Me too. I think of you often.

House before:

house with porch removed- new color BM Kendall Charcoal with bright white trim.

Front porch this morning. I used BM Constellation as the “ haint” blue ceiling.

New lattice and brick pillars

Refinished front door and screen door ( invisible screen LOL awaiting install)

Screen porch added last Fall and yesterday my painter sprayed all the old wicker from my porch in Alabama! He did a fantastic job. The French doors are from the DR out to the porch.

I love your choice of Kendall charcoal. everything looks amazing. I admire your strength in trying to forge on. I am sure it is not easy.

C, you have been in my thoughts lately too. So happy you posted photos of your home. Love the charcoal color of the exterior. What a blessing to have these projects. I am glad you posted and wish you well going forward. It must be a monstrous hill to climb each day.

It all looks beautiful! I also like the Kendall charcoal. We are enjoying seeing some darker color exteriors here in our area too and I'm enjoying them! Forgive me, but I did not remember you moved. You are not in Alabama now?

Each person's grief is different and we deal with it differently. I think you have the right attitude.

Trail you are frequently in my thoughts as the challenges of this pandemic linger. The old adage about time healing wounds is true as far as it goes but some wounds leave us forever tender and scarred. My wish for you is peace and serenity in that wonderful oasis you are restoring. It's truly lovely in every detail.

You have been busy! Looks wonderful. Love the colors!

Every single thing about this looks perfect. That charcoal and your "haint" are amazing. Such lovely work!

So good to hear from you & to see your lovely home with its' changes! The charcoal is perfect...tempted to follow suit when we next paint! Is that your furniture that was purple? You inspire me, truly & I wish for you continued grace & healing. Life is a journey, isn't it?

((((((hugs))))))) to you Trailrunner. I admire your willingness to keep moving forward while shouldering your enormous loss. It's all you can do. Yet, so many cannot, and that's completely understandable. But I can't help but think how proud of you your son would be, and how helpful and comforting it must be to his siblings to watch you.

Thank you all for your loving understanding. I have not posted since I felt i was dragging myself and everyone around me down. No one needs anymore stress at present and there are so many people trying to stay afloat in these trying times.

Today DH contacted the Monk who leads retreats we have attended the past few years in Missouri, South of St Louis. Retreats are over for the year and were limited due to the virus. The Monk‘s assistant said Bhante would welcome DH and I to come for a few days so he can help us with our feelings and our coping. Usually one goes for 10 days of silent meditation 14 hrs a day with an evening lesson taught by Bhante and a one on one meeting daily . He is granting us this special time due to our personal situation. We are so grateful and will be going in 2 weeks.

To answer Tina and anyone else we moved to the Shenandoah Valley Dec. 2018. Our oldest son “ The Chef” lives here with our DIL and DGS. Of course after we decided to move DD in Roswell GA only 2hrs from our former home in AL had our sweet Vivi and then a year ago had DGS #2! So now they are 8 hrs away. Life is somewhat more complicated as far as visits with the pandemic but we have made it work and all of us remain healthy.

Thank you all again for such perceptive and helpful comments.

I made this fountain and garden with my rock guys help and DH support it’s still in progress . My DGS here in Lexington came up with the idea of the three meditation rocks for the three grands to sit on. He and I sit there and talk and he asks questions about his Uncle Garett whom he doesn’t remember but loves to see pictures of and talk about.

(((Trailrunner))) The house is lovely and your spirit shines, even if clouds of sorrow shadow it from time to time.

Trail, I too have been thinking about you. I can’t imagine dealing with what you are, and am glad to see you’re able to channel your energy into something that brings you some satisfaction. It all looks stupendous! Love your porch and sun room. Swoon!

Thanks for the update. Everything looks fantastic.

Hi Trail, everything is lovely and I really really love your house color.

Wow, beautiful. I would like to have my wicker painted. After seeing yours, I may do it. Think of you and Garett often. So glad you have a project and even better, grandchildren to occupy your mind.

What a pretty house!

The reno looks wonderful. Glad to see you here again.

You guys have done an excellent job, it looks so good!

“and I will go forward in my own way and not compare my grief or handling of it to anyone else.”

I’m so sorry for your loss Trailrunner, this is something I’m trying learn how to do too. Be good to yourself. (((Hugs)))

Caroline, what a blessing for you to meet with someone so special in a couple of weeks. I hope it helps you & your DH as you travel this path of grief. Don't ever feel you have to stay away from this site for fear of bringing someone down. Besides, now you have to show us your completely finished house project! I love your rock garden too & that you sit there with your GS to talk. How old is he? That sounds very special. I spent 5 months this past year living across the country with my 11-year-old DGD, being with her during her parent's difficult divorce. Our son has custody of her & her 6 year old sister. She & I spent many times lying in bed before she would go to sleep talking about what things were like when I was a kid her age. It was special & I know your talks with your GS are special too, for both of you!

Caroline, wow, the house looks marvelous. I am so glad you shared it with us. I second ded's thought on grandchildren-I have found they are the most joy-bringing little people ever!

Thank you all again for being so special. Every time I have come back to check in it has been a balm to my soul. This group has strengthened and matured over the years and I do feel a connection here as nowhere else.

