Parents make every decision for their kids up to and including university. It isn't any wonder these 'kids' have no ability to make decisions for themselves. (Or to put a different spin on it, that parents believe their kids need more direction than they actually do.)

I think it starts with "help me choose a feminine colour for my daughter's room" and it turns out the daughter is seven and loves green, but Mom can't admit that she can't stand having a green room in her nicely monochromatic house. So basically she's asking us how to convince her daughter that beige with Pops of Pink is really preferable to green and blue trucks.

Maybe if these kids were allowed to make these failures and victories when they are 7, 12, 17 by the time they are 26 they will have some idea of what works for them and what doesn't.

Or maybe not, I've only been parenting for 15.5 years so far so what do I know? :-D

I see a big difference between an adult child asking their parent for help with a decision that the child knows the parent to be knowledgeable in, and a parent coming to a public forum and saying "my kid bought a house and needs help redoing it."

Way too much room for a bossy mom or mil in the second scenario.

If the "kid" is an adult and interested in this advice, there is no barrier to them asking for themselves and gaining the knowledge for themselves.

I'm considered a millennial and I have never asked my mom or MIL for decorating advice nor have any of my friends. I am kind of baffled by parents decorating for their children as there is so much available information online now. I assume the kids don't really care and aren't uninterested in interior design or the parents are asking for help unbeknownst to them.

I guess I see it differently. Are there some controlling parents? Sure. Are there some controlling kids? Absolutely.
As a parent, I try and toe that fine line between helping too much and not enough... sometimes getting mixed signals about when advice is/is not needed. Sometimes it's a "I need to vent" at other times it's "I need advice."

Anyone who has figured out fool proof parenting, please let me know!

I don't buy the "kids these days!" rhetoric. What's the difference between a a parent helping an adult child furnish a home, and that same child helping his/her parent set up a new computer system? Is a parent helping a child repair a car or build a deck a bad thing? Haven't parents been helping children forever? And vice versa?

Over the holiday, one of my adult children asked me to help her furnish a new apartment. Makes sense since I know a heck of a lot more about buying furniture than she does, considering she has never done it. That same adult child returned the favor by setting up my new home music system, loading some apps on my phone, and showing me how to download movies onto my iPad. In my book it's all good.

If this bothers you enough to make a post about it, maybe you should ask yourself why...

Doesn't bother me. Just trying to understand it better.

tedbixby, I did notice the types of posts you mentioned... seemed kind of like a trend recently, and had thought about it as well. It doesn't bother me either :) It is interesting though, as are all the responses. Understanding what motivates people is kind of fascinating!

Thank you for noticing and addressing this situation...I’m a newly retired teacher...well the things I’ve seen...

If you do this design endeavor for a long time, you become keenly aware of societal trends......it is impossible not to, they stare back at you daily in clients homes.

At the upper reaches /resources of American suburbia, and more than ever before, the focus is on education but not all TYPES of education. A concentration on curriculum and extra curricular activities that will ensure entrance to a fine higher learning.

It seems a distant memory to the youngest of the boomer generation, (Mid fifties to early sixties in age ) that they themselves began life together in small homes, in ugly kitchens, that they survived with ill equipped mudrooms. Forgotten quite often, is that they are in their second, or THIRD home ! The skills they learned in childhood, and all through adulthood are not always passed on. ........simple life skills. Time, that other focus, a million reasons why. I've seen kids at seventeen, incapable of loading a dishwasher, or running a load of wash. I'll stop right there. : )

My mother was a fabric buyer with a great sense of style but not my style . IMO kids need to make mistakes and find what they love instead of being too lazy to figure it out. Our youngest son and DIL are the most traditional people I know and I am very contemporary and minimalistic so they do not ask except for advice on quality of furniture.

Maybe because I grew up in an Amish community and my mom had 6 kids and I was born before Kennedy was assassinated I see things very differently.

Some of the responses to this post are really bothersome to me.

Never heard the term "Helicopter Parenting" before. But some expert decided to coin a phrase for something that is absolutely not new. Teenagers want freedom to make their own mistakes and they know all the answers. Good parents don't want their kids to make mistakes that are going to impact the rest of their lives. "You are going to graduate from High School if I have to sit next to you at the table while you do your homework, check with your teachers and step on your neck for the next two years until you graduate." That is not bad parenting.

