I can NOT believe the patience you exhibited. I would have WAILED on the guy!!!
Actually, I think you should have addressed the situation immediately. Olivia will meet with this kind of bullying her entire life, and you could have set an example of how to deal with it. Of course, you were probably shocked outta your socks that any adult would act in such a way toward a child... but I'm sure the clerk would have been just as shocked had you called him on his rudeness. Bullies don't expect to be held accounatable for their actions, that's why they get away with bullying, and he was counting on that experience to keep him safe from immediate rebuke. If anyone dared say one thing against my daughter, or tried to tell me something I knew wasn't true about my daughter, or acted inappropriately in any way toward my daughter, I ALWAYS let them have it.

I hope you spoke with her about the incident afterwards. I know what a loving father you are, and soft spoken, encouraging words would have helped restore whatever self confidence that bully may have ripped out of her.

I wouldn't just write a letter, I would go back to the store, ask to speak to the supervisor, and have a nice chat. Hopefully that clerk would also be working there that day and he could be involved. I would also demand he apologize to Olivia.

Do not let this go. It's never too late to right a wrong. As a great sage once said, "It's only a mistake if you do nothing to correct it."

Kirk, I would have let her have it, BUT in a way that wasn't angry because of Olivia. My DIL works with a guy that treats and talks to her like she's a maid. Her boss told her tthey're biding their time. She doesn't want to lower herself to his level, so I told her to think of a retort to let him have it and then deliver it with about a pound of sugar. She told me she tried it and put him in his place and so far has been decent to her. Many times if you tell them off, but use a tone that is nice, you will get a result you won't expect. As for it being to late, NO it isn't. I work for a retailer and the customer pays my wages. They may not always be correct but in this day we need their money. So sorry that this had to happen to her, esp since she was doing something good for someone dear to her.

Kat

I have to agree with Cait and Kat. It is never too late to right a wrong. I think Kat is right that you should put him in his place with a ton of sugar. Noone has the right to treat a child so rudely, but they feel they can get away with it because a child is small and won't stand up to them. The first time someone treated my daughter that way she really surprised me by coming up with something sassy to say and said it so sweetly that everyone around her laughed. This embarrassed the person and the adult apologized on the spot. I also wish you had responded at the time. Children learn how to handle those kind of situations from us. I think if Olivia had seen your anger at the situation she would know that he didn't have the right to treat her that way and wouldn't accept it the next time it happens. If we as adults can convey our anger in a way that sets things straight without getting out of hand, our children learn the right way to handle their anger too. You are such a gentle and softspoken man, I am sure that you could have made it clear without things getting out of hand. Olivia needs to know that it isn't ok for anyone to bully her as much as I am sure that she already knows that it isn't ok for her to bully anyone else. I think it is especially important for a young lady to know because it can effect her throughout her life...

Hear hear! Kirk I also understand you not wanting to react in anger in front of Olivia. I would have been afraid that I wouldn't be able to rein myself in! But do go back and speak to the supervisor.
Good luck.
kathy

Thanks for your thoughts and advice. I do regret not saying something at the time but was so taken aback. Do you ever kick yourself later when you've had time to think about how you should've handled a situation? Olivia and I have a very close relationship and talked about it in depth as we walked to and from a Habitat for Humanity store. The lady there was soooo nice to Olivia when she bought a glass Golden Retriever. (She loves her dogs!) That gave us more to talk about...treating people the way you want to be treated. Yes, I will go back and address the situation. Again, thank you for your wisdom. It always helps to hear others' perspectives. Bear Hugs! Kirk

I would go back and ask to speak to the person in charge..You were right in not saying anything in front of your daughter,But I also would explain to my daughter that the person was out of line.We are to teach our children that you treat people with respect know matter the situation..I even stand up for anyone that is having a problem in a store with a clerk.My Kids also will speak up.But the clerk needs more customer service training,,,LOL Joan

I am like you Kirk I get so shocked that someone would act or say something disagreable that I clam up and later I kick myself for not saying something.
But what I have done is go back to their manager and tell them what happened, and if I were you I would ask the manager to apologize to Olivia.
On the other hand I think what kind of stress is this person going through that they would act this way, I use a pound of sugar and ask "Are you having a bad day, hope you feel better soon" and inevitable they say yes and start acting responsibly even apologetic.
Hope this helps! And give a whole lot of hugs to Olivia from me.

NanaGrandma
Sylvia

Kirk,

Lately I have had trouble being overcharged at a certain "Christian" resale shop. If an item was 1.19 my ticket would say $2.19 when I checked it at home. So I have really started watching the clerks.

A later time at Goodwill I was trying to help the girl by gently reminding her of one item that was on sale. She barked at me "DONT TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB". I was deeply embarrased and said nothing.

I stepped back and saw her tatoos, piercings, and hard lines in her young face and knew that she lived through, 'God knows what'. It occured to me that Macy's would never have hired her and she must live with a massive amount of rejection. A 'chip on the shoulder' is a natural occurance for folks who've been wounded by life.

