Agreed. Very rude and unnecessary.

Yes, I have @whynottryit. You are correct in your observations and no newbie to Houzz, or anyone, deserves to be put down because they have something you personally don't care for. One works with not only what they have but also for improvements for what they have or if something "goes" or not. Put downs never accomplish much.

I haven't seen it but then I don't follow the threads about furniture layout, choosing a rug, etc., etc. If I post on one of those, I seldom go back and read through all the comments as I don't have anything else to add.

The thing I do notice is that there's a lot of peer pressure to have a very modern style house, and if you don't, you don't fit in. Along with that is the pressure to throw out a room full of decent furniture whether you can afford to or not. Someone posts asking about one thing and ends up being told they need to get rid of almost everything they own, and start over if they wish to have a home that's livable. That's fine for people who are independently wealthy, but at least 60% of the homes featured in the dilemmas are less that 2,500 sq ft, and worth less than $350,000--normal lower to middle class homes of people who are on a budget.

People will come on forums and say things they'd never say in person. And a lot of people use forums and other comment venues to blow off steam and the like. Houzz is incredibly tame IMHO. I've seen people threaten to committ suicide over things said on forums.

Sophie... What you've just said was blunt...but I don't consider it rude. There is a difference between constructive criticism, being civil, and informative and being brutal, contemptuous and downright mean. You are obviously aware of that line. Others are not and those are the ones to whom I am referring. It's not pointing out the problems in the room that concern me, it's the manner in which those problems are addressed. Surely anyone who is intelligent enough to offer an informed design opinion is bright enough to know how to do that in a manner that preserves the owner's dignity at the same time.

Allow me to make up a totally fictional dilemma. "I want to make a dog house in back yard that is 10% the size of our house" To me, a response like "Why would you want to do that?" is not rude, but it's not really helping me neighter. That is, if i was independently wealthy and wish to become eccentric....

I agree Curt. That response would certainly not be rude. Rather to me it would be to enlighten and understand the purpose and desire behind the idea. In your fictional scenario, I would expect anyone wishing to create such a doghouse would be a dog lover and would find it very distressing, once they had built it and were looking for additional help, to hear that it was horrendous or dreadful or awful or how stupid they were to do such a thing. That is rude and unhelpful. It's one thing to express a difference of opinion in even a blunt but civilized manner. It's another completely to try to tear someone apart just to make oneself feel "superior" in some manner.

@haleydaniels. Oh my goodness, suicide? How horrid! Though I have to admit, I have seen some comments that would make me turn tail and run had they been directed at me. I posted this discussion to try to bring this issue out in the open so that people who may not realize the effect they are having on others may become aware. It may not work but there's not much else we can do other than educate and hopefully slow down if not eliminate the unwarranted behavior.

Regarding what Curt said, I responded to a thread yesterday about needing a more room for the kids so they can each have a room when one was just born and the other is 2. I suggested they can share a room for a couple of years as kids have done for generations.

You also see threads where people expect you to tell them exactly what to do. I responded to one a week ago about wall color that the person liked, and their next comment was 'now what?' At a certainly point, people need to understand that while you can get a lot of help on forums, you really are taking the advice of people you don't know so you have a responsiblity to do your own due diligence regarding the answer. I'm always careful with paint suggestions to advise people to get samples and make sure they like how it looks in their house.

The threatened suicide was a health forum by a lady who had gotten in a huge fight with another member that turned into half the people taking sides, sending each other nasty messages, threatening to call the police on each other and the like. The main lady had gone without sleep for several days, and then someone she couldn't sign on and thought it was deliberate. Fortunately she got the care and sleep she needed, and things settled down after untold hurt feelings and the like. Anything tiffs are here are like child's play after witnessing that. I stayed out of it...

Hayley, I think I know exactly which "now what?" thread you mean, lol! Really, what good is taking advice for colors if you can't tell for yourself whether you like something or not?

To ask what color goes with this fabric is one thing, to ask what color should I paint something where there is no point of reference, or the furniture is so neutral that any color would go with it are the kinds of threads where some people answer with such absolutes that is seems rude. "Don't paint it blue! Any color but pink! Those are always painted red!"

You would think the decorating police were truly going to knock on the door and arrest people for choosing something "offensive."

Yes I've noticed this...I feel so bad for the people, you don't know the sentimental value of a piece they've chosen, I think a professional decorator or designer should be designing for the client's needs not for themselves or the latest trends. The other thing I've noticed is multiple commenters getting in tifs in the middle of the board that has nothing to do with the poster...I always just leave at that point, like back away...

