It didn't last two weeks. It was a very nice place, but it wasn't set up for memory care. She stayed confused and got out of the building twice. She couldn't find her room and would wander into the other rooms. After the second time she moved to the memory care facility.

DS is home for Thanksgiving! I can't tell you how light my shoulders feel right now. As of yesterday morning, we weren't sure he was coming: he hadn't answered texts or emails, such as when we asked if he had a ride to the airport, etc. But he called DH back last night, and today he checked in regularly along his journey (there are a couple of buses and planes involved) and it was so nice nice to have pizza by candlelight with everyone in their old places at the table. And the cat, HIS cat, hasn't left his side. I know how she feels.

We will talk about school on Monday. Till then, just glad to be together.

Meanwhile, Dad moved from Rehab to Respite Care on the Skilled Nursing floor of that facility. He seems to have settled in, especially now that we know that they put folks' hearing aids on the med cart at night, and that THEY know to give them back in the morning! He's enjoying the activities, the exercise class is more his speed.

Now that I can breathe, I have to figure out Thanksgiving! (My parents should have had more daughters lol)

Oh I'm so glad your son came home. My sons are finally (finally being the operative word) finished school and that was a relief. I love it when they came home, just for the hugs,

I am so happy your son is home! What sweet relief for you. I hope you enjoy your time together and not spend too much effort on the stressful stuff.

I hope your parents' situation resolves and settles down soon as well.

Ah.. enjoy the time together and I hope you feel some break in the intensity of your stress. Happy Thanksgiving!

After all that has been going on, Thanksgiving will be a piece of cake! One person I worked with ate out every Thanksgiving (of course they ate out 99.9% of their meals). Neither of them cooked or wanted to. They liked it and if you wanted a review or menu for any restaurant anywhere near, you just had to ask!

A long-overdue update. I feel like I no longer have parents/son/siblings, I have clients. I'm glad I'm still an actual wife! DS quit going to class altogether and couldn't deal with the community of dorm life. He withdrew and is now home. We met with his doctor and are considering next steps.

At this point, Mom is almost better off at home. Her caregivers have a nice routine with her. We suspected another UTI and called the doctor, who fortunately agreed with our suspicions and didn't require a test, just called in the prescription. If she were in a facility, though, that could have been handled more quickly.

At the house there are constant repairs needing to be made. Just had a broken faucet replaced and a bathroom drain looked at. Once that waste pipe empties we will find out if it's a couple hundred dollars to repair or a $10k job involving an excavator and the sceptic. Fortunately that bathroom is rarely used, and it's not the only waste pipe for the house. At the other end of the spectrum, I have to get my brother to come out and change light bulbs. He knows which kind goes in which ceiling fixture. And I'm taping gaps in drafty patio sliders.

Dad just can't decide what to do. And he is still capable of having an opinion that matters, so I can't just sign him up for something like you'd sign a preschooler up for a weekly park district class. And, we are working on keeping finances straight and getting things done, but it is SOOOO not my area of expertise. Fortunately his pros (lawyer, accountant, etc) are helpful and patient.

I've been working on filing, getting a handle on everything. Stocked up at Staples on file boxes, pendaflexes, folders, pocket folders, and post-it labels. So that was fun, at least. DH and I file with binders which I much prefer, but I'm not about to completely change someone else's existing system, especially when Dad can still tell me something is "in the second drawer, in a yellow pendaflex about a third of the way in."

My other brother was in town for the holiday. He took care of some personal business. But in opening my dad's mail I inadvertently opened some of my bro's, and he has plenty of other unfinished business and corrections to make. He won't be back until summer. I'm making a file box for HIM now, too.

Thank goodness for Costco, who "hosted" Christmas dinner for us.

I hear you and am with you BP. Don't sweat too much about DS. Sometimes you have to try something to find out it is not right for you. There are so many options for higher education out there nowadays I'm sure your son can find a good fit if he is willing to keep trying and use this as an experience to help him find his own voice and niche. I have seen many young people change course and find out that what they thought they wanted wasn't for them in actuality and something they would have never initially considered becomes a great fit. It happened to me when I went from music to biology!

