I think it is a nice gesture.

My grandmother made afghans for everyone. That's the only thing I inherited. In some ways, that is easier because I don't have a lot of stuff to keep. I started on the family history as a teen and so I was able to get copies of a few pictures and some stories before everyone passed. I have more than everyone else. I've spent the last few years sharing what I have. I think that has brought us all closer together as a family.

While if you are giving things away this probably does not apply but if you are helping someone select and what to give away ALWAYS LOOK IN THE POCKETS. Also shake out books. It is amazing what people will stick in both.

I think it is a kindness to accept items that someone has valued enough to give to you. Even if you don't want it, it helps them move on without it on their minds...

I also want to add that something I might not have wanted 20 years ago, is far more valuable to me now that I am older, it helps me stay connected!

I think some of you don't want to accept that what you consider to be your "treasures and important keepsakes" are not seen the same way by your family members. They communicate their views by politely saying some form of "thanks but no thanks" when such items are offered.

Thoughts like "they may change their mind" or "I'll give it to them anyway, they can decide what to do with the stuff" are examples of that. Sometimes it's hard to take "no" for an answer but no is no.

Slightly off topic, but not too far. I've told several close male relatives of an age to be putting their affairs in order. If you have a collection of materials of an intimate nature, please think about disposing of it. Your daughter really does not need to find this when she cleans out your house. 😣

I suppose this could apply to females, too.

My MIL and my Mom have completely different attitudes about their stuff. MIL thought that everything she owned was a valuable antique, by virtue of the fact that it was old. Nope, sorry, if it was cheap crap when you bought it, now it's old cheap crap. She would look at an article of clothing that didn't fit her and say "But I paid $40 for that! I can't get rid of it!" When I was pregnant, and she was 73 years old, she pulled a black velvet maternity dress out of her closet. Not out of storage, not out of a guest room closet - from the small closet in her bedroom. Even ignoring the question of who would want to wear a velvet maternity dress (I can't believe I'm the only one was was always hot), why keep it for 33 years?

OTOH, my Mom was an only child, and had to deal with all of her parents' stuff. She was really good about getting rid of things she didn't need or want. 30 years ago she took a video of every room in the house, including taking dishes out of the sideboard, and sent a copy to each of her 3 kids. We each made a list of what we would like to have. There was very little overlap, and because it would be years before any distribution was made, we were able to discuss and negotiate without being emotionally charged.

20 years later, when Mom moved from a 4-bedroom house to a 2-bedroom apartment, she pulled out the lists. After she furnished the apartment with what she wanted, we were easily able to go through each room, and sort into 5 groups: one for each kid, one for donation, one to throw away. It made her move go so smoothly!

This week she is moving into a nursing home, so we're downsizing her stuff again. After identifying what she needs in her room, I pulled out the lists again, and each kid will get what they asked for. Now there are adult grandchildren in the picture, and they will each get to choose things they would like to have. But the things that are left are either decent quality, really do have sentimental value to at least some of us, or suitable for donation.

I am SO grateful to my Mom for putting a process in place years ago to make this as easy as possible for us.

Or you could just leave those sexual things right there. One of my grandmothers kept things in a chest. When she died at the bottom was a well read issue of the Kinsey Report. The sisters all confessed that they read parts of it before putting the book back. Made them realize that their mother was more than they thought she was. My mom knew what the condition of the book was when she gave it and agreed that it had been well read but did not mention where her mother acquired the book.

Books, meh, no biggie. But my dad was an avid amateur photographer with his own darkroom. Yeah, I didn't need to see those.

I highly recommend the book Swedish Death Cleaning. She addresses the issues of things you might not want your children to find...

Well, there is really nothing lewd or really that I would not want my kids to find.

Death cleaning is exactly what I am doing. I don't need a book about it. No one can do for you.

I don't have rooms and rooms of furniture , clothes, and knick knacks to pass down.

I went through my jewelry box yesterday and put into a little bag the things that I want my grand daughter to have. Another handful of stuff went "out".

I have some bolo ties with ivory pendants that were my dads. How do you get rid of things like that? What to do with them? I don't think that you can even sell them anymore. He got them when we lived in Alaska. I am going to send at least one of them out to my sister who can give it to her son, along with a box of photo slides that are mainly of her childhood.