"I’m a newly retired teacher...well the things I’ve seen..."

My mom knew all of my teachers. If there was a concern the teacher had no problem calling my mom. My mom also had no problem bringing her concerns to the teacher. But it seems that today their is an arrogance in our school system. The experts (Teachers, administration) know what is best and parents aren't experts. Sadly 19% of high school graduates are functionally illiterate. After graduation the teachers job is done, but mom needs to make sure her kid isn't homeless.

"I, and my colleagues, felt the son should have been making the decisions." Really? You intimately know this family and the dynamics of their lives? You have walked a mile in that mother's shoes? Why are you gossiping about something that is not your concern? Maybe the son is going through a bad break up or divorce and doesn't care about anything right now and mom is pushing. Maybe she knows he needs a nice home and is doing what she can since she can't take away his pain.

"If the 'children' are old enough and qualify for a loan to purchase a home...time to cut the parental strings!" How many of these kids got a gift from mom and dad to help with the downpayment? How many parents co-signed on the loan? My parents were our biggest cheerleaders and they were there for every heartbreak and every lost job and every hurdle we had to overcome as adults until the day they died. Parental bonds are not strings that need to be cut.

I agree that there are people out there having kids that don't have good parenting skills, and there may be a few who are overly involved in their kids lives, but for the most part, I think mothers love their children and want nothing more than seeing their kids grow up to be happy, healthy, contributing members of society. They may make mistakes, but I don't know any parent who is purposefully making thier kids miserable without any reason other than to be a pain point in their child's life.

And lastly "I'm considered a millennial and I have never asked my mom or MIL for decorating advice nor have any of my friends." How sad. When my dad was struggling with the thought of retirement my mom told him to get a bucket of water, make a fist, shove it down in that bucket and pull it out. Then she said "When you are gone that is the hole you will leave in the lives of everyone but your family." She was right. You will be replaced at your workplace before your computer gets cold. Friends will come and go. All too often husband and wives don't stand the test of time. The designer you use will be your best friend as long as you are paying for his/her service. Mom would probably love if you would ask for her help or let her know that you value her opinion.

Jan, your post is interesting. It's one of the reasons I find a huge emphasis on kitchens quite amazing-- I am pretty sure we use ours more than most, and I like it to look nice (and yes, stylish), but ultimately for me, it's a utilitarian space. I also wonder what ever happened to the "starter" home. I am still surprised at some of the things my kids don't know, but I'm thankful that they seem to have gotten some of the basics down. I do think that a course in consumer finance should be mandatory in high schools everywhere. Understanding how credit works, and how it can help you achieve your goals (for example, student loans) or ruin you (for example, student loans) is critical now more than ever. I see very responsible young people and some that are very irresponsible. However, I see the same thing across all of the generations and wealth levels. I don't quite think it's a generation thing, as to a certain extent I do think we have to give young adults a chance to grow and learn.... I sure didn't know everything by the time I was 25 (still don't for that matter), and consider myself supremely fortunate to have been able to learn the hard way without any true disasters along the way.

I must say I dislike the generalizations of lazy and snowflakes to describe the younger generation-- some are I am sure, but again, some aren't, just as in all the generations that have come before. Their priorities may well be different, but I suspect most of ours were different in our twenties than they are in our forties.

Just my 25 cent opinion :)

I guess it just depends on the young people you interact with. The ones I know are perfectly capable. Several went out of their way make the holidays easier for the middle generation. My son and I together did the big meals (turkey, prime rib). Others cleaned the kitchen and packed away leftovers. My niece realized that I'd have a long drive to take my elderly parents back to their home, so she volunteered. At their place, she put all their assistive gear in place, and settled them in just as well as I would have. They're great kids.

I, too, find the negative talk about younger generations disturbing. There were people in my boomer generation who had no life skills. Guess, what, they still don't.

Jennifer, you misunderstand the term "helicopter parenting." Helicopter parenting means never letting your child fail, even though that's sometimes the best thing. It means going in and trying to bully your child's teacher into giving a better, unearned, grade even though the child did not perform to standard. It means suing the school district because your child got cut from the cheerleading squad. Or going with them to meet with their college professor to argue for a passing mark when the child did not do half of the work assigned and didn't show up more than 50% of the time. Basically, it's a failure to teach the child that actions have consequences.

