A lovely and very thoughtful suggestion, Bbstx

I put a comment that was taken as a negative on the thread I’m sure you are talking about. Am I now a troll? Tell me, seriously.

Maddielee, I am not talking about your negative comment, although I will admit that I thought it was not kind to rain on Lynn’s parade.

I am talking about certain people who frequently and fairly consistently profess beliefs that seem to go against the grain of many on this board. Instead of just ignoring it, many feel compelled to not just refute the comment or, better yet IMO, to ignore the comment, but to make a personal attack on the commentor. It is the personal attack that I object to. I have seen comments demeaning the person’s religion or politics. If one doesn’t hold the same politic positions as others, fine. But it is unnecessary to call or imply that they are stupid, ignorant, or in any way inferior.

“Maddielee, I am not talking about your negative comment, although I will admit that I thought it was not kind to rain on Lynn’s parade”

Thank you. If I had known that Lynn had been going through a tough time when I commented on her OP, I probably would not have posted about the content of her post. I do hope she is well, and sorry if I added to her sadness.

Well now I am sad. Or clueless. I don't see anyone on the thread in question as being an actual troll. So if that is directed at me, I am sorry as it would never be my intention.

It was not clear to me either that the original poster was needing to be cheered up. I suspect others would have responded differently if that were more apparent.

I think everyone pretty much knows who the trolls are. And it's not anybody who would worry that they might inadvertently have been a troll. It's people who know exactly what they are doing and get off on it. I am not aware of a/the recent trolling event, but there are lots of threads I don't look at.

It was not clear to me either that the original poster was needing to be cheered up. I suspect others would have responded differently if that were more apparent.

Reminds me of the person who was concerned about a visiting dog getting on her furniture. She failed to mention initially that she had invited the dog. That totally changed the dynamics of her post. Context is everything.

It's a good practice. I don't get drawn into that cr@p. I prefer to try to bring joy to people's lives - however small the gesture may be - virtually and IRL. I think it's easier for most people to be jerks in writing than face to face even if that's their underlying nature.

It was not clear to me either that the original poster was needing to be cheered up. I suspect others would have responded differently if that were more apparent.

I agree. I responded to the post in a way that was not really positive, but I had no idea that Lynn had been going through a tough time and would not have commented at all had I known this. But without that knowledge, to say that people who saw the post differently were "raining on Lynn's parade" is a bit harsh. It implies some sort of intention that at least, from my perspective, was just not there. The post struck me in a way that was obviously quite different than how it read to Lynn and several others, but that is generally to be expected of anything that you see on the internet. I am genuinely sorry you are feeling down, Lynn.

I do also agree that the personal attacks are uncalled for, and do try hard not to engage. It's a good rule to go by.

I kinda sorta got a bit sarcastic, but It wasn't dissing a religion...just the personalities of people during that era. :)

I think this is worth repeating. Yes, Lynn clearly stated she was in the dumps and the article cheered her up & she shared it with us because many of us could relate to the same CHILDHOOD. Instead it turned into adult problems and it never should have gone above childhod to the Cuban missile crisis. Never have I understood why people totally change the meaning of distinct and clear topics.

Going to my bunker now. ;)

This actually has very little to do with Lynn’s post. It is just something that has been weighing on me. I’ll try to find and paraphrase some of the comments that I think are bordering on bullying. But, right now my granddaughter is wanting to read to me. That is a small pleasure that I cannot forego.

With regard to that post...which I read only after this one, and I did not read any comments.

There is nothing about those statements of what the baby boomer generation did as children that indicates to me, that it was an all inclusive list, that there were not socio-political-economic stressors, or that the fact that we did things that kids no longer do because time have changed make us superior to people that did not do or no longer do.

I am not sure why these lists get interpreted as all or nothing or as checklists of superiority. I didn't see any of that intent in that list.

“Yes, Lynn clearly stated she was in the dumps and the article cheered her up & she shared it with us because many of us could relate to the same CHILDHOOD. Instead it turned into adult problems and it never should have gone above childhod to the Cuban missile crisis. Never have I understood why people totally change the meaning of distinct and clear topics.”

Sorry, Lynn did not state that she was sad in her original post. It read simply as a shared post, shared before on other sites.

Everyone‘s childhood was different.

I was a child during the Cuban Missile Crisis, living close to a perceived target. My childhood was different than yours. Different. Not better or worse.

If someone posts a picture of a room they like without explanation of why they like the room is no one suppose to say they find fault in the room?

I think this is worth repeating. Yes, Lynn clearly stated she was in the dumps and the article cheered her up

She didn't share that initially. It took a few comments before she interjected that information.

One more time….this is not about Lynn’s post. This is about what I perceive as a tendency among this group to bully those who think differently and express their beliefs. I am not saying they are right nor wrong, but they do deserve the courtesy of not being called stupid or ignorant, whether by direct words or implication.

