Some people are just that way and you lucked out into having to work with a few of them. Sorry to hear that.

Actually they are nice people. The one is really very nice but she is just very self-focused. I actually taught her a little over 20 years ago, and I remember that from then. She would ask a (salient) question in class but somehow it would usually evolve into how it related to her specifically.

I guess I don't really need to talk just to talk, I work with a couple ofthese (different) co workers at my other workplace and when the one started, she was told that I was very quiet and probably not talk to her at all. And she said "Oh I already know him and that's not been my experience at all." So I guess it is situation dependent, and some people probably take the non-talking as rudeness. So I probably should not take the way I am treated at my primary workplace too personally. But it is off putting, mostly I guess, because when I do talk, it's not random.

People are by nature self absorbed. The lucky ones never had the impulse or need to display their self-absorption. The smart ones tamp down that impulse or need, and the evolved ones have grown out of it. You’re working with the less intelligent and evolved of the species. 🤷‍♀️ You could walk in your office stark naked and all they would do is talk about how it affected them.

I've known people who are like this - I've never understood why.

My SO was my law partner (and friend) for awhile before we ever dated. He was married - and his wife + her group of friends were like that. No matter what the subject was - each of them took turns making it somehow relate to themselves.

I went on spring break with my daughter (her senior trip) - a few women in this group were also on spring break with their senior sons/daughters. Luckily, their school was booked at a neighboring resort = I didn't really see them during that week.

The day after we arrived back home, one of my daughter's close friends called her - hysterical - because his mom had just been taken to the ER by ambulance. It turned out that she had bacterial meningitis - and wound up passing away later that afternoon. My SIL was best friends with my daughter's close friend - and was admitted to the hospital that evening. We all had to have tests done + received medication.

The next day at work, I was telling my law partner/future SO about what happened - and he said that one of the women in his wife's group of friends had been sitting on the airplane directly behind the mom that passed away - and how they all had to go to the ER and have spinal taps, etc.

I was like, "?????" The airplane was completely booked by students/family members from my daughter's high school + I was on the flight - about 4-5 rows in front of David, his mom, and his sister. There is NO possibility that this woman (+her husband and two children) was on our flight.

It was a big story on the evening news + again on the later broadcast that day + was on morning shows the next day. She obviously saw one of the broadcasts - and decided to use the tragic story in order to receive attention from her friends.

I was so upset - I still don't understand why someone would do that.

@palimpsest - I just realized that I took your comment - and made it about something that happened to me. I am sorry. This post was your place to vent - not mine.

It just triggered my memory about when this happened - it still upsets me even though it's been 10+ years ago.

Some people just like to talk for the sake of talking. It's nothing that you are doing, it's just how some people are. I am not one of them, and can't understand it either, palimpsest. I was just saying this yesterday to my husband--I speak when I need to communicate something and say it directly and succinctly. I try to avoid those types of people and it's unfortunate that you need to work with them.

I am around some of the same people on a weekly basis and was worrying about myself and that I was butting in and was trying to work on that for myself. BUT, then I ran across an article which pointed out that perhaps it isn't ME that is the problem. Maybe the person you are trying to talk to is monopolizing the conversation. It then dawned on me that the only reason I butt in is these people they won't let me talk and just keep going on and on and on about themself. I finally just decided to let them blab on and on and forget trying to converse because they are NOT having a conversation, they are talking about themself. They don't want conversation interaction, they just want to talk.

I don't know what the answer is for the work place when you need a question answered?

I know a few people like this, those who cannot stop talking. They tend to get irritated with me because I tune out. Not intentionally, but my mind starts to wonder onto other things that are important to me. Then they ask a question or expect a response and I don't respond because I am no longer listening.

@lucillle, I love Jefferson Fisher❣️ I, too, subscribe to his podcast. I think they are very insightful for dealing with people in various situations.

dani, no, this is a discussion and you are welcome to relate experiences, and that is kind of a sub category, people who make things up, not to lie, but for various reasons.

Pal, I don’t really have an answer either, but it happens with many people, even the nicest people and can even happen with people who are your friends. My DD (a nurse practitioner in a large company clinic) often vents about two of the practitioners she works with who do the same thing. They have to share office space for charting, and other paperwork. She said it’s a relief to be busy and not have to interact most days.