As for parents posting for children, well, there are probably a few categories. I'm sure there is the occasional controlling mother or MIL who's looking for ammunition to come back and say, "See, everybody says you should do it MY way." I think this is the small minority.

Most of these are either a parent who has been asked to help with decorating and really doesn't know much about it either but wants to BE helpful - coming for help.

Or, a parent who has some basic design skills BUT - it's much easier to DO something for someone else than to teach someone HOW to do it. (I struggle with this at work. It takes more time and effort for me to slow down and teach one of my technicians to do something than it would for me to do it myself. But I make a concerted effort, because eventually, it will free up my time when she can do it without my assistance.) And sometimes the situation is that the parent can do some basic decorating, but their style is so utterly 180 degrees from their child, that they feel they need some more information to be able to BE helpful.

I love me mother dearly. Her house is lovely. But her style is not my style, and vice versa. So I bounce things off of her for my new build and most of the time get a polite approval. Mostly because she wouldn't do it that way but she understands that we are coming at things from different angles. I sometimes have better luck with Dad, who is enough of a fine carpenter to be a useful resource regarding millwork, proportions, what species of wood are stainable vs. paint grade, etc.

There CAN be a bit of a disconnect for a generation that wasn't taught practical skills, much. It isn't their fault. Many of them are rediscovering the skills that weren't in use at home, much. And quite a few have launched successful new business ventures based on those rediscovered skills. Hats off to them.

For every wet-behind-the-ears young designer who thinks her job is to buy things on One Kings Lane and have them shipped to her client - and that's it! - there is another who thrills in combing flea markets, rehabbing vintage doors, and installing them in their client's home with immense satisfaction at a complete job well done.

For every young couple who's parent is on here posting photos willy-nilly and asking for advice on their behalf, there is another couple spending every weekend working together to restore an old farmhouse and taking an egg from their chickens down to the paint store to be color matched for the kitchen cabinets. (My young office manager).

Holly, thank you for correcting my perception of Helicopter Parent. I read the short description on the internet "Helicopter parents are so named because, like helicopters, they hover overhead, overseeing their child's life." I see no problem with parents hovering over their children - kind of thier job, but it is important that our children learn that failure is a part of life and negative behavior is likely to result in negative outcomes.

Jennifer, maybe I phrased my post poorly but what meant by it is, myself as well as the other young couple's I know have remodeled and decorated their homes themselves, they have not asked their moms to do it for them.

I have and I am sure my friends have asked their parents "what do you think of this paint color, which tile do you prefer...? but this post was more alluding to parents who completely take over the task of decorating while their kids remain bystanders.

My mom has a good eye for style and design that I am lacking. She's also remodeled three houses and I'm doing this for the first time. We have some things in common: we both love to cook, we love bright colors. And our styles are also very different-she would never buy a bright green range like I just did :), she prefers colored formica counters to stone (and she makes it work) and she'll use bright colors on every wall. I have grown to know where I want her advice or support and where I don't, but I sure value having her around and healthy to give me that advice.

On the other hand, my mother and I would both drop dead at the idea of her being in charge of my remodel, or being somehow responsible for making that happen. My MIL is that way with my husband's younger brother-painting his house and installing his floors for him while she's in poor health herself-and I've seen some posts here that remind me of her a bit. Not for me, with my mom or my adult mother, but different strokes, I guess...

Interesting thread Ted. This made me smile as it reminds me of when my daughter and SIL asked me to buy them a light fixture! It was to be a Christmas present only they would choose the fixture and I would have the pleasure of paying for it! When I saw what they had chosen I nearly died! Surely my lovely daughter could not have picked out that ugly light!!! It must have been him:(!!! I know I raised her to have better taste than that! As much as it pained me ( and I told her so!) I ordered it and when I visit I try not to look at it;)! Their house, their life!

Wisdom. With age comes wisdom. Elders used to be revered for their knowledge and life experience. I am more than happy to help my 21 year old daughter with her first apartment, her first investment account, etc. Isn't that the purpose of knowledge - to pass it on?

I never overstep boundaries, as my advice is for educational purposes and not about me taking over.

