We don't really have challenges but I would probably tend to spend a bit more than the wifey when it comes to renovations. Otherwise our tastes are very similar. The hardest part is that I am very good at envisioning the space completed before we even start and she has a harder time "seeing it" before it's done. Fortunately the times we've done renovations and I convinced her that it was going to look like what we wanted she learned to trust me in those situations. We've now got a house that we both love and feel very comfortable in.

Here is my story. I was in charge of decorating our home for 27 years with little husband's input and the system worked for me.
We built a new home and my husband started adding his opinion on decorating. I said "hey, what's up? You never had an opinion on this stuff." Husband answered,"Yeah, I'm fifty now and I have an opinion on everything now." LOL I let him have some of his input and we are married now for 43 years. Love our home!
Love my husband!

We are new to marriage and we are 50's folks who found love the second time around. We are rather "set in our ways" but we have learned patience with our differences..
The saying " it is better to keep one's words "soft" in case you have to eat them!". is stapled to our project board. We do adore one another.. (as long as he respects my tools!) and I am proud to say I am spoiled rotten and so is he ! But we have very different styles but the same AUBURN hair. Rustic Country style vs. Contemporary ... Shabby Chic or maybe evolving Contemporary Craftsman.
We are completing a home that was built during the housing crash. It has cost two marriages and remained unfinished. The 1st couple framed and got the exterior buttoned up. The second put in an addition, the kitchen basics and 1 1/2 baths . Second couple plumbed a radiant heating system, installed a basic kitchen, bath and the electrical system We purchased the upside down property and home after retiring from high stress jobs to keep ourselves busy and happy doing things what we love . In 3-5 years we should have the home and property ready for the market.
It's not hard to see the toll of building and remodeling. Financial stresses in this economy make it scary too. I often think of the two couples before us. What but for the grace of God go Will and me.

My wife and I are strong minded people and she had just purchased her house before we married. I respected her home and her ideas and she learned to trust mine. We learned, made mistakes and completed our first remodel together with greater respect for each other and memories for the future. We also learned and agreed to move OUT of our house, the next time, so the contractors can have full liberty, with us stopping by to confirm the job. Btw, we are in our 60s, on our second marriages and know what is most important.

My husband and I have purchased and renovated 3 houses. My husband is very picky. We have only purchased houses he got this feeling when he walked in: "this feels like home." His feeling has been correct all 3 times. In renovations, he gets to decide which walls move, windows added, and light fixtures. I pick colors and furniture. Both of us admires the other's taste.

I think this is more of a relationship personality poll than a remodeling or decorating question. It depends on the couple and how each person is and how much each has invested in the concern for remodeling, for some it's financial without much concern for astetics and if you stick with the budget then great and others have to be fully in the thick of the decisions. My husband likes the home to look good but he doesn't always know how to get there so he just trusts my choices, I'll ask his opinion and he'll help pick colors, flooring, or tile but ultimately says whatever I like is fine again within our budget. It comes together and looks great. He is a contractor so we do all our own work and never fight because why would you. We work well together, are on the same page and our home reflects that. The main thing or demand if you will that I bring to the table is don't start a project until you can finish it. Save your money buy what you need/want then do the job. I hate half finished work and so many people do this it makes me crazy. I'm thankful that my husband is a guy that gets the job done.

We have made it through 5 remodels in two homes. I think you could say we are addicts. Fortunately, our tastes are both contemporary, and our budget is generous enough to support the habit. ;0)

I can do whatever I want (pretty much) when it comes to the house, but I also have to do all the work! Hubby is not at all handy but my Dad is and he taught me a whole lot! Dad is getting up there in age now and I really miss having him to work with but I have gotten darn good at construction over the years and I am really proud of myself! This is probably my 5th fixer-upper house and it is by far my best work thanks to learning from all my previous mistakes! If I have trouble deciding on something, say a choice between two colors or the best way to do something then I call in my husband to help and I love his praise for a job well done! He also helps with the heavy lifting but other than that he stays out of my way and he is almost always happy with the results! Oh yeah - he's the one who pays for most of it! I think this will be our home for a very, very long time, God willing!

