This is so thoughtful, thank you so much!
We are building a house now, and my husband insisted that we jettison the shower bench drawn by the architect and instead plan to use a portable bench if we ever need one. Your experience with your mother shows that this is a great idea- for someone of any age. Many people get shoulder, arm, or hand injuries making it hard to bathe oneself.
I also love your tips about letting her preserve her modesty, making the process much easier on everyone.
Thank you!

Those are all great ideas. I think caregivers, whether family or employed, should write all the handbooks on caring for someone. We really need a new addition to the ”What to Expect…” series!

Great idea. I learned a ton caring for my grandmother, who lived 5 months shy of 100 years, but she never needed help showering /washing her hair. When you DO these things, you learn.

The light stool, too. Is it adjustable in height?

No, but that's a good point. We're using a stool we already had at home, and -- by chance -- it's the right height for me to help my mom. If I had tried the stool and found it inappropriate, I would've sought out something better -- the stool is EVERYTHING. If you buy hospital chairs, their legs are adjustable.

Grandmother was in a wheelchair so the caregiver needed to get ”up close and personal”

They make shower wheelchairs.

We are building a house now, and my husband insisted that we jettison the shower bench drawn by the architect and instead plan to use a portable bench if we ever need one.

Good choice.

I also love your tips about letting her preserve her modesty, making the process much easier on everyone.
Yes, and I've become better at it as we've done it.

My RN daughter worked home health for a while in college, and the #1 thing she did was help peope with bathing. She said a lot of elderly people are willing to pay a home health pro rather than have their children help them.

Off-topic, but the worst situation she described to me was a woman who was obese and could no longer enter her bathroom. My daughter had to lay a shower curtain on the floor, help the woman transition to a plastic chair, and give her a sponge bath -- you know you wouldn't feel fully clean with that situation.

Get a hair tray to wash her hair in the sink. Just don't let her neck rest against the plastic without a towel for cushion. Don't want her arteries to get pinched and cause a mini stroke.

Wonderful tips. I may be misunderstanding the need, but there are many shower wand hooks you can add anywhere in the shower. Here's one: https://www.fergusonhome.com/product/summary/674914?uid=4290863&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=1674457813&utm_content=65373557019&utm_term=&gclsrc=aw.ds&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=1674457813&gclid=Cj0KCQjwr4jSBhCSARIsAOX1E-Jzs926dqsw5ZfH-GvQC-hojfiDfjzUDk4_yHQNpmYiuIlyH0cLv7QaAjMJEALw_wcB

Also, a wand that toggles between on and off is wonderful when assisting a bather.

Get a hair tray to wash her hair in the sink.

That's another way to go. We wouldn't have space to stand at her bathroom sink, but I could set her up at the kitchen sink. I'd need to find an appropriate chair that'd place her at the right height.

I may be misunderstanding the need, but there are many shower wand hooks you can add anywhere in the shower.

I didn't know this was a choice -- it'd be ideal, mounted in the middle of the shower. It'd allow me to "set down" the wand while I'm shampooing her hair. Her shower wand doesn't toggle on /off, so I'd mount it facing downward towards our feet. This really isn't an option at this point -- her shower is already installed, and I wouldn't risk puncturing the waterproofing. At this moment /with this surgery recovery, she is stable -- just can't lift that left arm -- and she is mentally "with me", so she can hold the wand. But absolutely, if I were installing a new shower, I'd go with these two things:

- A second shower mount /holder that a helper could use -- and this should be in the middle of the shower.

- A wand that cuts on /off.

Not trying to talk you into anything you don't want, but there are shower wand hooks that are adhesive in wet conditions, no drilling needed. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09VXM3HFH?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback&th=1

Good information Tozmo1.

Thanks.