I wish I had an interested mother to turn to when I needed advice, assistance, etc. I always had to figure everything out on my own.

who knows why these people are asking these questions, I know my parents were terrified of the choice we made (it was a horrific looking place I’ll be honest) and tried to block our purchase of it even after promising to help finance (loan) lol, even my MIL who’d seen some rough places in her lifetime turned white and looked like she was going to faint, but in the end things were OK

I don't think that anyone has the right to judge anyone's parenting style (except their own or that of their own parents). Otherwise you are making a lot of assumptions.

What do you guys think of a Mother and Mother in Law going out with a realtor and finding the house for their kids and the kids buying it sight unseen?

My take on this phenomenon is not that it's about helicopter parenting so much as it is about a dizzying array of choice all the more exacerbated by the advent of Houzz, Instagram, Pinterest, etc. I honestly believe that a lot of people, particularly those who are new home buyers on the younger end of the spectrum are paralyzed by the possibility of getting it wrong and yet don't have the means to hire a professional. We've all seen some pretty interesting questions on these Dilemma pages, most of which are not "right or wrong" but about one's own personal taste. So Mom becomes the sounding board for reviewing options, who then subsequently crowdsources other professional and community opinions.

It's not a coincidence that so many homes are beginning to look alike; trends amplified on Instagram become "the look" everyone goes for. (Shiplap, anyone??) It takes a confident person to defy trends. Hard to do that when everyone can instantly compare themselves to others online.

This is actually how my neice and her husband got their first home. They were relocating from Los Angeles back to the East Coast. The kids flew in, went house hunting. They asked their mom's to go along, since they had never gone house hunting before and they got a feel for how little their money would buy. They didn't find a suitable house in the few days they had to look at houses. So my sister and the MIL kept going out with the realtor and reporting back to the kids. When the right house hit the market and both moms agreed that this was the house, the kids made an offer and bought the house site unseen. It is over 100 years old and needs some work, but it is in a great neighborhood and has good bones and lots of character.

This scenario cuts both ways. When I readied my parents home for sale, my Dad walked in said "Wow. How come it never looked this good before?!?

Maybe................."because you never let me touch it?!"

I make no "clients" of relatives, unless they BEG. lol

Growing up in Middle Class my parents had the appropriate Ethan Allen pieces, art prints, etc. I thought it was all grand. When I moved out of the house and into my own place, I started shopping the resale shops, Goodwill, flea markets, etc as I couldn't afford those Ethan Allen pieces. I was brought up in a loving and supportive home but also was taught that I would learn from my actions and mistakes which gave me self confidence and self-worth. And even though I worked 60 hrs weeks, I still found the time to furnish it though it took awhile. There was no reason to rush to have it "done" and "perfect." Of course my parents would have offered advise if I asked ( I didn't and probably was the one down fall I had when I carpeted the kitchen with plush peach carpeting-lol- but that was a huge lesson I learned. Always buy washable rugs for the kitchen). To this day, my parents taste have evolved to all beige and gray with a "pop" of red and they are perfectly happy with it but for me, I need my colorful personality in my home as I'm far from being a beige person. And if they didn't allow me to figure that out yrs ago, I may not be part of the Houzz community and giving my 2 cents worth. Though I might have become an expert on Ethan Allen furniture-lol..

It's been interesting reading all the different comments on this subject. I don't have children nor that interaction experience as a parent with an adult child so I was limited to what I could draw on from my own experiences to try and understand why these Parental postings are taking place. This has been a great conversation..

Thank you (now should we talk about the younger generation not sending out thank you notes-lol)...

Well, "Please help me assist my son (or daughter) redecorate their home" sounds a heck of lot better than "I am going to completely take over my kids house because my taste is way better than theirs and I am going to veto any of their ideas if I don't like them...and I won't because I want to feel like I'm needed, again"

After all, I'm sure that adult kids know how to type a question to the Houzz community, too.

(And, yes...if you read these threads through, you can tell that it's more about the parents taste...)

This is on a current thread where the OP posted her living & dining room. She is replacing the dining table with a tulip table and is trying to figure out how to marry the traditional furniture with her modern taste. She feels that she is obligated to keep the "gift" of furniture. How timely is this???

My mother chose and purchased the living room and dining room furniture. I expressed a preference for modern but she insisted she knew better and bought this stuff without any input from me. It is high quality and pretty just not my taste. But I think there's hope if I can create a cohesive look with eclectic style art and furniture.