This is an interesting post with worthwhile, constructive observations that are important to everyone who participates here on Houzz. I too, have come across threads where inappropriate things are said, both to the OP and between parties within discussions.

It would be wonderful if we lived in a world where everyone had integrity and was kind, considerate and respectful of others, but unfortunately, that's not the case. Houzz provides the option of flagging and reporting those who are extremely offensive, which is good, but it can't address the more subtle concerns that are being expressed here.

Since everyone is individually responsible for how they present themselves, it stands to reason that some people will hold themselves to higher standards than others. The best way to counteract a negative is with a positive, so go forth on Houzz and be kind, considerate, respectful and helpful. The best way to change things is to lead by example.

Christi, on behalf of Thos. Baker

I agree Christi! Sometimes just reminding us that actual living people are on the other side of the screen is enough to make us more careful in what we say on the "net". That was my goal with this discussion. Hopefully, we will all be more careful in how we interact with each other in, what can be, extremely stressful situations.

I applaud you whynottryit, for having the sensitivity to raise the discussion. It's sad that one should have to point out and remind others of the importance of common courtesy, which is meant to prevent people from hurting one another carelessly. It's always good to raise awareness and I agree with you 100%. Social media has two sides. It can either be wonderful or dangerous, but it all goes back to the individual who's using it. Where I come from, if someone was mean, they were ostracized by everyone until they changed their behavior. The internet has created a new forum for an old problem, so maybe the situation can be improved by the kind people here on Houzz, which is a majority.

Christi, on behalf of Thos Baker

I totally agree! The point of being on Houzz is to get ideas and help each other with all kinds of home dilemmas. Everyone has a different problem and a unique way to solve it. Also, not everyone has the same taste! Even if you may not like what someone has created, you don't have to bash it. The point is to give *constructive* criticism for the betterment of all of our homes and other spaces! Thank you for raising this point. I hope the rude ones get the memo!
-Laura from Century Stereo

I had posted a question some time ago in design dilemmas, about mark-ups that interior designers charge. I didn't fully understand the concept, and I wanted to understand why there were so many different percentages (20, 25, 30, 35%). I received some very helpful comments. However, I received multiple incredibly rude comments from interior designers! Oh my goodness. I was incredulous over the nastiness of the comments. I had to re-read my question because I thought I must have been objectively rude/offensive in the way I asked the question. That was not the case. In my opinion, my question exuded a genuine curiosity. I couldn't believe that professionals, using the name of their company, would attack me in the manner that they did. I felt sick because I cannot imagine ever responding to anyone like that in such a professional setting. In other words, I would never have the integrity to treat someone so horribly, when I am on this website promoting my business. Interestingly, when I questioned them about their condescending remarks, many of them removed their answers. That happened more than a year ago, and it still stings.

--> "when I questioned them about their condescending remarks, many of them removed their answers."
alex511, by virtue of them removing their remarks they knew they were in the wrong. It happens to the best of us in the heat of the moment. For example, i feel very passionate about some subjects, and thus i voice off w/out thinking thru. Sometimes i do have to go back and delete my comment(s). It wasn't that my comment was wrong persay, but it was wrong in my wording of it

alex511, any time fees are the subject of an inquiry, people are going to become defensive. A lot of people who've never had a business or worked in the administrative side of one don't understand how much it costs to keep a business going with salaries, taxes, overhead and the like. That doesn't justify people being rude about it, but I'm sure a lot of them are sensitive to the fact that people a lot of them charge a day's wage for the average person for one hour of their time. A few years ago we had to hire a dog behaviorist because we had some issues with our big lab [the dog looking at you], and it was $140 for her to come to our house, interact with the dog and talk to us for 1 hour. The info she provided was very helpful and worth it, but I couldn't afford to hire her for a day. We knew the fee going in so it wasn't an issue, but had she recommended coming over once a week for a month, it would have been.

I appreciate your wanting to provide me with reasons for why they lambasted me; however, I was merely reporting how I was treated. I wasn't looking to find reasons for their behavior, and I hope that doesn't sound rude. Sometimes we just want to vent without someone trying to explain someone else's poor behavior. When someone physically assaulted my husband due to no provocation on his part, I really didn't want to hear about how this guy (the guy who assaulted my husband) had a bad day. I hope this comparision helps you understand my position. Thank you.

