Because I've wondered this often, I'm putting myself in the thread. Can't wait to hear from the pros.

Also, what questions should they ask to see if this is a good fit?

When I hired a decorator for my home many years ago, I took advantage of a service that sent me 3 decorators.

Two of them were clearly people who were only capable of recommending things that looked like the currently most popular trends. Not what I wanted. One was adamant, even in the first meeting, that I needed a baker's rack in my large entrance way, with decorative pottery, despite the fact that I said I liked a fairly spare look. The other, when I mentioned Arts and Crafts touches, clearly had no idea what Arts and Crafts style was, and thought I was talking about home-made crafts like quilting. Thankfully the third one was excellent.

What questions do we ask to ensure that we have someone that is sensitive to the functional needs of their family, and also isn't just giving cookie cutter colors and styles that will be outdated in a few short years? We can do that ourselves from magazines!

Following.

It is important that the designer ask the right questions about your design style, room functionality, lifestyle and budget. I always ask to see an inspiration piece. Something that the potential client loves and why. You will know the right designer when you "click" by the questions asked and if the designer listens to you and repeats back your ideas with design suggestions.

Thanks for the information, @Decor & More, LLC.

My only concern is that, by the time we get to the detailed question-asking stage, the "clock" is already ticking on paying the designer for their services. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any problem paying for the designer's expertise. But I'd hate to start a scheduled session with a decorator and realize 10 minute into it that this isn't the right person because we aren't being asked those type of questions. And from my past experience, it does happen. How do I prevent that by asking a few questions up front?

My experience with designers is that they are basically uninterested in helping with decor, unless they got paid a lot of $$$ for the initial custom build/remodel. A percentage of what you're spending.

And watch yourself- deposits get paid, and emails can cost as much as $200 for a response. Very easy to blow your budget before you get really anywhere.

Questions: After you've talked about your needs, style and budget, ask designer for thoughts. Be pointed. What is it that this person likes AND dislikes about your home. Lol- you never know. Get this out in the open. Be bold. This is YOUR house, and you shouldn't work with anybody who can't articulate this, before asking for a very large check.

You might also want to ask about this person's understanding of your local real estate market. You'd be surprised how very little some of these designers really understand.

Here's a question that I never would have thought to ask, but should have, in my last trip around the designer world: Do you have ANY travel plans that will take you away from my area for an extended period of time? If so, who will I be working with? A 5 star rated designer- here on Houzz and in my own city- didn't disclose that, because I didn't ask. It became very apparent that I was working only through email with her and worse- working with an intern. At $200 an hour.... It ended when I confronted her (over email;) about being non-present. She lied to me- gave me a sob story about an old relative's illness in India.

That I could have dealt with- stuff happens. Except? Everybody I was working with on furniture and accessories knew that this trip had been planned for months. Not just salespeople-managers that she, herself, had sent me to.

Long story short- I demanded my money back. Got it once she got home. It was a nightmare that still set me back months on the finish of my home, while I waited for her to come back from abroad and incurred thousands of dollars of "email" charges.

Not all designers are like this. But don't hire anybody until you are satisfied that he/she actually "gets" your project-and will actually be around to help, not just collect money.

Wow, that's a bad experience Laurie. The scope of our project is much smaller at the moment. I won't be buying anything from her, just looking for advice and paying for it on an hourly basis.

I wonder if anyone has a thought on how many hours would be appropriate for the scope of work I outlined above?

Even if designers don't do a gratis initial consultation it would be worth while to pay for and hour to see if you can work together.

Been there, done that and never again. All the good idea were mine, the curtain installer's car dripped oil on our brand new concrete and he wasn't even able to properly cover over a hole that was drilled in the wrong place. One decorator from the furniture store where we bought the major pieces for our living room had no idea of the best way to place the furniture; the other one who came on later was very good. I have the feeling you either get lucky or you don't. I think the people on this forum could be very helpful and it won't cost a dime. What I would suggest is that she buy some decorating magazines that seem to reflect her style and tear out the pages of everything she loves so she can begin to get an idea of what design direction she wants to go. There are also thousands of pictures on Houzz and online that she can look at and develop an idea of her design aesthetic. It takes a little time but so does working with a designer, and working with another person always leaves the way open for personality dissonance.

To be helpful, a designer needs to know the style preferences of the customer. The scope of work is a good beginning. But without the kids taking the time to do the work of creating Ideabooks, and actually analyzing their style with comments in them, you’d be wasting money to call in a designer just yet. Sure they can all sit together and the designer can drag out that they like colorful rugs and neutral walls by going over 1000 Houzz photos, but why pay for someone to help you do your homework?