Tedbixby: "It's been interesting reading all the different comments on this subject. I don't have children nor that interaction experience as a parent with an adult child so I was limited to what I could draw on from my own experiences to try and understand why these Parental postings are taking place."

Maybe it is the parent or maybe it is the kid. It is hard to say. As long as they both agree to the role they take on, I do not see an issue with it.

For me and my (21 year old) daughter:

Decorating: She decorated her own apartment and I helped when she asked. Everything is her style and I kept my mouth shut when I did not care for something she chose (West Elm rug). I can respect good taste even when it is not my taste. It came together beautifully. Really, I had minimal involvement. I just reassured her.

Investing: I am more involved. I do not force her to save, but I have stressed the importance of it and made sure she set up her 401k, savings accounts, etc when she started her new job. I direct her investments while she is still learning. I have an active involvement now, but it will be fully turned over to her when she is ready for it to be. Her choice.

Wedding: I am already the designated Mom-zilla when she gets married. She says she wants nothing whatsoever to do with the planning. She said she will pick out her dress and show up that day. LOL. I think she will change her mind when the time comes.

If not, I guess there will be people judging my involvement and that's ok. As long as my daughter and I agree on it - we are good to go.

Children - She thinks I am going to be a second mom to her kids. Nope. I am going to be a grammy. That is all. :D

Your original post is thought provoking from a parental POV. My daughter and I are very close and I appreciate that she includes me in her life. I do not have a desire to take over or do things for her, but I do like that she trusts me enough to ask when she is unsure of something.

That is timely, Ted. I think the adult child needs to grow up and say, thanks ever so much, but I will be returning this, or donating all of this to Goodwill, or selling on Craigslist, etc. The adult daughter/son can make it clear she wants to buy her own stuff on his/her own dime. The thing with gifts is, they are just that. The giver is free to give what they want, and the recipient is equally free to dispose of it. :)

anna_682, I could not have said it better (except no mom-zilla for me :) I was similar to your daughter... had the wedding for the family, not for me.... would have preferred to elope :)

It would depend on who my parents were and how old my kids were. If I had a parent who had great decorating sense, and decorating wasn't my thing, then I would ask for help. Likewise I would not let young children decorate anything in my house. But if parents are getting involved with their adult children for "control" instead of design help, then that's no good for either the parent or the child.

I thought my parents had great decorating sense and at that point in my life I didn't think decorating was my thing. But if my parents had given in to "help me", my life would have gone in a different direction. I always knew they were there if I got stuck but by golly, it's amazing what happens when you have to start making your own decisions and learning on your own. Your world really opens up to new thoughts and ideas as you find that you aren't harming yourself or anyone by deciding on a purple sofa...

My 14 year old yelled " I MIGHT NOT WANT TO BE AN ENGINEER, YOU WANT THAT FOR ME - LET ME DECIDE WHEN THE TIME COMES". This made me realize that I was maybe a "bit" controlling or on my way to not letting him make his own decisions. My Christmas card to him said something about '' Follow your own dreams, etc...", and he really appreciated the card!. I feel sorry for the lady whose mom chose and purchased her furniture w/o her input - kinda sad.

Purple sofa doesn't make a big difference, but some decisions so. It's never come up for me but what if your child was contemplating putting all their assets and future commitments into an investment property. Would you speak up if you thought they are missing a key piece of information in the decision to buy, e.g. no inspection? I'd be tempted to suggest that a lawyer review the contract, rather than let them "learn on their own".

cpaul1: But if parents are getting involved with their adult children for "control" instead of design help, then that's no good for either the parent or the child

They might not realize they are controlling. They need to be told "I love you mom - but, I got this".

I thought we were talking about personal taste and decor?

Agree with Ted...and I do say so to those who are unsure (to others chagrin, I might add)...You want a purple sofa? Then I am behind you 100 percent...and will NOT try to sway you in any other direction.

I don't think it's a popular way of thinking on this forum.

When I garden for others that is exactly what I TRY to do, unless their choice might be a poor fit, if it might work I do try to give a heads up, like the maintenance it might need (if I think it’s maybe too much), or that it will flower less, or that it is extremely thorny (near a walkway) etc. I never try to impose my taste on others, just try to guide them to better but similar options (if necessary).

My parents were not able to see the potential we saw in our first place, they are extremely risk adverse (warranted sometimes) and wanted us to take a safer route in a lifestyle we did not want and would not have been suitable for us. Our house went up in value 6fold, their choice would not have.