Dani, how weird! There must be a word for people who go to those extremes to lie and put themselves into a situation for attention when it isn’t true. It’s like saying ‘I was there when (some catastrophic world event) happened‘ and you were not, but who is going to prove it?

I haven’t watched the video above but wish I had that resource years ago. I worked briefly with two other women engineers among a lot of males. We bonded over that year or so and remain friends even tho we are all now retired, and often get together for lunch, dinner, etc. One of them is always excited to tell a story about something going on in their life. When one of us starts to give current news of our life, she listens, but as soon as we take a breath, she’s exactly like Pal’s co-workers and is right back to something else about her. She’s always been that way, and a few times I have stopped and just said I didn’t finish telling you about X, and then carry on for a minute.

Maybe they have ADHD. As a person who was diagnosed at 50 I am starting to realize a lot of my "personality traits" are common amongst those with ADHD.

One is talking about their own experiences and adding that to someone else's conversation. Often it's taken as trying to one-up someone, or not listening or caring, or being self absorbed, but it's actually our way of trying to connect with the other person and share our similar experiences. :\

Or maybe they really don't care about your stories idk. Maybe you talk too slow. That is also an issue for ADHD to listen to slow talkers. We tend to either zone out of talk over them to speed it up bc we can already tell the ending.

I wish I had an insight to share or recommendation, but I don't really. Just wanted to say I'm sorry that you're experiencing this. It sounds incredibly frustrating. I'm hopeful that it's unintentional / lack of awareness and not that they are being intentionally difficult for you.

Interesting take on all this, that it could possibly be ADHD. Understood--but even those with this disorder should be taught that the world doesn't revolve around them. Maybe these "traits" or dispositions can be dealt with in therapy, so that those with the disorder can overcome them and not use them as an excuse for their behavior.

The comment that is most curious is the statement that "We tend to either zone out of (sic) talk over them to speed it up bc we can already tell the ending." So ADHD is such that you can read people's minds? Wow.

When I was growing up my mom had an acquaintance who was a pathological liar, and she was one of the first people to figure it out. I remember her saying to me that I could not tell anyone.

My town had two kinds of people, natives most of whom were high school educated and rarely left the county, and professional people, or company executives, most of whom were outsiders. There were a couple of companies there that ended up multinational, that were owned and started by people from town, but most of the executive staff were people who rotated through town--lots of families coming for a few years and then transferring out.

(This is all gone now)

Anyway, so really you could probably make up a history, or exaggerate, and nobody would really know, they would just take what you said at face value, because most of them knew very little about the outside world. (Even now, with the internet, it is very insular again. People who go to college rarely come back)

So this woman said she had been to a finishing school, and one of the Ivies and so forth, and my mom who had been to a finishing school and one of the Ivies was talking to her and figured out she had not been to the school she said, because the details were not right, and sometimes the stories would change. The woman never really talked about any of this in front of her husband, only when it was a group of women. My mom didn't call her on it or anything but she felt like it was kind of sad, but that it was also really easy to catch her lying if you were someone who was not from an isolated place like that. In this instance it was really harmless.

But I had a friend who nearly married a pathological liar and only found out days before the wedding that he hadn't been a Fulbright scholar or whatever he said and he was not one of the youngest ever tenured professors at a prestigious college, and that he didn't even work there. She dodged a bullet, and after that her parents felt a little bit better about the super nice boyfriend she had in HS and just went to a local college who they kind of looked down on, and she had a very happy marriage with him.

It then dawned on me that the only reason I butt in is these people they won't let me talk and just keep going on and on and on about themself.

I recently joined a Mahjong group, and the majority of members I do not know. The first hour or so of the evening is spent socializing, and then we proceed to the game. I think I have been asked maybe 1 or 2 questions about myself... most of the members talk about themselves and interject with their own examples etc. I'm an introvert, and I don't feel the need to share details about my life with others I've only just met. But I sure know a lot about them!

