I am also heartbroken. Loved his shows. Read his books. My dh teased me.. calling him my 'boyfriend'. I'm at a loss for words.

He seemed like he was in a good place with his relationship with Asia Argento after his divorce and was assisting her with her allegations against Harvey Weinstein. He looked very lean and fit recently. Yes, he has had a history of drug abuse in the past.

Really gotta wonder about prescription drugs.

Oh no. I just woke up and saw this and was hoping it was not bad news. As a family, we idolized Bourdain and often on Sundays when his show aired here, we would all race to the family room to watch together. My DD is just back from her trip to SE Asia and she was thrilled to go to one of the restaurants he featured on the show. So sad for his family and the world.

Very sad and shocking. He had a young child.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.

1-800-273-8255

Very shocked and sad to just see this on the news.

So very sad and another big loss.

My 14 year old loves his shows. This is hard.

I just read about this. I am absolutely shocked and saddened.

I am gutted. I adored the man. I just can't wrap my head around it, but I have to think he went out the way he wanted to - on his own terms, just as he seemed to do everything else. I think Tony was a light in this world -- a light who held hands with the darkness, to be sure -- but he allowed us to glimpse the person he truly was on the inside, and gave us the gift of his humanness. I'm thankful he walked among us. He was genuine. Funny. Smart. Interesting. Interested. Sexy as hell. Irreverent. You felt like you knew him, even though you didn't. I read a quote this morning that resonated with me: "If Jesus was a badass chef who smokes, did drugs at one point, ate some crazy food around the world, and was made of awesome, he'd be this guy." Now, that may be a little much for some -- and I'd imagine Tony would balk at the comparison -- but in a way, I can see it.

May he find peace and sunny beaches and excellent tequila and perfect acceptance on the other side.

Unbelievable and so very, very sad. He was such an original.

Sadly, another person with a young daughter left behind. She seemed like she was everything to him from what I read in interviews.

Devastating news. Loved Anthony Bourdain's work. And another child faces an unspeakable loss.

“If I'm an advocate for anything, it's to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. The extent to which you can walk in someone else's shoes or at least eat their food, it's a plus for everybody. Open your mind, get up off the couch, move.” -Anthony Bourdain

I've been reading the comments on his Instagram page, and the outpouring of grief and love for this man is incredible. So many are saying that he is the very reason they were inspired to attend culinary school and become chefs. I particularly like what one person wrote -- that she couldn't watch his programs initially because he seemed like a pretentious a-hole, but then she gave him a chance and found she could not STOP watching his programs ... because he was pretentious a-hole. (She said that with a tremendous fondness.) He possessed a self-assuredness that sometimes did come across as a bit arrogant, but it wasn't hard at all to see past that, to the soft core that lurked inside the weathered shell.

So many of us had a raging crush on him. I simultaneously wanted to BE him, and wanted to be HIS. How nutty is that? Ah, but that's what he brought out in people. The man left his mark, that's for sure.

I have said for years that my dream job would be a roadie for Anthony Bourdain.

I was so shocked to hear this. Food and conversation - he showed that's all it took to cross divides. He inspired me to ask my kids to take me to their favourite hole-in-the wall restaurants and they do. This will haunt me today.

When I first met DH, he was not culinary adventurous at all. Anthony Bourdain was really responsible for him opening up his horizons regarding food. We also enjoyed his books.

Graywings, being that roadie cannot be easy! Some of their locations are really challenging.

I am hesitant to say this for it is against the norm of universal sympathy expressed for suicide victims but I am angry. I am still angry over Spaulding Grey, Williams, cornel, and Spade's suicides. I am angry that parents of young children can leave a legacy of suicide for them. A child under 18 whose parent dies of suicide is very likely to die in the same manor. I am angry that the public and media very rarely express that anger is a valid response to suicide but rather make a tortured hero of the victim.

I understand it is a terminal illness and I know in my head the person who has died of suicide is ill beyond my ability to comprehend but in my heart as one who has lived through a loved one's suicide my heart holds a feeling of anger at my loved one for making me feel we were not enough or at times I even feel I was to blame.

As to feelings of blame and survivors, I am angry that people are being charged with murder for" driving "a person to suicide. I have lived with an ex's threats of suicide every time I tried to leave the emotionally abusive relationship. I am angry that the media and public were implying that Spade may have died by suicide because her husband was divorcing her rather than say maybe he needed to leave because she was so ill.

I believe we might be able to prevent more suicides, which are becoming an epidemic maybe because of the present public culture surrounding those who have died by it, by honestly saying how being a survivor of a suicide destroys lives.

I am sorry for my anger but most of all I am so sorry for the young victims left in the wake of their parents' suicides. I too will miss Bourdain but I am still raw and angry and yes very sad too.

Anthony's death has really put me in the dumps today, and I can't shake it off.

" A child under 18 whose parent dies of suicide is very likely to die in the same manor. "

That's because mental illness is hereditary, or most of it is. A large part of me thinks the three who died the past three days were bipolar. They go into a deep dark place and you'd never know it sometimes. At the time of their suicide their mind isn't thinking straight like you or I. That's the illness, they have no cognitive reasoning at all.