Alex, your experience is one of those things that shouldn't happen. There have been times when I've seen a remark made on a dilemma that caused an almost violent reaction in me and made me want to verbally take the person to task but by the time I typed up my response I would realize that what I was saying was only going to "stir the stink" as my father often said. At that point, I would either re-word my response or back away from the issue. Hasty, reactionary responses can be rude and demeaning to others, as was the case apparently with your dilemma. The confusing part for me is that no one really has to respond but they do and when that response is loaded with venom the effects last indefinitely. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Hi Alex. Curt is correct. The fact that comments were removed was not only an admission of guilt, it was an attempt to salvage their reputations. Anyone can start a business, but that's no guarantee they're a true professional -- that's based on developing a good reputation, which can take years.

A true professional would never jeopardize their reputation, especially within a community of their peers, because they know they would cause themselves irreparable harm. Try not to let their lack of personal and professional integrity steal anything from you or cause you any further anxiety. Chances are, others read your thread and were dismayed by it as well.

Christi, on behalf of Thos. Baker

Thank you, whynottryit and Christi! I really appreciate your thoughtful posts! :-)

Is there a moderator for this? Some of these posts are ancient or duplicates with thousands of replies. I don't bother replying to those and I have to admit some questions make my head hurt but I just ignore those. Yes some people have no design clue but isn't that why we are here, to help. I enjoy sharing my knowledge and expertise. And have also learned a lot from all of you. This is fun.

marilynellis, there's a little flag at the top right hand side of each post where you can flag it as either offensive, spam or something else. I've done that a lot for the ones that were gibberish that Curt thought might be some sort of code as he's a programmer. If someone is particularly nasty, I flag it as well.

No, as far as I know, there is no moderator and honestly, when threads are moderated it really slows down the flow of information. Moderators have to review posts before they are allowed through so it can take days for posts to show up.

I'm glad you've enjoyed this thread. I tend to avoid those long threads and questions "that make my head hurt" too. :) Sometimes, I find myself just shaking my head and moving on.

Yes! I agree with you 100 percent. I have to post the SAME HOUSE MULTIPLE TIMES in order to get some good, honest advice. However, that creates issues with the accounts who comment. There are several people following me on my houzz account apparently just to insult my decisions and tastes. Most, in fact all of each of the comments on the posting are negative, destructive, offensive, irrational and overall pointless. It just makes me very sad that a this website's intentions are not followed most of the time.

I just did a search for "rude" and was pleasantly surprised to find that someone (maybe more) had not only already posted on this but did so six years ago(!)...I've thrown out several design questions over the past few months as our home build nears completion; on every single one of them somebody has posted unconstructive, unhelpful and even snarky comments that skirted my actual question. I tried flagging one of them but this apparently doesn't apply to rudeness.

We spent several years working with an architect in designing our home, and there are reasons - some professional, some personal - why the house is designed the way it is; and I've agonized over every detail during the build - siding, door styles, paint colors, tile, you name it. Yet rather than address my actual dilemma by offering insight from similar or otherwise personal experience, some (including "professionals") have felt the need to point out why our house is just "wrong" and badly designed, or that I should have "known" not to make a given mistake. Why would anyone post questions and make sincere requests for advice if we had known all the answers in advance? Given that I'm reaching the point at which further research would make me second-guess decisions already made, I'm seriously considering unsubscribing from Houzz newsletters; and if fielding advice will just cause further stress I don't see the point of continuing with my one form of social media.

While rudeness is never acceptable, it must not be confused with bluntness. If you want affirmation, email your mom; she likes all your choices. If you want to know where you've screwed up or are about to, stick around. You are not entitled to hear what you want to hear. It's what gives the site value.

Case in point...

I get the whole rude/blunt thing...but there's a difference between "I don't think you'll like that, you really need to look at that again, I think that would be a mistake" and a lot of what I've seen. A person can be blunt and still be polite.

Missi, I agree that being forthright and polite aren't mutually exclusive; but the problem I've had is that people don't address my actual question (if they even understand what I'm asking) of whether I should go with "a" or "b" but want to go back and change something more fundamental based on assumptions they've made and which isn't an option by that point, like changing the lighting plan of our whole house. I'd have to get into specifics to really explain what I mean so the most apt analogy I can think of is the Friends episode (and I'm dating myself) in which Joey offers Ross "advice" on his divorce:

Joey: I'd give you some advice but you won't like it.

Ross: Well, what is it?

Joey: You shouldn't have gotten married.

Ross: That's not advice!

Joey: Told you you wouldn't like it.

