So you want to have your cake and eat it too? Your might be able to do this with a very dark stain which was popular a few years ago, but not so much now. I suggest you give up on your oak look and paint the cabinets in any of 1,000 or more colors.

Thanks for the input. Husband is reluctant to paint over the oak.

No can do. Even painting, you will still see the grain.

Go with a dark stain. It will look great. Oak has a beautiful grain, but can be busy for those who prefer simple woods.