Ha - I've experienced that same phenomenon with any number of people - and for some reason, it seems like it's most often women, and some are very dear to me. What I chalk it up to is they aren't really listening and also lack a certain amount of awareness. I can feel my frustration mounting when having what's supposed to be a conversation with such folks.

We actually had a sweet family friend who seemed to have some sort of pathology where she just never stopped talking. It was like an infinite run-on sentence. I learned to find a gap in the steady stream of monologue and ease my way out.

And I have a cousin who's been a pathological liar for as long as I can remember. I had to create some very firm boundaries with her. She also seems to relish grossing people out with her dark and horrible stories.

My sister's husband has taken her stories as his own. This has just been in the past few years, maybe age a addled his mind, but he will be telling a story and she just looks at him and says "That wasn't you, it was me! You weren't out at the lake, I was by the pool!" She gets so mad! He not only is sharing her stories as his own, but gets the facts all muddled as well. (They have been married almost 50 years).

All of this seems kinda sad to me…and hard to understand…but when you consider the ages of some of the people mentioned it seems less intentional .. and maybe just a sad side effect of getting older..not everyone ages or matures in the same way…but in the case of people who have been married 50 years you would think some sort of understanding would have evolved…
so unfortunate …for the one who is fading..

I'm surprised to read this, because it seems that you easily command an audience on these boards and people are very interested in your contributions and opinions. I can't imagine why that wouldn't be true in person. You certainly don't seem overbearing or dismissive of people here, but maybe you are intimidating in your confidence and expertise or position? Sounds like maybe they lack confidence to interact with you?

I believe there's another term for such behavior: cranial-rectal impaction...?

I have known people like this and I try to avoid them as much as possible. Of course, at work it's harder to do. There was one person I worked with that was like this. Everything was about her. I would avoid her as much as possible but had to be in meetings with her. Beyond annoying and not at all productive.

One time, someone we worked with was good friends with her. That person got fired/laid off. She went into this person's office and told her she'd just been fired and started crying. This person's reaction - OMG, I know how you feel, let me tell you what happened to me today...

I mean really? She was just fired. She was a single mom with a small child. I'm not sure their friendship lasted after that.

@Olychick, when I post, I am able to see what I am saying and able to edit things a bit, which is helpful. In real life, am quiet and don't really sell myself in any way, so I don't think I project confidence and, initially I don't think some people think I am overly intelligent. I think that takes a while to figure out, and some people don't get that far.

"cranial-rectal impaction" HAHAHAHAHA!!!!

^^

Apt description!!

I’ve become a bit circumspect. Maybe I have just lowered the bar for human interraction of all forms?

Perhaps it is a generational casualty - manners seem to beong to the aging?:)

I do know one thing. Many of the most entertaining conversations I’ve had in the past half dozen years were with three people:

A dear old gal pal, just pased. Old enough to be my mom. Charming, full of life, interested in everything! Just a real DAME in the best sense of the word.

One client: A true Renaissance type - brilliant, great sense of humor. I text ” I need a Mike fix ! Come out and amuse me!”

Another client: Has an auto immune issue- sleep hours of a bat. Any convo with her is a guarantee to be laughing for a half hour past the hang up!

They all are different , but have one thing in common. They listen as much as they talk- and every type of manners, courtesies small and large , are part of their daily lives.

Life is a dialogue …. for better or worse :)

@palimpsest "initially I don't think some people think I am overly intelligent. I think that takes a while to figure out, and some people don't get that far."

I think that is so true for many people who are more contemplative in their responses.

I have found that people who are fast talkers often get promoted more quickly and get the attention of others, while the slow and steady worker who gets it right every time is passed over.

I am thinking of one person in particular that climbed the corporate ladder really fast, she spoke 90 words minute through most meetings and when asked a question that she couldn't accurately answer she just talked faster. Somehow people above her saw this as a sign of intelligence and promoted her again and again while her team and co-workers had to watch every thing she did because it was fast and sloppy and often wrong. Other, more qualified people got passed over as she was promoted when they were the ones covering her mistakes.

It is kind of sad how people judge intellect on how quickly someone answers instead of the quality of the response when given.

Ha Jennifer - perhaps that's because they themselves do not possess the intellect to make that judgement?

Saw this online and thought of this post 😂