Unfortunately, a lot of interior designers (especially older ones) have intentionally opaque pricing structures and charge you whatever they want for furniture. What does your contract say? I'm really hoping you had a contract for a project of this magnitude. If not, well...

While I think there's reason to be concerned, some of what you're saying is very confusing from the perspective of someone who's worked with decorators before. Like, are you sure you're seeing the exact same furniture online, with the same fabric? (Fabric selections can often double the cost of furniture.) I find that odd because most decorators largely work with trade-only suppliers and do custom upholstery, at least on six-figure projects which this clearly is. So you wouldn't be able to find those prices online.

$70k for shipping and delivery does seem rather high, but most trade vendors do not ship and most decorators use "receivers," who basically arrange for receipt of furniture, store it until the whole project is read to install, and then perform white-glove furniture installation. So again, I'm a bit confused and maybe this is something of a misunderstanding.

What does the contract say? Is she buying from trade-only sources? If not, is she including a mark up on retail? Did you give her a budget for the furniture? Is she within the budget?

The contract says flat fee, in installments for three stages of the project. We are now at procurement, about a $25k fee. She is sourcing some from her secret network, but even those I can find online at radically different prices. I found some pieces at Arhaus that I liked and she spit it back at me at nearly double the price.

What does your contract say?

There should be at least a paragraph outlining the scope of the services and goods covered by the $70,000 fee.

Honestly I don't understand how there can be a flat fee for a designer except to produce initial design since often this are done on a flat fee basis with two revisions typically allowed.

The pricing done by my designer was completely transparent. She designed a custom rug for me and the store verified that they could send me an invoice. My contract had percentage markups so those were added to whatever the price she paid was.

Shipping is always extra. In my experience items were delivered to her storage facility/office and I then paid for whatever the shipping charged by the seller was AND I also paid for the items to be shipped to my home unless it was small enough so that it could fit in her SUV. For that she inspected the items when she received them and if there were issues she dealt with the vendor. When the item arrived at my home she would generally be there to supervise placement.

My experience was that almost everything I procured through her was less expensive than if I had purchased it because of her trade discounts which she passed through to me plus her markup.

Sounds like you got a good one!

I don't know what to tell you. Most designers have a "out" clause in their contracts. If you feel like she's overcharging you, then invoke the 10-day cancellation clause as described in her contract and order furniture on your own. You will likely be charged a pro-rated design fee up until the last day of the 10 day period. I wouldn't expect her to hand over her furniture list or sources, though.

My designer went above and beyond what was required in the contract.

For example, theoretically she had an hourly fee if she "designed" the room incorporating furniture and tchotchkes that I kept but she came over on many Saturday with her mother and my cleaning lady and they arranged everything. She even put away all of the stuff in my cabinets AND helped me go through my clothing to "support" my getting rid of it and then hung it away and put in drawers in an incredibly organized fashion.

She never billed me for any of this. I paid her mother $150 for her services each day which was a pittance since they typically spent all day on a Saturday for multiple Saturdays plus I paid my cleaning lady who did most of the physical labor. And fed everyone lunch from delivery

I think you need to have a direct, non non-confrontational conversation. Play dumb and ask what the deal with prices and shipping is. Have an open mind. Maybe just horrible communication or maybe she’s charging a markup. I gather you don’t have a written understanding of fees, let alone a contract. That’s as much a problem for her as you.

Anyway, learning lesson. Just like contractors who come in with low estimates and then - whoops - the project somehow cost double (oh, you wanted insulation and lighting? that’s a change order) , decorators are notorious for billing and fee BS. I deliberately chose a decorator who (1) charged on an hourly basis, period and (2) passed along her discounts. I probably ended up paying more for the design fee but saved on the furniture. But what was most important to me was transparency on how she got paid, but then… I’m a lawyer, so I see things go sideways every day.

I had a similar issue with furniture prices and accessories, and with receiving costs (I learned to limit costly receiving services to custom pieces). I wish I had brought it up with her directly. Trying to "read between the lines" only lead to frustration and mistrust. But I also think that, while she was a great designer and I loved her work, she wasn't the right match for me. The business practices of my current designer are transparent and she is also very talented so I am enjoying the process this time around.