Poor thing. Does it matter if it’s a flying bug or a crawling one?

I know when my daughter was little and afraid of something a doctor/relative suggested we sit with her, take her fear seriously and let her tell us why she was scared.

And then we would ask, “what do you think is the worse thing that will happen?” After she thought about it she realized that even the worse thing that could happen would not be so bad.

Oh, your poor sweet girl. My heart goes out to her, and I wish I had some concrete recommendations for you, but as one with a lifelong phobia of fish, I can only share my experience-- and I do so because I hate the thought of anyone feeling "abnormal" because of what may seem like an unfounded fear.

My fish phobia began when I was a child, after exposure to the creatures in a couple of bizarre circumstances that I won't go into. The phobia has usually manifested as a revulsion so strong that it has at times felt paralyzing. Asking someone what the worst that can happen is all well and good, in that we know these creatures can't truly harm us, but the mere thought of physically coming into contact with a fish is for me something deeply visceral, and no amount of logic changes that.

A few years ago I actually had a few therapy sessions, read a ton about overcoming my fears, and decided to tackle a sort of immersion by going to an aquarium where one is surrounded by enormous tanks. I did fairly well in the saltwater aquarium rooms, focusing on the pretty colors of the fish, but once I sat on a bench that backed up to a huge freshwater tank and had big bass and such swimming so close to me, separated by a wall of glass that in felt completely inadequate, I lost it. I sat there and blubbered like a baby, with children gaping at me as they walked by.

I was mortified and deeply disappointed at my inability to sit with the fish with anything remotely approaching comfort, but I decided immediately that this was not something I truly "needed" to "overcome". It was more a test of my meddle, and it was an epic fail when it came to fish, and ... that actually suddenly became ok to me. I began to remind myself of the myriad ways that I have proven to be brave, to be fearless, and I decided to move forward with the fish thing as just a mildly interesting thing about the whole person that I am.

So I guess I would just like to drive home the point of encouraging your daughter to focus on the many ways that SHE is fierce and strong and brave. She may eventually find whatever it takes for her to overcome her phobia, or she may not. Either way, it's ok. There's no shame in being phobic; in fact, maybe helping her to realize how many different types of phobias there actually are would be a bit of a comfort to her. Sometimes growing up with my fish phobia, I did feel like a freak. My friends couldn't understand why I refused to swim in the ocean or a lake, and I do remember wishing I wasn't the way that I was. I am sure your sweet girl wishes she didn't have to contend with her fear of insects, but she needs to know above all else that she is ok, exactly as she is.

❤

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/phobias-and-irrational-fears.htm#:~:text=It's%20important%20to%20know%20that,living%20the%20life%20you%20want.

The link above is a good overview with self-help guidance towards the end. In fact, you can probably skip the first half or more and get right to the important part.

I'm sorry that your daughter has developed a phobia and I hope she will be able to find ways of coping with it, perhaps with professional help.

daisychain,

I’m sorry you’re teen is unglued by bugs in her room. As a kid, I was never fond of surprise insect visits and remember being terrified of how those sinister looking black wasps would sometimes fall from the wood beams of a summer cottage down onto my bed. As I got older and interested in the natural world around me, I outgrew that anxiety. I can now usually take a large screw cap plastic jar, trap the insect and let it outside,

But there are a few exceptions — huge erratic mo ing stinging insects, and those near galloping European house spiders (introduced To US a long time ago.

Here is my effective solution. Someone gave me a tennis racket shaped battery operated electric “fly swatter.” It is very empowering. I sometimes have to use it on the fast moving biting spiders, and an odd, night wasp like insect that can sting like crazy. (I had tried to politely catch one in a pool filtering net and it stung me when I was trying to free it. Big painful surprise. Stung for days.

You can buy those electric swatters cheaply in spring a summer a lots of discount stores. I need a new one. Online prices, off season are higher.

You just cover the insect with it, insect flies or crawls up onto the wire mesh and, if you’ve got the “on” button pressed, gets zapped.

Meanwhile, most insects are harmless and very cool. I especially enjoy Luna moths, katydids, honeybees. All butterflies and most moths.

Maybe a summer workshop or private mini field trips with a nature enthusiast? Get her a camera with macro capabilities and she can photograph the nice guy in the garden. Lots of fun.

She should certainly not feel bad about being scared of bugs (many people are!), but it sounds like this fear might impair her ability to function.

(The problem is that while one can pretty much avoid fish, insects are everywhere. If you think you're avoiding them, you aren't paying attention.)

Is she okay with ladybugs or butterflies? They're good starter insects for most people.