They either have to care enough about the outcome to put in the work needed on their end, or they need to not care that much about the outcome and let someone do it all for them. Anything in between is simply not going to give you the results that you would be happy with.

Sophie, it's taken some time for me to really understand your perspective. Now I dig it. If it were ever appropriate, I'd hire you and not look back. You have a combination of boatloads of deep experience with a touch of impatience for all the rest.

Did I say a "touch"? :)

Sophie, that's very helpful.

Neither of them has the inclination to go through decor books to think about style, and they don't have the vocabulary to articulate it to a designer.

They're in their early 30's, very down to earth. They'd prefer wood to painted or glass surfaces. For practicality, dark colors in furniture and rugs. Color will be added in whimsical items from their travels, but basically a very neutral desaturated pallet. To me this says industrial style and when I've showed them examples of it, they liked it very much.

They had to re-do a downstairs bathroom because of a broken sink, and went with a dark wood cabinet, bronze fixtures and walls in a light warm gray similar to BM's Collingwood. They love the look and will add some black and white photos taken by my DIL. They suggested just painting the rest of the house in the same color, but I'd like a professional eye to see if that works, particularly in a basement family room with a beige carpet. I know how beige can go weird with other near-beige colors. So I still need a pro's eye, I think.

Going back to Sophie's comments, in some ways you'd say they don't care. But they do, really. They'd be very unhappy If they got something too colorful, or too light colored. Or something that looked over-decorated to them. And they sure don't like their current egg-yolk yellow front hallway or their dark gray-green living/dining room.

I would never take a job with clients such as this. If they care so little that they won't even try to find pictures to show me what they like, then that's it. I don't have a crystal ball and I would never spend the time to work up a couple of ideas for their entire house and then have them tell me "it's not their taste" when they have made NO effort to communicate their taste to me.

I'd leave them on their own with this. Yes, I AM a mother of two grown children and it would break my heart to see them make huge mistakes. It HAS broken my heart when I saw my DS and DIL make huge mistakes as she had no idea what her taste actually was. They are now divorced and he got all the antiques and a few upholstered pieces and has made a lovely home in his apartment for himself and his two children when they stay with him. DD was willing to do the homework and still loves her house 19 years later.

We cannot make our grown children care about the things that have meant so much to us over the years. Clearly, your DS and DIL either don't care enough to do the work, or know their taste is so different that it will cause conflict. Run, don't walk, away from this. You may cry on our shoulders - many of us have been there - and I know you hate that your grandchildren will not grow up in a lovely home. They WILL be influenced by YOUR home, however. Take comfort in that.

I'm probably slow in this learning but I didn't know what my decorating tastes were until I was in my forties. Before that I was too busy working and having kids to care about it or to have the time and energy to sit down and think about and do some reading or research.

I was glad that the house was clean and the furniture wasn't torn. As a couple of posters have said, leave them be until *they* are ready to do something about it. You can't suggest it or force it.

I have hired decorators twice but I had a very clear idea of what I wanted and they were both able to help me articulate my vision and present me with different options. It's also important for your son and DIL to recognize their strengths and weaknesses. For eg, I don't have a very good eye for colour and I freely admit it to the decorators but I also admit that I detest absolute symmetry, frou-frous and matchy-matchy.

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm definitely not prodding them. Personally I lived in a "before" house for quite awhile, to the point where my one of my sisters-in-law asked me "how can you stand it?" Probably in reference to the red shag rug in the family room, or maybe the harvest gold bathroom fixtures. It didn't do my children any harm and it won't do any harm to my grandchildren either.

But they are definitely going to paint, at the very least, and since they've asked me to help them pick paint colors, I will. I don't feel I want to "bow out" since they've specifically asked for my help. And I don't think there's a big risk that they'll hate the paler neutrals that will be replacing their current darks/brights. I don't think there are any control freaks in this situation - either me or my son or DIL. I just want a trained eye to be sure that there aren't any issues with undertones etc. that I'm not seeing.

I think I will contact the designer I have identified, and make it clear what the job is. The job is small, and since they're keeping their existing furniture and rugs, there isn't a heck of a lot that a designer can do that they'll be unhappy with. It's really just paint, and carpet in a hallway.

If the designer doesn't want the job then oh well.

If all they need help with is paint selection, you can go to a local paint store (Benjamin Moore or Sherwin Williams), and ask for an appointment with their color specialist. Some stores don’t even charge for this, if you purchase the paint from them. At the most, an hour consultation is $75-$100. Most of them will come out to the house and advise you on paint colors.