And as I've mentioned these unhelpful responses are served up on a platter of snark as if the solution should have been obvious from the beginning and their one statement should solve everything. But I'm weary of going in circles...

Ah yes--which curtains look better in my living room? And the reply of "that is the uglies couch I've ever seen" "you need to put in a bigger window" "we need to see the whole house and rooms in relation to decide" "now that we have, your kitchen needs updating and that backsplash is all wrong"

On the other hand, we sometimes get cosmetic questions about a backsplash but notice that the appliance installation is a fire hazard. No, I don't care what color tile you chose, but I'm not staying silent when you're about to burn your family to death.

Yes I would muchly appreciate it if a hazard were pointed out!

This was recently my experience on a design dilemma I posted about a rug choice for my home. Most of the comments were helpful and kind, a few including one PRO was rude. I also got lots of comments about other furniture in my home that needed to be changed out and that wasn't what I asked about. I think HOUZZ needs to require a commentor to post their own pictures of their decor when giving advice so the person asking the question knows if this person is just being rude or constructive. And has any design abilities what so ever. I had people schooling me on all sorts of things I didn't ask for from; the art doesn't go or work in the room at all, to the desk, lighting and coffee table needed to go. I wanted thoughts on rugs. That was it! When I took offensive and addressed the irrelevance of a comment, one of the rude people on the post said WOW! Not to the rude comments, but to me, because when she gave me advice a couple days prior, which I didn't solicit, she didn't like that I told her I felt I was happy with the way my rug looked, but she insisted on making sure I knew she was right and how the back legs of my chairs "looked like they were falling of the rug" because she thought I needed a longer rug but I was happy with my choice in my own home. Anyone who ended up saying the rule was the back legs not be off the rug, she made sure to like. She was trolling my post to find others that agreed with her so I knew she was right and that my rug wasn't long enough in her opinion, even though I NEVER ASKED ANYONE IF I BOUGHT THE RIGHT LENGTH OF RUG! So, because I wasn't agreeing with her opinion on my rug, she defended a lady that tried to school me on my coffee table, (my post was not about a coffee table but rather a rug). This just happened today. I really want my homes personal pictures off HOUZZ and can't find out to delete them. Anyway, In the past I have encountered a few other pros that were rude. They get upset on here if you don't take their advice. The woman being rude actually the 2 of them that gave advice I didn't ask for, one about my coffee table being too high and what coffee/cocktail tables were originally used for and the other about the length of my rug, both not even listed as PROS. Both seemed intent of following my dilemma in order to troll me in a weird way. I had to go in and set everything to private which deleted nice people who offered advice or opinions that were relevant to my question and in a kind way. @Houzz

I can probably guess as to the identity of one of those "Pros", as there's a female (or so I would guess from the name) designer that has apparently spent years trolling comments to add her own "expert" advice as though it should have been oh-so-obvious. <eye roll, head toss> My husband is a business owner and a pretty level-headed one at that, but even he found her comments unprofessional and said he wouldn't hire someone who insults her clients. I myself have moved to a much more constructive forum on FB for decor advice and am only here (for the first time in months) because of a notification.

@detailaddict yes I’ve seen the trolling years ago. By one or 3 of the “regulars”, was not here for years due to waist of time sifting through 70% comments that were irrelevant. Will say there’s a pro on here I really like and she’s nice and helpful. Came back recently and here we go again. The pro who was rude, I noticed removed her advice. She’s good at mocking up your space with changes, but the mock ups are her taste and not usually in line with what you say you like.. I think when she noticed i found my own rugs and didn’t chose the ones she suggested, (weren’t my styles or colors at all), when she saw i found my own rugs locally and they look amazing, she deleted her comments. I never asked her for rug ideas. I just asked if the rug I brought home worked. Because initially she told me to get rid of my art or my rug at the time that they didn’t go together. That was on a previous post and that post was about finding a new coffee table and not a rug. Anyhow, todays comments came from ladies i assume are not PROS and they aren’t listed as such. Boy one of them didn’t like me standing up for myself. I’m not on FB but good to know there’s an alternative. I love Pinterest too. Much better than Houzz.

@detailaddict one last thing, you are right and one is now trolling my rug post coming on to defend one of the rude ladies. The one that just hopped on has not commented on my design post until now. Is this some of design mob on here? Good grief! I’m seeing lots of old comments on bully’s on houzz. Pretending to be helpful. very strange

The W house, there are literally Reddit threads on some of these commentators. People have described experiencing similar comments as you .This has been going on for years.