I can empathise greatly with your challenges given my lack of opposable green thumbs. As a possible solution, what about some nice herbs/vegies (on the assumption that they will be eaten prior to potential death by neglect)?

That plant looks like a Bonsai. They are notoriously difficult. For most of my plants, my problem is that they grow to big and need to be potted in bigger and bigger containers or need to be divided and I don't need three more of the same. People ooh and ahh over my green thumb. But Bonsai? They've all died on me (and yes, I've had a few). So, killing Bonsai doesn't mean you're hopeless with plants.

How to succeed:

Understand what light and heat your plants need and get. Remember that summer can be very different from winter. (Okay, I live in Russia, where in winter, sun is weak and there isn't a lot of it and in summer, it can shine for 20 hours a day, YMMV) .

Understand what the watering requirements are and your typical vacation pattern. You can drag all your plants to a shady part of the house and cover them with plastic. That works for a week or two (note, again, my experience is not with Australia), but if you want to leave your plants beyond that on a regular basis (once a year, every year, for example) you either need hardy succulents or a watering system. There are a number of methods, most of them quite inexpensive, but less effective for big plants. Recognize when your lifestyle just isn't a good fit (me, Bonsai).

Start small. Repot as needed. Watch out for small plants that are multistemmed. In order to make a small hibiscus look bushy, they often put in a number of stems. When it grows, the roots of the 3 or 4 plants are entwined and there's no space in the pot (this is the problem with my 6 foot Hibiscus). You want one stem for a big plant and if you are successful, trees will grow big. Many potted plants are sold in peat, which dries out very, very quickly. It basically goes from soggy to desiccated in the blink of an eye. Repot as soon as you buy it.

Look at the potted plants around you, in friends' houses, in public spaces, etc. You can ask your friends about the plant and you can figure anything in a public space is pretty easy. Identify it.

Get a water meter and figure out when your plants are dry and when too soggy, Pay attention to humidity. If your house is humid, grow ferns, if your house is dry, grow succulents. There may be a stark difference between winter and summer. In Russia, the cold outdoor air has little moisture, when it's inside, it's warmer and dryer, dryer, driest. The rest of the year can get humid.

Jade plants are pretty easy. They droop a bit when dry, but don't die. They grow. Don't put them on a sunny window sill, except in Moscow in winter, when no window sill is sunny.

I have a similar problem. (I've even killed perfectly lovely succulents! GAH!)

I've had better luck with those lucky bamboo stalks, some decorative palms, and spider plants. Trying my hand at succulents again, but this time I'm going to be more judicious about the water and light.

You might want to consider some silk plants. They always look nice and many of them look real.

Pothos plants are easy.

Another note, get a book on houseplants and get one written by an Australian. The English are famous for their gardens and expertise with plants, but they tend to assume the reader is living in a place with the same climate, it's more obvious when they're telling you to plant your peas when your garden has a foot of snow and the ground is frozen solid than how much light you'll get on a north-facing window in the winter (none in Moscow, not none in London).

Devil's Ivy is indestructible. I've over watered specimens and left them alone for almost two months (I travel a lot), and they have survived and revived. Some of my abused varieties are over 10 years old.

Basil is a good beginner houseplant as it will visibly wilt when it really needs water then perk back up good as new.

The best advice is go to a nursery and let them tell you what is best for your area. What grows good here may not be good for Australia

I agree with tchpch - Devil's Ivy is a good starter plant. Also Snake Plant, Grape Ivy, or Philodendron. Be sure the pot has holes in the bottom, and use a plastic saucer underneath. Don't leave standing water in the saucer after watering. A water meter is a good investment for beginners. Put "Check Plants" on your calendar at least once/week!

If it helps, you're not alone. I am biased, but have you considered artificial? It depends on what you want from the plant(s). If you want the satisfaction of caring for a real plant and seeing it flourish, then take the advice of the people above. If you're simply looking for something that looks good all the time without the risk of it looking shabby, or in your case, like its been living in a desert (sorry), artificial plants have come on a long way and if you look hard enough you'll find really high quality products that are only noticably fake when you look at them from about a foot away. It's an option to consider. Good luck!
Oh, I've attached a photo of a palm we tried (honestly we did try) looking after at home, and the artificial palm that will be replacing it.
Andy

Just remember, God didn't invent House Plants. : ) By far the easiest plant to grow indoors is an Agleonemea, ((often called a Silver Queen). They're easy to find, and only want water about every other week. Even if you forget about them for 3 weeks, they're not likely to mind. If you really want a Palm, buy two and rotate them out giving each equal time outdoors.

This is one of the many varieties of Agleonemea. Almost impossible to kill.