I have worked successfully with three decorators over a period of years. Each one was recommended enthusiastically by a friend. You should get recommendations and ask to speak to clients to find out what they liked, etc. A good decorator can and has saved me money in many ways. There was no Houzz when I started using decorators and I did not do a ton of research in decorating magazines, etc. but I did enough to give the decorator a start. If both of your son and DIL want to be involved, they need to do enough work to be sure they are also on the same wave length. I worked full time, had two kids and the help of a decorator was a Godsend for me. Treat this like hiring any professional: get recommendations, speak to former or current clients, interview the professional to see if you “click”. And if your son and DIL are willing, they can learn a lot from you and this process. You are a good person to try to help them.

I used a designer once and I had the feeling that her main concern was getting a cut whatever she sold me or from the contractors she recommended. She referred me to a painter that asked for $4000 to paint a small living room and hall. I showed him the door rather quickly. I used my old reliable painter who did that job plus the entire outside of my house for far less.

Perhaps they should set aside half an hour to scroll through the photos on Houzz and make an idea book for each room they would like to change. It is easy to see design preferences and elements that keep popping up. And it will save so much time in the long run if they are on the same page as a couple regarding what they like and don’t like.

Take a step at a time...go with the paint color consultation with the SW or BM store. The consultant can also suggest color combos that the couple can work from for drapery and accessories.

I have a sorta client like this right now. I would not have taken them on as a project without a significant retainer for design development, but this was a favor to a contractor associate, because he was frustrated with dealing with her. It's his daughter. She gave me only very broad brush strokes about what she liked, and never really enthusiastically responded to any probing question or suggestion in my hour and a half interview with her asking all kinds of questions. She wants a "budget" project, but at the same time wants to swap sink and range--on a slab, and take down the wall that supports the whole second floor and contains the home's main air return. Plus a couple of other walls. Which kinda does not work with an older Colonial with 8' ceilings.

Her labor costs will not have a GC markup since her dad is handing that, but neither of us can get an idea out of her of what she actually wants to spend or DO! It's extremely frustrating to hear that she doesn't like the design that I did, because she isn't able to communicate to me effectively what she likes. She can only say that it isn't what she pictured. But she can't tell me what she pictured!

To start, take photos of the furnishings in the rooms that need painting and, as suggested above, go to a SW or BM paint store and speak to the color consultant to get ideas,

Is there anyone here who has used a decorator for a relatively small scope of work such as this? If so, how many hours did it take? Or can any the pros here can give me a guideline as to what to expect if you have experience with small jobs such as this. Assume that the industrial style has been confirmed as the general style they like for the whole house, so we're not going to have to spend hours figuring out whether they like flowered chintz (not) or MCM (not) or beachy (not).

Just so you don't have to scroll up, this is the scope of work and I've added some clarifications.

- color consult - pale neutral wall colors for the whole house. Furniture and rugs will stay. Colors for pillows, drapes, garage door, deck
- flooring type and color for some rooms - probably just replacement of carpet in upstairs hallway and staircase.
- furniture arrangement, traffic flow, art placement, storage solution suggestions (Because the house is pretty small and the furniture is not changing, there may not be much to say here.)
lighting types (ceiling lights will be replaced) and lamp placement

- referrals to trades - handyman, electrical, carpentry, painter

Partim, I totally understand what you are saying: they are very interested in having a stunning home, but being busy, have taken you up on your offer to research a designer.

How nice that your son and DIL have such a thoughtful parent such as you.

As far as hours, this is hard to predict. Take it one step at a time. I personally charge a flat fee for each room. That way, there are no worries as to additional fees. You know that the fee is going in.

Here is what I recommend:

1) Since your are assisting them, set up a a houzz ideabook (ideally one book for each room, but at least one ideabook) of photos of rooms that you think they would like.

2) Review the ideabook/s with them for final approval.

3) Look on houzz for designers in your area who have great reviews. Consider also designers from outside your area who do e-design.

4) Interview several. Here is what you are looking for

-a portfolio that evokes a great design sense.

-a good listener

- organized and explains to you the process

- someone you think that you or your son and DIL would love to work with and is trustful

-someone who works with you as a team/partner

- fee fits your budget

- outstanding client reviews

5) I recommend you start on one room and see how it goes. The first thing the designer should be doing is working with you on a floor plan (furniture arrangements). If that works out well, you can move on to the other elements.

I hope that helps.