It's not prescription drugs causing suicides, it's the depression. Notice that both Kate and Anthony were/are addicts/alcoholics at the time of their death. That's what mentally ill people do to help them feel better. Except it doesn't.

While suicide hotlines are great, most bipolars won't call one. They usually seek help after a manic (depressive) stage which is too late for some of them.

Oakley the studies link the tramatic cause of death not the hereditary factor of depression to the increased risk. If it was just that mental illness is hereditary than the same statistical chance of committing suicide after a parent's suicide would be true of those over 18 and it is not found in the older age group. It has to do with the immature brain's ability to process what happened and why.

It is any number of factors that contribute to a person's decision to die by suicide. I definitely don't believe there are pat answers that "it happens because of x, then y." While there may be indicative statistics to quote, suicides are as individual as the people we lose to the acts. It's a highly complex issue, but I do think we grapple to make some sense of it all, because that is our human nature.

Roarah, I think your raw anger is completely understandable. Many, if not most, of us have been very close to someone who has died by suicide, and it leaves us with so many bleeding, oozing emotions. Over time, a scab may form - but it's ripped off and the wound painfully exposed each time we hear that it's happened again -- even to those we may not know.

Roarah, it's totally normal and people going through the grieving process for someone who's taken their life feel the same thing. I know I did when my best friend died by her own hand. I was so, very angry for a really long time. Heartbroken, guilty, lost, abandoned, and angry. Those feelings aren't as sharp, 12 years later, but they are still there. I've been able to come to terms with the fact that she no longer had hope for the future, that she felt her illness was a burden on her loved ones (she hid it pretty well from most and most of the time), that struggling to get through each day had exhausted her, and that the emotional abuse in her relationship ground her under its heel. I'm angry all over again but it's directed toward the abusive husband (who also hid it from most of us).

I’m heartbroken. I had a huge crush on Tony. Hours of his shows live in my DVR.

Unless one says that suicide per definition equates mental illness, one misses contributing or aggravating factors.

It's just so hard to imagine what his dark side was. He was a man that fed off the high energy of his experiences in a seemingly positive way. To me he never seemed manic with over the top highs or one who unrelentingly focused on something negative. This is such a sad story.

Louise, by not going through with your suicide plan you very likely have saved your children. I hope your incredible strength keeps pulling you through.

Thank you roarah. That was the message my oldest daughter gave me. She is now a mama to her daughter and a very very good one. Our children, they teach us. If we are willing to listen and learn.

Justerrilynn, that dark side is very frightening for the person living in that dark space. I had what looked like everything. I was fighting hard with my recovery from substance abuse, had more than six years sober (have ten years now), my children were living wonderful successful lives, all seven of them. I was just back from Ireland after visiting my parents. Within days after that trip (October '14) I was is a deep, terrible hole. And had no idea how to get out. Seriously no idea. I ended up being hospitalized twice in one week, in a lockdown facility (very scary) and ended up staying with a long time friend who had been through this with herself. She dished out my meds, fed me and housed me. It takes a while for the meds to kick in, I had done this before so I knew. No one kne this side of me. We get very good at wearing our mask. And there is such shame when we are struggling. It has been almost four years since my last hospitalization. I am only beginning to talk and write about it now.

Louise, I'm so glad you are opening up as you might help another.

I am always confused when there are seemingly no outward signs. My mother tried to end her life when I was around five. However, even as a little kid I saw signs something was wrong. She would get negative, hateful, catty and withdrawn but did have a few (maybe two) people she was kind with. This was in the 60's. In those days people thought that if they got near it, it would get on them. I can recognize mental illness with those signs as it's something my mother suffered off and on her whole life. Mostly she refused meds and professional help. After that first attempt though she did do the prescribed drugs for a year or close to two. They made her like a zombie.

Its the people who look happy that throw me for a loop. Even though I know better.

Louise, thank you for sharing. This is so important for us to hear.

Thank you for sharing your story, Louise. We get very good at wearing our masks, indeed. No one outside of a few close friends and family know my struggle with depression and anxiety and one of my children's with schizophrenia. The more we talk about it and bring it out of the darkness, the less stigma there will be around mental illness.

Like many of you, I felt like I knew Anthony Bourdain through his shows and books. He brought our world closer and I am deeply saddened over his death.

Thank you Louise for your trust and honesty. We are glad you are here. You enrich our group. And give us added perspective.

Louise, how incredibly generous of you to share your struggle with us here. As others have said, your openess is a beacon that will absolutely help others. Not everyone reading these threads writes. You have touched more people than you know with your willingness to be vulnerable.

I am grateful you were able to see your way out of such a sad and dark time in your life. I am sorry you ever felt that way.

{{{{texanjana}}}}}

Our neighbourhood is in shock. Last week a 26 year old young lady died by suicide. Although I didn't know her, she is younger than my sons, I know her parents as being a big part of our neighbourhood. Her father coached a bunch of sports teams including our sons summer soccer camps, her mom is "the day care lady" and has been such for 25 years for some of the neighbourhood kids. Their daughter was an accomplished pianist and pretty as a button with a smile that went on forever.

