If you will take your feelings and emotions off your sleeve and place them safly behind good judgement and common sense,I will try and help. The only ones I berated are your builder and cabinet maker. They do not qulify as "custom" anything and you are making excuses for them. That doesn't make you a bad person,to the contrary you are simply showing compasion for them. Unfortunatly your good nature and compasion might not serve you well when dealing with contractors. I'm not suggesting you go out of your way to be a butt hole,just don't make excuses for their lack of experience and skill "UNLESS" they are doing it for free. I've seen thousands of projects through the eyes of a contrctor and an equal number through the eyes of a consumer. Based on what I learned,I mostly help both contractors and conumers write scopes of work. Depending on who you ask in my area,if they know me they will either say stir clear of him or say he's knowledable and honest. Not many mid-grounders simply because they were pleased with how their projects went or they were unable to pull the wool on me. That's alot more about me than I know about you or your project but you should have some idea whether my advice has been previously tested. It is long satnding common knowledge that major remodels and new home builds can be very trying,even to the extent spouses sometimes suffer damage to their relations. You are piling w-a-y too much wood on the fire by trying to become knowledgable enough to guide the cabinet maker. "He is patient and hardworking, and I’m sure he is competent enough to make what I ask for if I give him the right tools to succeed". IT CAN NOT BE DONE. Bless you heart for trying but the truth is it isn't neccessary. To become profecient in building cabinets require's many times over the training as it does to become a profecient hair styliest/barber. A barber/styliest can carry the tools of their trade on the passenger seat of their car. It require's a huge trailer to carry a cabinet maker's tools. Do you believe that if the finest styliest in the world talked wimaterth you on the net,it would be possible for you to learn hair well enough to turn right around and teach someone else? Of course not,and the same is true for building and finishing cabinets. What you can do is grab a friend,neighbor or co-workr by the arm and tell the styliest "do mine like this". Easy peasy and the same is true for these cabinets. It's easier done with multiple steps. STEP ONE Every bit of this should have already taken place in your contractors office or your livingroom but since you are saddled with the leg work,cabinet maker must agree to purchase finish at your chosen paint dealer. Don't even think of stains that are supposed to make wood look like some other wood,you sample must be raw or clear coated. Your sample might be a door,drawer off something or a piece of material from a hardwood dealer. Choose the wood you like and procure a piece at least 4-8" wide x 6-12" long,the bigger the better. If it's finished AND has the desiriable appearance,you're in luck. If it's finished and look's great with exception of sheen/gloss,take it to a dealer and have them show samples of their product(s) in various sheens. If wood is raw,dealer will help choose product and apply it to your sample for your appnroval. The dealer will furnish written #s for the product. Step TWO Choose style of cabinet,hinges and pulls. Style can be from pictures but hinges and pulls require #s that denote color. Label wood,finish notes,pulls,hinges and everything individually as exibit A,exibit B, C D E, hand to cabinet maker. I might suggest a letter with straightforth description of what you expect.

I firmly blieve everything above is well within capabilitis of any homeowner but I would consider it a benifit to all of us hearing opinions any have to offer,ESPECIALLY OP. If op persure's this avanue,win or lose it would be a service to others knowing if and how it jumped tracks or made process smoother.