I'm learning that solid wood cabinet fronts will last longer and look better with heavy use, as paint can ding/change color/wear with oily fingers/use over time.

I spec custom cabinets a lot, and most of my cabinetmakers will use wood veneer over maple cabinet boxes. Also, if the cabinetmaker has a finisher with a spray booth for painting instead of painting on site, the painted finish will be resistant to chipping and last a very long time.

Since you are concerned about dings, inset is not a good choice. With overlay, all the dings from a missed plate or overloaded spatula drawer that end up on the edges of an opening are covered by the door.

You are going more modern with the rest of the house, so you have a good excuse to not do (traditional) inset cabinetry. Satisfy the need for classic inset with some beautiful furniture pieces--with inset doors--instead.

I had a lot of the same thoughts regarding longevity and decided to do unpainted quarter sawn white oak for all the cabs. Painting solid wood cabs is a bad idea because the wood will expand and contract (better to use MDF), but overall I believe stained wood, unpainted, will look nice longer than painted... In my current house the stained oak doors still look fine and are 40 years old.

if you want to do 2 different countertops it would be more cohesive to do only one color cabinet anyway so just go with white oak.

I love inset but as far as I know there's no benefit other than aesthetic.

I'll second the unrealistic cabinet allowance statement! We have a lot of cabinets and built-ins in our custom build and our builder estimated $64K. It seemed low to me, but we moved from a HCOL area to a lower COL area. When the actual quote came in from the cabinet company it was $140K. It also didn't help that covid happened between the estimate and the final quote. No going back at that point and you just keep writing those checks!

I have inset in my current kitchen but went with frameless full-overlay in the current remodel. They're both great in their own ways. I will say that you lose some storage space with the inset and +1 on the ding issue (ask me how I know). There's a lot of info here if you know how to search, about the pros/cons of inset, partial overlay and frameless.

As far as mixing styles...I don't think what you have in the vanity has to match what you have in the kitchen. In fact I think it is a little more fun to move between spaces when each one has its own feel! But YMMV - the only one who really sees the house as a whole is you and the family. Guests only see what you want them to :)

spend the money and do the white oak. it's a good long term investment and will always look good.

you can save a bit by doing a full overlay instead of inset.

do your navy island. with full drawers.

the amish did these in red oak. full overlay

here's your oak inset, farmhouse style

inset rift sawn white oak

white oak w/ white uppers? love all the drawers on the bottom

depending on the layout, maybe you could do it like this

quarter sawn^

or what about this? white uppers, oak lowers, (overlay) and a painted island. in this case, it's green, but blue would also work. This is very pretty

Rift Sawn white oak will cost a lot more.

I love these islands that look like furniture, especially for farmhouse style

or, save some money on the island w/the navy paint and a butcher block top.

@Beth H. : LOVE these — thr fourth photo from the top is actually the way im leaning. its called a modified inset. we hope to be in thr house for 20+ years and i want to invest in something that will last. i LOVE the white oak!!

@User we have a builder rebuilding on our existing lot. the budget is my own imposed on the project. we sre building a 3 story house (basement and main and second), in SLC.