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Questions on Summer Funerals

6 years ago

I will have a number of funerals to attend whenever guidelines permit-- including my own father's. I am anticipating that they will start in late summer and go into Sept. For my father, the church and cemetery are in two different counties (one of which goes yellow today and the other is still red).


I typically wear a suit to a funeral but I am looking at my black and navy dresses. So a few questions:


For church services, I was raised never to wear anything sleeveless to a church (I remember a priest once calling out a parishioner for wearing a sundress!) -- but I haven't regularly attended church since I was a preteen... 45 yr ago. Should I still plan to wear something with sleeves?


I purchased this dress not too long ago-- the v is fairly deep but it otherwise covers me up. Is this appropriate for summer funeral? (this is not likely what i'd wear to my own father's funeral but others). It is a med weight jersey.. is it too covered up/too much material to look appropriate for summer?


I do have other dresses so don't hesitate to tell me, "my god, NO!" It's just very comfortable and flattering. Also, I like the 3/4 sleeves for in A/C.



Also regarding shoes regardless if I wear the dress above or not-- are sandals are appropriate for church? I am thinking I am ok as long as they are not a thong style sandal?


What about hats? For the interment (I believe I will only attend my father's interment) would you think a hat is appropriate? What about a nicer straw hat-- i.e. a little more structure than a beachy straw hat-- but still a straw hat.

Comments (29)

  • 6 years ago

    Since no one has answered this, I’m assuming it is one of the posts that didn’t appear for a while. I’d like to help, but I’m no fashion maven.


    In the South, you would roast in that dress. If you are okay with the weight, then I think the dress is fine. I can’t tell if the V is too deep or not. If you are uncomfortable, could you wear a black cami that would sort of act like a filler?


    I think simple sandals would be fine. I would not wear flip flops or anything showy. And I think the hat veers off toward the beach.


    I’m sorry you are having to deal with so many funerals, especially your father’s.

    Funkyart thanked bbstx
  • 6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    So sorry you have to be planning for these somber occasions.

    I think depends on the weather on that day. Hot and humid, then no. A cooler dry day, maybe.

    For me, I would do a shorter lighter dress. It just looks so heavy. I’m not a fan of a deep v for a funeral.

    I'm Jewish and arms are covered. But DH is Catholic and I have worn sleeveless dresses for summer wakes and funerals.

    Lets see what else “ya got..”

    ETA shoes are so so hard. I would forgive you for wearing absolutely anything that is comfortable for you.



    Funkyart thanked eld6161
  • 6 years ago

    I haven't seen black at a funeral in years in Chicago or Milwaukee, winter or summer, and I've been to many funerals for people of all ages from children to politicians in the last 30 years.

    Women are not wearing black to their husbands' funerals. Mothers are not wearing black to funerals for their children of any age. Even my very sophisticated, somewhat formal mother who I never saw without her hair and makeup done did not wear black to my dad's funeral in 1988 or my 46year old brother's in 1995. She wore pink to my dad's, and frankly I don't remember what she wore to my brother's. I didn't wear black to hers three summers ago.

    Often men are not wearing ties any more. When the mayor of my town died, his wife wore a cream suit. People still dress appropriately, though. I've never seen anything disrespectful like shorts on men or women. Black dresses.are always very popular and appropriate, but unless you live in a very formal society, black probably isn't necessary.


    Funkyart thanked sheesh
  • 6 years ago

    Well., my options are somewhat limited unless I shop for something new (and I really haven't seen anything I like-- but I am also not excited for this kind of shopping). I have other options but they're all sleeveless. I have an attractive black jumpsuit that is dressy but not formal. I have two navy dresses but they are both floral patterns.

    Eld, I think you are right about the black dress-- more about the humidity than anything. I think it would be fine if the funerals are in Sept. They may be.

    Sheesh, I do understand that funerals have become more casual--but my father would have worn a suit and tie no matter the season so I don't want to go too non-traditional.

    BBstx, yes I posted this yesterday early afternoon-- as of this evening, it hadn't posted yet. Thank you for responding and bumping it up.

  • 6 years ago

    Black sounds right for your father's funeral. There are a few religions that have rules about funeral clothing, but for the most part you should be fine in nice clothes that don't scream for attention. A lightweight jacket can cover shoulders and arms for the service. A scarf can be tucked into a neckline that is a bit too low.

    Funkyart thanked Moxie
  • 6 years ago

    The only thing I really hate to see at a funeral is something that looks like it belongs at a cocktail party, or if the wearer is young, that looks like the wearer just wandered in from clubbing. I think anything that you would wear to church/synagogue is appropriate, assuming you go to a traditional service.


    When my uncle died, one of his granddaughters wore a super short mini skirt with toweringly high heels. Granted the dress and heels were black. She would have looked better in hot pink that was more modest. Just my grumpy opinion.

