Hubby and I have different tastes and we recently came to an agreement - One of us has to absolutely love whatever it is that we are picking, in order for the other one to compromise. That way, neither one of us just likes something "so so". I get to pick a few pieces that I love, and he will compromise, and vice versa. Perhaps you could do that by rooms since your styles are totally different and it might be hard to mix and match those two styles within one space.

A happy merge of the two styles alone might be quite a trick, but perhaps you can find one in the overall feelings you want the spaces to elicit. Both styles, for instance, can be comfy and cozy in one place and more airy and simple in others. Both can be light and sunny, or darkly at their best under artificial light at night (because that's when you use them). Both can have curves or straight lines. How do you feel about mass, heavy or light?

Individuality in decor versus a degree of conformity with your society? This can be a huge factor but is almost never spoken of. Some often genuinely like a style because it's fashionable, even comfortingly so, more than for itself, though that can be hard to figure out. But if what neighbors think is important, it can be a deep, genuine need, not to be set aside in developing a home that meets all needs well. And, of course, what we're raised to feel "home" is can be huge.

From experience, I strongly recommend expanding and refining your understanding of what you each like by both individually printing and cutting out rooms you like, notably including those that aren't actually your style. Maybe keep it a secret as you develop a personal picture in some depth. Then look both for patterns within your personal likes that helps you understand what you really like and for what you have in common.

Itm, as you look around, could art be a meeting point? Neither sentimental romanticism nor sophisticated, restrained abstract, for instance, but just pieces you both like? If you found something, it might become something of an organizing principle to build on.

Regarding Angela's method, btw, but somewhat different, since I care a lot more than my husband I get my way overall but he has veto power and doesn't have to explain or justify his bad taste. If he dislikes it, it's a no go. :) Could it be that decor is significantly more important to one of you than the other and should that be a factor in choice?

Work with an impartial third party. Marriage counseling between differing tastes is a lot of what designers do.

No truer words.......................substitute MOST for "a lot" : ) We're "shrinks" even when folks appear to agree. "Kiddo's..... we can do way better and a lot more interesting than a canned Chip and Joanna big clock on a wall/ word sign house".....You deserve MORE and something as interesting as you are."

I agree with the professionals....hire one to help bridge both your styles. I have worked with them in the past and they wanted hubs there at initial consultation get his thoughts and design style. They provided ideas and suggestions within our budget and at the end of the day, we ended up with a beautiful home that reflected both our styles and felt like us. Best!

Oh yeah this is a problem many times . Sometimes the best solution is to give him a space that he can have the stuff he wants , hence the reason for man caves. But I would for sure get a designer who will work with you both to find a happy medium

My late husband was adamant about our colors and our furniture comfort! He selected all the upholstered furniture to be green/gold/merlot and comfortable. He wouldn't compromise. When we built our home in 2005, I had ordered white cabinets, with a sage green island for the kitchen. He hadn't paid any attention to the kitchen until I had placed the order. Then, he insisted that we not have white cabinets...that I order sage cabinets and a black island. I caved, because I loved him so much. He selected the granite, too. I worked with it, but I'm a white/blue/red/grey person. He died at age 60, 9 years after we built, so in hindsight, I'm glad I let him choose.

Truth is this:

No couple ever got in the car after a dinner party at the home of friends and EVER said these words:

"Gee, I wonder where he got that sofa.......that horrible wallpaper in the powder room...Or I wonder what designer let him pick that lumpy plaid sofa....."

So.... unfair and ages old as it may seem or be, the look, feel, style, comfort within a home is in the vast majority of our culture, perceived to be the DOMAIN OF THE WOMAN who resides there.

The exterior is commonly given credit ( when outstanding ) to the man.......as in

"Gee, he must be doing really well. He sunk a fortune in that yard."

Don't believe it? ......................Yeah.... sure you don't : )

It is in fact why men of a certain generation knew that the right answer within reason was, "Oh honey, whatever you like, I know you'll make us a beautiful home".........: ) By the way, that chicken casserole was FANTASTIC...... "

Well, the outside was my domain --- I had gardens, gardens, and more gardens. I designed and my husband did the heavy lifting!