I agree with those who point out that an item has more attachement if you actually had some involvement with it. Just because it belonged to your grandmother does not bequeath memories or sentiment if it was not a part of your life, or you didn't even really know your grandmother.

More than the parting with something is the question of what to do with it.

Do you just put it into the garbage after it having been saved for 50 years or more by you or someone? Do you put it into the garbage along with all the kitchen waste and the packaging and the used tissues, etc? That is the hardest part, rather than the actual letting it go. Letting it go where?

After years of fighting clutter and paring things down, I still have more than I want to contend with and I am looking forward to an even more streamlined life and home.

I am not inhibited about sending off stuff to other relatives. It does not go out without careful consideration as to what it's continuing value might be. My daughter would want everything but I won't let her because she tends to not be as discriminating about what she should keep or not. It does no good to ask her if she wants it or not.

It is not rooms full of stuff that I need to get rid of. It is all mainly small stuff.

The hardest part of it all is the question of what to do with it.

Do I just throw the 1940s dress in the garbage or give it to the resell shop? Finding some historical society that wants it is highly unlikely and way too much effort. Finding any of those more obscure possibilities for it's future is highly problematic.

It is hard to get rid of stuff after it has come in to your house. I have found most places where it was coming in and have stopped up those holes.

Got our stimulus money the other day and husband asked what I thought we might want to spend it on. Nothing comes to mind. I like that.....nothing. I don't want a darned thing. We are going to just use it to buy groceries for a good while.

No more stuff!!!!!

As for stripping my life bare to spare my kids the burden, I have to point out that I am doing this as much for myself as for them. I don't want to have to clean up and around it anymore. I think that it is not true for all that being surrounded by familiar things in the later years is a comfort. For some it can be a reminder that time has passed and your life has become largely of little relevance.

Those collections of things that once gave you pleasure may now be a choke hold on parts of the past that you might want to lighten up. And, keeping things because they might have some future value made a lot more sense when you were 40 years old, and not as much when you are 70.

That is why I am doing this for me and for my kids. We both benefit by my making these decisions.

I, too, want an easy care home that is not full of memories of the past. I don't want to wallow in too many memories, or too much stuff.

I found some little readers from when I was in first grade. I am almost 70 now. My mom kept them. What to do with them after all this years? It strikes me that they would make a nice decoration to take a few of these pictures and put them into frames for a child's room. Do I need to do that? NO. Does anyone I know need to do that?NO. So, do they go into the garbage after all of these years of being kept? What to do?

She kept my little baby moccasins. I put them into a large vintage canning jar and will add a couple more little things such as a birth announcement card that survived. Just a little capsule of me. The kids can do with it what they want.

I have a small collection of Little Golden Books that were mine when I was little. I took them out yesterday and culled though them. The memories were good. We never had many, if any, books in our house and I can look at these and still feel the intrigue that I felt as a child. I am going to look for some sort of containment and put them together into a small collection. These memories of my little books are good memories. There are not many things that I want memories from, but these really struck a memory nerve. I was once that little girl who believed in those illustrations and put myself in there. I stood with Jimminy Cricket as he hid in the corner of the picture. I was there with the little mouse family in the hole in the wall, and RinTinTin was my favorite dog. Eloise Wilkins was my favorite author of those books. I have a small collection of them and I really love them still. Who knew that it would be these cheap little books that give me good memories and not something that was collectible or expensive, like a set of bone china or real silver or expensive jewelry.

Paring things down and culling through them with studied consideration as to any value that they might have is the place to start. After you have culled out the least of value, putting the rest into some order and containment is the next step. Scattered junk is just junk.

There's a storage facility on a major road we often travel. The name of the place gives me the creeps: "Life Storage".

bpath -- Ach, the CLOCK! A lovely grandfather clock should be well worth repairing and *using*. My situation is different because the clock is a common 'grandmother' clock in a dinged wood case with a scratched dial. A nicer one of the same vintage is worth about $50. This one would cost $250 to repair (according to the guy in LB).

