Would you trade for 3 full sized groundhogs? Since those aren't on your want list, I could throw in a half dozen voles, too.

(Your post completely cracked me up. I'm glad someone's hooking you up with purple iris....)

I have a beautiful hosta eating bunny I will gladly throw in!

I have a neighbor's cat who will eat that bunny nearly whole. Wanna rent it for a week? He won't miss it too much.

She hasn't done much for the groundhog, so I won't even offer her up for the deer problem. Sorry, woodsmoke.

I've got three skunks and a five gallon bucket of Japanese Beetles. I think it's best to use a flat rate box.

I have a couple dozen white tailed deer we could trade even up for. Wish I would have seen this post earlier, after a spring/summer of cussing at vermin this morning I sat on the porch with my coffee, and well, several of the woodchucks and a few of the rabbits I could have offered you are now defective. But they do seem to self seed, so when the next crop comes up, they are all yours.

I've got plenty of ground hogs.... well, rock chucks. I think they are the same thing.

I've got an entire field of ready-to-harvest gophers, but no voles. I could trade sage rats (ground squirrels) for voles, but only if you agree to take all the sage rats.

Could I ever use a rabbit eating cat! (dreamy sigh). My dog tries to chase the bunnies, but they are bigger than she is.

Sorry, not interested in trading the dog, and I think I'll keep my 3 ft tall jack rabbits. So far, the jacks are mowing the lawn and not eating my flowers or veggies.

I can trade gray squirrels and mosquitoes. The squirrels are great at making heuchera and iris dirt smoothies and oh! they can make great chopped salads out of a newly planted elephant ear. My rabbits I'll keep since you already have some, yes they snack on my hostas (ok, feast is a better word) but at least they don't jump up on tables and pull plants out of pots!!! The mosquitoes, well . . . you probably don't want those.
Deb

Oh, gosh, I'm too late to offer my voles, moles, & Japanese beetles :(
I do have some nice fat slugs if you would like.

Cool, slugs!!!

ME ME ME ME!!!

I have a wonderful chipmunk that is a terrific digger in all my pots haven't trained to dig up the weeds yet but you surely are welcomed to have it. In fact I never see the thing. It is so enying to come home from work and have nothing but dirt all over the porch. His been at it again!

Sandy

I'd love to send you a truck load of assorted woodland critters that have been treating my landscape as their private salad bar/playground. The assortment will include some white tail deer, opossums, chipmunks, tree rats (squirrels), rabbits and maybe a ground hog or two. I can also include some pesky aphids and mealy bugs that have taken up residence in my greenhouse. You don't even have to send anything in trade : )

OMG! you guys are a crack up! Reading these post today really made my day! I wish I could offer something all I got is three pesky kids that trash the garden and the house! LOL but I am interested in the bunnies, my kitties would take care of them real fast! lol

The slugs are yours! And since I'm in a generous mood, I'll toss in some of that poison ivy that keeps sneaking its way into my yard.

I killed the few tiny sprigs of poison ivy that sprouted up (toxic spray is good for something). Interestingly enough -- though I didn't touch it, nothing touched it, I still get a spot or two of rash after being in the garden, in areas (garden areas) where it wasn't.

I think I may be allergic to my yucca. Can I just trade you the rash, and keep that plant?

I'd even pay the postage. Twice. Second thought, we may not even need postage. Don't they have some kind of converter, so that it'd become an e-rash? Digital welts. Would they be pixilated?

I have gophers to trade. My college graduate daughter says we could have up to 600 per acre. How about a pound per pound trade? One of my recent traders had a pesky armadillo - that would make an interesting pet in Oregon. You might be able to sell tickets to see it.
Dee

I have been enjoying this thread thinking I really don't have much to offer by way of trade.

UNTIL...last night when a family of skunks thought my back flowerbed was the all you can eat buffet at Ponderosa! They uprooted plants, pushed mulch into the yard and even chewed through some stuff looking for grubs, worms, you name it.

How do I know it was skunks...they left the tall tale calling card of "eu-de-le-peu" on 1 of my plants. Poor coneflower...never saw it coming.

SO, now I have something to offer. A skunk family.

This will have to be a local trade only as I think the mail-man may smell a little ripe delivering this special package.