~((((bpathome))

I agree DS might find his way circuitously. As for brother well you've got enough on your plate with father mother and son.! Is there any way for someone else to look after brother paperwork Etc?

I don't think that's a sandwich a sandwich implies that there's two slices of bread with you in the middle or maybe a fancier sandwich with maybe three slices of bread. But with brother involved that's more like a jailhouse or some kind of a torture chamber. Hugs bpathhome. I'm hoping the pressure from all sides gets relieved soon.

Yeonassky my brother is perfectly capable, he just lives abroad and only sees his mail every 6 months. As soo as I typed up above I realized how ridiculous I was being, but then again I or my kids are his beneficiaries, so the info should be correct! I'll just make him a box, an old cardboard box at that, to toss the mail in.

I learned that I have to have Dad add me to the cable account so I can make changes, like remove HBO, sports, and DVR. Wow, what else is going to come up?

My siblings and I all changed schools and majors in our lives, so the non-linear route isn't new to us. It is to DH though! But there's more going on here. Thank goodness it's not addiction!

When the plumber came the other day, at the same time I got not one but two telemarketing calls for some resort or cruise. I should have stayed on the line!

((bpathome))

Cliche advice but always true: you can't pour from an empty glass, so please take care of YOURSELF too! Even small treats like a nice dinner out with just your husband or better a movie, a massage, a shopping stroll with just you ;). Whatever relaxes you and gets you out of your head for a little while.

I am perhaps permanently, perhaps not out of the grip of that kind of intense pressure and stress and it makes it easier to view it dispassionately. What I know is that it really makes a huge difference if you can at least feel you have a little bit of control over something that is positive (self care) in the midst of so much you can't control only try to fix!

Running, sometimes I try to project myself to "the other side" and look back on how I handle something, it helps me make better decisions when I'm considering them dispassionately.

And I hope I'm not jinxing anything when I say that I'm taking care of myself this weekend: going to ikea with a dear friend for breakfast! DH and I have been walking 2 miles every morning (which has also been great for our marriage) but not with sub-zero temps the past two weeks. We are NOT mall walkers.

While the plumber was at the house, the phone rang TWICE with marketing calls for resorts. I shouldn't have hung up on them :)

By, I just want to say that I sympathize. I am going through some of the same things with my 100 year old mother. Thank goodness I don’t have the worry of young adults trying to find their way, too. I went through that and all I can say is they figure it out sooner or later. I just wish my mom would be willing to move to assisted living, which is what she needs. I just cannot take care of her house and my house, her finances and my finances, her medical needs and mine ( thankfully few) and so on. I also have a useless brother but my son is an enormous help. Sometimes it feels like he and I are the only grownups in the family. Good luck to you. Come back and vent. It helps.

Dedtired, sad to say we are in the same place ((((( hugs ))))) I looked at a couple of assisted livings, and they say they would not be able to handle my parents' needs. Dad requires 1 or 2 people and a Hoyer to transfer, and attention paid to diabetes and oxygen levels. Both need attention paid for UTIs, skin tears, and pressure sores. The Assisted livings say it's beyond the scope of their license, and though independent Home Health is on site, they don't do daily monitoring. Dad needs physical care but is soooo ready for mental stimulation, and he's just not getting it. He won't get it living at home, either.

I was talking with the administrator of a home that my family has been associated with for a few generations, as supporters, volunteers, and board members. He said most people wait to move until they can't enjoy and appreciate assisted/retirement living. He also told me "we would do anything for your parents", as in, if they want to be in assisted living but receive skilled nursing, by all means. Sounds ideal (good food, cultural connection, familiarity), but it's a half hour minimum from my house in low traffic, and my mom's sister would find it almost impossible to visit with her.

"Sounds ideal (good food, cultural connection, familiarity), but it's a half hour minimum from my house in low traffic, and my mom's sister would find it almost impossible to visit with her."