The only value to my clock is sentimental. My maternal grandfather returned home with it one day in lieu of payment for the Watkins products he sold door to door. My grandmother was 'not well pleased', money being in short supply in the early 1900s. The clock came along with my grandmother when she joined our household when I was about four. I can't remember when I didn't hear this clock ticking and sounding the half and full hours. My mother had the works cleaned a few times, and I have done it twice since inheriting it 40 years ago. I miss hearing it, but am not sure I miss it $250-worth -- or how much longer I have TO hear it!

Haha chisue, I checked out Life Storage a few years ago. We talked about the different types of things people store, whether things go in and never come out, and they told me of people who come to "visit" their stuff.

Dallasannie, do you not have a charity shop, salvation army or goodwill drop off near you? That would be one way to get items such as your early reader books back into circulation rather than into a landfill. If they are cute and vintage, an Etsy crafter might make use of it. I can tell you from experience that posting items to Craigslist is very easy. I inherited two vintage jackets with interesting embroidery on them. Put them on craigslist being totally up front that they were old and NOT in wearable condition, yet a man came over that very day to take them off my hands. His wife intended to repurpose the embroidery. In this area, I think you could advertise "grab bag" boxes of household items for free, and you'd get many takers.

Good luck as you proceed!

So, here's something I'm waffling over. My parents house has a flag pole that got a lot of use. So, there are several flags at my parents' house. Some of them are contemporary nylon flags. But some are older, 48-stars, and made of wool. Embroidered stars. One has gold fringe! But of course they are not in the best condition. Frayed, but beautiful. There's the Bennington from the '76 Bicentennial. The most recent acquisition is the flag from Dad's funeral. I feel like we have a collection going!

I'll put the nylon flags on marketplace, or donate them, since they are in good condition.

The older ones are my problem. They aren't really historical. One is probably from the 30s, another from late 40s.

I suppose I should take them to the American Legion for proper disposal. Actually I could do it myself, cutting away the union (the stars) so that it's no longer a flag, but gee, they are so cool.

Everybody, talk me into it. Or, what else can I do with an old woolen flag?

bpath, I don't see a dilemma. You can call an American Legion post, I'm not sure what that accomplishes other than what may be to some a guilt-free way of passing what's thought to be a "problem" to someone else. If this were my "problem" to deal with, I'd either toss them into the trash or put them in the bottom of bags/boxes taken to Goodwill. A flag is a flag, a shirt is a shirt.

My MIL was downsizing her apt to move into an assisted living facility. My son and his partner needed a DR table that was on offer from her. They went to look at it but it came with so many rules of what they could and could not do with it and what they had to do with it as outlined by her that they passed on it.

I would bet that there is more than one person who would like the old flags, if you posted them on craigslist, facebook marketplace, etsy, or donated them to a thrift store. Even sell them for cheap on Ebay (if that is something you do - I never have). We also have a guy who runs estate and tag sales who will take a single or few items to add to a sale, if he thinks they will sell.

“ I suppose I should take them to the American Legion for proper disposal. ”

Yes, or find a Boy Scout. Scouts have flag ceremonies often when old or damaged flags are properly burned.

Our largest Boy Scout troupe is affiliated with the American Legion, so it’s a good match.

I put things on Freecycle. Had not done it in a while, but started back up with these last few days as I have been running through things.

I can't be bothered to do Craigslist or Ebay or any of that. That is way too involved for me.

Unless there is a very accountable value to something, I would just as soon give it away. I see that many of the same people are asking for things and I imagine that some of these folks are a bit like internet flea market sellers. I don't care much. But I admit that how a person asks for it does influence me as to if I reply to them, or not.

Last I checked the resell shops were not taking donations again as of yet. Still, I think that I prefer Freecycle over Goodwill or SA.

I have a couple of vintage garments that I think I will take up the next town where a person runs a vintage clothing store. I will just give them to those folks.

Most of this stuff that I have did not really cost me in the first place, and I really don't care if I give it away.

bpathk those old flags would be great on display somewhere. I understand your problem with trying to find a place for them. Perhaps a dignified death might be the best thing to do.

My sister ended up with a lot of our brothers things when he died. He was a Viet vet and he had all of this military stuff and he had no kids. She took it to a place that they have out in the country and she make a bonfire and burned most of it. It was the most fitting thing to do with it. She burned it with dignity and honor.

