That's really nice that they can meet her where she is. I know how frustrating it can be for families when loved ones change and sometimes it's difficult to avoid trying to force someone to face reality (our reality, not theirs). That says a lot about your children. Good for them.

My best friend's mother kept wanting to "go home" while she was in care, in her home. She said it just looked like her home. She was a take-charge person, so I'm sure being bedridden there made it feel very unfamiliar to her. My husband said his dad kept wanting to get up and go to work. We definitely need to come up with strategies to honor this impulse in formerly active, in-control people who in the end of their lives are resigned to immobility. My husband has had limited mobility for just three weeks after hip surgery, and he is going insane. Unfortunately, he is not a reader. My other friend says her mom is still able to take great comfort in reading although her mobility is limited. And she used to run a whole farm!

It certainly doesn't do any good to chastise and argue with someone about the difficult reality of the situation.

Pink, when my mom was living at home she often spoke of "let's go home". It's very common among persons with dementia.mOften she would get up and walk through the house collecting items to bring and tucking them into her rollator. Her caregivers and I let her do it because she wouldn't give in to distractions and arguing was just agitating for her. We just followed behind her without talking, made sure nothing fell, subtly closed doors and drawers behind her, just kept her safe. Later we'd put everything back. Mom and I would make packing lists (she was always an organized list-maker), and they were pretty bizarre. I find them in sofa cushions and drawers every now and then as I clean house.

Like your husband, my dad now has limited mobility and is not a reader, except for the paper and financials. But he also has macular degeneration which makes it hard to read. It's really bugging him. He is in skilled nursing right now, and of course would like to NOT be. His best activity is when we talk about all the repairs we are having to do with their house. He was part of the design and construction of it, so he can advise on all aspects of its workings. At least it keeps him busy.

The saddest thing for me when cleaning out my parent's house is finding one of mom's old "to do" lists or address lists, or tagged magazine pages or a clipped recipe, a list of "still want" plants for the garden, etc. . I make these kinds of lists too! That's about the only consolation.

Re your dad, I think there are resources he can eventually tap into if he wants, for readers to tape record things for him. I know my Uncle volunteered to do this for many years and I have several friends with sight issues that have taken advantage of this.

I have to laugh about your dad, as we keep a list of things my dad can "fix" at the house. Hubs doesn't quite get it, when he says, "I can do that" I say, "But that's something dad will enjoy doing." Hubs can't imagine enjoying taking the recycling to the recycling center, etc. My dad doesn't exactly "enjoy" it but it keeps his mind occupied and makes him feel useful and connected. Dad was never one to have an enjoyable hobby. Bossing people around was his hobby! (Well, that's what we joke.)

My mom had macular degeneration and found a great resource through the National Library Service for the blind (you don't have to be totally blind). I wonder if the people who weren't readers might not still enjoy some books on tape? There is something wonderful about being read to, and I often wonder if some non-readers just might be that because they aren't good readers (maybe with a learning disability that makes reading less than pleasurable)?

They provided her with a tape player and books through the mail, all for free, postage free returns. They had a wide variety of selections and it looks like they currently have books, not only on tape, but free for download. It might take some experimenting, but maybe you could find books that tap into a particular interest: someone's home town or geographical sites near them, or WWII or airplanes, etc. I don't think the books are all fiction, but of general interest topics, too. https://www.loc.gov/nls/

bp that's wonderful that your kids are so kind and able to go with the flow. It can't be easy for them seeing the changes in a loved one. One of those tough life lessons. Obviously they have good role models.

What nice boys you brought up.

That's so sweet of them! I got so upset with my Grandmother when she'd argue with my Grandfather when his Alzheimers was in the early stages. He'd make strange requests or say things that made no sense and she'd argue that he was wrong. I felt that she should just go with it, but then, she was his primary care giver and likely very frustrated.

I love that your kids are not trying to correct her, nor do they seem to be patronizing her. In her mind she's doing this specific thing and why should anyone argue with her that that is not happening? I hope my kids (or grand kids) humor me when I'm in that position!

Where would we be without humor and patience? Gotta have 'em.

My grandmother used to worry about someone leaving a baby outside when she was in her dementia years. So my little niece gave her one of her baby dolls to cuddle, and it made a huge difference in lowering her frustration level. I think she just wanted something to take care of and make her feel productive.

Baby dolls are popular at my mom's memory care, I see one woman who can become quite agitated though chair-bound and unintelligible, but she holds a baby doll and is much more content. They also have a stuffed cat that purrs that some residents like.