Some commenters give me the impression of somebody slinging mud as they speed past.

Life is way too short to waste time on grudges and feuds, IMO. I find everybody's opinions attitudes interesting - even the people who seem to lack all courtesy, oblivious to or disregarding of others' feelings - even people I dislike.

I learned long ago that a good part of feeding trolls involves simply giving them attention, so I prefer not to respond publicly to their provocations at all, if I can help it. And nobody can read anyone's thoughts, only the words they choose to share.

Maddie, you're right, she stated it a few replies down. Your reply to her sadness was nothing but a backhanded apology. Knowing she was in the dumps, my words not hers, this totally blew my mind when you wrote, "If you Are deleting the thread because of my post, I'm sorry. Not sorry for posting it, but sorry it upset you."

IOW, sorry but not sorry. I would never say that to someone who needed a bit of cheering up and wanted to spread the same cheer.

Such a sweet and innocent post blown to smithereens.

Bb, it kind of is about Lynn's post and also the one I did on the uke. I don't read all the topics but ours took a nose dive straight to negativityville. Is it going on in other topics?

Bnstx, what if people are not simply expressing a different belief, but basically firing a shot across the bow? There are a few people who drop in on a thread specifically to throw a bomb in the water and see what happens. They are trolls, obviously— and IMO those comments should either be addressed or removed. Ad hominem remarks are not necessarily unkind in those situations.

Honestly, I’m not sure how to respond to some of those comments. I guess if I am completely honest I think they need to be identified as either idiotic — a dis by implication—or hateful, an explicit accusation. Ignoring some types of hateful speech normalizes it. That’s what has got us where we are.

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. I would add to Edmund Burke’s immortal words to do “OR SAY“ nothing.

SOOOOO if I read this thread correctly, there are a few here who feel a ton of ownership to the point of controlling another's free speech? You really need to get over yourselves, stop judging others and decide for yourself how you care or not care to respond to a thread. Then MOVE ON! Not everyone has the time or give a $hit to follow a thread continuing to debate at nausea. Free expression of ideas mean everyone will say/hear opinions they don't agree with or care for. It is no one's place to gate keep other than the sites. Who died and made you dictator????

Plot twist! 😆

I honestly don't see anyone as a troll here. I see people who believe in the things they are professing. Sometimes the way people express themselves is rigid, or harsh, or designed to provoke - but they do sincerely believe in their underlying message.

I would chose to hide certain posters from my view if that were an option here, but there is no one who is so odious that they should be banned. Trolls get banned. People with differing opinions, very different lived truths, and differing communication styles are part of life.

So I guess I agree with Arcy. I did not see that coming!

I try to steer clear of the dramatic non-decor threads, but I am reminded now of the decor threads where someone asks about a rug, and a poster ignores the rug question and says, you really need to get rid of that ugly sofa.

Having spent so many years in hot topics and still participating in other forums where posting becomes a 'full contact sport', I haven't really seen the kind of trolling...or at least what I would consider to be trolling...that you refer to. Here everyone is so nice!

I also recognize that conversations will drift...just as they do at any party...someone brings up something which triggers someone to say something else which triggers another thought and so on. If it's not where the OP wanted to go, there's nothing wrong with them bringing it back. I think adding the why really helps, and hopefully that will change the direction of the conversation. But the reality is conversations will drift. That's not a sign of a troll.

Some of the issue, imo, is that some can't seem to post without adding judgment to their posts, putting others down with their self-righteousness, being so insecure as to need that ego boost of assuring themselves they are in the right by putting others down. There's a world of difference between "I drive a BMW" and "I drive a BMW, and if you knew anything about cars, you'd drive one too." One is providing information, one is implying an insult. I don't see anything wrong with helping someone understand how their words are perceived by others in the hope that they will catch on and change their tone. Maybe they won't...maybe they never will. But while I can, I will try. That's not trolling...that's an attempt to *improve* the tone of the place.

Trolling is where someone steps in to purposely disrupt the conversation, intentionally triggering specific posters by hitting them in their tender spots to get a rise out of them, fomenting anger and strong feelings in others just because they can. Sneering, snickering and deriding others without adding anything useful or positive of their own. They don't start threads but disrupt existing threads, purposely injecting strong negative feelings to take control of the thread. They add no light to the conversation...only heat. I haven't seen that behavior here in a long, long time.

By the time I saw the original thread it had already gone off the rails so I declined to contribute.

What we have here is failure to communicate." And IMO a lot of knotted knickers.

