I would send flowers. I don't think it would be wrong not to, but since your children are friends with his children, then it seems like a small thing to do which could covey comfort at a difficult time.

I would do flowers and a card. I order flower arrangements pretty often and will say I was shocked by the price when I ordered a funeral arrangement about 18 months ago. I can't even imagine what the price would be now.

Absolutely send the flowers.

If no alternative way of honoring the deceased is in the obituary, flowers would be appropriate.

I would also suggest to my child to send a card to their friends.

Assuming it would not offend your cousin (families can be tricky), I would send flowers. And for your very reason--it's for the kids, who lost a parent.

eta, a plant, if you have the option, in case the kids are into them. I still have plants from my father's funeral 3.5 years ago.

I would send flowers, they are never wrong at such times. And i would also have your kids send flowers to their cousins.

I agree, send flowers or a memorial donation in his memory. Or both.

I would send flowers and encourage your children to send notes of sympathy. I see you said its a cousin not sibling, but when my sisters ex passed away without warning after a long and contentious divorce (10 years after), I called her young adult children and talked to them both.

Yes, I didn't want to get into details, but it is tricky and messy. And I really barely knew the person, and there were issues, but the kids are lovely.

My kids are sending cards. Our family will send flowers to the service (if I find out there is one). The kids wanted to send flowers to the kids at their home as well; haven't heard of that?

Mtn, I think the gesture of flowers to the children is a special idea and it could be meaningful. When DH unexpectedly lost a brother, there were flowers already on our porch when we arrived home from the hospital. Timing just a handful of hours, high school friend on the other side of the country - news can travel fast from a small community. Its been almost 15 years and he still thinks of his friend with love and appreciation even though seeing him only once every few years.

My view is the same, and the flowers (and cards of course) are for the ones grieving. In this case they are the kids who are close to your kids.

As to sending a bouquet or plant to the home, sometimes here in the south it is done instead of sending to the funeral service. Or sometimes both. I see nothing wrong with it all, just maybe a scaled down bouquet in remembrance.

Your kids are becoming independent adults hence their desire to send flowers to the kids. I would let them do it and be proud of their thoughtfulness.

Send flowers in your kids names to the house. The kids of the ex won't notice who sent what at the funeral. They will definitely be touched by the gesture. Who cares about protocol--I think your kids had a brillant idea.

In Mtn's op, it's referenced that there may not be many flowers at the service itself. So, if there indeed ends up being a service, I would send something to the service. I know that seems "just for show" but the kids might be sensitive to a lack of flowers. Not sure--I think you'd have a feel for this, Mtn, since you mentioned it.

I would send flowers and/or contribute to a memorial in his memory.

In my experience, (family, social circle, church, etc.) it is most common for people to send cards to the grieving and to make donations (usually to a charity chosen by the deceased or their family) "in lieu" of flowers. While there have always been a beautiful bouquet or two on the altar, it was only at an East Coast funeral where I saw dozens and dozens of bouquets in the church. In your case, I wonder if the "kids" of the deceased would even be sensitive to the number of flowers...I know mine wouldn't give it a thought.

I love the idea of your kids sending them directly to their (second?) cousins. It seems like a more personal message of love and concern.

When my father passed away, a number of friends sent (or dropped by) flowers to our home. I loved it. It was not only thoughtful, but the arrangements were more suited to a house (than an altar) and there was no transporting required!

Interesting, I still see a lot of (too many?) flowers at funerals, though people do usually request donations instead (no word on any of this yet).

ALl very helpful.

I think it would be most meaningful to the ex's kids if your kids sent a personal note. If they want, also send a floral, plant or memorial. I still have a plant (Hoya) that was part of a mixed arrangement that was sent when a loved one passed.

We were very touched by the flowers sent by friends and relatives after my mom passed. A couple of the arrangements contained live plants, which we still have. They make a nice memorial.

Agree with flowers. Overall, I have been much more likely to donate to the deceased favorite cause. The last few years when attending services it seemed as though very few people sent flowers and the church looked so sad. I think I will be sending flowers in the future.

When my Dad passed away, years ago, the flowers were incredibly beautiful. They were from a local florist that we all knew well. They did a very organic, colorful, loose, english country garden type thing. My father adored flowers so it was fitting. They were like nothing i have ever seen, before or since, at a funeral.

I also recall that my boss, of only a few weeks, sent a beautiful wreath of white and green orchids

Yet, as Jill says, I have tended to favor giving to causes, since it less wasteful. I guess the answer is to do both.

My MIL really loved flowers, and I spent a LOT of time with the florist getting her casket spray (is that the correct word?) perfect. It was so very beautiful, and looked nothing like typical funeral flowers. It really helped me during the funeral to look at it and imagine how much she would have loved it. So many people commented on how gorgeous it was, which made me so happy. It felt like I did one final act of love for her.

I don’t know why I posted this…I think the topic made me sentimental.😊

And that flowers are always appropriate.

I skipped over some of the replies, but I have received flowers at home after a loss and appreciated them. When my SIL's father passed suddenly, my sister and I sent flowers to the school when she returned to work because the flowers were for her, not her mother or her mother's friends who I did not know (3rd marriage for my brother and I was introduced to SIL's parents once, briefly, at a reception). Maybe it is southern, but it is also more personal and that is never inappropriate.

If a service is held in a church or funeral home, I'm sure they have greenery or some kind of decorations in the room when needed. Looking back -- I didn't even order a casket spray for either of my parents. There were no caskets. For my mom, the chapel had Christmas trees and poinsettias and that was perfect. For my dad, the memorial service was outdoors and I took too large urns potted with ferns and white flowers from my front porch -- the white flowers also being a remembrance of my mother who passed 5 months earlier. That seemed more fitting for the time, place and my dad than a lot of cut flowers. So my vote is do what come from the heart.

I think that bouquet is lovely-- and will surely be appreciated.

Love the bouquet-so not pretentious.

Your kids have great taste. I love modern, fresh floral displays.

That bouquet is just beautiful. What a lovely thing your daughters have done.

I love the type of bouquet that your daughters sent. I hate stiff, formal arrangements. I have a certificate as a florist and some of the "exam" arrangements that I did make me shudder now. (Can you say carnations and leather leaf?) Neither of my parents had a formal public service, just a gathering of family members so I did appreciate the flowers that were sent to my home. When my Mom died, our daughters were six and since our family gathering was early March, I sent them out to gather armloads of daffodils (our property was a former daffodil bulb farm so lots of daffs.) We did the "in lieu of" thing but so many of my realtives and parents friends were old school so they donated and sent flowers.

Such a perfect gesture. The younger mtns, perhaps"hillsrdredux" have great instincts.