Our experience has been that a superb facility is worth a bit more distance than might seem optimal. May seem harsh but the truth is that it's really the 24 hour care and living environment that is important because once someone is in a place that IS offering great care, the family shouldn't need to feel the need to be only a very short distance away. In other words, don't evaluate the facility with the mental impression you'll still be required to expend the intense and constant effort and work you are doing now--when *you* are the facility so to speak. They really do take on the duties of nourishing food, adequate supervision, help with the ADL stuff like keeping their area clean, laundry, reminders to keep up personal hygiene, administering meds and monitoring for health problems etc. And the cultural connection and familiarity is a huge plus as well. It's not something that I find particularly palatable but the truth is my 94 YO MIL feels much more comfortable in a facility in which the vast majority of other residents are of the same race and social background as her.

We wish my MIL was 5 minutes from us and in an ideal world if the ALF was closer it would be perfect. But we trade drive time for peace of mind and so far it's been more than worth the exchange.

Honestly, BP, I think you are shouldering a lot more than I am. Sometimes I wonder if it would not be more worry if Mom were in assisted living, because I would have to be there checking all the time to see that she is cared for. Today I had to tell her she smelled funny. She obviously had not been keeping up with showering and changing her clothes. She called this afternoon to say she took a shower and put on the new sweater I got for her for Christmas. Hallelujah.

My MIL was 35 minutes from my BIL and 2 hrs from us. It was an excellent facility and my husband made the trip to my BIL's house every week for three years. They then drove up to see my MIL. I went from time to time when they wanted or needed some female advice and my BIL's wife went for the same. It sounds like a lot of driving and it was, but they weren't dealing with all the house, medical, and day to day care.

Pick the excellent facility. Maybe someone could pick up the sister and take her there.

I've been following along and wish you you the best. And that New Yorker article terrified me, also. This isn't for you, Bpathome, but for others reading in the future who are dealing with offspring struggling with finding their direction. I applaud the recent efforts by This Old House to encourage young people to consider the trades, since tradespeople are retiring in vast numbers and there aren't enough youth entering the field. Schools, counselors and parents seem to have a narrowed, college prep one size fits all focus. Judging from my recent major house renovation, skilled people in the trades seem in high demand and can earn really decent money. Anyway, off my soapbox.

Indigo, I agree that we need vocational tradespeople.

Just my honest opinion, but some kids need the structure of home. Nothing to do with how bright or capable they are. It's social and emotional.

I do think that unless the child is adamant about not going away to school, all should have the opportunity to have the "away at college experience."

That said, many, many kids come home after the first semester. Some even earlier.

Parents, as well as their children, cave into peer pressure. You would think it is the parents themselves who are heading off to college instead of their kids.

When my oldest applied to colleges, she did everything on her own. I thought that we had a great guidance department. But, this was not the case, as I found out with DD2. Nothing was being done. We used a college counselor for the process. The first thing she asked my daughter was, "Do you want to go to college?"

Indigo, I think you make a good point. I have one nephew who went to law school and his brother became an electrician. Both are doing well. Think about how hard it is to find someone you can trust with your home, especially on the big projects. And if they have the attention to detail and skill to pull it all together -- they will have more business than they can handle.

Bpat, your parents have a lot of special needs. And I do agree that most people put off moving until they are not longer able to fully enjoy the benefits of something new. I've seen it many times. Finding the right place for them might well be worth a 30 min drive or even seeing them less often -- as long as they are well cared for. The situation brings up memories and issues from the past when my dad moved my mom when he shouldn't have and then refused to move her out of there when he should have. I don't have answers, but I would have loved to have felt my mom was in the best place, no matter how near or far. Keep doing the best you can. You will find your answers -- or they will find you.

I so agree with runninginplace. Having an assisted living facility that meets the needs of your parents was the first priority for us when trying to place our mother who has Alzheimers. I am 20 minutes away but my siblings are close to an hour away but in this case, it is about my mom and not about us. It has to be about her. Her brother is even further away and if he feels like not doing the drive (he's 82) one of his kids will bring him.

