I love to decorate for Christmas but the rest of it causes stress. We have simplified over the years and this year we are not even traveling until later. I keep a chilled bottle of wine handy.

Lovely, Patricia!

Live in Colorado:)

My number one tip is: 'Give yourself permission!' Don't stress the unbaked, uncooked, undecorated, unbought...focus on the Love and everything else falls into place. You'd be amazed at what becomes a treasured Christmas Memory that you were certain was the biggest Christmas Fail EVER.

LOL, ask me how I know this:)

My biggest stresses at holiday season are the guilt trips others put on me when I decide to simplify or forgo some of our traditions.

One example--my husband's work party. They do a white elephant "game" every year. It's supposed to be optional, but the gal who organizes it, who is a good friend otherwise, gives us both such grief for not participating. We watch, and laugh, we just don't choose to purchase stuff for the sake of playing along. I know it makes her mad, but what are ya gonna do? :) It's optional and we've opted out for a few years now.

Another, and much bigger guilt-trip, is having to stick to a rigorous schedule of family obligations in order to see everybody in the course of those 48 hours. Deviating from what we've always done threatens to create resentment and hurt feelings on one side or another; so we stick to what we do, and always are pressured into following the same general schedule. There's no opting out of this part of the holiday, at least for the time being.

So...the sanity-keeper? Looking forward immensely to the day(s) AFTER Christmas, when the pressure is gone, the mess is cleaned up, and we just get to hang out and enjoy the togetherness on our own schedule.

Don't do anything you don't want to do. For me, that's present buying. Malls, Black Friday, horrors! And I do not want someone buying me something just because they feel obligated to by some sort of social/commercial propaganda. We might as well just pass around a $100 bill. If someone does get me something, I just hug them and thank them warmly, but I don't get sucked into the gift-giving vortex. Last year I did get a niece and nephew inexpensive but interesting fossils--it was fun and they appreciated it. Another thing I'm learning to avoid is big dinners; smaller, briefer, more personal visits instead. I like the decorations. But I'm not letting the rest of it have power over me.

I use the month of December preparing myself spiritually and emotionally for the holy day of Christmas. For many of us, this time of year brings memories and longings for those who have passed. Key to not becoming depressed and withdrawn is to not overextending myself. I attend morning prayer and Mass, eat well, schedule some spa time, and spend time with friends.
We no longer spend extravagantly on family gifts -- we leave that to the parents of our grandchildren. Instead, we will purchase gifts for the children of the needy families in our community and use our time to run a food drive for our parish pantry. Seeing the joy on the faces of the mothers and fathers when we give them the bags of wrapped gifts and fixings for their family holiday meal keeps the meaning of Christmas alive for us.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all!

Try not to expect things to be PERFECT and don't spend all of your time trying to please everyone else (mothers-in laws- sisters...etc). I have a family that is so rigid and likes things a certain way...plus they can get a bit crazy if things are not perfect...which sends the stress level off the chart. Get some exercise and plenty of sleep and just take it one day at a time. I prefer to just stay home with my husband & son and not run around here and there to both family's homes- it gets to be a bit too much.

I get in the spirit when I start decorating. But, when I start making the 'To do list' for the holiday parties/dinners and shopping and I get stressed and cant wait for it to be over. Then I just take a day or two for myself away from all the planning.

Why can't it simply be about the kids believing in Santa and appreciating family/friends. I miss the years when Xmas wasn't so commercialized.

I start decorating, bake a few cookies, shop, wrap, and between each I take a nap - or at least a rest. Yes, with my feet up, dog curled at my feet, and and a warm blanket for all!

I do gift acquisition year around, then make sure I don't stuff them 'in a safe place'. Baking is a lot more fun in say, October then stuff the freezer with cookies and other goodies. Pick up a spiral ham and warm it up; or order a smoked turkey from the BBQ dude and stuff the fridge with 'help yourself' food for that week. This year won't be decorations; I'm still in the throes of a major remodel. If someone would giftwrap me ten days over 65f so I could do some things without freezing solid, I would be happy. :) I'll just make time for club Christmas dinners, some gathering with friends, and hope by Christmas I have one of two bathrooms completed, and a functioning kitchen even if the countertops are still plywood! Take time for yourself and don't cram it all in at once is my best tip; and spreading the things needed to make it Christmas out over the whole year!