I have my teddy bear from when I was very young. It is barely even holding together. I am going to give it a burial in the back yard.

Just a suggestion ask your mortuary/funeral home if they have a use for military uniforms. When I was making arrangements I noticed a uniform in the corner and asked. The information I was given was that when a vet passes away the home will place one of the collection of uniforms on display to honor the vet. The virus got in the way of my taking my husband's AF uniform to them but will later.

maifleur, I never knew about that. Our funeral home did ask if Dad was a veteran, and had a flag for us. I found his uniform later, in the front of his closet but obscured by his suits. He was just a kid in 1944, his uniform is so small! Dad is surely one of the last WWII vets, I wonder if they would want it for Korean or VN vets? I’ll ask.

As an aside, it’s so interesting to look at Dad’s high school yearbooks from the war years. To see the change from a typical teen experience, to the growing list of faculty, staff, and students joining the war effort, the in memoriam page, and student activities focused on the war and community efforts. Dad said that by the time he was a senior, very few students were planning on college, the knew they’d be called up, so college just wasn’t something they even considered. My local high school graduation was today, and I was thinking how it’s kind of a big deal how different these kids’ experience is, but really, they have it pretty good.

My husband was a AF Vietnam vet but all anyone can do is ask.

I finally got rid of an old doll my grandfather gave me when I was a child. I held onto it for so many years, hairless and all just because it was the only thing I had of him. I didn't really know him and was only around him as a baby.

My father gave my daughter a doll when she was little too. She really hates that doll, it looks a little bit like me, color hair and green eyes with bangs. lol. It is in my shrunk but am probably going to toss it too eventually. She doesn't want it. It was on display in her bedroom when she was younger but now she is just creeped out by it. It's in perfect condition so when things open up I'll take it to a second hand store.

She did take my mom's old sewing machine from the 50s even though she doesn't sew. I think it's just because it was my mom's. I asked if she was sure since she doesn't sew. I hope she doesn't lug it around all her life like I have these past 16 years and not use it.

I know my daughter won't want my stuff, and that's fine with me . She has her own taste and the last thing I want is for her to feel guilty about feeling she HAS to take it. Times has changed, People live differently know. Houses are designed differently now. Resale and consignment shops here won't even take in the "big brown furniture" - the china cabinets, the huge armoires, the dark dining room tables and chairs. They don't sell. You can't even give that stuff away on FB Marketplace anymore. After clearing out my aunt's house after she died 10 years ago, I swore a solemn oath to myself that I would NOT put my daughter through that mess. My aunt was a borderline hoarder. Who needs 20 yrs worth of Gemstone magazines? It was just a horrible experience and NO one should have to deal with that. I've been purging for years and have a LOT of empty closets and cabinets. It feels WONDERFUL. The less stuff I have to keep clean, organize and/or insure the better my quality of life and peace of mind. My things were for ME to enjoy, and that's it. No harm done if she doesn't want it. I'm not going to haunt her or make her feel guilty. But so many people do just that, though, with the dialogues of "But that was your great great grandmother's". Or, I paid THOUSANDS of dollars for that, so you HAVE to take it. You get the idea. Nope. Not gonna happen in my estate.

Perhaps you could scan your family photos and put them on a photo sharing site for all to have.

A lot of those free photo sharing sites have shut down, or gone the money route, giving people limited time to know to retrieve their photos, or pay up. I'd put them on USB drives, several copies, and send to your children. And back up elsewhere as you can.

Google Photos is great for saving photos, organizing them, editing them and sharing them.

Having old photos scanned is very expensive! I might have a small selection of some scanned and print them out. I have no desire to share then on the internet with others. The only folks who care about the newer photos are the ones who sent them to me, as I don't take many photos. The only ones who care about the growing up photos are those whose life it pertains too. I am not into sharing online. There is no point to it.

I'll message a photo of my grandchildren to my sister once in a while, but that is about it. Most people don't want to see your photos.

Delicia, you are echoing my own experiences and my own conclusions. I could not agree with you more! I had to look twice to be sure that I did not post that LOL!

Even though I am sending some little things to my grandkids and passing on the growing up photos to their parents, I am not passing down large and numerous burdensome belongings.