    Funkyart thanked bbstx
  • 6 years ago

    Yeah, BBstx, I have the same thought-- I spent a little time looking online tonight and everything I am seeing for the season either has ruffles (nix), polka dots (nix), high low hem (nix) or bold florals (nix)..


    I'll have to go through my closet-- I likely have dresses I have forgotten about.


    And I really may be jumping the gun-- we won't have the funeral until all family can attend and who knows when that will be. The cemetery is in a county that is still solidly red.


    Thank you all!

  • 6 years ago

    I think it's a lovely dress, well suited to the occasion. I think a dressy but understated sandal is fine.

    Funkyart thanked User
  • 6 years ago

    Sorry to hear this.


    I tend to wear to a funeral what I would wear to the office, come to think of it. I have a lot of black for all seasons and I like the way I look in black so sometimes it is in fact, black. But it needn't be. I think solids are best, but I don't think prints are verboten either.


    So when I think about my office attire... never sexy, never overly frou frou, never casual. And in all weather I wear a jacket of some sort to the office, but YMMV. I think if you avoid the three nevers, that is fine.


    I wore a jacket today even tho it was nearly 80 degrees, but I wore a sleeveless tee under it. It's really a linen shirt that ties at the waist, but even in very hot weather its doable to go over a sleeveless dress.



    At my Mom's interment, I planned to wear one thing and the morning of, I realized it was at the cleaner's. I ended up wearing navy cropped pants with navy heels, a white Tee, and this wonderful spring-weight navy retro swing coat I had bought to wear on the plane for vacation. The coat has rolled up sleeves that show a bright blue lining and peach-pink piping. I carried a peach-pink bag. It made me happy. It was somber with a hint of, IDK, joie de vivre. I know my Mom would have loved it.


    I hope you and your family are hanging in there, and I hope you get to properly memorialize your father soon.

  • 6 years ago

    I'm sorry for your loss.


    That's a very nice dress. If your climate permits, it would do just fine. Dress sandals would also work. I'm also from Texas and that amount of coverage wouldn't work for the outdoor burial service.


    I prefer black for family and loved ones, and navy for those not as close, unless a specified color is requested. For my mother's cousin service, we were asked to wear yellow.


    I was raised Catholic, so no bare shoulders during Mass but perfectly fine for the burial service (as long as it's not spaghetti strap). During Spring and Summer, I usually have a sleeveless, to the knee, dress with a cardigan or bolero. That way I can remove it at the cemetery, if needed and not catch a chill inside.

    Funkyart thanked User
  • 6 years ago

    Unfortunately I have been to a number of funerals over the last few years. We lost 9 family/close friends in 2017. Just an awful year. I think what you are planning to wear is perfect, the dress is very classic.


    I will be attending a funeral for my mom once we are able to gather more than 10, I will be wearing a short sleeved dark blue dress with low heeled shoes. My mother would have been fine with the blue, she wore pink to her husband’s funeral, he loved her in pink.


    At some point we will be having a second very small graveside service at Arlington, mom will be interned with my step-father. Will need to find out if they have any specific rules.


    Funkyart thanked jill302
  • 6 years ago

    I have no recommendations responsive to your question, but I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Funkyart thanked nutsaboutplants
  • 6 years ago

    Funky and Jill, I’m so sorry to hear you each lost a parent recently and have to postpone your services. This is usually the time when the touch of a hand or a good hug is so comforting. Old habits die hard, and I think I would cringe if someone outside my safe zone got too close and hugged me right now.

    I went to a funeral in New Jersey last summer for my cousin’s husband. My husband and a male cousin were the only men in suits. It was hot. Maybe some men left sport coats in their cars, but all I saw were golf shirts and short sleeve summer shirts. Thank heavens I didn’t see shorts. Catholic service. Women pretty much wore summer colors including the widow and some were sleeveless. Basically, people dressed for the weather.

    i think your dress is very pretty and it looks really comfortable but if it were me, I’d prefer it in a shorter length for a funeral.






    Funkyart thanked chickadee2_gw
  • 6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Thank you all for your kind words and your feedback/suggestions.

    Jill, I am so sorry for your loss. I think it IS especially hard when we cannot gather for a funeral or interment. I guess everything feels "unfinished" … and it has been especially hard when surrounded by so many deaths. Four of my friends have lost parents in the last month. My BFF's father in law was moved to hospice last week and a dear aunt is fighting a malignant, inoperable tumor. It is numbing-- and yet, I am still grieving and feeling my own pain and loss. Chickadee, I think you are so right that the lack of social contact makes this all harder. I was with my mother and siblings as my father died and once since-- but Ive turned others away (partially because I am self-isolating after having been at the hospital).

    So as far as what to wear-- I will have three funerals in the coming months. Two will be attended by many of the same people. While I am not overly concerned about recycling outfits-- I do want at least two distinct outfits.