It is a constant battle with me. My husband and I are like the couple from *Green Acres* if you remember that sit com. However, through the years I have become quiet a thrift monger and found I actually enjoy designing on a dime (not lime ') so the battle has been more friendly;)

Luckily, our tastes are compatible, so we work pretty well together in making choices for decor / design. When we disagree, it really depends on the situation. Sometimes, one of us "vetoes" the idea and we discard it to find a solution we both like. Other times, the one who disagrees decides to trust the other, and we proceed.

So far, it has worked. There are items in our remodel that I wanted (but husband didn't think were necessary / would work), and vice versa, but we each trusted the other, and ended up with a finished product that we both love - and each of us says, "You were right about XXX, it's perfect."

Of course, we also know each other's taste well enough to not suggest something that we know the other will hate. For example, I know that my husband hates pink, and he knows I hate beiges and browns.

Mutual veto power has facilitated a happy marriage for over 30 years.

We have the same rule as feeny- mutual veto power. I'm a designer, husband is an artist. We both have things we are passionate about. Usually we agree, but if one of us just hates something it gets vetoed, with no guilt. We just move on.

My husband reluctantly purchased a massive project house for me two years ago December 4th. On December 5th he died. . . . His mother always said he was a master at getting out of work. smile.... I have been struggling with decisions on how to rehab the house, but it is now almost done, and I love it. He left me a gift certificate for a water feature hidden in his underwear drawer, so I even have that always wanted koi pond. . . Pretty hard way to do a project like this.

We did a nice hands on rehab on a turn of the century victorian in our late twenties shortly after we were married. 25 years later the house still looks great (new owners now ) and most of our changes are still in place including the timeless kitchen. the marriage however did not survive much past the completion of the project. I think I would recommend taking a few years to learn about and enjoy marriage and to develop a relationship before testing/stressing it with a major remodel.

I actually bought our present home without my husband...he was away and it was too good to be true. We have redone a kitchen and bathrooms and a basement, but decisions were fairly easily agreed upon. I like the creative and practical discussions we have, as they only reinforce decisions, but we are lucky to have similar tastes and practical sense of what we can afford.

All our projects go like this. I get the idea; he likes the idea and is sure it will cost about a third of what it actually does. After a few weeks of reconciling himself to the true cost, he's back on board. We both get to work. After a few weeks of that, he gets impatient with all the steps involved ( multiple coats of stain or poly, multiple times sanding the same recently stripped entryway.) He begins to remind me of a third grader, reluctant and incessantly whining about having to do his chores. I free him from his need to continue helping, because I just can't stand the negativity. Then I happily putter along on my own, detail by detail, until I'm happy with the result. He always tells me what a good job I did and admires the result too, so I have no problem with this partnership! Plus I forgot to say he is young, strong and fit, - so both effective and a lot of fun to watch during demo :)

At first I was met with resistance. I had the vision but he didn't. With the work I've done so far he knows he can trust my decisions so he lets me go with it. I also know that although he is good at his job he's not a carpenter and I won't let him do any of the work anymore. When we were working on our ceiling he was nailing too far out from the walls I said to him what kind of moulding is going to cover that? ( see photo) I know now he can't help me. He wants to hurry up and get it done without caring about the finished product. I am fine with him not helping.

My husband I decided to add to our existing home. We did not have a dining room and with a growing family, we needed it. All family holidays are held at our home as well. So with this addition we will have that. We also at the same time decided to make changes in our existing home. It has been a struggle...we don't see eye to eye on much of the decorating and styles. Eventually though we will meet half way and move on to the next decision. Lol. We love each other and know each other enough not to ever let any of this put a strain on our relationship.

we do really well :)