Jan, Many of my favorite designers are males. Many of my friends have stay at home dads. Many of my friends are male only couples. A home is not a woman's domain any longer. I think marriage, home management and decorating should be a joint effort met with compromise. I have many things around me that my husband or children really wanted that do not meet my aesthetic but I want a happy home not a perfectly decorated house. I dread the day that I get to make all the choices and my house is perfectly my style because it means I live alone.

if it was up to my husband-he was fine without any furniture for years. He owned a mattress, a Poang chair, and the rest were pretty much cardboard boxes of various sizes. He wasn't interested in comfort at all. He does appreciate art though, he loves to travel, and he likes dishes and pottery, especially earthy or blue and white Japanese style

Yet since we started our life together, almost all the bigger/important purchases were made together, and even though we had heated conversations and disagreements sometimes I remember them fondly afterwards. It was time well spent ..you could call it "quality time"..)))

what I found to be conductive-and it might work for us, but not for everybody since people have their own ways of expressing themselves-but we're both verbal people, so finding the words that communicate the best our feelings about things rather than just simple descriptions, helped. For example, I could say " it looks so charming and silly and obstinate like a little donkey"-and I'd be far better understood than if just saying " it's streamlined and brown"

We found our similarities-we both liked vintage, so it became easier to hunt and gather things since we both preferred it...we liked looking at arts and crafts, we both liked mcm and woods like teak and walnut. We both love plants even though my DH prefers something potentially edible..but out of his love to me, we always have other plants too, and fresh flowers and all

Fabrics like thows and pillows, my DH didn't understand at all because the notion of comfort wasn't something important to him, and in the beginning to him was just a symbol of useless consumption-so these, I took upon myself , but as it's much cheaper, or smaller, purchases, was easier to decide it by myself, and I knew will take him several days to adjust. Later he started to appreciate them, because they turned out to be useful and comfortable, and he recognized they can be truly important to others and it's not show off.

Lights( when we got to lights) were extremely overwhelming to him, was overwhelming to me too so I craved his help, but in the end I arrived to conclusion I'm just bombarding him with visuals he has no time to really absorb. So the priority became to eliminate absolute "no's" from him-and that's what we did, and I made all the choices by myself(very daunting) but knowing that I choose, more or less, from the vast ocean of his "yes's and maybe's" rather than "no's"

Make finding the way you communicate things to each other your priority. It's not that simple when it comes to objects, as it seemingly should be. Create your own language maybe, find what you both react to positively, and why, and go from there. You'll find enjoyment in that. Some things you mentioned don't contradict at all. Grey is just a color-you might both love it, or you find a shade you love and place to incorporate it. Mcm can be incredibly comfortable. Fine art..art is the hardest, since it's fiercely personal. Go together to galleries, festivals, art fairs, museums. Talk about what you see.

We usually buy art together, but there were couple times I felt in love with art online, agonized over it for weeks then bought it myself. Usually well taken but one

It took us a year to finally talk about it, and it was something that was extremely painful for me to talk about, but it took me more than thirty years to actually feel that pain, beforehand my hudband was feeling it instead of me while I stayed numb to it. The painting, in addition to other things, was the final brick in that tumbling wall I erected.

So from being a-painting-we-didn't- feel- the same about, it turned out to be extremely important piece of art that actually brought us even closer.

Sometimes you take the risk, and it's not immediately that you feel good about it, and it's maybe that you're not supposed to feel good at all, you're supposed to feel bad, to feel stuff, to feel anything at all. That's what art is about.

So everything art -might be immediate falling in love of both of you or might take time, plenty of time. Take that time. With art, there's nowhere to hurry. It'll find you.

If cutesy sayings etc annoy you(as they do annoy me for example)-try to find the words to explain why, in a way that won't feel hurtful but would resonate. Or make your own sign that feels really personal. I cut out a quote once from a song, and framed it..not that it hung prominently or something, I used it for a party we held, and now it's in the closet-but I didn't get rid of it either, because it feels like a personal thing, and it's not anything cutesy too. If finding sayings-go for personal.

If you're visuals-show pictures and talk about them

If your DH likes music-maybe relate to things as if they were certain melodies. What do they sing? Do you like the melody?

I understand it might sound silly but finding common language is important whatever that language might be.

It's not always an easy feat..putting a house together, bridging the differences

Yet I truly believe it can be one of the things that reveal why you are together after all

I apologize for yet another long illegible post(after I promised myself yesterday to stop writing them lol)..and best of luck to you

I realize ( above) as to households , designers , who gets say, who has the taste, or even the inclination to be interested.

I was simply referring to a more common and prevalent Houzz occurrence ( marrying styles ( DH and wife)), and to a more standard "coupling". There no hard and fast rules. There are generalities and not. I encounter all of them inclusive of MANY talented male gender designers who are both peer and friend. Inclusive of partner scenarios where one defers to another for harmony, or talent.......an architect partnered with a banker for instance : ) sharing a lovely abode.......and yes, same sex. : )

I was thinking along the same lines as suzyq53, without the rustic.

