originalbestyears

Friends, I could use some help....

Bestyears
10 days ago
last modified: 10 days ago

As I've shared here recently, my eighty-year-old mother has been in a nursing home since last spring after a lengthy hospital stay left her weak and unable to take of her daily needs. My worst fear has now come true. My mother was transported to the hospital yesterday, and now we know she has COVID. As with the many examples we have all read about, this nursing home got its first case less than ten days ago, and now more than a dozen residents and another dozen workers are listed as suspected or confirmed COVID positive. When your loved one is in the most dire straits of her life, it goes against everything you hold dear to not run to them. It feels completely inhumane to be asked to stay away, knowing that she must be feeling completely vulnerable and scared to death, and is spending these horrible moments among strangers. I'm trying so hard to remain hopeful. Please send good energy, thoughts, prayers, anything you can to my sweet mom who is in the fight of her life all by herself at a hospital in Ohio.

Comments (107)

  • chickadee2_gw
    7 days ago

    If the doctor says he isn’t worried, your Mother’s test results must be coming back with decent numbers so no bells or whistles are going off. She’s probably on an IV keeping her hydrated like bbstx said. “Yup” sounds like a go away and let me sleep kind of response to me. Maybe she was in the middle of a nice dream. She’s responsive so that’s a good sign. Try to think positive thoughts to help get you through this. I’m sorry the virus has made her so sick she had to be hospitalized and I hope she gets better soon so you can relax. It’s very stressful. Maybe when your Mother is up to it, the hospital’s Social Worker can set up a FaceTime for you.



  • nini804
    7 days ago

    I am continuing to pray for your sweet mom. 🙏🌸

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  • yeonassky
    7 days ago

    So sorry you are on the roller coaster Bestyears. My thought is that a respiratory illness where you can't breathe very well might make your appetite quite diminished. As long as she is getting nutrients somehow as said by others on the thread she will stay strong enough to fight the virus. When the virus subsides her natural need to eat will probably take over. I do agree that the elderly have deeper Hills and valleys when ill it seems.

  • bpath reads banned books too
    7 days ago

    If she is receiving her nutrition in other ways, she may simply not feel the need to eat, and may not feel like eating, but is still keeping her nutrit I up. And I found with my loved ones that actual questions or statements were easier for them to answer in some fashion than "I love you" which, while nice to hear, doesn't demand a response. It is good medicine, though! (And I don't know about your mom, but mine would think "omg, if they are saying that to me I must be in bad shape." Lol)

    Many hugs to you, and listen to the doctors (thru your sister). It's hard to be far away, and it's hard to be the one who's right there, and it's used to be the one with POA, and the one without. And it's hard to be the string one. We all know. Bring it here.

  • Arapaho-Rd
    7 days ago

    I'll pray for your dear Mom.

  • mtnrdredux_gw
    7 days ago

    I have found that older people tend to have more ups and downs when they have an illness, whereas younger people, when they start to get better, they seem to stay on a straight trajectory. I have seen this in my own family and my in-laws. So try not to fret about the setback. I have also read that COVID patients sometimes have erratic recovery, too.


    I'm so sorry that you don't have better control over the situation (BTDT) and wonder too, if that may be coloring your view?


    I hope you are taking good care of yourself during this stressful time, Best, and I hope you get better news soon.



  • jojoco
    8 days ago

    I can hear the fear and worry in your writing. I am fervently hoping for good news and that your mom will rally.

    Hugs to you, Best.


  • bpath reads banned books too
    8 days ago

    (((((Best)))))

  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!
    8 days ago

    {{{{{{{{Bestyears}}}}}}}}}

  • lascatx
    8 days ago

    How long has she been sick? I've read that those who make a downturn and get sickest usually do so around 8-10 days. I'd make sure they are on the watch for that and that they don't let her get too weak. I have also read people have just woken up and been suddenly better. I hope you are just worrying because you can't be there and that she will soon be clearly on the mend. Hang in there -- but voice your concerns.


  • bbstx
    8 days ago

    Best, I’m not doctor but surely the hospital would give her hydration and nourishment. Perhaps she’s not talking because she is using all her energy to fight the virus. I want to say positive and encouraging words, because I think they are warranted. But everything I write sounds flip. Nevertheless, please don’t give up hope.

  • IdaClaire
    8 days ago

    ((((((Best))))))

  • justerrilynn
    8 days ago

    Best, I hope you are not right.