I WOULD SAY THAT MY HUSBAND AND I ARE USUALLY ON THE SAME ROAD GOING IN THE SAME DIRECTION BUT SOMETIMES HE FEELS LIKE IM MAKING MOST OF THE CHOICES. WHEN HE FINDS SOMETHING THAT HE REALLY LIKES EVEN IF I LIKE IT BUT IM NOT CRAZY ABOUT IT IN OUR SPACE I WILL COMPROMISE FOR BETTER OR FOR WORST. CURRENTLY WE HAVE DONE MANY RENO PROJECTS AND ITS PRETTY MUCH A MODERN STYLE. HE WANTS THIS PEICE THATS A TV CONSOLE TO BE PLACED UNDER OUR WALL HUNG TV. ALTHOUGH I LIKE THE PEICE AND IT WOULD BE VERY FUNCTIONAL FOR OUR STORAGE NEEDS ITS FROM A BARN YARD THEME. THIS IS DEFINITELY A CHOICE OF PEACE AND LOVE. IM GOING WITH IT AND I HOPE IT WORKS WELL. I KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT IT BREAKS UP THE ROOM NICELY AND ALL PIECES DONT HAVE TO BE MODERN MINDED, ILL JUST CALLED THIS ECLECTIC. WE HAVE STAINLESS STEEL RAILINGS AND ALL SS AND NICKEL FINISHES. THIS PIECE IS GOING TO BE IN THE SAME AREA AND THE OPEN CONCEPT AREA IS SMALL. HERE IS THE PIC OF OUR NEW ADDITION THAT I GOT ON BOARD WITH . ITS NOT FAIR TO NEVER LET THE OTHER SPOUSE CHOOSE MAJOR PEICES IN A RENO PROJECT. LESS OF SELF N MORE OF US MAKES FOR A HAPPIER BALANCED HOME. THE HUSBAND DESERVES TO GET CREDIT FOR A NICE HOME AS WELL WHEN COMPLIMENTS COME AROUND.

I'm the creative mind always looking to save money. He's the fix it, build it, no expense spared. So yes we do get in arguments. Enough to know I will never a house renovate again.

I am creative while my husband has some creativity tempered by frugality. For the most part he does anything he wants to the outside of the house and I do what I like inside but that is also tempered by his frugality. ;)

I worked with a couple who struggled (nice way of saying they fought about everything) during their remodel. They resolved it by breaking up the home with his and her projects. At first I thought their solution was very odd but as the project got going they started to collaborate on each other's projects. I gained a lot of respect for them.

No major fighting yet over any projects but as usual tempers flare here and there. If we were to ever do a major remodel/addition or build a home from scratch it might be the end of our marriage- LOL!

Having been married to the same man for 48 years we have lived in a tiny 900 sq ft brick house for 43 of those years and we have learned to compromise a lot while raising a daughter, going thru the 'empty nest' phase and, for the last 6 years, enjoying retirement. We laugh that ALL remodeling projects start with a 'random suggestion' (usually from me) and a wait for the dust to settle, before we get into serious discussions about the project (sometimes loudly - much to our neighbors/friends amusement).

We draw up plans, check costs, decide if our marriage will survive, and then go for it. So far it has worked well but at our age we kinda like where our little 'starter house' has evolved. Our marriage has survived renovations of bathroom (twice), kitchen (twice), windows, new garage, sidewalk and a deck - though the deck renovation was a close call!

Now, we just 'discuss' whose turn it is to let the cat back in. We've earned it.

Beejays, Let me say I am so sorry for your loss. Must have been a special guy to have such surprises hidden away.Your home must be a labor of love for the love that was lost. I don't know that I could ever finish it. Thank you all for sharing your relationships. I do much of the design and the grunt work while my sweetie is the exacting cabinet maker. I am off to paint before the cabinet can be installed lest I get specs on it. Thanks guys! Leiaj

I would say papabear and I are pretty compatible. We have done 2 new builds and 2 renos. If things are not going quite how he intended, I know I need to step away and NOT ask questions, like "why does it look like that?" or "why are you doing it that way". Or if he gives me "the look". I just need to push the cooler with a few beers at him and run..far, far away til he finishes. Seriously, we both give and take and we manage to work it out. He says we are in our retirement place. I think 1 more project would keep us young!! We will have to see who wins that one...to be continued....

Remodel first, then get a partner.

My fiancé and I are purchasing our first home. We have been looking for at least five years after cleaning up credit and finally getting approved I just knew we were in the same page, THEN we got approved and the battles begin! He likes Victorian homes and I like Modern split level. I'm freaking out I thought we where on the same page! Lol

Yes and no of course ! It's yes I like or no I don't like. Yes we can/ no we can't. I think you get the picture here. I have to say that Houzz app sure has helped me get more yeses than nos.