I know some people are positively influenced by word art in a very real way. If your spouse is one of these, I would ask him/her to limit the signs to one per floor of the house. I too hate them but if they made my spouse's life better, I would endure it. Within limits lol

The biggest bone of contention that usually arises between couples is one has absolutely no interest in one aspect of the project. Until something is decided, and then they feel decidedly against the decision. That happens when one partner doesn’t feel that they have had any control in other areas of the project which they cared about, and so they want to exert some control, even if the detail doesn’t mean anything to them.

This is where a list of decisions and a ranking of them as a Priority come in handy to a designer. Each partner gets the same list. And has to rank 1-5 about whether the decision is important to them. They may be a 1 on the color of the cabinets, but be a 5 on the sink and faucet, cause they do the majority of clean up chores. That’s the value of a designer. We can do the research based on the faucet criteria that is important, and present just a few choices that meet that criteria, and that still work with the overall whole of the design.

It also comes in handy when you have two rankings of 5 on an element, and have differing criteria between the partner. A good designer will get to the “why” behind the desire of one partner to have a chrome faucet when the other metals chosen are warm tones, and the other wants that ORB faucet. When you find out it’s because chrome is associated with sanitary and clean in that one’s mind, that’s when you can talk about PVD finishes and lifetime finish warranties, and how sanitizing in a kitchen can be accomplished. Or you talk to the other partner about bringing in some different silver tones to make a chrome choice blend. Or you suggest a warm brushed nickel that they can both live with even though it’s neither’s first choice.

It’s the fact that a designer is loyal to the design and not one of the halves of the couple that makes it work. And the design is developed first, and incorporates both tastes on the front end. So neither feels left out. It’s those “design on the fly” types of situations that cause issues. One person cares, but feels that the other partner has had more than their share of decisions because they had more time to devote to it.

If it were up to me, our house would be filled with contemporary furniture, some mid-century modern pieces, gray walls, fine art pieces on the walls. If it were up to my spouse, our house would be filled with comfy or home-y stuff, cute sayings on the wall, and basically anything done by Joanna Gaines on Fixer Upper.

I think a lot of the Fixer Upper/Magnolia stuff -- the smaller accessories -- works well with MCM pieces. I'd suggest you see about moving your aesthetic more toward MCM from contemporary. In fact, if you could each move a bit toward MCM, and then accessorize with both contemporary and Fixer Upper, that could work. West Elm seems to do this look well, as does Anthropologie home and their sister company Terrain. This Magnolia side table would work well in a contemporary/MCM room.

If you prefer darker gray walls, maybe try a light gray or grayish off-white as a way of meeting in the middle with color. My two cents is that art is art and should be memorable and meaningful, rather than another room accessory. Find original works -- photographs you've each taken, paintings by friends or family or from local galleries -- that speak to both you.

If none of that works, it seems that your aesthetic works best for the bones/framework of the rooms, and the Fixer Up style comfy, home-y items can be the finishing touches.

basically anything done by Joanna Gaines on Fixer Upper.

Ask your spouse instead to look at home decor magazines that have more realistic ideas of decor. Joanna Gaines and Fixer Upper are all about flash-in-the-pan trends like shiplap and the (dreaded) Word Art. It's speed-decorating, with no consideration of longevity, only what looks cute and catchy on the TV screen right now. There's no camera a year from now showing people saying "what WAS I thinking with that Joanna Gaines carp?".

If your spouse sees more quality decor in magazines in the traditional style, and cuts out those pages to show you, you might find you like it too, cause it's not fleeting in-today-out-tomorrow stuff.

Find something you appreciate in each other's styles. For example, MCM lends itself to minimalism and straight lines. Your spouse's style lends itself to a certain coziness and softness. So maybe you merge them into an especially cozy MCM. Maybe a Danish sofa with a super soft throw in a warm neutral, with a great armchair next to an MCM lamp. Balance is always possible. As for the word art, I don't know. I agree with earlier advice - restrict it to one use, preferably in a room you may not visit very often?

For what it's worth, my husband and I both care about our house and what it feels like. When I met him, his condo was "highly designed bachelor" style (ie, decorated by his mom in dark colors with a sleek black couch). My style was more comfy, casual, preppy, but could get a little extra "girly." After a while, he decided he wanted to make changes to his condo and had me help because he said my place looked "nicer" even though probably all of my furniture together cost less than his couch. Eight years later, he trusts 9 out of 10 of my decisions (and the last 1, he knows I'm just going to go ahead and do it anyway). I also still ask his opinion on most everything. We've developed our own aesthetic we call "casual West Coast equestrian" which to us means lots of neutrals with colorful equestrian art and nods to "traditional" equestrian décor, but a lot less cluttered and not stuffy.

Thank you all so much! You've all provided me with more info than I expected! The inspiration photos were quite helpful.

Also, contrary to popular belief, I am the male in the relationship ;)