    ((((((((hugs)))))))))

  • Bestyears
    8 days ago

    Hello all,

    I'm honestly not sure what to write. My sister says, "The doctor is not worried. Says if we can just get her through the weekend, we will be okay." But my inner voice won't rest. Since that brief emergence where my mother responded on the phone to my sister and ate some pudding, applesauce and OJ, she has now withdrawn again, and has not eaten or taken sips of anything. When the nurse held the phone up for my sister this afternoon, my mother didn't respond at all to any of the "We love you so much..." comments. But eventually my sister implored her to please take her meds, and eventually she said, "Yup." But still wouldn't open her mouth for them. The nurse said he would come back again later to try. My sister feels like things are looking great. I feel like she is dying. Since May 14th, she's had just that tiny bit of food, and she was frail to start with. This doesn't look like healing to me. I'm not sure what else to say. I don't want to be right. I want to be happy and optimistic like my sister is, but I am just not there....

  • Zalco/bring back Sophie!
    8 days ago

    I hope your sweet mother is feeling better today.

  • justerrilynn
    8 days ago

    Oh I just had a feeling momma was going to improve! I hope this continues...I’m thinking it will.

  • roarah
    8 days ago

    I hope your mom is continuing to improve. Xo

  • teeda
    8 days ago
    last modified: 8 days ago

    So glad to read that your mother is doing well, Bestyears. I will continue to send prayers. I totally hear you about the challenge of dealing with elder parent issues as a sibling.

  • woodrose
    8 days ago

    Prayers continuing. Hope your Mom is doing even better than yesterday.

  • bbstx
    8 days ago

    How’s Joyce this morning? 🤞

  • cat_mom
    8 days ago

    Hoping for the best for your mom.

  • lascatx
    8 days ago

    Bestyears, I hadn't checked in for a few days so I had to read through the entire thread and was fearing/hoping the whole way. I'm so glad she is doing better and hope her recovery will be smooth --- and that you can talk to her soon. You know things are getting better when you can fuss about the siblings. ;-)


    My heart goes out to all of you dealing with parents through all of this. I miss mine, but am grateful they are not having to deal with all this in addition to the things we had.

  • lizbeth-gardener
    8 days ago

    Bestyears, Glad to hear your mom's condition is looking up. So sorry you can't be with her.

  • Olychick
    8 days ago

    Great to hear she's improving. You must be at least a little relieved.

    If the hospital has an ipad, it's very likely they have the zoom app downloaded onto it already. I'll bet someone there can figure out how to get your mom and sister on it for a visit with you. You'd just have to set it up, send the meeting # and password to your sister and they then enter it into zoom on the ipad.

    I hope something works for you!

  • jill302
    8 days ago

    So glad to hear your mom is improving. Will be sending positive thoughts and prayers. Hope this is the beginning of a remarkable recovery.

  • mtnrdredux_gw
    8 days ago

    This is great news about your Mom, Best. I'm so pleased.

  • yeonassky
    8 days ago

    I am so glad that your mother is breathing and eating on her own again. May she have continued healing.

    Maybe your sister could use her phone to record a video to send to you at least. And you could send one back to her?

  • carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b
    9 days ago

    So sorry about that news! Sending hopeful thoughts your way.

    Started to comment yesterday, but never hit submit, because I'm dealing with my frail 89 yr old mom, who is experiencing cognitive decline, in her home.

    Glad to know yours has improved a bit.

    FWIW, I am the designated health POA for my mom, and have 2 sisters in other states. It is so hard. My mom is not capable of making medical decisions at all, and I try to be very accommodating to the rest of the family's wishes, but they don't always understand just how confused she can be. She always sounds great to everybody on the phone. I did not ask for this role and at this time, with so many other stressful issues, I often feel overwhelmed by it all.

    Also FWIW, when my mom was in rehab last month, they were doing both Facetime and Google Duo with family members, Google Duo is for Android. Since I was so close, and she was usually mad at me, I let my sisters do Facetime with Mom on their iPhones. I have an Android phone.

  • Bluebell66
    9 days ago

    I'm sorry to hear your mom is sick but encouraged to know she is eating and talking today. May she continue to improve!

  • salonva
    9 days ago

    I am sorry you are dealing with this, but so happy to read she is improving. May she continue to improve each day

  • Bethpen
    9 days ago

    Bestyears, I'm sorry to hear about your mom's illness. I too will be sending good thoughts and prayers to our friend Joyce. I was happy to see she is doing better.

  • busjane
    9 days ago

    Glad your mother is doing better. It's stressful when you can't even talk to them. I've been in the situation that your sister is in - it's hard to remember to ask everything and convey everything!

    For an android phone, you can try Google Duo. There's a version for Apple also so getting connected with different devices is pretty easy.