My daughter will hardly tell me no, so I do pass on to her only after very careful consideration. She will accumulate way too much and I don't want to contribute to that.

I have seen the reluctance of dealers to take on these things. I have seen a number of these places just go out of business, before this crisis. I have seen friends trying to sell that stuff and to be disappointed that it is only valued at a pittance. Got nice china? May as well feed the cat on it and use it. Very few want anything like that anymore. The truth is that most of that stuff was very rarely used, ever. The only monetary value to any of it is what you can get someone to pay you for it. In these times, that is not much.

bpath -- Please tell me what response you get about the flags. I have the big wool casket flag from my grandfather's funeral (1930's). I *think* DS will want it, but maybe not. DGS has taken my grandfather's army hat and a photo of his regiment to school in the past. Grandpa joined the army during the Spanish American War, primarily to get *out* of Missiouri and away from his stepmother. (His own mother died after the birth of her third son.)

dallasannie - You mentioned vintage clothing - sometimes drama depts at high schools or a theatre group in your city might want them when this craziness is over (if it's ever allowed to be over). I donated several sundresses from the 1950s from my aunt's house to the Alley Theater here in Houston. They were thrilled to get them.

Things like "Divvying Up Day" are nothing but guilt trips. It's a terrible;e thing to put your family through. They are put on the spot, in a very awkward position. Not a kind, respectful thing to do to anyone, much less one's family.

Some of the things I "let go" to the resale shop I took a picture of. That way I have the memory of the item. Works great. I can remember the item without HAVING it. win/win.

I lived in a 180 sq. ft. studio apartment (excellent neighborhood and cheap!) in the heart of Manhattan for about 25 years. I learned that space is often more valuable than whatever could be taking up that space. I kept my place feeling open and airy by making a rule that if I brought something home, something had to go. My motto is "When in doubt, throw it out." I believe it is the nature of material things to be passed along. Excess goes to shelters, thrift stores or the rubbish bin at the end of the block. When I got together with my now husband, I told him that although I never made a lot of money, the good news is that I have no debt and very little stuff. When Marie Kondo's book came out, it amazed me that people thought it was such a revolutionary concept. Truly, we're not on this planet for all that long. It's a kindness to those who will remain to leave a clean campsite.

jupidupi, yes I totally agree. It’s feels wonderful having a clean campsite. Our aim was to have no “stuff” left behind that our kids had to toss out.

Is it horrible to say I don't care about what happens to most of my stuff after I'm gone? I don't have kids, or nieces/nephews. In fact, the only things I particularly want to pass on to particular people are pieces of land. I'm not a minimalist around my home, and I like having things around that I might find useful (mostly hardware and home improvement stuff), but I'm hanging on to things for me, not to keep for other people.

I have already told my niece and step children to just hire a dumpster and start pitching. If they want to they can donate whatever. Stepson said he wants my husband's baseball stuff but it is just kink knacks. My niece said she wants my baking pans but they are so well used that when the time comes I do not expect her to take any. My stepdaughter has only mentioned my husband's ties. I have stuff but like the maybe 800 albums nothing of what I call real value that would sell for any amount that would equal the time it would take to sell it.

My dear friend and neighbor really wanted to give me something when her kids were clearing out her house for sale. However, I found it very awkward to do that, so I quickly found a little egg cooker/cup from items laid out on the table, even though I don't eat that kind of an egg; she wanted me to take something. On the other hand, a relative through marriage, but one whom my husband considered his step-mother, died several years ago and nothing was offered with which to remember her husband and her. I know this wasn't through any sort of malice, but rather because it was such an overwhelming job for their only child to clear everything out. Finally my dh asked her if we could have something small and she offered a choice of pictures. We were happy and grateful to have that.

You're my hero. I can't do it yet. Just too hard. I'm obsessed with reading those downsizing books and swedish death cleaning and I just can't do it yet.

My mother gave things away. When she had company, if they remarked on anything she had, she would offer to give it to them.

She had a lot of collectibles and nice things. She gave most of her furniture to my sister. She gave her wedding ring and jewelry to my oldest brother, and our father's guns to my youngest brother. I don't have a lot of her things, but I did get her old glass, barrel shaped flour jar and a vase she had since childhood. I told my daughter to take what she wants of my things and sell the rest. She sells on ebay, so I imagine most will go there. Lost all my furniture in the flood and still haven't replaced most of it with anything I plan to keep for any amount of time.