We know that the facility meets all of her needs and she is happy so if we can't get there as often as we should we have peace of mind.

Kids are a whole other story. Where I live very few kids go away to school. We have great colleges and two well known and well respected universities. Going away to school is usually not a conversation that is had around here.

Wow, everyone, those are good perspectives. It's what makes this so hard! I like to think that, if they are closer, I can pop on with the mail, or bring my dad his computer. (We need to invent the Jitterbug computer, btw. Where Dad can check his balances and surf the web but not execute trades accidentally or sign up for wacky mailings.) And I know my aunt would like to just set with Mom for a bit; I would, too. But, if they are farther away, we can make more of a routine of it, and that's good, too.

You all were so warm and understanding last year, I can finally catch a breath to give an update.

DS: Shortly after I posted last, in January, DS18 had a ruptured appendix. After a week (and his birthday, so now DS19) in the hospital, several weeks at home with drains and antibiotics, the appendix was finally removed just before Easter. (We are so glad he was HOME when it happened!) In the meantime, he took an online course at our community college, did a two-month intensive day program for anxiety, got his driving learner's permit again and is driving, even on the highway, is taking 2 on-campus courses at the community college for the summer, and got re admitted to his 4-year college. Not out of the woods yet, but we are all able to talk about it. Still debating whether he will actually return to the school in August.

(I had another thread about this, ranting about the insurance. They came through for the surgery and for the outpatient program pretty well. Thank goodness.)

My Mom: Shortly after DS came home from the hospital with his drains, my mom (94, Arthritis, Parkinson's, and dementia) was hospitalized for a week with the flu in early February. They recommended rehab and recuperation before heading home, so she went to the same facility as my dad. She did so well, she stayed, and recently joined the memory-care unit there, where she is fairly content as she has her "things": furniture, some art, photos, a routine, trained staff, and more movement.

My Dad: Dad (92, hemorrhagic stroke last August) is doing well, cognitively, and is pretty healthy and able, except can't walk unassisted or assist in transfers. He gets restorative therapy several times a week. He needs to get out of there to a place where he can have physical assistance and medical care, but otherwise manage his life, and have more appropriate social and mental stimulation. He's going stir crazy! So that's our next project, alongside overseeing DS' stuff.

Me: I no longer plan anything, because Murphy's Law is sure to take effect!

Dedtired, I hope all is well.

Eld, in our family counseling sessions I asked DS the same thing your kid's counselor did: Do you want to go to college? He said yes. I think he likes going to class, then heading back home where he can decompress. He's going to ask for a single room when he goes back to college. Otherwise, well, there's a good liberal arts college just 1.5 miles from our house, I'd be happy if he went there.

I'm fine with the trades! My brother is a fine photo processor, which is a skill going by the wayside as far as job opportunities go. My BIL was an auto mechanic, then got his teaching certificate in his 40s and taught small engine repair, which morphed into teaching computer technology. DS is a mathematician. That's just him.

Robo, pictures of Em are the best medicine! (Don't you love how one minute they are like little boys, and the next your wee little love-muffin?)

Rita and Pinkmountain and all you GW Conversation folks filled my heart last year and this, and I appreciate each and every one of you! And Pinkmountain, wishing you well with the wedding!

bpathome, I am so glad things are getting much better. That was enough bad things happening on the wrong side of the ledger for a good long time. It's nice to see things balancing out now.

Your son must be feeling so much better, both physically and mentally- what a double whammy he endured for while. Your parents seem to be on a good path as well. I hope you get to make plans again soon. I know exactly what it feels like to not have control of your time, such a huge frustration. It makes you so grateful for ordinary times.

bpathome I'm so happy to read this update. it sounds like things are evening out. Your previous schedule and responsibilities didn't seem sustainable! It sounds like your son is learning a whole lot about himself and taking very positive steps. Fingers crossed he finds his path. He is still so young. The college near your house might be a good compromise.