My mom is interested in interior design (NOT a designer) and I really like her individual style. I'm happy to ask her for suggestions or for her opinion. She generally has an opinion to share with me and usually follows it up with "but you know what you like." She regularly says things like "I would never have done that but it looks so good when you did." I have learned a lot from her and she let me make my own decisions as a teen so I know what my own style is.

Some of my young kids are interested in their interior spaces, some not so much (yet?). When they are adults, I will happily share my opinions with them when they ask, and probably when they don't too. I will congratulate them on their successes and ignore their mistakes. And if they have a question I can't answer I will point them in the direction of the information they need. I will not find the answer for them.

side note: I think that is the difference between helicopter parenting and supportive parenting. The helicopter parent strongly telegraphs "you aren't capable of handling this; step out of the way and let me help you" while the supportive parent affirms "you can do this, and I can provide you with the tools you need."

" must say I dislike the generalizations of lazy and snowflakes "

Amen!

And honestly, anyone who grew up in an environment with actual real life Snow for 7 months of the year knows that snowflakes are nothing to be trifled with. Ever packed snowflakes into a rock-hard ball to hurl at the neighbour kid? Ever been that neighbour kid getting bombarded? Ever built a snow fort, let alone A HOUSE MADE OF SNOW (igloo!)?? Not to mention being pelted in the face with driving snowflakes in a snowstorm? And when they do melt, they turn into water. You know, one of the four basic needs!!

How in the world did such a beautiful, powerful object get turned into a derogatory term? (maybe the folks on hot topics could answer that.)

@lindsey, couldn’t have said it better myself. 100%.

I think there’s a lot of assumptions and defensiveness going on in these comments. I guess I interpreted Ted’s question as one asked simply out of genuine curiosity. I also interpreted the question to be in reference to the parents who are seemingly coming off as more control-driven and are the ones calling the shots vs those who are ‘assisting’ their children who have asked for assistance or where the parents have the type of relationship with their children where they bounce ideas off of each other. It’s easy to spot the difference based on the way the question is asked/worded/follow up comments.

For example, if a parent is asking a question for their child and says ‘my son/daughter doesn‘t want this or doesn’t like that so any other ideas or suggestions are appreciated’ then it’s pretty evident that the parent’s intentions aren't coming from place of control. If the parent mentions the child‘s likes/dislikes/ideas or mentions relevant discussions between the child and parent in their post, it doesn't come across like the parent is taking the reins and steering the horse but rather gathering ideas and advice to report back to the child. There’s nothing wrong with that but I think this is where this question is getting misinterpreted and it’s resulting in defensiveness.

Like lindsey (the other one) said in her first comment, there’s a big difference in a child asking their parent for help and a parent coming on a forum saying “my child bought a house and needs help redoing it”. It’s usually very clear in the post‘s wording which scenario applies.

Lindsey_9002 - You hit it spot on and interpreted my question perfectly. I have found it interesting how it has been misinterpreted and became personal to many. Heck, I even was drawn into it by adding my own story. But that is ok as this site is all about sharing.

Circling back to my question, maybe it's just a control thing, maybe the parent is so excited that their child can afford such a house (as photos posted it usually is a large home) that they want to share, maybe the parent is bored and is looking for a project, maybe the parent is excited that this house is right around the corner from their own home but the child can't get excited about it so the parent is hoping to come up with some ideas to sell the child on. These were some of the answers I thought I would get to validate what I was thinking or find that I was way off. I wasn't questioning anyone's parenting skills as I can only imagine how tough that job is. I was just curious as to why parents would post a dilemma rather than their child. I guess next one I come across I'm just going to ask the OP.

Feel free to keep chatting here as it has been enlightening..

tedbixby, now that we've been on this discussion, I'm noticing people posting for their parents and other family members! As to your original post, I didn't find that most people were getting particularly defensive... I think they just have a different parent-child relationship-- there are some parents who kick their kids to the curb at 18 (or earlier) and there are those that enable their kids to never grow up. There is a really broad spectrum when it comes to parent-child relationships.