Fortunately, mine has no interest in decorating, so he lets me do anything I want. The only thing he asked for was a leather recliner, and I loathe recliners, so that was a challenge. I found a nice one at Ethan Allen that doesn't really look like a recliner, so we're both happy with it. I think I'm really lucky! I love decorating my house, and I don't need help with it, so I'm happy he lets me pick what ever I want!

I have been known to hire painters to paint rooms while my husband is at work and tell him I did it ....as long as he doesn't have to do the work and deal with a mess he doesn't care about decor

Actually not a lot of problems. He does not want to spend the money as much as I am willing too, but other than that, we agree on decor.

We both love art, so I have no problem with that. I always want a wall or two with lots of paintings. As long as he has a room for his many car models he is happy.

We both love retro and I am trying to capture that along with touches to make a small home feel like a "beach cottage". I especially love a glam chabby chic look, sort of 1930's. He is not too much of the chabby chic fan, but he tolerates it as long as it is balanced.

We both love wood and rustic tones to a home. And a touch of modern with older things. I guess you would call it eclectic. :)

We haven't had any problems agreeing on the styles to incorporate into the house, but when I try to ask his opinion on things he often can't envisage what I mean and gets frustrated with me since he's an engineer and likes factual details, whereas I'm the creative type and think broader and bounce ideas around.

In both our first and second homes we HAVE TO agree on what we BOTH like which makes for a great home and relationship. We will both share our ideas with one another and compromise on the final finish. I like my hubby's style and he likes mine so when it meshes into "design" it feels like US. In the process of reno's, we will argue to which point something should be centered because he's a bricklayer by trade and I'm just anal, but we've gotten through those and are still married. I would never want to do a project without him and I hope he feels the same. When I walk into a space I want to see my hubby's touch in it.

We finished a major remodel about a year ago. Fortunately we know each other's tastes (after 40+ years of marriage I would hope so!) so didn't have to many disagreements. Decorating is also not too much of a problem, although I tend to be a "clutter" (lots of do dads around) while he is much more of a minimalist. Since I do the dusting he is ok with it.

My hubby and I do not agree. I was able to decorate our first home while my hubby let me. do as I wished. In our second and current home I am constantly met with resistance. As a result, I have never been happy here. The house is not decorated or styled and has never really felt like "home" to me.

I've renovated with a couple of husbands now and have learned a bit about my renovation affliction in the process. I've instigated several DIY projects and also hired contractors a couple of times. Either way, the work never goes totally according to plan. Sometimes things can go quite off-track and sometimes there's just a small problem--that's just the nature of renovation. How you handle it says a lot about yourself and the relationship--who will back down first being just one indicator of how things stand between you.

The work always starts off with a fair amount of goodwill and then deteriorates along the way (because of these ensuing problems that emerge in the demolition process) and finally when the end somehow comes, we're both relieved it's over and can usually enjoy the new space.

I find the end is also a little anti-climactic for me, since I'm the one with the idea and vision and can basically see it all beforehand. When it comes to DIY, this is a major problem, because I'll be talking about the next step while the present one is still underway (and probably causing a lot of grief in the process!). My--enthusiasm, let's call it--has made for lots of "testy" moments, to be polite. And then the problems seem to get magnified because I'm the one who created them in the first place by having the reno idea, and I've even sometimes wished I hadn't had the stupid idea. Is it really worth all this pain?

The main thing I've learned is to give everything lots of time, because inevitably there will be some problem that arises that needs solving and sometimes the solution isn't instantly obvious--many alternatives need some thought, especially by my co-worker, who is usually questioning the need for all this work by then. And the other thing is, it's never quite PERFECT, but those little things that didn't quite work out are never noticed by anyone but us, though eventually we don't see them either!

My wife is the home decorated ruler. (LOL) If she doesn't approve it's either being moved or coming down the moment I walk about. So I don't touch the decorations in the house. She will let me hang the pictures, once she finds the spot for them.