    Also, a zoom meeting (as someone suggested already) is easy for you to set up as the host. The participants just click a link you send them to join. If you have more than one participant (say your 2 sisters), the meeting can be no longer than 40 minutes - you can immediately start another meeting but then everyone has to join that meeting. If you are having a one-on-one, you can visit for hours.

  • Funkyart
    9 days ago

    Best, so glad to hear your mother is off oxygen, able to talk and to start eating a bit. I know this must be so very hard but it has to be good to be hearing some of these positive steps. My continued wishes for all of you concerned.


  • bbstx
    9 days ago

    Bummer. Then suero’s idea to use Zoom might be the best. Perhaps it would be easier for her if you started the meeting and then she and the hospital only had to join.

  • Bestyears
    9 days ago

    Bbstx, No she has an android phone, and a Windows laptop.

  • bbstx
    9 days ago

    Best, does your sister have an Apple product? FaceTime has a new capability for conference calls. It might be easier for her and easier for the hospital than Zoom.



  • Bestyears
    9 days ago

    That’s a great thought Suero -let me look into it.

  • suero
    9 days ago

    Have you considered using Zoom for your sister and mother?

  • Bestyears
    9 days ago

    Thank you all again for the continued well wishes -I've read every one, and each one helps my heart a little bit.


    Like so many serious health conditions, there are very high moments and very low moments. I was feeling very low all night based on the doctor's information to us last night. And now this morning, the nurse said my mother is actually talking (for the first time), has eaten pudding and applesauce and OJ (first food since Thursday), and is off oxygen. So right now, I'm feeling so positive and hopeful.


    One thing that is difficult is to navigate this path with siblings. My sister, who lives locally (I'm a few states away), has Power of Medical, and the hospital has a policy whereby all information must go through just one member of the family. She's doing a great job of contacting nurses and doctors and disseminating the information to me, and then I disseminate it to our other sister. But of course there remain unanswered questions, different interpretations of the same information, just different responses and approaches I guess. Nobody needs any extra stress right now, so I'm trying really hard to navigate this peacefully, but it isn't easy. For example, I would love it if my sister could video with my mom, and the hospital has an iPad there to do that, but my sister doesn't have FaceTime, and isn't really interested in learning how to get WhatsApp which would be another way to do a video visit. My inside voice is just screaming, "Make it happen!" but .....


    Anyway, the prayers, well wishes, positive energy, good karma, etc. all seem to be working, so please keep it coming, and thank you again.




  • maire_cate
    9 days ago

    What a difficult time this is and I pray your mother improves quickly. But how reassuring to hear that she has caring medical care surrounding her.

  • czarinalex
    9 days ago

    I'm so sorry that your mom is in the hospital. Take comfort in knowing she is receiving excellent care. I pray she will be released soon.

  • martinca_gw sunset zone 24
    9 days ago

    Oh best, this so hard, but you know your mother feels your love and knows you are in her heart and mind. If it’s allowed, I loved justterilynns idea of the photos. If not, perhaps you could remember a funny family expression or short, sweet memory of cheer a health giver could pass on to her. ‘Hugs

    marti

  • robo (z6a)
    10 days ago

    I'm so sorry for your pain and fear and that of your mom. Wishing her the best possible outcome and recovery.

  • yeonassky
    10 days ago

    Tears of sadness are standing in my eyes for you and your mother. Sending healing thoughts your way. May your mother completely recover. Hugs.

  • lizzie_grow
    10 days ago

    Many healing thoughts for your Mother, Best, & for peace for you. What the both of you are experiencing is really hard. Take care.

  • allison0704
    10 days ago

    Bestyears, I am so sorry you cannot be with your mother, but I am glad you can come to this safe place. I have taken advantage of those here that lend an ear and it does help. I will keep you and your mother in my thoughts and prayers.

  • cooper8828
    10 days ago

    Sending healing thoughts to your mom, and you too.

  • nutsaboutplants
    10 days ago

    Oh Bestyears, it must be so hard not to be there with her. Praying for your mother’s recovery. hugs.

  • maddielee
    10 days ago

    Scary time, I’m sorry. Prayers for healing and strength.

  • Honu3421
    10 days ago

    Bestyears, I am so sorry to hear of your mother, Joyce's, illness and I hope she gets through this soon. I know it is difficult to not be by her side. She is lucky to have you as her daughter. I, too am the strong one in our family and sometimes I complain about the weight of it all.....but I know I wouldn't want it to be the other way around. And neither would DH. Sending healing energy to your mother and peace to you.