I agree with Fun2.

I would look into finding a therapist that specializes with phobias. As Fori mentions, insects are everywhere.

I am guessing that her reactions have increased in severity as she has grown older?

Keep us posted.

I had a psychiatrist once as a student and we talked a lot about phobias and how to overcome them because at the time there was a creepy crawly that was ruining my life, and his response was that you have to desensitize yourself to them over a very long period of time, very slowly.

I was your daughter when I was a teen and into my twenties and I do believe sometimes rising up as a mature adult had a lot to do with it fading away, the element of dealing with life and being afraid of a moth in the car just doesn't count when you have heavy stuff to deal with.

That said, I want my creepy crawlies outside and I don't want to touch them and I want to know where they are so I can avoid them.

I don’t know about severe phobias like this and teen reactions, but I had the same thought as maire cate. What would happen if one even came at her windshield while she was driving? You know, one of those big bugs that slams your windshield and startles you. How do you desensitize someone from that at all? Especially someone with fears like your daughter‘s.

She shouldn’t feel bad about her fears certainly and I hope there is help for this. The insect world is so interesting to me. No, I don’t like one flying into or on me either, but can deal with it normally and that is what you are after.

My daughter is a Clinical Mental Health Counselor. I’m not suggesting her specifically, but these folks are very good at helping with phobias. I, too , have/had a debilitating phobia and can sympathize. With her, and with you. Working with a licensed therapist can dramatically help.

I think talking to a professional is a good idea and thanks, Lynn, for giving me the correct title if she'd like to go that route.

It also helps me to hear others personal experience with their fears. Ocotillo, you described it very well and it's good to remember that acceptance is part of the journey.

Bumblebeez, that is kind of what I was expecting to happen. I've always had a pretty strong aversion to spiders (and almost did the car crash thing myself when one dangled down from the sun visor), but I can talk logically talk myself down - more so as I've aged. She doesn't really seem able to control it.

She does seem to get a bit desensitized in the summer when their are more bugs, but then every winter, she's right back to square one.

Bigger bugs are worse, but ladybugs and butterflies also terrify her. Moths are especially bad. The bug today was so tiny, she gave me a sheepish grin as she described it (grin only came after a lot of calming and soothing).

I don't want her to feel like she has a problem, but my mommy instinct just wants to stop her from experiencing those bad feelings - if I can. And .. maybe I can't, but talking it through with her along the lines of what maddielee and ocotillo suggest, sounds like a plan and then moving on to letting her know she can talk more with a professional if she wants.

I did not want to go outside and garden for years although I did because it must be done and i love it but was on high alert all the time for snakes. It was not a good place to be.

I still am on alert and watch but not so fearfully.

The best advice a friend gave me was " so what if a snake touched you or got close? You would move on and it would be no big deal. " So mentally I brace myself for being the one in charge and that it's no big deal. But I watch....

I can have a slug on my hand now without great trauma.

Lots of everything that moves here and recently a mountain lion, yes, was captured on a night camera in my neighborhood.

a mountain lion, yes, was captured on a night camera in my neighborhood.

bumblebeez, I think fearing mountain lions is a good, healthy phobia, LOL. And I'm glad to hear that you are able to enjoy your garden again. Years ago, I read that there are microbes in soil that, when inhaled, cause the body to give off happy endorphins (not sure if i've got the science right, but general idea is there). So, maybe it is a good cycle going on helping you manage your fears.

I’m thinking you probably will want to get a therapist to help now, as when she is in college (if that is her plan) and finds a bug in her dorm room, her reaction is going to scare her roommates and neighbors.

My daughter is extremely afraid of spiders. Even daddy-long-legs.

We tried to expose thus desynthesyze her when we went to a farway corner of jungles in Costa Rica. Can't say that it helped given all the instects there tend to be twice as large. Which we didn't take into account.

She still was able to hike -but she kept being very afraid of spiders.

The only thing that helped, temporaraily-was when she babysat 3 young children, and saw a very suspiciously looking big black spider, and knew that nobody is there to help her, but she had to pretect these kids.

she, as calmly as she could, so the little kids won't get scared, moved them to the other place to sit, went and got a broom, and somehow killed the said spider. The Mother who arrived shorlly after was very grateful after she saw the dead spider which did look like it was up to no good, resembling Black widow or something.

My daughter was hysterical after, in the safety of her own home, but I bet her being able to manage the situation when she was the only responsible "adult", (it was quite a few years ago) helped. Not a lot since she still screams "SPIDER!" at the top of her lungs and describes even small ones as big, and everybody needs to run to help and get a spider out of wherever she found it. But to a degree.