Special thank you to Lizzie for calling to me. Lizzie Griffin is going to be 9 on Nov 1 ...that was my Dad's birthday as well...1909.

Lukki I am so sorry for the loss of your DH. I can't even imagine losing the center of my life for almost 50 yrs now.

Thank you .c

Trailrunner, Sorrow is not something to hide, it is painful and heavy. If it helps you to post, post away. Loss is personal but we can hold your hand. My thoughts are with you. May you find some peace during your private retreat.

Now as for your home, WOW!! I love everything you have done. I am in the process of residing my weekend old country farm shack. It has beat up old aluminum white siding with ugly green aluminum trim. I argued with a family member for years to side it in charcoal and cream trim, with a light blue porch ceiling. I lost. I am in the process of getting bids on plain white vinyl siding with white trim and windows. The porch is naked tongue and groove wood with a fir floor. I gave up.

Trail, I’m so glad that this amazing group has been able to connect with you, and to lift you up. Since my DH retired at the end of 2019, I haven’t been around here as much as I used to be, but I always read any and all “Trail posts” when I do. Your new home is so lovely and welcoming. It makes me really happy for you and yours. Please continue to keep us updated on your lovely home, and on you. As I’m sure you’ve found, you are a VERY special friend to so many of us here!

You know I love seeing all the work you’ve had done on your darling house! Did I know you had used Constellation on the porch ceiling??? One of my faves as I’m sure you recall! ☺️

I hope your retreat provides some measure of calm and peace to carry you through the end of this difficult year, and into the next year and beyond.

(((hugs)))

I love everything youv’e done, and I also am so glad to hear you’ll get to do a meditation retreat-that practice seems so valuable for you both.

Painted our house Kendall Charcoal last year and I love the color :).

I am so very happy to hear of your special retreat. The chaplain on call when my mother was dying was a Buddhist monk. I cannot begin to express my gratitude to her for the way she helped me and my mother. There was a tape recording of one of her teachers chanting she played before my mother died. The peace that surrounded us as we listened to that chanting was unbelievably powerful. I wish I could explain it, but I can't at all.

I think of you and your precious son often. I pray for you to have peace and comfort.

It is always good to hear from you, c. I'm glad you have supports to lean on in this time and a project to keep you occupied.

I am always happy to see older homes in the hands of someone who cares. It looks like you are working your usual magic. Please keep revealing.

I love the idea of each grand having their own seat at the meditation garden. I feel like I sometimes got caught up in life and didn't spend enough time noting what my kids would keep in their hearts as family traditions and how meaningful those things are to kids. I'm sure your grands will always remember those rocks with a special connection to you.

Absolutely gorgeous, Caroline. I think of you and your family often and it is so wonderful that you and DH can go on the retreat. I hope it is healing for you both. Hugs.

I really appreciate the continued supportive loving comments . Sara I would love to see the pictures of your Kendall Charcoal house ! Daisy I missed so much with my own kids and believe me I have a lot of guilt feelings about being so busy. I try so hard to make up for it now with them as adults and then also with their babies. We can only do what we can do. I hope you too will post pictures of your house. I would love to have had a black house !!

Zalco I have heard some amazing chanting when we used to go to a retreat center in West VA. There was a Monk that had the most beautiful voice I have ever heard. He had no interest in recording his chants. They were just spur of the moment when it was his turn to monitor the evening meditation.

Lynn I am so glad you and your DH are enjoying your retirement time together. Thank you for the sweet note.

hcbm if you haven't ordered the materials yet I WOULD NOT DO IT in any colors but the ones you wanted. You only live once :) Hearts to you and stick to your ideas !!

I'm sorry I can't go back and answer everyone. But believe me when I say how good my heart feels when I reread your sweet words. c

Here’s a bit :)

oh @Sara that’s beautiful! I somehow remember you posting this elsewhere??? I really wanted a yellow door! DH nixed that but I’m going to get pillows for the swing in a bright yellow. Your home is so charming. Thank you for posting. Can we see more?❤️ Oh I remember your rain chain as well... you did post before. Beautiful

Trail, the house is lovely! Great job on colors. I hope you are on your retreat, so wonderful of them to accommodate you. I will be thinking of you.

TR, so glad to hear you are powering through. And doing it so beautifully. The porch and the meditation garden are beautiful.

I wanted to mention to you that Copper Beech is going to do an online 5-day silent retreat you might want to check out:

https://www.copperbeechinstitute.org/upcoming-programs/five-night-silent-retreat-fall2020

Won't be the same, but then again, not a lot is this year, but it is an alternative to a 10-day in person.

We are just crossing into NC . We will be at DD’s babysitting till the 20th. We will then drive to MO and spend about two whole days with Bhante and then come back to VA through Kentucky stopping at a state park to camp and hike and center ourselves and return to home probably by the 25th.

thank you Annie I’ll check that out and Mnt. Saw your check in . Glad volunteering is working out.

Roofers are back and finishing up while we are on the road. The end is in sight. ❤️

Enjoy those grand babies & safe travels to you, Trail!!