This is family time. Make something for each person to enjoy; make new traditions. Make traditions that apply to you and yours, NOT to anyone else. Unplug the phones for a while, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, this is the time you can tell those you love that you do. Everything else is just window dressing.

How do you know this, Sunnie2day?

Okay Sunnie2day, spill... :)

OK, ok...I'd been married for 18 years and suddenly I was divorced just before Thanksgiving '98. It was not a pretty divorce so when Christmas rolled around I couldn't ask the ex to come put the lights on the tree and so found myself becoming increasingly flummoxed. Struggled, fought, tried to force those strings of fairy lights for hours - no, really, hours, I was determined my son and I would have a nice Christmas starting with a lovely lit tree just like we'd always had. I was over-stressing it in a new and horrific way.

Which ended with me becoming so frustrated, so infuriated that I murdered that beautiful Fraser Fir - I just lost it and threw-kicked that poor tree from one end of the house to the other at least twice, cussin' it with every throw or kick. In three languages. I'm sure it was a sight, the tree loosing needles (ok and branches too, I was really beating the beejeburs outta that thing), the strings of lights flapping, smashing and becoming even more hopelessly tangled with each new throw-kick.

I passed my son's bedroom on the second round through the house and his shocked-horrified-terrified 16yo face peeking around his bedroom door opened just enough for me to see him out of the corner of my red-raged eye was what finally stopped me.

That poor tree had about five needles and five strings of lights dangling off it so I binned it and went out for a fake and some clip-on lights. Actually, those lights were gorgeous, I bought two strings of those electric candles with a clip-on under each base. The tree was pretty fab too.

And my son (who now owns that tree and those lights) recounts the story of the tree and lights to his son every year when they decorate on Thanksgiving Night. My grandson LOVES that story, he says it's even better than watching the holiday classic A Christmas Story.

And I never let myself become that stressed over anything again. Yes ladies, I confess, Mrs Smith baked my holiday pies and Pepperidge Farms did the biscuits (cookies) the rest of the years I lived in the USA.

And you know what? Two turkey breasts roasted in the same covered roasting dish with some Stovetop stuffing thrown in, a tin of green beans and cranberry sauces+tinned yams makes a pretty nice Christmas Lunch, LOL. I gave myself permission in a BIG way!

I agree with Sunnie2day, give yourself permission to let things go. As time has gone on, many of the "family traditions" have been shelved because it ends up being a waste of time and/or money. The Christmas cookies that were a project with the kids, lovingly decorated one at a time took an entire day, and lately the cookies remained un-eaten after the holidays and were thrown out. The expensive family fudge recipe that everyone insisted be made also had 3/4 thrown in the trash. That is now made by my son in DC for his new friends and they rave about it.

This year we have set up and decorated 2 trees instead of 3, and the third may or may not make it out of the box. The large family dinner for Christmas in our home is now planned to be delicious and filling appetizers that can be taken to my 87 year old Dad, and shared with all of us, in the convalescent center where he will still be recovering from a fractured hip. While I love planning and cooking a fabulous feast, this year we have to be practical. I'm sure it will still be special. Maybe this will be a new family tradition even after he's back to his old self.

I'm pretty much done with shopping, which has been 90% accomplished online over the past several years. The importance and sanity of this "tradition" was reinforced this past weekend as my daughter and I took and assisted my Mom with shopping on Saturday, with check out lines so long we became irritated and cranky. The "fun" of the holiday shopping in stores with the lovely decor is no longer fun for me. I can feel festive surrounded by my own home decor.

I have found it is important to let things go that no longer bring joy to all included, especially for me. Boxes of frozen or refrigerated cookie dough that can be made to be "almost home made", frozen meatballs that can be fancied up with sauces, only buying a few Christmas cards for close family members and friends rather than 40 to send to people we no longer communicate with has helped to maintain sanity. I no longer feel guilty, or that I have denied my "inner Martha Stewart" instincts when scaling back. Lucky for me I have kids and a husband that understand holiday "business as usual" no longer fits the budget or energy level. And that understanding, for me, is truly reflective of their love and the holiday spirit.

I know I have stressors (just a few). I will enjoy the holiday time when I follow one simple rule: where is it on the list and is it in the top 5? (:

Just remember that although your relatives are related to you, they are not you. Each one will make different choices than you would. Just as it would be silly for a cardinal to insist that a blue jay be red, it is silly for you to upset yourself because your relatives are not your clones. Unless of course one of your relatives actually IS a clone ;) but even then, how does getting upset help?