Hubby leaves to Arizona for 4 days, the then 12 year old and I rehabbed the gas fireplace with the help of an electrician family member and carpenter friend to fill in the alcove and re-drywall. I was super sneaky, asking his opinion on "someday" I'd like to... He was so surprised to come home to a completed project. When it comes to finishing projects himself, however, let's just say it is usually a month or better for him to get the ladder to change a freaking lightbulb. I'm terrified of heights (standing on a chair makes me nervous) so in darkness we remain... Maybe he likes me better by candlelight? Lol!

(raised hand) I have a question for those who meet resistance on their decorating. What is the lowest percentage of your desired outcome that you will allow without feeling like your house isn't your home?

I know this question will probably agitate people, but it's late(translation-Really? You want to poke the bear?) and maybe it's a question that needs some reflection.

I haven't weighed in officially yet, so I will do so now. My wife cares more about the decorating than I do. We have different tastes, but I don't care enough about it to be offended aaannnnnndddd.....she never does anything off-the-wall either. I think the biggest disagreement we ever had on design was what kind of everyday tableware we wanted.(She got her way, BTW).

Will and I have talked about this discussion. When it comes to home design we want it functional and something the majority of buyers would like. Paint colors are mainly neutrals except the kitchen, which is my space. The study is Will's space and the Master is "our" space.and we went with a neutral pastel that is restful. Things like artwork we decorate our personal area with stuff that the individual likes. Common areas we talk about but since I didn't really care, Will hung where he thought it looked best.
The only time we tend to get a little tense has been when we are VERY Tired. We have a word that we use to just stop the issue until the next day.
My Will works so hard. I can't keep up with him. He treats me with respect and with more love and tenderness than I have ever known was possible. When it comes down to it he asks for little and it gives me joy giving it and more.. If the company doesn't like it then they can leave because it is our home. You asked for that percentage, How about 85%-95%. I can be flexible. The Real Estate agent who will sell this home for us makes enough suggestions.

Oh wow. My poor husband. He has often left in the morning and come home to walls and doors moved. Bathrooms redone. Entire kitchens pulled apart. Floors being sanded. Windows replaced. Furniture moved or replaced. He checks the house number sometimes. I go through stages of neutrals all the way to avant-garde boho. I'm currently in my oriental leaning toward art deco stage.

He's amused by it. He says as long as I'm there it's home. I trust his design decisions and he trusts mine. I'm just more into it then he is. The only thing we have differences in opinion on is artwork but we make it work.

I leave town on business and let the dear husband manage the contractors.

Yes she is crazy and I am not

Decorating is not hard, we survived a major Reno. We thought we'd be smart and gutted the basement, all but one bedroom we hoped didn't need anything but paint and carpet. Our contractor came in and decided he wanted to do the main floor. I had 2 days to pack up everything for a total gut. We lived in the gutted basement, slept in the untouched bedroom, and for 5 weeks cooked in a microwave and electric frying pan only. Oh and there was only 1 working bathroom that was also getting done. It was -40 outside, and we were in an uninsulated basement.
Picking paint colours, I pick out a couple and let him have the final say.
Married 39 years, and it's working for us.

Yes, living like that is tough. I know that temperature. Only -35 here and we were revoking as well. I pick out two or three colors. and I make it his job to pick the final or come up with a better plan. Sometimes I really like the alternative. I was thinking valance and the lower section for cafe style curtains in the kitchen but hated the idea of covering up any view. He suggested the blind that goes under the valance and disappears when not needed and drops down when needed (I can make the blind so it matches the valance). Great idea.

Do you folks that don't get along have a working board for the stages of your project. It may help communicate better. I do most of the shopping for the materials. I put the choices up and my ideas with pics if I can find them.. Hope this can avoid issues.

Lee....say a little more about what a "working board" is and if you have pics that would be great!

Working Board is a white painted in surface, that works like a wipe/off surface. The project we are currently working on starts there. We put the steps from beginning to end. Material needed, costs at different venders, time required for the step we are on. We keep phone numbers and a large desk pad size calender, paint color chips proposed, flooring ....I have to photograph the 5'X5' area and reorganize it about once a week to clean it up. Also on the board today was a proposal for keeping Thursday as our date night. Reminders of appointments "Outside" such as doctor/dentist. I am working on the pictures.