We have been talking about life along the same lines, C. I remember when we bought our first house and interest rates then were very high compared to current standards— but we needed a house a didn’t have any prior experience for comparison. I remind myself that what we call ”the new normal” is just plain normal for younger people who have no previous experience as voters or members of society outside of school. I understand why some of our age cohort are seething with impotent rage and others have settled into the kind of ”this too will pass” serenity. DH and I find ourselves like marbles in a pinball machine, richocheting between the two states of being. I find solace in my religion as an unchanging source of comfort and renewal. Honestly, I’m not sure what I would have done without our priests to talk to over the past few years. But those talks changed nothing but me, and I have to force myself to remember that. Objective reality exists whether I acknowledge it as such — and whether I like it or not.

Much as we would like to control things in our life, and have things the way we think they should be, that is not the way of the world. I believe in divine intervention and don't think things are entirely random. Rather they happen for a reason - to try to get a message through to us because we are flawed and can't figure it out on our own.

I tend to have a 'go with flow', more fatalistic attitude myself. I think some folks have strong sense of needing to feel in control, but the truth is, IMO, nobody really has control in the long run, and the more one fights nature/fate, the more unhappy one becomes.

As far as entropy goes - long-ago a friend shared this: 'Everything nailed down is coming apart.' Sadly seems truer than ever now, doesn't it?

@Kswl your comment about "this too will pass" serenity at a certain age reminded me of a conversation I had with my parents. I had some strong feelings about some significant changes in government and was feeling a fair bit of gloom and doom. My mother was able to share a bit more perspective given her longer life about how she has seen other big changes and things have eventually worked out ok in the long run. It was calming to hear her perspective and I try to ground myself in that when I'm feeling anxiety or stress about the world today.

Went back to a favorite book by Pema Chodron. Her thoughts on attempting to change oneself I think are very helpful.

I am aware of her past assoc with a very controversial person but it doesn’t negate her thoughtful positive view of ” self” .

Befriending Who You AreInstead of fighting your energy, she suggests shifting your approach:

• Compassionate Curiosity: Look at your struggles honestly, but with gentleness and curiosity rather than judgment.
• No Bad Parts: Realize that there are no parts of you that are fundamentally unworthy. It isn't about throwing yourself away to become something else, but accepting and embracing who you already are.
• Leaning In: When you feel an uncomfortable emotion like sadness, shame, or anger, stay with it rather than trying to escape.

Change Through CareWhen you drop the hostility of trying to fix yourself, you can start making healthier choices because of genuine care, not out of a fear that you are inherently inadequate. Accepting yourself creates the spaciousness you need to grow naturally.

c (trailrunner)

The theory is correct for the Universe but for aging people? Macro or micro? In a macro sense, what's changed most is our control, scheduling. When there were jobs and kids and responsibility things stayed tight so it could be managed. Now that is all gone or out of our control. The kids/community orchestrate our lives, many times, we squeeze in where we are allowed. In the micro sense, downsized, lives with less demands it's all very close at hand and within grasp. I would describe my current life as infinitely smaller than it has been.

@arcy_gw excellent point. As you have probably noticed many of the posters here go to great lengths to keep their lives ” macro” with activities , travel and hobbies pursuits of various kinds. We just had our two grands 6 & 8 here with us for 3 weeks and our lives were definitely much more complicated and busy and lively. I loved it but can’t imagine doing it 24/7 again as a parent . I think your point is well-taken. Thank you for posting. c

The only time I felt my life was narrowing was the year my two older children were in college and our youngest had just gone off to boarding school. I undertook some house projects and started planning a major house renovation. Afterwards I went back to work full time. Since then there has been little or no slowing down save for the pandemic years, which if I’m honest were a welcome respite of recovery for both DH and me after a hectic and difficult year of illness and surgeries for DH. Since the pandemic my life has got back up to speed in the main areas and I’ve added a few. This is the part of your life you can control if you want. The wider societal and philosophical shifts that one cannot control are what I was speaking to as entropy.

adding… And of course the whole biological process of aging is a kind of entropy as systems and organs fail, and that is a battle we can fight but not win.

Yes as @arcy_gw was saying there are different phases in the micro as well as the macro.

I definitely think that we endeavor to control to a greater or lesser extent based on personal situations. And entropy in general seems more apparent depending on the setting one is referring to.

A very complex and thoughtful topic. Gives us something to discuss over coffee in the morning or wine in the gloaming after a long day. 🙏 c

The pandemic years were definitely not a welcome respite for us or our family. Nov 2020 our DGD was 3 and DGS was 1. Instead of being 2 hrs from them as we had always been we were 9 hrs away.

Our DD and SIL had demanding work from home jobs at that time. We brought the kiddos up here and cared for them for lengthy periods and DD came up and stayed as well. Our local DS and family were struggling as well and we had our grade school age DGS here as well. Fortunately we were able and willing to take on such a demanding lifestyle filled with love and all the attendant demands of parenting babies again as Seniors.

It was a time I can reflect on with sadness as well because our son in Hawaii fell apart and died in May 2020 . We were in Hawaii for a number of weeks with him and are grateful we made the decision to fly to his side with all the warnings from outsiders and some family ringing in our ears .

This topic has so many sides and views. I am glad to read these responses and hope for more as the subject expands. c ( Houzz removes my Trailing sign in )

The pandemic was a terrible, terrible tragedy for millions of people, and we mourned with many families who lost loved ones. For us, it was pure luck that we had just moved into a community where so much of life is lived outdoors and we could meet people and socialize outside. It was such a marked difference in lifestyle from an isolated home on acreage, no neighbors and a layout completely unsuited for disability. I no longer had a large property to manage and could focus my time and attention on DH and easing our daily lives into something more relaxed and healing. The irony of that period being a time of renewal and healing for us after our year of hell does not escape me— every time we learned of another friend’s death I felt guilty that we were so safe and cocooned. I also knew that DH’s painful, forced retirement had probably saved his life as it kept him out of the hospital in the early days before the extreme precautions for medical workers were initiated . That period of our personal life contrasted sharply with what was happening in the world, and we were so grateful and so sad in turns. That sense of being either a victim or a beneficiary of circumstance is in its randomness also a kind of emotional entropy.

KSWL - that was beautifully expressed.

I am careful how and when I say this, but....the pandemic was one of the best things that ever happened in my life - for a wide multitude of reasons. It is a shocking irony that makes me feel guilty for how much pain and loss it caused others. I know people who lost income and careers, others who lost their lives.

I get caught up in how random life can be too.

thank you @NiCOZ5

thank you @Kswl

I agree Nicole, and would go so far as to say that having a purpose in life is what gives us the wherewithal to stem the tide of entropy.

Ally De, I know, at times we felt like people who had the only house still standing in an entire town after a devastating tonado.