And I really don't need anything in return...except some prayers that it doesn't happen again tonight after I fix everything today.

Please feel free to email me directly with your interests.
Thanks!vina

Great trade stuff.
I will send voles and mosquitos and little itty, bitty flying insects for Postage.
You just need to get and keep them all.

You guys are too funny! Sandy, I feel for you, as I have squirrel(s) that loves to dig in my pots.
One day I was checking out my mother in law plant, went to smooth the soil back down, and up popped a frog.
I guess they burrow? I felt sorry for him, and let him be. He's gone now, my plant was just a pitstop between rains.
You can keep your mule deers,skunks,and bunnies. Would love to see some of them "caught in the act"

For sale or trade... one squirrel named Chip! Chip is good for a laugh, as long as you don't mind his eating whatever he wants... rain, shine, snow, and windows... nothing stops him!
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~Laura

Vina, I think I've got part of your family here, I get a whiff occasionally. I really hate to think of the family being broken apart, I'll send my family to you. They don't seem to be "too" stinky.
As far as poison ivy rash, I've sprayed mine & think I've killed it, but the oil must be on some of the surrounding plants or something, I've got a few spots again. Or did you email it to me?

I Can Help!!

I will send my new 'mole dog' to dig up any burrowing animals. He's hard on moles, tries to stay between the plants. But an occasional mishap is usually worth it! So far, our count is at 15 for the Spring. Now the ground is too hard, much to his disappointment. I will warn you however, that he doesn't replace the divots - just a small price to pay.

He will work for treats and a tummy rub - I should tell you - sometimes he plays with the prey for awhile before they met their maker.

Bunnies are not safe and we're working on snakes. I did see a deer in the distance, while the 'mole patrol' snoozed on the deck. The red head is teaching him everything she knows.

Inquires always welcome - first come, first served!

Penny and 'Mack'
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What is all this talk of critters eating up gardens?!?!?!

.....what about gardeners eating critters?

I'm offering up for trade: Juila Child Cooks Garden Critters; hardbound, limited edition, autographed in squirrel blood.

Hey Penny, I'll come borrow your dogs, maybe they can train mine!
I didn't think about eating my critters, seems like would take a lotta moles though & a lotta work. Shoulda had your book when I got rid of my frogs earlier this year. I had 2 in my pond, I was quite OK with them staying til I watched them stalk & eat several of my goldfish. They had to go. I was nicer to them though, took them to the lake. I've never had froglegs.

Thanks so much for the generous offer ngraham- but I don't think I need a 'family reunion' in my back yard.

We don't have any dogs since my Noah went to heaven and the cats are basically garden ornaments. I don't think I have ever seen them even near a vole or a mouse???????? Maybe they think its beneath them?

Although...is there a chapter in that book about skunk tar-tar? Might be worth a try :0)

Isn't the saying..." if you can't beat them...eat them" ???

dont need a trailer..what you need is a 30 ought 6 and a large freezer...hahahaha

I could offer you a single skunk and a yard full of creeping charlie. I don't think they'd eat that-any wouldn't care if they did!

My husband and I are both hunters. We could take care of that problem for you! LOL Thing is we are way up in Northern NY!

Cheexweaz.....wanna do a 2010 summer tour with that there gun of yours?

We've got some bluegrass fiddlers 'round these parts that can play back up for ya'.

Sounds like we need someone to organize a round robin here! Wish I could catch the darn voles to trade em! I can throw in 2 large, garden patrolling dogs that have kept our beds free of deer, raccons, possums, rabbits, and ground hogs that visit the neighbors. Their specialty is ground hogs (which are supposed to be good eatin' now that the cook book has been brought up), but they think that scaring the heck out of a bunch of mule deer sounds like a party waiting to happen. They're just not sure where Oregon is....

I could send you a never ending supply of fire ants, ground moles, squirrells, 4 kids and a hubby.

I'm offering wild hogs, armadillos and whatever's been killing the pets in the neighborhood (fox or coyote)! You'll have to catch them yourself, so I won't expect anything in return. In fact, for every animal you catch and cart off, I'll give you a plant!

I have a mamma raccoon & her young'ens in the storm drain & a family of mockingbirds who dive bomb me, my dog & anyone who steps into my garden. Will trade for the deer or bunnies. No poison ivy or rash of any kind, since I'm deathly allergive to poison ivy.