Do you have Spathiphyllum, commonly called Peace Lily, in Australia? It has a pretty white lily-like flower and is difficult to kill. You could also, like me, embrace the black thumb and decorate with "sculptural flora" like large vases that have an art nouveau or nature-inspired look.

I love gardening and the only way to learn is by trial and error. I have killed a great many plants over the years by giving them too little water/sun or too much water/sun. When that happened, I learn and try again. Bonsai are not plants for beginners. My advice to you is what I have done over the decades (prior to the internet) is to read some books on plant care or find some good sources online. Succulents and Cactus have the least water needs so if you have a tendency to underwater, then they will be perfect for you. While a plant can't text you what it needs, it can definitely tell you what it needs by the appearance of its leaves. If you are serious about learning to care for plants, you must be observant and willing to learn.

I got some really fun succulents this summer that are from South Africa. Perhaps that climate is similar to Australia? Anyway, they look like stones and are called stone plants or rock plants. They seem to require little attention. Here in Indiana, US, they won't over-winter outside, but I'm thinking they'll survive the transition to indoors okay. We'll see.

I've found that an improper CONTAINER is usually the culprit for unhealthy plants. Just because it's pretty and sold as a plant container, doesn't mean that it works well. Many times water stagnates in the bottom, causing root rot/disease. I've found the small container are the worst...never can grow anything in them. I buy oversized containers, ensuring enough drainage holes and proper sloping. Did you ever fill a container with just water to see if it pools around the inner edges? A perfect breeding ground for contamination.

Honestly, I concur with the two Pros above who suggested silk plants. I tried various plants, with varying success, over the years. I finally came to the conclusion that plants are dispensable. Once I reached that conclusion, then I had no guilt when they died after a very abbreviated lifespan. I am particular in purchasing the best quality silk plants I can find. Consequently, most of my guests assume they are real anyway. I try to keep flowering plants to within their season (e.g., no tulip arrangements in August). The greatest advantage to silk is no cleanup of dead leaves. When we leave on vacation, I don't have to worry about having someone come in to water. I must offer this disclosure: I live in the Pacific Northwest where I stare out the windows at abundant greenery, so I still get my fill of the whole living/dying cycle of plant life. I've just quit trying to replicate it inside my house. No one has ever walked in and asked, "Where are your houseplants?" :)

Lots of great plant advice above! Not sure if this was mentioned but you said you wanted a tough house plant. Sansevieria or Mother-in-Law’s-Tounge is a nice, clean and architectural plant that does well in low light, any light really, and has little water needs. Maybe once a month or so water it in the sink or tub so the water runs through it and doesn't sit in the container. Sure way to kill anything. It’s as close as you can get to a faux plant with one that actually lives. Good luck!

Wow, poor little plant! Looks as dry as a desert! Plants are living things, like you, they need proper water, food, soil and light. With the internet, you can find out a great deal about a plant (once you have the correct name) to see what it requires. Don't buy plants that require too much, just the basics. There are house plants that aren't too picky which I'd suggest. Then, there's always some good fake ones...just dust!

Although most plants just don't survive in my home (combination of lack of green thumb and lack of natural light in the house...plus kitties that may eat/kill/spill them, and the loooooong list of plants that are toxic to cats), I keep trying because I really love the look and feel of live plants. I also love that they help to purify the air. :)

I've had a majesty palm for about a week. Wanna take bets on how long it lives? ;) (My burro's tail succulent is surviving longer than usual, as is my spider plant. But the other succulents, including a lovely pearl plant, another palm, and all of my herbs bit the dust. And speaking of dust...I can't stand that I have to dust my silk/plastic/faux plants!) I usually keep about 50/50 around, artificial/live.

When in doubt, though, faux:

http://www.dotandbo.com/collections/in-style-modern-aztec/gilded-cactus-figures-set-of-2

I feel your pain, and most of my houseplants eventually do, too.

This method has eventually worked for me:

1. Go to a good nursery and describe the precise environment in the exact place you want to grow a plant. Include the neglectful care thing.

2. Try one good sized plant (tiny ones fail too fast) and see how it does.

3. If that one doesn't do pretty well, give it to a neighbor and ask the nursery which plant you should try next.

An old schefflera and grape ivy have survived in my living room beside a north facing patio window for TEN WHOLE YEARS. Other easy-to-keep plants in the same place withered no matter what I did.

I empty a water glass at them when I think about it.

If they actually start to wilt, I'll give them a thorough watering. Maybe they like to be a little dry?

They both grow so well that every year I have to cut them back a lot.

Keep trying and you'll find a plant that suits your house and your "care" style.

Air plants, succulents and other drought tolerant plants have done our "brown-thumbed" clients well!