I realized this morning as I stepped in to the shower that I don't bring set the phone right next to the shower door with a little towel anymore, and haven't for a couple of months. I don't get those emergency calls every other day!

Well, for what it's worth, I struggled finding my path in college and it took me six years to graduate. Not sure if community college would have helped me, but it sure is a less costly way of "finding oneself" than an expensive college. My university was large and relatively inexpensive at the time, lots of classes to chose from, but the career help they gave (and still give) was abysmal. That's one of the reasons I have dedicated myself to helping young college students "find themselves" by helping them get connected to real mentors in the field. That is one thing the better community colleges can help with. Community college faculty are often very well connected to the home community, since many of them worked in their fields before going into teaching, not just straight from undergrad to PhD to research and college teaching, like your average professor that you hardly ever interact with at a large university, not that interacting with them would be very helpful for an undergrad anyway . . .

Boy, I hope our society turns some attention to providing a larger range of care and doctor options for the elderly. The choices in my small town rural area are horrible for elder care . . . particularly when you have folks who are mostly with-it mentally but need physical help. If you're dying or have dementia in my small town, you could get pretty good care, but if you're just old and weak and need to manage a whole host of disabilities . . . it's depressing. Plus without much competition, the local doctors don't give a rip for quality of care. So many folks drive 30 min. or more to other towns for doctors. Not an option for an 86 year old guy who should probably limit his driving on the best of days . . .

Pink, I'm completely on board with you for supporting both career choices and seniors.

There is such an emphasis today on STEM, and DS is a total Math kid, but he's not sure he wants to be a engineer. He needs more information for what his possibilities are. I suggested he ask his CC professors about that...but of course, he's introverted with social anxiety so...I also suggested he look for Ted talks about math careers. My friend's son doubled in math and finance, on top of being an athlete; his goal is to be an Athletic Director at a college, and he is now on track for that. See, that kind of thing I never would have thought of. Heck, I was the kid who liked writing reports and learning new stuff, but I didn't want to be a journalist or creative writer. I was in grad school already when I heard a Jeopardy! contestant say she was a technical writer and describe in a few words what her job entailed: I knew my purpose.

As for older adults who need only physical assistance, you're right that there aren't a lot of choices. Among Dad's facility's activities are working together to solve crossword puzzles and playing word and geography games, all things he's good at anyway. Some are part of the physical exercise (where shall we "march in place" to? Dad comes up with some remote destinations!). But he told me he doesn't answer much anymore because he's the only one who does, and he doesn't want to hog the floor. But the activities director wants him to answer because he's the only one who can!

Glad some of the things that were weighing too heavily on you have been fixed. Glad they paid up enough to help you stay too much out of the hole at least for your DS's health problems. On top of everything else we don't need money problems to haunt us. Wishing continued relief from the difficulties of being sandwiched.

bpathome - I'm so glad that things are looking more consistent for you day to day. I remember those times of having to always have the phone by me in case my mom called.

Your son - what a heartache for you. Not because he's a bad kid that's for sure, but just because he is a worry for you. My kids are 31 and 29 and I still sometimes worry - just because that's what I do. :)

I just reread this thread and what a lot of caring and compassionate people with some great common sense and empathy. We're so lucky to have one another.

Blfenton, we ARE so lucky to have one another. I appreciate each and every response on this thread, and each and every member that comes to this forum.

Bpathome, Glad things have improved. When our children hurt, we hurt and that never changes, no matter how old they are. At the high school from which I just retired, we worked very closely with the community college nearby because many of our students started there. Being strong in math opens many doors and various career possibilities, besides engineering. Your son just needs to keep going and at some point he will find a course/professor that really helps clarify his goals.

It sounds like you mom is where she needs to be, but that you dad is in need of more intellectual stimulation. My dad was wheelchair bound with physical limitations for the last 2 years of his life, but maintained a very keen mind (a former electrical engineer) up until the very end. He thrived in assisted living, where he found friends that kept him engaged in life.

Sending good wishes your way. This is a very difficult road, being needed by elderly parents and your own family.