We no longer do a big christmas. I had enough of hurry get the food out and I am hungry before the food is done and then the granny's fighting over who goes first. I was in the kitchen all day and then hand cleaning all the china. I barely got to see my kids til they all left and I was exhausted and I didn't enjoy the day. I felt like It was a way for certain family members to just come and bash the day. My food they say is the best but at what expense. Their help is not appreciated when they tell you in your own home they want it served how and when. They stand in my way in the kitchen. I told them you have it. Then all they did was complain it didn't taste as good as mine. So we now just do christmas day with my five kids and hubby and me and I welcome a few stop bye guest but no big hoopla anymore. My kids and my husband and I are much happier for it. My kids tell me they are much happier. You can always have a get together another day. We now do a famliy bring a dish and gift exchange night. It is not at my house. I love it now.

Think of Jesus Christ birth, keep it simple and treasure family get- together

I have a friend who buys her children three (3) gifts for Christmas. That is how many gifts the three Wisemen brought baby Jesus. How many parents buy too much ("gifts overload") for their kids?

Count your blessings and enjoy

Learn to say No. As they say in WeightWatchers, "No." is a complete sentence.

Do it ahead of time. And don't go overboard! You are entitled to enjoy the season too, LOL

My husband's family gives one present per person.
So each adult offspring gives mom one gift.
- often bro & sis go in together on a nice present for the 3rd sibling.
So civilized!

My family still thinks it's imperative to give about 5 gifts to each person. No one wants that crap & what a hassle! I have rebelled & just give them one present now, hoping they will eventually catch on.

Since we are all adults we made the decision to stop buying gifts for each other except for the kids and we just have a get together whenever it suits everyone. I just cook a main entrée and vegetable dish and let everyone else bring whatever else they want.

I pared down my Christmas decorating.... Now, I only decorate the rooms my family and guests actually see! I use lots of wreaths with simple bows and add little Christmas touches to my existing accessories. I wrap each gift when it is purchased so that I'm not wrapping for hours at a time.

love, love and love

......An enormous bottle of "Ohbejoyful"......It comes in many varieties and can be bought at the local supermarket!! Hatx

Keep your expectations (of yourself AND others) reasonable. No one can "do it all". Focus on the important things - Faith and Family - then the other things, like Fun and Festivities, will fill in the leftover time slots.

In addition to the above post, I would suggest that you make a family event of things -- baking cookies with the children or grandchildren, having the nieces and nephews come over to help with the decorating, help the neighbors with their outside light-stringing and let them help you in return, potluck the celebratory dinners, etc. Even Christmas gifts that we craft ourselves can be done together. These events are memory-building exercises in familial love and teach children teamwork.

Ativan

LOL, rngp, I've heard Xanex takes the edge off too:)

seriously, my kids make sure I have plenty on hand and that I take it! something about those last minute details and getting the cooking finished on time send me into a whirlwind. Fortunately, my daughter is great at taking over and sending me out to my balcony retreat when she sees my spinning out of control. Happy Holidays all!

I understand, rngp, my son has my back too:)

Christmas prep has changed for us since our children are now adults. I stopped sending cards years ago since the people I would send cards to, I talk regularly with or see. I do almost all of my shopping on line...have always avoided malls and big stores, even out of season. Wrapping is usually large cloth festive patterned bags sewn during the year tied with ribbons. No longer bake dozens of cookies, but only three types I know will be eaten, plus a cherry pie. Someone once said to me, "it doesn't matter what you do or don't get done...Christmas comes anyway." So, I'll join abbyjean in her toast and the others on their anti-anxiety meds and enjoy our holidays as best I can.

Oh, I forgot to mention, we no longer put up a tree, artificial or real. We have real cut pine and fir branches and an evergreen wreath and ornaments in a clear glass bowl and white fairy lights, and candles all around...but no tree. I gave almost all our ornaments to our adult children for their trees and only kept a few older sentimental ones.

Cheers to you, too, edithsmom!!! Happiest of holidays to you!!!

@catrowe - is your real name Martha? ;-)

And are you for real? I am impressed!