I'm so depressed, no mule or white tailed deer, chipmunks, moles, no idea even what a vole is, frogs, bunnies, wild hogs....it's amazing how much can't swim.

I can offer a ton of toads, aphids galore and a bumper crop of fire ants in exchange for deer and bunnies. If that doesn't strike your fancy how about all the stinky seaweed you can carry?

No e-rash please, I think I'm breaking out just thinking about poison ivy, last time I got into that stuff I missed 3 weeks of work, spent 6 weeks on steroids and went nuts-from the steroids.
Tally HO!

MMMM ..what kind of toads? If just regular toads..I love them..don't want cane toads.
Can catch some bunnies...don't know what you will think of it..about 20 litters from now (otherwise known as Next week!!)

Ok, since I already have most of what everyone else is trading, I am offering for SASE about a million carpenter ants that we discovered in our kitchen door threshold. Also for SASE mouse size cockroaches that you can saddle and ride! They just love the grille! And if there aren't enough rabbits to go around we also have an abundance of those this year. And now that my hostas are chewed off to the ground I am sure they will be happy to relocate.

I just wanted to re-post and thank the GWer who rounded up my skunks. I haven't seen hide nor hair of them in a while and just thought I had someone to thank. I feel bad though, that you didn't help yourself to any of my plants. You could have. The shovel is right at the back deck and I figure you deserve it from rangling those smelly pests.

Now I have something new to trade. Carpenter Ants, they are FREE and I will even pay for the postage. If you would like them alive you need to contact me by this afternoon. Otherwise I'll be mailing little sticky corpses.

Just let me know...

Flowergirl34,
My apologies. I picked mamcc to be your Secret Santa for our "Christmas in Pestland Swap" and told her you'd love those ants.

Boy, Mamcc, you sure are a fast shipper. Maybe a real Santa even.

(Hmmmm, something's missing though......Flowergirl34, go check your grill.)

I'll take all the bunnies for all my rats. The rats don't seem to eat much, but they are just gross!

I have an abundance of something that I haven't seen offered yet, brown marmorated stink bugs. I can send all you would like. They'd go well with the skunks, similar smell in a smaller size. They'll make themselves right at home on your most prized ornamentals and even land on you when you happen to be in the garden.

So I'll trade some toads for brown marmorated stink bugs, a handful of fire ants for bunnies that reproduce at the speed of light, some salt deposits (thanks hurricane Ike!) for wild hogs, spider mites for mule deer, aphids for carpenter ants, webworms for voles.....if you run out of the roaches let me know, all this rain has driven them out and they are everywhere! I've also got some mice that are nice and fat from eating MRE's, a couple of possums and a bumper crop of skeeters-take your pick on varieties.
Anyone want some seaweed to go with all that? The beach is very fragrant right now. I'll throw in all the oyster shells that fit in a flat-rate box for free!
Tally HO!

I'd take the toads for the stink bugs but only if they'll eat the ones I have left. The toads and frogs around here find them quite distasteful. Actually the stinkbugs are bigger then some of the tree frogs living in my garden :-o

I can happily offer a barrel full of beetles, a bucket of moles, a basket of crazy hormone driven squirrels that almost ran up my leg, two tons of fleas, one lovely poison ivy rash and lots of seedlings to go with (no matter how much I round up those bastards) and finally one smelly skunk and a stupid dog 10 pound dog that thought she was tougher than the skunk until she got sprayed...sigh. Anyone that would like to take up the offer of the skunk and dog...may god bless you!

Penelope, may I borrow the dogs.? The voles dug under the mice traps and wedged them open..I had to knock the dirt out to trip and toss them. I usually live trap stuff, but these guys are dangerous to plant and limb!!
I can give tummy rubs (lots of practice) and choice of goodies!!
Have my own raccoons..they woke me up at 3..2 of them churtling to each other. I even had my headphones on,,they churtle Loud. At least they were not on their honeymoon..almost called the cops on one couples' screeching :( That would have been a tat strange.
Now, I Am still open to trading for "regular" toads. I have exotic creeping charlie (large leaf), dead carp on the beach..good for plant fertilizer WWWWay down the road from the house!
Don't have the toxic blue-green algae this week, but could put someone down on waiting list. Will pass on bugs..have lots, but don't know the names so concerned about listing unknown Bugs.