I also believe that because we children are not allowed to converse about topics that are truly important to us by the parental Houzz overseers, we take opportunities to express differences in other arenas. This is an adult forum, not by exclusion but by self selection, and as such we should expect conversations that weave and bob and that we will not agree with every movement they take. I come here for fluff shopping tips, recipes, whip-smart women telling me something I didn't know and oh yes decorating convos. Affirmation is wonderful and there is plenty of it here but the real world is not all affirmation and this forum is part of the real world.

For clarity, I am not referring to Lynn’s nostalgia thread either. There are (thankfully) infrequent but obvious attempts to stir the pot with drive-by toxic comments. It’s fine with me not to feed the trolls as long as we simply delete them as we do spammers and advertisers.

Arcy, if the shoe doesn’t fit, for heavens sake don’t put it on! I don’t like some of your comments and I am fairly certain you don’t like some of mine, but I do NOT consider you a ”troll.”

It is not so much that there is disagreement on topics, it is that there are some who feel it necessary to call out others in a personally insulting way. It generally takes the form of ”omg, there is X making his/her stupid/ignorant comments again.”

You say ”potayto” and I say ”potahto.” I think it is fair to comment that it is a regional variation, but I think it is beyond rude to say ”you uneducated ignoramus, everyone knows it is potahto.” That does nothing to promote discourse. The near-bullying comes when everytime you say potayto, I feel compelled to say, “there is that ignoramus again posting his/her potayto.” (I’m having to stretch here for an example that is not too specific.)

"some who feel it necessary to call out others in a personally insulting way." Would that mean calling someone "Debbie Downer" ?

You can say this doesn't have to do with that "Beautiful Memory" post, but the fact that it is following it , IMHO belies that notion. I glanced at the OP. It is the type of rose colored post found on boards that I don't normally read and so I moved on. But then when it went on and on and on , I went back to see why. And, read the whole thread. I didn't see any trolls. Saw people like me who don't post all that often though. Are you calling them "trolls"?

Reminds me of the person who was concerned about a visiting dog getting on her furniture. She failed to mention initially that she had invited the dog. That totally changed the dynamics of her post. Context is everything.

Hi Judi, that was me. I don't really understand what my post about a conundrum and seeking advice has anything to do with trolling. I thought there might be some good ideas (and there were!) about how to manage a situation I was unfamiliar with but wanted to be gracious about. It did not seem relevant until people were becoming upset with my guests for bringing the dog. And even then, no one in the thread seemed to be attacking anyone or being unkind. I appreciated every comment.

bbstx, I was just thinking the same thing. For example, I occasionally read WAPO comments following articles and the hammer and tongs fights posters get involved in, with no hope of influencing opinion, is startling. So many comments use profanity, or hidden profanity, and truly nasty personal insults. Then I watched a report on a recent Congressional hearing and saw politicians on both sides behaving in the same fashion. I may just be arriving at my long anticipated fuddy duddy state but ignoring a comment you disagree with has gone the way of....a lot of things.

I don't really understand what my post about a conundrum and seeking advice has anything to do with trolling.

pricklypearcactus, I said nothing about trolling. I was responding to Ally De's comment --"It was not clear to me either that the original poster was needing to be cheered up. I suspect others would have responded differently if that were more apparent."

Context is very important in a post. You and Lynn later clarified (Lynn about being upset about something and you about actually having invited the dog), but only after a number of people had commented on your original posts.

To me a troll is someone who is not recognized as a frequent member.

We have members who you can count on to be disrespectful or degrading. And, they have been called out on it.

It’s best be made mindful when replying, but it also helps if OP gives a bit of a backstory.

After all, we are reading comments, not hearing them.

I use my SOB choice and it works very well for me.

There is one frequent poster who I would consider a pot stirrer and pouncer. Lurking in the wings to pounce on others, prove them wrong and totally change the course of the conversation. I have learned to stay out of those situations.

Arcy, you and I are on the opposite side of almost every fence but you have a right to express your opinion, too. You are a bit forceful at times, but I guess that’s just you.

I still don't know who the trolls are, and I've been here forever. I have seen people post threads that surely they knew would become contentious, yet they're so surprised to find them missing when they return. I may not participate in many threads, but I do come here and read them every day. I wish all of us could act like respectful adults to each other, but since we're only human that probably won't happen.

Trolls don't tend to start threads, rather, they enjoy trying to derail them with provoking comments.

There is a long-time poster here who has used several personas over the years. The poster”s remarks often have a negative tone and are often argumentative. I dont understand posting with that attitude. Is it that fun?

Hu, I’m advocating ignoring people who choose to be negative or provocative for the sake of provocation.

In my life, I’ve known people who liked to argue for the sake of argument. They thought it was invigorating and would intentionally bait people for sport. Mostly it was just annoying and irritating.

Years ago when I joined a message board on AOL there was a troll but at the time we didn't call anyone trolls. It was obvious she was using different names but it was also fun reading her funny and mean replies. I can only remember her first moniker, TisARuse. lol