Try with just one, to start. Try Sansevieria. :-) water once a week( 1 cup) :-) good luck

I think you should make a self watering pot. Take a terra cotta pot with a hole in the bottom. Place an old cotton sock in the hole but leave about 3" hanging out of the bottom and open up the rest inside the pot. Add potting soil with moisture beads to the pot and add plant of choice. Now find a decorative larger pot that will fit over the smaller pot with about 1" space around the sides. You can add spanish moss to cover the space later. If you need to raise the smaller pot to the level do it with a brick or some small stones.

Now you can water your plant inside the 1" circumference. You can add any amount of water and the plant should not become over watered. Every week put a stick down in the space to check for water level and add as needed. Simple and easy.

Don't forget to fertilize.

during my college days, one summer vacation somehow a sanseveria (mother-in-laws-tongue) ended up in the closet for 3 months - no water ,no light, and temperatures over 90 degrees Fahrenheit- when I came back in September I watered it, stuck it back in the window, it was fine. About the only way to kill one is to over water it.

I can't kill my MILs tongue. Perhaps I should just sing lalalalalalalalala.

I think you solved your problem, don't buy any house plants, because if you neglect them then you are not enjoying them. Plants in-doors and out, need a good parent. I only have one plant, a small one on the coffee table in my living room, we get along fine and I take the time to make sure it gets what it needs, water, light, good soil. If you don't have time, no problem........just buy something else interesting for you home. Its OK not to have in-door plants. A lot of people have mentioned MILT, but I don't like them........If you must have a plant, just buy some flowers at a local market that are in season, then when they fade away, wait a week or two and buy another bunch and enjoy. Just try and stick with Local in Season fresh cut flowers. Its August not much blooming, but a few tree's have lovely Autumn flowers, and of course, gourds and a pumpkin will soon be available.....Mix up your need for a plant with these ideas. Good luck.

I bought a bamboo palm from Bunnings. It's a tough old thing and I've only watered him (yes I think he's a boy plant ) twice in two months!! He's lives inside and gets a bit of morning sun but not much else TLC.

Good luck with your green thumbs. And ps: bonsai hardest to grow!!

I do the same thing. My daughter convinced me to buy a shamrock a few years ago around St Patricks Day. I have neglected it the same as the other plants I have killed over the years. The poor Shamrock looks like it is dead and gone; but as soon as it gets some water, it's springs back to life. It is tiny forever since I keep "killing" it back to a stump, but it keeps on going with a little water.

Zanzibar Gem - I'm in Brisbane and kill everything too :( I bought it as it states 'thrives on neglect' and it looks great!

Most people kill plants by over watering but that doesn't seem to be the case here. A friend of mine sets her phone calendar to remind her every two weeks to water her plants. If something like that doesn't work, try fresh flowers as was wisely suggested above. Good luck! :)

I'm like you with plants, Lainie. The only plant That's worked well for me is the Janet Craig Dracaena. It tolerates low light, varying water levels, and is extremely hardy. We "plantscaped" our new house with a number of trees and plants, and I am so anxious about caring for them that for now, I'm using an indoor plant service. Worried about the day coming soon when I have to start caring for them on my own!

Lainie,

There are many very good recommendations here. Don't feel bad, I killed my rosemary ... twice!

For now, try to stay away from plants like dieffenbachia, pathos, orchids & expensive plants. Many succulents can fall apart on you if you don't know what you're doing and if you're not providing enough light.

My recommendations are Aglaonema (Chinese Evergreen), all varieties of Sansevieria, Schefflera, and Cactus ... Euphorbia succulents are also good, especially crested which make very interesting plants. These all come variegated (so they don't bore you) and thrive on neglect. You water once a month and forget about them...Just don't forget to water once a month ;-? Dracaena Marginata is also a good choice and very easy to take care of. You may have to water it every two weeks in hot weather. These come in dark green with a red edge or variegated green & white.

All the very best to you.

- Maria Elena

Hi Lainie.. have never found someone with my name that was spelled the same way!

As for houseplants I don't think that there are any that "thrive under neglect".. survive maybe but not thrive..LOL

As a long time plantaholic the best advice that I can give you would be to "google" the name of the plant that you are interested in & you will find all the info you need.

Best tips for healthy plants ...You just can't water all varieties "once a week". Water according to the plants specific needs.Thin leaved plants wilt faster so need to be watered more often. Thick leaved plants less often.

I have found that overwatering & lack of drainage in the pot is the most common cause of plant death.

Cactus can be a good starter plant if you have a sunny window. Although they grow very slowly they do bloom.

Bast of luck from Canada with your "practice babies".

Neglect for plants does not only regard watering practices but also ... selecting the ideal light exposure, fertilizing schedule & checking for pests.

Most Bonsai make horrible house plants.