    As I suspected, I did find more black/navy options in my closet. I do still very much like the jersey dress posted above but I think many of you are right that the length is what makes it seem so heavy. I see plenty of 3/4 length sleeves for spring/summer and they do not seem so heavy because they are shorter skirts. Ankle length skirts ARE my style though so I think I may try jewelry to lighten the tone-- maybe something like this pendant.



    I am also rethinking whether I wouldn't be more comfortable in a suit or separates. That's my normal funeral attire. To that end, I purchased this top-- which will be very versatile even if I don't use it for one of the three funerals.



  • 6 years ago

    Funky, I agree with you on comfort. I would select an outfit I was comfortable in and did not have to fuss with. I personally would not wear sandals to the cemetery but would do a sling or open toe wedge. I seem to remember that you like navy and you said you have several navy pieces in your wardrobe. The blouse you posted is pretty and versatile. Perhaps an outfit of navy and white or gray with jewelry that suits the summer season. I am lusting over the necklace ensemble you pictured.

  • 6 years ago

    Actually, I am not a big fan of navy-- but I do have two navy dresses. I much prefer black..but I definitely have options in both.

    I went to order the necklace above (the pendant) and I see it's up for pre-order. Grrrr.. they've been teasing me with it for over 2 months in emails and social media and it's not even available!

  • 6 years ago

    Thanks Funky. I agree it is frustrating not being able to have the service for my mom. Just had gotten it all set-up and then the quarantine arrived.

    The necklace is very nice, quite annoying that it has such a long lead time.

    Funkyart thanked jill302
  • 6 years ago

    Funky, I do love your long black dress. Being from the south, it would be too hot for a funeralmin summer here, especially at a graveside service. But with the right ‘lightening up’ with jewelry, for an inside service with a/c, I think it would be fine. I know you will keep exploring options, and I like the white blouse under a jacket (or not).

    I love sleeveless dresses, however it was like being in the office, I get so cold inside most environments in summer and then roast outdoors. And it’s hard to find anything I liked with sleeves.

    Funkyart thanked OutsidePlaying
  • 6 years ago

    Funky, I remember you mentioned liking Anna Beck jewelry before, and so do I. Have you had any trouble with your gold pieces tarnishing? I had a chunky gold bracelet and a necklace tarnish and the company sent them back to Thailand to be redone. At least that’s what the rep said they were doing with them. It took some time to get them back. That turned me off to overspending on gold plate. Have you looked on poshmark or those other resale sites? I’ve seen pieces there.

  • 6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Chickadee, the silver on my saddle ring tarnished a bit but all my silver tarnishes in this house. I used a jewelry cloth on it and it was shiny and new. No problems with the gold-- except that it isn't as "gold-y" as my other 14k gold pieces. Did you get the yellow gold or the rose gold?


    I do like anna beck and I have a few pieces-- but I haven't really been shopping for it lately until I started getting notices of the necklace above. I did kind of fall for that one.


  • 6 years ago

    Thank you, Outside. I did order the top-- it will be useful for work even if I don't wear it to one of the funerals.

    Like you, I get cold easily -- but so do I get hot and clammy in humid weather. I am ok in heat, it's the humidity that gets to me.

    I will be talking to the church again next week but it looks like we have a long time to wait before we can safely have a full mass and burial... but I need to reconfirm that we can hold off as long as needed.

  • 6 years ago

    Yellow gold. You can‘t really buff the tiny spaces between the circles with a jewelry cloth so that’s why I called customer service.

  • 6 years ago

    That white top would be very pretty with nice black slacks and a good scarf., Funky.


    We had a graveside service for my MIL, who died Mothers’ Day night in Alabama. it was mostly close family with a few longtime friends. (Everyone practiced distancing and most wore masks.). All the women wore black or black and white and the men wore jackets and ties. Death is still a conservative business in the south, at least where attire is concerned.

    Funkyart thanked User
  • 6 years ago

    Thank you all-- as I reviewed my closet, it was clear to me that I will wear separates. I do enjoy dresses but in a much more casual setting. I have plenty of black/ivory pants and jackets … and I very much like the top I purchased.

    I think I was putting all the frustration and emotion of a delayed service -- and of the need to attend multiple funerals. I am finding grief takes me on many unexpected paths. I am sorry to have taken you all along on the emotional fashion journey but I appreciate your kind words and suggestions.

  • 6 years ago

    No worries Funky, we all "like to hear ourselves type" anyway!

    (hug)

    Funkyart thanked mtnrdredux_gw
  • 6 years ago
    last modified: 6 years ago

    Funky, I find that online shopping is a panacea; even discussing it is fun. (I don’t think of myself as a soulless consumer but I may be wrong.)

    Funkyart thanked User
  • 6 years ago

    The dress you showed is totally suitable and low sandals would be fine. It's customary to wear black if you are in the family. I keep the customs. I would wear what you have shown. Go for it.

    Funkyart thanked Yayagal
  • 3 years ago

    Spammer HU119085353?