I made a binder of rooms that I liked and another binder of rooms that I didn’t like. I showed the designer then and we talked about my room for about an hour.

I agreed to her hourly pay rate. I was very clear about the exact service that I was looking for, which was for her to come up with a plan for furniture layout , help me pick fabrics, furniture pieces, lighting and paint and I do EVERYTHING else. I purchased everything, delivered everything and found my own tradespeople.

I truly got so much more then I ever imagined! She ran with my ideas and pushed me to try things that I would have never tried. She picked the perfect paint! It was a great experience! I sent her a $100 check for Christmas the following year. I really enjoyed the experience. It’s several years later and now we are doing another room together. She was an excellent listener and tried to help me find pieces that reflected my interests. As an example we talked about my love for New Orleans and she found a New Orleans inspired chandelier that I love and it’s called, “The New Orleans”. In my bedroom I showed her a painting that I love and she designed the entire room around the painting. It’s as if she is able to perfectly interpret my wants for the space even when I can’t effectively communicate them to her (although I try).

My projects probably cost $1000 to $1500 in Design fees per room and that is reflective of the work I did which was a HUGE amount of work. When something didn’t look right it was me hauling it back to the store...sometimes several times.

We had a much more extensive wish list, but if it helps, here was our process: we went through Houzz listings here and made up an initial list of 10 possible design firms in our area. I then contacted all 10 via email with project scope & budget, and did a phone interview with those who responded, asking the exact same set of questions to each (I may still have these questions somewhere if you are interested), and taking copious notes. This process whittled the list down to three potential designers/design firms based on factors such as cost ....but also initial chemistry.

I then shared their portfolios with my hubby and asked him to rate from 1-3, while I separately did the same. We then compared and discovered we both had chosen the same designer as our #1 preference. The designer we chose has a portfolio full of sleek, modern, clean designs with sophisticated neutrals. Lesson here for you: if your son and DIL want industrial, make sure the designer has this type of design in their portfolio! Sure, a good designer can create whatever vision the client wants, but why fight an uphill battle if your vision already goes against the grain of their own preferred style, the style in which they excel the most at?

Next we invited him over for an hour consult, which did cost $, but if we hired him, would be recouped. We walked through the home with him (before we closed). We seemed to be very much on the same page with what we DIDN'T like about the place (yellow oak flooring, yellow walls, orange countertops, beige carpeting, lack of closet space, poorly designed use of space in bathrooms, dark and tiny windowless kitchen with inadequate storage, poor flow for entertaining, etc). The designer was quite tactful -- I'd ask him what he thought about something, he'd decline and ask me what *I* thought, I'd admit I HATED such and such, he'd then agree with me that it was just awful.

At the end of the hour, hubby and I thought we could get along nicely with him and his intern. Because the contract was set up such that we got reduced hourly rate anytime the intern was involved. The intern wound up doing most of the work with the senior designer supervising. We got a price break and the intern got a project for his portfolio, so it was a win-win all around.

The next step was for hubby and I to go through Houzz and build idea books. Hubby barely participated in this step, but I felt confident we were on the same overall page. This was to give the designers an idea of what we liked, and our style, which we found difficult to articulate. During the process hubby would often defer to me on decisions, but when he had a strong opinion, I deferred to him.

Get a folder from Farrow & Ball with their paint colors. Even if you end up not using their paint (it IS very expensive, but the quality is superb), SW can match most of their colors.

Designers either work on a per hour basis or on a cost plus basis. Since they will not be buying furniture etc, cost plus will not work. How many hours this will take really depends on the couple - some do a lot of chatting, some are totally indecisive or constantly change their minds. It's very hard to predict.

It's a job that will not make much money for any designer, so look for someone new/trying to become established. They're hungry for any job and will do much more than a more established designer who knows her time could be better spent on a higher paying job.

I would advise do not ouch this with a ten foot pole. Instead , offer time / money for baby sitters so they can spend time with a designer.

Pray that will be someone who can steer them to the best value added aspects of changes to their home within their budget.

Not an easy task.... But in a first home, length of stay depending and young kids considered? It's not usually the decorating ... It's improving the shell and planned flexibility in furnishings

Unfortunately , that wisdom is often found in more seasoned and more expensive designers. ... Not in order takers for a "brown house' :)

I've never worked with a designer or decorator, and my eldest child is in her early 20s, but this project gives me the heebie-jeebies.