As children grow, they have to assert their independence (often in totally non-productive ways). They reject solid advice from their parents over the approbation of their friends. Then, they get a little older and you know, a lightbulb comes on and they go, gee, my parents have my best interests at heart.
None of this means that parents are controlling (some are, I am sure) or that their young adult children are immature (some are, I am sure). With a little luck, we all get through the difficult years (you know, the ones between 12 and 24) relatively unscathed, and a positive parent-child relationship becomes better than ever.
I've worked with a lot of kids who would have been thrilled to have parents or any adult that cared at all.

Jennifer-- "What do you guys think of a Mother and Mother in Law going out with a realtor and finding the house for their kids and the kids buying it sight unseen?" I think this is FANTASTIC! :) As long as the kids agree :) I would have been thrilled if MIL had picked out my last house (husband did, I saw photos). When I did see it, I was happy with it, but would have offered a bit less as there were some things that needed to be corrected that he didn't notice. Right now we are working with a realtor who frequently works with international and long-distance clients and Facetimes them on the house walk through, and they buy sight unseen! Talk about a leap of faith!

Lindsey_9002, I worked in humane industry for 25 years and then left the humane industry to work for County Mental Health Systems and Suicide Hotline. I have seen and heard things that could make you hate humanity.

I can state unequivocally that there are some horrible human beings in this world that do horrible things to animals and horrible things to their children.

I can also tell you that for each one of those horrible human beings there are hundreds of amazing people who are working and volunteering and doing kind and selfless acts for the greater good and there are thousands who are kind and loving parents and pet owners.

I think we are inundated through mass and social media with stories of horrible human beings. I think we are far too quick to judge others based on our conditioning.

We fail to give the benefit of the doubt. We assume we know the whole story from a few lines written on a post.

My life experience tells me that there is about a 99% chance that these mothers are not mommy dearest and are actually acting out of love for their kids.

My son asked me to fix up his apartment, he is in college and didn't have time, and said he was used to living in a nice home and didn't want to live in a "college kid" place anymore. I also decorated a room for my in laws.. Hubby's parents loved it.

I think it depends on if you are taking over, or being invited to do it. And if you are decorating to your own taste and wishes or to theirs..

Jennifer, I appreciate your post! Just wanted to say, though, that I don't read any of the posts here as suggesting that the subject parents "are horrible" people, or that they aren't "acting out of love for their children." There wouldn't be much to discuss if that were the case!

@Jennifer, your post suggests that I was being judgmental and I'm not really sure how you came to that conclusion so hopefully I'm just misreading what you're saying. I never suggested these parents are malicious individuals nor did I suggest that any type of parent (even the control-driven ones) were malicious. I was simply trying to point out how I think there are a lot of commenters here who are interpreting Ted's question differently than I think it was intended and that's the reason it's leading to defensiveness (in my eyes). This is just my observation. I should probably also note that my use of the term 'defensiveness' isn't meant to be an insult or form of disrespect to anyone; it's simply my interpretation.

It also seems as if you're drawing a lot of conclusions about my worldview without any supporting evidence. I guess I'm just not really understanding where you're explanation of humanity is coming from. I sort of have to giggle. I am not naive. I do not believe everything is sunshine and rainbows in the world and I also do not believe the world is a horrible place and we're all doomed. I am very aware of the vast and broad range of personalities walking the planet.

"I think we are inundated through mass and social media with stories of horrible human beings. I think we are far too quick to judge others based on our conditioning.

We fail to give the benefit of the doubt. We assume we know the whole story from a few lines written on a post.

My life experience tells me that there is about a 99% chance that these mothers are not mommy dearest and are actually acting out of love for their kids."

I do hope that this is a general blanket statement and not directed at me individually, as you have zero insight into what influences me as well as the fact that no assumptions or judgments were made on my end. Observations are not assumptions. (*As an aside, there are some individuals that are not the type to silence their internal voice in lieu of what they're told, so mass and social media have little influence on how they're conditioned. Believe it or not, I am one of these individuals.)

I do think it's fair to say that your life experiences may influence your perception of things differently than someone with a different experience perceives the same thing. That's the thing about perceptions though - they're not based on one single thing but rather a collective set of circumstances, experiences, upbringings, beliefs, etc. that are personal to the individual perceiving them. Perceptions are not right or wrong and they're not definitive facts, which is the point I feel like you're missing here.

My 19 year old son just bought his first home. We are extremely proud of his hard work and determination, however, if I do not help my child decorate this home, he will be living like a hillbilly.