When my mom died I read her letters from my father. I considered it kind of a history lesson. I don't regret doing it - there was nothing earth shattering in them.

I think comfort zones can vary on this. I would read the letters. Everyone before me is long gone. Any snippet or detail I don't already know is lost. I'm too old to be shocked or change my path. Finding little bits of lost history mean something to me. From my own history, I knew my great grandmother died after being struck by a vehicle, but I had no other details. I recently found not her obituary, but the news article in a San Francisco paper from the time. It didn't change anything for me (I never knew her) but I felt a little piece fall into place and I was glad I knew.

After my husband died I kept a journal for a couple of years. I haven't journaled before or since. It was very raw in places. I reread it all years later and I honestly didn't even recognize the person I was then. I decided it could be upsetting to my daughter after I was gone, so I destroyed it. It had served its purpose.

in beautiful cursive in fountain pen. I only every knew my father to print or type, once I was around.

If the letters aren't from your father, I would discard them without reading them. Are you positive that they aren't from your dad? Without knowing, I wouldn't toss them. I would think that your mom would have thrown out letters from a former serious boyfriend once she was married - but maybe not.

However, if they are from your father, I would keep them. I wouldn't mind if my daughters read letters between their dad and me. If there was something in them that was "problematic" - I would assume that your mom would have thrown them away knowing that her children would stumble upon them at some point.

They are definitely from my father. They are on his stationery .

But I did not know he had nice handwriting at one time, because he only printed. He had neat printing so it tracks that he would have had neat handwriting.

I don't think that there is anything problematic in them, but I am not sure that my mother would have thought to take anything out either. She would "hide" christmas presents from us in plain sight when we were little and then be surprised that we knew what they were.--I don't think she would ever think about anyone being interested in those letters.

Ask yourself; would you regret giving up this opportunity to know your parents a bit more, in a way to spend time with them?

Also, did either of them seem particularly private when they were alive?

I would never have the heart to erase something so precious. Both my parents are gone and I continually wish I could still ask them so many questions. I have an envelope of letters my late mom wrote to her best friend when she was college age. Her friend had saved them and sent them to her. Not romantic, but a part of her I never knew, and they are so fascinating and valuable to me, since my mom was someone who didn't often discuss her past. I've only read a few so far.

Personal accounts in the form of journals or letters are the most intimate form of historical repository we have… the truest, most unfiltered. I would not only keep them, i would have them reproduced and make them into a book which I would give all family members for Christmas. History should be preserved.

Box them up and put them in your closet. In a month or so, decide then. After percolating around in your mind for a month I think you will have had a chance to weigh it all out and are less likely to make a choice you will regret later.

If it were me, I would read them and then keep them. Several years ago(maybe more), my dad and I were talking and he mentioned that in WWII after coming ashore in the Anzio beachhead, he wrote and sent his mother his will. Then he told me he burned all his letters from his time in the service when he and his brothers were cleaning out my grandparents' house. I couldn't believe it. What a loss for us. I know (?) you don't have children, but it is possible that nieces/nephews/siblings might be interested in keeping those. Old family letters are precious.

I saved all the letters , notes and drawings my dad gave to my mother, even though their marriage had an unhappy ending. I read them all and put them in a box of family memorabilia to give to my nieces some day.

When my mother cleaned out my room when I moved out she tossed all the letters I had saved from boyfriends. I wish so much I had them. I dont know why she did that.

I say if there is a younger generation, save them . Definitely read them. You learn a lot about your parents.

In my family history file I have letters from my great grandfather to my great grandmother written to her during the civil war and through his travels westward after the civil war and letters from her son's to her during the Alamo. Having those letters brought my ancestors to life for me. Maybe two or three generations from now your grandchildren may better understand their ancestors .

No. I would read everything, because it would haunt me forever.

I do not have that option, because there are no letters or photos at all.

I cannot speak of reading my parents or my in laws’ because I have not been in that position yet, they are all still living. I had a grocery bag filled with letters from a previous boyfriend and the boyfriend I married. One day I went through them and shredded all but one six page letter from my husband. I put it in a spot, that my children will find and hopefully read. It’s such a beautiful letter. ❤️ It’s my most treasured gift from him.

I am honestly not sure what I would do if I were you. I could argue both sides on this.

Therefore, I like Lucille's answer. If you're not sure either, box them up and set them aside. Over time, the answer will become clear.