You've received some very good advice, verging on warnings, but you still seem keen on following through. This is what I would do if I had to proceed with this, given that furniture and rugs will stay:

I agree with the paint color consultation with SW or BM store, including for the garage door and the deck. Especially when you write, "They love the look [of BM's Collingwood] ... They suggested just painting the rest of the house in the same color, but I'd like a professional eye to see if that works, particularly in a basement family room with a beige carpet."

For trade referrals, I would check Houzz or friends/family.

For all of the rest, I would consider using one of the online decor services, which as a more modern, and hands-off approach, might actually appeal to your son and his wife. If nothing else, it gets you out of the middle, which is not a bad place to be : ) .

https://www.thespruce.com/online-interior-design-services-4147517

https://www.wsj.com/articles/online-decorating-services-we-tested-three-out-1466694712

https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/online-decorator-makeover-we-tried-3-internet-design-services-to-decorate-this-rental-241478

PS Whatever happened to that third excellent decorator you hired? Any suggestions from him/her?

Not sure I can directly answer your question but will tell you my designer experience. I was nervous about spending $$$ on my kitchen/bath remodel without professional design help. I had inspiration images and samples, but needed some confirmation to get the right "look".

The designer came for 2 hours ($250/hour in high cost of living area), helped me pick paint colors for 4 rooms, finalize tile, cabinet colors, and countertops. Also gave feedback on lighting, cabinet hardware, and cabinet design. I'm really happy with how it looks, definitely captured the feel of my inspiration images. I'd done a ton of homework in advance, which helped things be more efficient.

First:

A $$$$$$ budget. For this year, and the next two years

List of changes the couple would like to make.......

List should be two separate lists, one for interior, and one for exterior

A sit down with designer.

What furniture the couple HAS and likes

What don't they have and need? ( very good mattress tops that list btw, if not on the we have it list)

A "wishbook" of images that appeal to both, Houzz is an excellent place to start.

In short, it's more than a phone, call and hand it over. They are young, they have long lives ahead. Budget, plan, in that order in conjunction with a trustworthy talent

Be very prepared for wishes to exceed budget, and hence the reason for a three year plan and accompanying budget for each of them. It's a journey, not a race. Better one or two things done well, than an attempt to have it all...

Thanks to the posters who offered concrete actionable advice, to those who warned about the interpersonal perils, and those who pointed out how this would look from the designer's point of view. It all helps and I'll keep your advice in mind! There's no rush on this project, and likely something that will be done slowly over time.

I'm not an interior designer, I do home staging & redesign. I work on projects like yours all the time. I'd love it if even half of my clients had a list of "wants" such as you described! Usually it's something vague like "I'm having trouble pulling this room together."

Additionally, most of my clients don't have a real "design style" that they can describe. I generally take my cues from what they already own, and what colors I see in their house. Because I also do Occupied Home Staging, I always start with what they have, and go from there. My clients generally don't have any real budget in mind, either, so again I get my cues from the price point of the home and what they already own.

My initial consult is two hours, and then hourly from each point on. We can get a lot done in an initial consult - paint colors, furniture suggestions/rearrangements, etc. It depends on what the client wants/needs. If they want me do to additional sourcing/shopping/styling for them, we often agree up front on a set amount of hours I will work for (i.e. 4 hours @ $x/hr), that way there are no surprises, and add on later if we need to.

I'm including a Before/After of a redesign project I did last year. I knew going in that they wanted help with their dining room and a bathroom. They ended up also wanting recommendations for new flooring for their entry/living/dining room. I sourced new flooring for them, did a whole house paint palette, and sourced new lighting for the dining room and bathroom (I also had them repurpose the old dining room light to the kitchen breakfast area). I also gave recommendations to update/upgrade their bathroom such as new faucet, mirror frame, etc.

They wanted to spend as little as possible (haha, who doesn't) so I sourced budget friendly items (example, the dining room light was only $99 at Lowes). They did the painting and lighting replacement themselves, and then hired a friend to do the flooring with them, though I could have given them paint, electrician, and flooring resources. After they were finished, I sourced a few additional accessories for the dining room (mirror and 2 lamps) and then rearranged their furniture and hung art. The lamps were only $40 each; I had two mirror choices, one more expensive than the other, and the owner chose the cheaper of the two, it was around $35 if I recall. I'd have to check my notes, but I think I did about 6 additional hours for them after the initial consult.

This is pretty standard for my redesign projects, some clients have me do more, some less. Often they just need a "roadmap" of what direction to go in. My ultimate goal is for them to have a room that they love and feel happy with, even if I think they chose the wrong mirror. ;)

@Open House. Thanks for your response. I am glad to hear that there are designers who do smaller-scope jobs. Your "after" example looks great!