If it is so stressful, why do they insist on calling this time of year "the holidays"?
"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night"

I do agree with the house cleaning as we like to have it fresh for putting up the chrimmy decs and thankfully we only have a small house! Cat, I love your passion....but do you need to look into any OCD possibility?!!!! I Jest and hope all your efforts make for a glorious Christmas for you, yours and all Houzzer Friends! With Peace, Joy and Love to all of you across the world, Hat in Andalucia xxxx

Memories of family times spent together in holidays past and wistful wishes that those that are gone were still with us. Keeps me focused on how precious time with those I love is and the stress doesn't stand a chance.

Used to go nuts getting everything done, house decorated inside and out. Cooked like a crazy woman. Always had one more gift to buy. Sent cards to everyone I knew.
What has changed - everything. I don't send cards anymore. Kids and grandkids get one reasonable gift of their choice. Each family will bring an appetizer. This year the live tree has lights, beaded garland and one very special ornament that my husband and I always placed on the tree together, sadly, he's unable to remember the ornament, but the kids and I remember its story. We'll get together, hug, laugh, tell stories of Christmases past, take pictures, eat, open gifts, count our blessings, and certainly remind the younger generation the meaning of Christmas. I'll relax before our gathering by listening to Christmas music by Arron Neville and Michael Buble' and maybe have a glass of bubbly. It will be a Merry Christmas!

@CatRowe. Just read your entire post. What the heck do you do in January. I would be checking into the psych ward. lol. Merry Christmas.

Grobby read your 1st post, It made me cry. So sweet:(

My new favorite thing is to purchase tickets for an activity. I bought tickets to a golf championship for my husband, and tickets for my daughter and three friends to attend a concert together. It's not inexpensive, but it's better than a pile of clothes they won't wear and don't return. AND, it made me happy to think about how much fun they will have!

Keep it Simple and easy clean up

I am reviving this old thread because I am interested in how everyone here, now that we are in the second year of COVID-infected holidays. Because of that, I suspect many of us are changing more than ever. I know I am, and I would like to hear what you are doing differently and whether those changes are due to COVID, getting older, downsizing, financial or health issues, and anything else.

About three months ago, I had an almost sudden revelation that I was going to be making a big change: no gifts. I've always prided myself on knowing what others really want (by listening to them talk about their lives throughout the year mostly) and giving them those things wrapped very prettily. But I bought my own home nearly a year ago and the mortgage, necessary renovations, and other costs are keeping me on a tight budget. Plus, I am getting older and buy myself what I need or want so I don't want gifts.

I also adopted three new black cats after I lost my older three due to age. They are nuts and so the idea of buying and putting up a six-foot white tree with lights and ornaments gives me the willies given what they have done to some of my beloved items so far. I will simply use what I have already and go through it all when I bring it out the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend. (I suspect my favorite thrift store will do well by me this year.)

I don't bother to bake; TJ's can handle any sweets I want to have around. I'm not sure about Christmas eve or Christmas day dinner. Something easy, maybe just a selection of purchased appetizers or a grilled steak with salad and artichoke, or even my favorite steamed clams and artichoke.

I also don't go anywhere with COVID so a nice walk around the neighborhood will do very well as will a good swim in the park pool and a soak in the jacuzzi. However, I do hope my town will bring back at least some of its events and sights. I will skip the theatre's production of The Nutcracker and some other indoor events but driving around to look at lights, walking our main street and participating in any fairs is something I am willing to do.

In short, despite the continued presence of COVID, I think it's going to be a grand, stress-free Christmas. I am finally in my own home after 18 months of interim living, I have cats around me again, I am steadily employed, I am healthy and happy, and I make good choices. (Mostly.) .

What are you doing for your holiday sanity?

My Dad died at Christmas time years ago, and since that happened, a bit of Chistmas joy was taken from me. I am Jewish and hubby is Christian. I do still enjoy decorating for Christmas and Hanukkah. I start usually the weekend after Thanksgiving. A few years ago I had my staircase redone in oak and added garland on the bannister! We always have Christmas at my daughter in laws and all bring dishes: I bring my famous salad and Ghirardelli brownies ( they are better than any bronnies you can make from scratch IMO). We also play lots of games! Hubby and I no longer exchange presents with each other; we donate to a charity or a cause for our wonderful US armed service men and women. ( I am a retired US Air force Captain). We also always watch the Army / Navy game (usually its in December) as my oldest grandson is a West Point graduate! Hubby has attended a few games in person. I dont send cards, but do send lots of phone texts.