" just hire a dumpster and start pitching. "

Reminds me of a documentary movie I saw about sons cleaning out their mothers apartment after her death -- they stuck a dumpster in the front yard and just started pitching things out the window. She was a hoarder, though -- it took multiple dumpsters and many months.

When DH’s mother died, that’s exactly what we did - rented a dumpster and filled it more than once. She was a hoarder: she had the cardboard box that held DH’s new CB radio that he bought in 1973! Along with the usual Readers Digests, National Geographics, and everything else that walked in her door. If she had some novel, semi-valuable things we might have been interested in keeping, we didn’t find them. They were buried under the masses and when we got toward the bottom we were using scoop shovels.

Jupidupi, is your home really only 180 sq ft or is that a typo?

Ladydi, that's no typo. The apartment is 10' x almost 18'. Add on the world's tiniest bathroom (although featuring a big old bathtub on feet) and you get 180 sq ft. The ceiling, though, is 11 1/2 feet high, so that makes a big difference. It's in a tenement, built very solidly, in 1901.

I can confirm that studios can be that big or even smaller as I lived in one built about that age. Even with a bathtub although it had been boxed in that size. At just over 5 ft at that time I could lay down in it and only bend at the neck. I miss that tub.

Hot Rod You are so right. It's hard for some to admit that others might not want their stuff. I never want to put my daughter in an uncomfortable position that way. Make the hard decision. Don't burden your family with excess stuff. They'll have enough to deal with. Been there, done that, and it's NOT fun.

I am getting old and before I loose my faculties, I have started a search within my family for someone to pass my collection of family memorabilia to. It's stuff that most people would consider trash, but to a genealogist, its history and documentation. For example, one piece is a promissory note written in Tennessee in 1822 by my ancestor. Within it is the statement, I promise to pay in the money of Tennessee . . . . On another note of the same time period is written, I promise to pay James Boon ... . Another piece is a Muster Roll for a company of men in the Black Hawk War of 1832. Its the original that must have been carried by the Captain during the campaign because there are field notes scribbled on it describing when a volunteer lost a horse. That Captain was my gg-grandfather. There is a collection of promissory notes and land tax receipts. I have a few of my Dad's school books from the period of 1906 to 1914. One of those is a book of Aesop's Fables. His history book had graffiti in it that helped me unravel a few names since members of his family had a habit of referring to children by their nicknames instead of their real names. In my genealogy search, i had run across the name, Vessie. I found the connection in the schoolbook. He was Sylvester. The list goes on.

I started doing genealogy on my family after I retired and collected (preserved) most of these items from my mother. I may have found the right person to pass these to. He's my grand nephew.

jemdandy that sounds fascinating. Historical societies, museums, universities might well be interested in the original documents. Good luck to your grand nephew :-)

Jemdandy, what a wonderful treasure trove you have. Lucky grand nephew.

I don't honestly understand the fuss about people's stuff. If your descendants don't want your things then they can hire a removal company and it all goes away. Why bother sorting through things you don't want to keep in he first place? Do they think there is an unknown treasure to be found?

And if you have things people will want, why would they be buried under decades of debris? My nice things will go to my children when they become useful for them, not when I am dead. The only problem with this plan is I have a fair amount of jewelry and no daughters. Worse comes to worst my jewelry will be sold, which is fine by me. I know my most precious pieces will be treasured by my sons since they are family things, like my grandfather's signet ring, or our wedding bands which belonged to my grandparents.

I will have a few boxes of sentimental possessions, like snapshots, school things, slide rules, and baby clothes. Those are all tidy and known. One box of school things has been requested by my relative's alma mater. The notebook with the drawings they want needs some restoration, which I will take care of this year and then send deliver it to the school myself.

What is left when I depart should be tidy, well labeled and easy to sort. I come from a long line of women who ruthlessly sort through their possessions often. My husband and sons, they are pack rats, but since I am in the picture, their excess stuff is all neatly sorted and labeled. If a descendent is not interested in my husband's drawer filled with spare parts for heaven knows what, they can easily to sent on their way.