She suffered from depression and as her parents wrote - she chose to set her spirit free from her illness. So sad for so many.

"Your'e only as sick as your secrets" goes a saying in AA.

Louise, it took a lot of courage and strength to drop your mask and reveal yourself. The fact that Anthony's struggles were invisible is because he was so successful at covering them up.

I am humbled. Thank you all.

Jana, I have also seen some of this (depression/anxiety) in my children. That kind of pain, from that "mother place" is like none other. Sending you love, for you and your child.

@texanjana - my brother was schizophrenic and I am very open about it. He died a number of years ago from an unrelated brain aneurysm. My father was an alcoholic and I have been very open about that for years. I am one of those who firmly believe in unveiling the stigmas associated with these struggles. I wish more were able to do that. I may not suffer from them but I sure suffer as an adult child of an alcoholic.

And Louise - my thoughts are with you as you comfort and help your children. We went through some anxiety issues with my younger son when he was very young and thanks to the unbelievable caring help of a child psychologist and the support of his school teachers we were able to help him get through it.

I wish all that who struggle find peace and a caring and supportive support system.

Blfenton, I agree with you. I have two sisters who have struggled most of their lives with addiction and alcoholism, and part of the devastation is the shame and the stigma that these illnesses cause in both the victim and those who love them.

It took me a very long time to understand that my sisters are not bad, or weak, or undisciplined people and their disease is just that, not a character flaw. I had to come to the realization that, as someone said above, blaming the sufferer is like blaming a cancer victim, or a heart attack or stroke victim. It's a very very difficult emotional balance; I still find myself wishing for example that my sister would just try AA. Yet I must respect that she fights a daily battle I will never know and that she is doing the best she can to manage a terrible, chronic and life long illness. As are the famous and ordinary folks whose disease wins whenever suicide becomes the answer for them.

Addiction is a complex brain disease with a tenacious grip. I work in recovery and the human toll is incalculable. I feel so blessed to see so many people being strong and seeking help.

While I can accept that addiction is a disease, I cannot understand why there is not more time spent on preventing this disease. We know how diet and exercise contribute to physical health. Nobody expects to see an obese, sedentary smoker enjoying decades of good physical health. Equally there must be habits that could be cultivated that would help keep mental health in balance.

Rita, there are no easy answers but it's primarily that society doesn't consider addiction a disease--more like a personal indulgence or a moral failing that the addict ought to be able to shed like a winter coat in the summer. The medical profession and public health community is at fault for not providing education and prevention strategies. Unlike other chronic diseases, the stigma of addiction (and mental health disorders) still lingers.

My friend said it very well...

You can be rich, famous and surrounded by people who adore you and still feel completely alone. Bourdain seemed to have one of the fullest lives I've ever seen and seemed to love life and live it to its fullest extent and appreciate everything. Reminds me you never know the internal battle everyone is fighting to some degree. Just heartbreaking.

Having been doubly blessed, with both addiction and mental health illnesses, I can share that it is doubly hard to address them both. During my last breakdown I actually managed to hold on to my sobriety. Even my sponsor was surprised. AA has been a blessing in my life and it and the people I have met, have played a part in saving that life, on more than one occasion. The challenge for me is the isolation that happens when the depression/anxiety hits. Isolation will kill. And yet...it feels so right when the world looks so dark. There is no rationalization in dealing with either of these diseases. None. I believe that both started for me when I was very young. I found ways to cope. When I was raising my children my focus was completely on them. My psychiatrist believes this is what allowed me to function, without meds or alcohol. And, then, like all good children, they started leaving. Divorce followed not too long after. My AA birthday is March 9th, 2008. I am quite proud of that.

All of of this has been such a lesson. Some days are still difficult. Most days are ok. And a very small number of days are joyful. I think I will hang around for those once in a while joyful days.

L.

Louise, the fact that you are willing to be so transparent very well may be helping others who read your words, in ways you cannot possibly know. Thank you for that.

Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences in such a supporting and welcoming way. Louise, quite a few people very close to me are in AA and Al Anon. It has been lifesaving for them. Although the programs aren't for everyone I have seen first hand just how beneficial and supportive they can be. I find myself repeating Al Anon wisdom with disturbing frequency and I can honestly say I've never been to a meeting (but sometimes it feels like I have with all the folks around me).

http://www.marinal-anon.org/pages/welcome/quotes-and-sayings.php

The more time I spend working in recovery, the more I am convinced that everyone would benefit from many of the principles we use. Recovery is about going backward in order move forward and involves a long hard look at the journey that brought clients to this point. The group support and input is invaluable and makes people feel that they are part of a nurturing community.

One thing I have heard about recovery is that whatever hurt led you down the road of addiction, it hasn’t been worked on vey well while addiction is your coping mechanism, so it’s just waiting for you on the other side of addiction. So there’s often a lot of work and processing to do there.

Yes robo, oftentimes an addict is self-medicating to numb the intolerable pain of being alive. Most of our clients are dual-diagnosed (addiction plus mental disorder) while others have one or the other. We aim for dual-recovery, which is achievable, but can be fraught with stumbling blocks. Success means remission, not cure, and recovery is a life-long process.