I myself developed something akin to phobia to these huge..I guess they're caled palmetto bugs? while in Israel. They always frightened me and disgusted me, but at least I saw them rarely, usually crawling somewhere outside.

Now in Israel when temperatures get being high enough (84 F and higher to be precise-I researched facts about them lol) -they become capable of flying, to seek for a more comfortable environment. If one counts from the ground level-third floor where my apartmet was, was a piece of cake to them.

I can't describe you my horror-and I did have to fight them, because the thought of sharing space with them was even worse than fighting them

.I started sprayng insecticides extensively as prevention every day, to the point I think I fried my own brains. I never even read the instructions on the bottle, that prohibit such frequent use..

I still see them with my inner sight..I tried all sorts of mental techniques.

And "what the worst that can happen". And " For whom you'd agree to be covered with palmetto bugs from head to toe" (quite a few people, actually). And making them really big in my mind so we can dance together or something. And telling myself all sorts of logical things that at least they're not as big and are ouside creatures, after all, that come in by chance, and are actually pretty harmless.

I'm still very traumatized and thinking how to prepare myself for the next time I'll have to battle them.

Now if that would be any insect I'd be a very miserable person.

Even palmetto bugs who mostly live outside and are dormant or whatever through winter ..mental image of them doesn't leave me for months after. I think I didn't see them in real life since October-but sometimes I have an illusion of seeing them.

The techniques described above are good, I'm acquainted with them..I'd add it takes time, and work, better in a presence of skilled therapist.. it's not a magic wand as nothing is too.

(Pity. I'd much rather have a magic wand))

But say if one's able to get to the middle of that ladder-one's still doing better than being on the ground.

Now when I have my own kind-of-phobia, I'm much more understanding of how much does it take out of you, and how much whatever you say to yourself doesn't help, or doesn'r help enough, and how miserable it can make you, always wary of it, always on the watch, extensivelly thinking about it, being illogical, understanding it and still being illogical, etc.

Having said that, it's still a condition that can be helped, or helped to a degree, relatively easier than many others. (It doesn't make it an easy conditition, it makes some others being very difficult to treat. )

I agree about consulting with a therapist, and I would go to a therapist skilled in behavioral approach for it. And yes, I'd start now-why to continue to be very miserable, when one has hope of becoming less miserable.

Aww, poor kid. She should definitely talk to someone to help give her tools to manage this. She will probably grow out of it some. I was deathly afraid of bugs when I was a kid, albeit less severe than you describe. Then I was apartment hunting with my Mom for my first place in Philly. I opened a kitchen cabinet and saw a cockroach. I blithely shut the cabinet and said "well, those are very common in urban apartments."

Sue just made a very important and valid point: college. I still remember Emily telling me of the screaming/ crying fits that used to disrupt her freshman dorm and then her sorority house. My DD looks very feminine, and she is, but she’s also a tomboy who grew up in the mountains of Northern New Mexico and had to deal with bugs, coyotes, snakes, etc. from an early age. Anyhoo, she quickly became the go-to whenever a bug was found. Which, in retrospect, is partly what led her into counseling. Her dispatching of the said bug and then staying to talk the young woman through it. But, that said, it was also stressful and disruptive for everyone around them.

When looking for a therapist, do be sure to find someone with a lot of experience on treating phobias. I imagine this is just like making sure your surgeon has done a zillion of whatever procedure you need, experience counts.

Yes to pick an experienced therapist will help. From the experience of someone close to me, they have to be motivated, want to get over the phobia, and there will be exercises/homework from therapy to become aware of their feelings and surroundings and gradually expose themself to the stressor.

I just wanted to offer my sympathies for you and your poor daughter. If it were my daughter, I would probably look for professional assistance to help your daughter cope with this phobia as she's nearly of an age to leave the nest and of an age to be driving a car. I feel like I had a pretty healthy phobia of spiders in my youth and moving out on my own definitely helped push me to learn to "take care" of them on my own. That said, your daughter's phobia sounds much more severe than anything I ever experienced. Closer to what Ocotillo described. Thank you @User for courageously sharing. It's helpful to understand what it really feels like. I think the tough part is that one can reasonably avoid fish without complete life disruption. But one is bound to encounter insects at some point and I would want to help your daughter develop coping mechanisms so that she can comfortably move out on her own someday. I'm sure an actual therapist will be better at developing a plan, but I like the idea of coming up with proactive solutions to handle the situation.