I don't have anything in my home that I wouldn't want my kids to see or read someday. We should all assume someone will go through all of our possessions in the future.

I agree with setting them aside for later. But I can't imagine your parents would have kept those letters without knowing that some day you and your sibling(s) would come across them.

eta: "My darling, Would you like to go to the Ice Capades . . ." I would frame that... it's beautiful.

I am going to answer this set of questions because I think it encapsulates a lot of the feelings behind the responses.

Would you regret giving up this opportunity to know your parents a bit more, in a way to spend time with them?

Honestly, not really. I think I ended up knowing as much about them as is important to know, and what they wanted me to know. And they were both pretty pragmatic about life and death. I never heard either one of them say they missed anyone after they were dead until my dad said he missed my mother, and he was 86 at that point.

Also, did either of them seem particularly private when they were alive? Yes. They had lots of friends, but neither of them were the type of person who would talk about personal things or confide in friends. These letters were saved contemporaneously to when they were written, not that my mother had ever gone back and reread any of them, and I doubt she expected anyone else to read them. I really wonder if she remembered she had them.

My parents are both gone and all before them as well. I would read every word and probably more than once, wanting to listen to their voices and savor images of them. It would never occur to me to not read them - I am the progeny of those moments and I so wish I had more of the history recorded. The details of the oral stories fade, but that beautiful handwriting still lives in your hand. I know my parents too well to be concerned about anything inappropriate or "private" by today's standards. My parents met on a blind date and it would be a gem to see the relationship develop - if I had a record. And I know I would forever regret not reading them. At least a couple. Which would probably mean all.

While cleaning out my parent’s house after I moved my mom to assisted living, I found a very large box of letters that my mom and dad wrote to each other when dad was in the navy during the early to mid 1950’s. I was hesitant to read them as it was something private between the two of them, but I was also very curious. The letters started while they were dating and dad was stationed in Japan. The letters continued through their engagement, wedding, the birth of my brother and then me. Dad wrote to mom every single day while he was stationed in various places. There are hundreds of letters.

I am so glad I read them, I saw the progression of their relationship and could feel the excitement and joy during the big events of their lives. I organized the letters by date, tied ribbons around them and put them in a beautiful box. My dad passed several years ago and mom has dementia now, so having these letters means the world to me.

I’m surprised people would read them. Personal letters between a husband and wife.

I would think good thoughts about the two of them while shredding.

Why keep them? To read over and over? To provide some kind of closure? Probably not..

I wouldn't read them, but that's just me. I want to keep my vision of my parents exactly as I know them now. I wouldn't want to risk anything to tarnish that, since whatever is in those letters is between them anyway.

I realized that my thoughts are against a backdrop of knowing that my dad purged everything he deemed non-essential and a number of things we would have wanted him to keep. If it was still there, he meant it to be. I also have almost nothing from my mom's side. Her mother was orpahned by the flu eidemic and her father died when she was in high school. Maybe I just wish there was more, but anything that could have survived all those things would be treasured. You can always stop reading and put them back in the envelope, but shredding is forever. You seem to have different views of your parents and why you have the letters now, but you also asked. I'm not sure if you were looking for assurances you should shred them or permission to read them. You knew your parents and you know yourself and can best answer which you might most regret.

Just another note-I found a letter stuck in with other things years ago. It was from the brother of my great-grandmother. My grandmother used to tell me stories from her childhood and I remember one about her older sister so well. My grandmother was very young and her sister just a bit older. I discovered this later-from the story I thought her sister was younger. Anyway, she remembered her sister running to the stove and taking a cover from one of the burners and just holding it to her tummy. After she died, my great-grandmother received a letter from her brother expressing his sorrow at "the news" and letting her know he would arrive the next day. It was such a poignant note and I will never regret reading it. It was written in 1889 and rather than just being a story disconnected by time from me, it allowed me to imagine them all as living people and to grieve their loss as if they were still here. Now, that is truly a gift.

Thank you for the input

I will be the odd person out here. I had all of the letters that my DS and DBIL had written to each other before they were married. I started reading them but they were very personal, and I started to feel that I was really intruding on their privacy (even though they had both been gone for some years by that time). It just did not feel right so I stopped reading them. However, I didn't shred them--I sent them to another DS who could then decide what she wanted to do.

@ cyn - I'm now curious: why did the sister hold the stove burner cover to her tummy - and was it her own tummy or your grandmother's?