Deer are on my "have" list too. The local herd was counted this summer and it's down to 93.

We also have available for trade:

A family of Skunks that must be dealt with soon
Racoons that ventilated the attic by making a hole in the roof
Armadillos that will conveniently aerate your lawn nightly
Opossums
At least one Coyote (could be why we never see bunnies)

No need to offer anything in trade, just come and get 'em.
BTW, we do not live in the country. This is a city lot close enough to walk to almost anything we need.

Wow, I've heard about those coyotes moving into the urban zone.

Maybe we could put him on a round robin crate, and share him with the whole gang for a little bunny control. You know, a coyote-on-a-rope. Like a tether ball in the back yard.

Bunnies beware. (And we'll make sure the rope is actually a chain. Don't want it controlling anything other than the pests.)

There's something about an armadillo wandering around a city that is even stranger than a coyote, which is kinda like a dog on steroids. An armadillo is a little more like a small dinosaur.

I have a pair of feral guinea fowl that have plowed up most of my three acres, clean out my chicken feeder on a regular basis, scare the pee-waddlin out of my cats and dogs, and screech so loud most of the other pesky wildlife stays away from our property anymore. I haven't seen a skunk, opossum, rat, mouse, armadillo, coyote, bobcat, deer, nor any of the neighbor's dogs, cats, goats or cows in our yard since our guinea-friends came to stay. All of my garden beds have been destroyed by these guinea-vandals this summer. They roost on top of my garage, my house, my barn and my chicken coop. They are as destructive as armadillos, prolific as opossums, noisy as teenagers, and messier than my DH. SOOOOOO, What am I offered for this pair of critter-gitters? Cheryl

Cheryl, I would love to trade those for what I have.

A huge Great Blue Heron...that only 2 days ago ate my prize Koi....may he rest in peace...my Snowflake. :(

I should re-phrase, he didn't eat him, because the fish was too big. He was about 2 feet long or more. So he just kept stabbing him with his long pointy beak until he must have gotten tired of trying. I arrived home to clean up the pieces.

This is now a personal vendetta with this particular bird. I have been chasing him away for over 2 weeks. I installed the string around the pond thing which is suppose to keep them away. I have a "scare crow" up. Nothing scares it. I have gotten about 10 feet away from it yelling and it just stood in the pond...it finally flew away when I beaned it with a stone. That was before the murder scene a couple of days ago.

It keeps trying to eat all the little babies and I must say it looks as though it has been kind of successful at it.

So I would love your guinea fowl...maybe they can scare the beegeezus out of that demon bird.

Thank you all for allowing me to vent...I must admit...I feel a little better :) vina

Vina I had the same heron problem. They make these big ugly plastic herons and they really work. I got one at a nursery that sells pond supplies. Unfortunately they make plastic pink flamingos look good but my fish were safe. I have to buy another beacause a tree came down and crushed mine. Somehow they aren't a deterrent in pieces. lol

Guinea fowl are yummy stuffed with wild rice and dried currants ; )

I have several of the following....

Slugs on steroids
Aphids plus ALL of their cousins, aunts, uncles and friends
Junebugs by the bucket full
Japenese Beetles
A black and white stray cat who likes to leave compost in areas its not needed
And a dog that feels his second calling is as a waterhose...this one will go with anyone who requests any of the previous critters as a bonus gift.

I have some Iris seeds, unsure of types if you are interested but thats really all I have right now. My neighbor has a bazillion NOIDS in purple and some in orange, I'm just waiting for it to cool down enough to dig them up (I already have her permission,lol, no worries, not stealing Irises promise).

Jennifer :)

Karyn thanks for letting me know. I really need to find one of those birds. I've chased that thing away twice already today...and it's only 1:00!

On maybe a happier note...I found a snowflake jr. in the pond today. An all white baby koi with a couple of black spots on his head, just like daddy! I am debating on getting in the pond with waders and chasing him around so I can catch him and bring him in the house in the fish tank so he'll be safe. Let's see...its windy...its 59 degrees today and rainy...yeah!! great day to wade in a pond :)

My DH is right...I've officially LOST IT! :0)