I went to college in Sarasota and palmetto bugs thrive and spiders the size of your palm are common and my dorm room was so saturated with bug spray I should have been wearing a hazmat suit.

girl across from me put on a shirt one day and a palmetto bug ran down the sleeve interior, I still remember that vividly.

Bugs can be icky, so some "fear" or concern would not be abnormal. But it has to be in perspective. I had a bug phobia as a kid. Ended up taking entomology in college and laughed a lot internally as I dissected a cricket to learn all its internal organs and had to stare intently at the wings of a moth in order to discern the vein patterns and identify it. I was terrified of moths as a child. Friends even went so far as to tell me to take photos of myself engaging in these activities for proof. I later became a 4H judge for the insect collection section. If they only knew . . .

For me, the key was being able to control the fear reaction. Being able to function even while afraid, and take appropriate action. Hysteria never solves anything. Last week I woke up to see a spider on it's way down a web string towards my face. I was pretty upset. But I quickly recovered. That's the key. I think I got over some of these things by living with and dealing effectively with some fairly icky insect adventures. I regained some feelings of being able to cope that way. Maybe a therapist can help with that, the idea of being desensitized. Most insect encounters can be dealt with. That's the key, realizing we are bigger than them and we can live with whatever they dish out. So many insects are either neutral or beneficial. Not downplaying the negative ones, but learning to discern the difference is fairly helpful. And having a yucky encounter or ten helped me live to freak out another day. I still get creeped out but it doesn't linger . . .

I love how Floridians call them "palmetto bugs". They're still cockroaches. Cockroaches.

I do think if the kid is willing to see a professional, it's a good idea--even if it's virtual. (A Zoom session might even be easier than in person, depending on her personality.)

I agree Fori, I always thought that was incredible marketing! A Palmetto sounds like a cocktail with an umbrella in it.

I had a friend growing up who became hysterical if she saw a spider of any size or distance from her in a room. I used to think she was laying it on, but I guess not. I'm not crazy about spiders myself, but I can deal with them. I figure if they made it into my house, they can find their way out. Leave me alone, I'll leave them alone.

I once discovered a rat sitting on the top of my vertical blinds (which I never liked in the first place) in my bedroom. I kinda wished I could just run away and have someone else deal with it. But I was a new widow and had to face the situation myself. I asked a neighbor, another woman, to help, and together we got that little guy out of my bedroom. I can laugh now, but it wasn't fun at the time.

yeah they're not called Palmetto bugs over there you bet)) or here, for that matter.

but it takes a lot to type "these huge, disgusting, monstrous flyingg cockroaches".

I did notice how "Palmetto bugs" sound much more..glam? lol

I even wrote in summer a Facebook post aboout it , starting with "Palmetto bugs" specifically,making parallels with all sorts of things,. I wrote it for myself mostly so I put it under the lock.

I think I'd die if I see a rat in the house. well not die but I thought about it and there is no strategy besides of jumping on something tall and screaming.

Once a rat did run into the garage during the rain..the door was open..luckily my DH was right there with me. Chased it out.

Frankly i don't know why it was only one, and whether it was only one- as this garage is in abysmal state that's worsening, and is a constant source of aggravation for me, and I can't do nothing except get promises that are never kept,

and it's chock full of things no one will ever need and cartons and boxes and food as well and if I was a rat-I'd never leave from there. It's a rat's paradize. It does have some sort of a laser somethng to scare them away, but I think it's not fair I'm afraid of my own garage..especially as I need to do laundry there, etc.

April, you need a cat or a terrier!

...and a rental Dumpster in the driveway...

I had three cats at the time of the rat incident. I figure one of them brought it in through the cat door during the night and let it go. So most of the next day, a Sunday, the rat was in the house unbeknownst to me. Lovely.

I had the presence of mind to shut my bedroom door before exiting it. I opened the slider door and figured he'd take his leave. Nope. He was behind a dresser. One at a time, I fetched each of my cats, pointed them at the dresser, and told them to get rid of the rat. Each cat gave me a look, like "are you insane?" and strolled out of the room. Not one showed the slightest interest.

I might yes. The question is-do they need me..))

A Dumpster, on the other hand..))

I work in mental health and insect phobia (entomophobia) is a very real thing. I would suggest contacting an adolescent therapist who specializes in exposure therapy to untangle the stimulus-response relationship. Most therapist offer a free consultation to see whether it's a good fit.

My DD had a cockroach phobia which intensified as she grew older and I wish I'd taken steps to help her overcome it instead of thinking she'd just outgrow her fear.

I feel for her as I know you do. I have other phobias that are not at all rational but it doesn’t matter. When I encounter them I feel like I will die. I hope she can get help and bless you for being understanding