I'm sure that she sized me up too. Wedding ring, car, decent clothing, $20. extra to shop for decorator pieces. And she probably compared it quickly to her own painful life. (She has no idea what all I suffered in my younger years.) But still we do size each other up like this.

Goodwill sometimes hires folks who normally would not be employed. Part of their "good will" is to make sure that they give a 'hand up' to the recovering alcoholic, still rough around the edges, ect. ect. The mall store managers are rarely about, "OUTREACH RECOVERY".

Imagine the clerk could have been fatherless as a child. No loving Daddy to buy a gift for. Never have been handled with patience and kindness. The clerk could easily have a slight resentment to see the blessed life of your beloved princess.

I think by the instinct of the Holy Spirit you did what "Joshua" would have done.

This is the talk I would have with Olivia. "You never know how badly others are hurting. It makes them behave badly. You are only beginning to learn to count out money. It was not your fault. But lets pray for the clerk to be healed of what is hurting him/her."

We cant beat the evil out of this world. It will be here with us always. Fighting for your family member's honor(through complaints to the manager or verbal confrontations) would not have solved anything and would have put a huge gloom over your family shopping day.

I can see how you would be stunned with mixed emotions of what is just. I would say it was an exercise in MERCY. Sometimes those little tests come our way. "Iron sharpens Iron".

susie

Susie, you expressed lovely thoughts and I understand where you are coming from.

But suppose your child acted discourteously toward another and you knew that the family dog died that day and that was preying on her? Would you not speak with your child and explain that just because s/he was going through a terrible time it does not give him/her the right to take it out on others?

As we can see, it was NOT saying anything to the clerk or his manager that the angst has been perpetuated for a few weeks. Had the issue been dealt with immediately, it would be over, and the clerk, Olivia, even Kirk, would have learned something that very day.

Mercy is also showing other's their errors and offering a way to correct themselves and keep their emotions in check. Jesus didn't just walk passed the woman about to be stoned. He did something right then and there.

Thank You Cait. You said exactly what I was trying to say earlier. I don't think that Kirk should have been rude or nasty to the clerk....but by not addressing the clerk it is like saying that it was ok for him to be rude to Olivia. Not only does this send the wrong message to Olivia, but it also doesn't remind the clerk to treat her like he would want to be treated. No matter what was going on in my life, if I were to treat anyone like that I would hope that someone would remind me to be kind...

Cait, Jesus stooped down and wrote in the dirt with his finger, said nothing, until the crowd asked him what his opinion was. That is when he said "He who is without sin, let him cast the first stone".

If we are using that parable in this situation it would go more like this, hypothetically:

'I have never been unkind to anyone or been insensitive to anyone so I have a right to complain verbally and report someone to their employer because they slipped.'

None of us could truthfully say the above statement. That is the lesson that Jesus taught in that parable.

If you take the story of a time that Jesus 'did' throw a fit publically it was about the buyers, sellers, and money changers in the temple. But that anger was not about someone being rude. The other examples he gave of public righteous indignation had nothing to do with people offending him. He even asked God to forgive the people that were crucifying him.

I believe that Kirk wants to live by, "What would Yeshua do in this situation". I think I showed him in several different statements above. I believe that all of the anx of not being able to 'get even' every time someone hurts us will diminish when we forgive and ask God to heal whatever is hurting that person. I loved Sylvia's suggestion of openly asking If the person is having a rough day. And all of us can truthfully say, "yeah I've had a few of those myself".

Our judgement can be clouded by the fact that we love the Bear Family so much that we would put at enmity those who would offend them. My heart broke for Olivia and for Kirk. My heart also breaks for people who walk amoung us and work day after day at Goodwill and try to make financial ends meet. People who may have not had parents to say "Just because life sucks, you can not take it out on others". Kirk and Olivia know they are loved and have many blessings. Kirk would be a lot more upset if he got the clerk fired from his/her job. That may be the final straw for some people. You just never know.

I'm sorry for 'jumpin in the pulpet'. This may be against the forum. I'd better just stoop down and write in the dirt with my finger. LOL

HAPPY EASTER- susie

Kirk, ditto me on what nanagrandma said. Personally I'd have wanted to rip the clerk's tongue out for treating Olivia that way. LOL. But I think a sugared reprimand would have gotten the point across better and made the clerk feel worse for doing that to her. I'd go back and talk to the manager tho.

hugs, Karen

The GW store is 60 miles to the north of us... so just going there is not in our plans at this time. We usually go up to this town 2 or 3 times a year. Thanks to your wisdom, I did call today and shared my feelings in a gentle way. The manager was apologetic and the clerk called later to apologize. He had said that he was overwhelmed with the people standing behind us in line. I shared that all of those people were smiling as Olivia counted her money. Thanks for your advice and encouragement. I really wasn't asking what I should have done...I knew what I should have done. I was asking what I should do now. I think I did it. The clerk also talked to Olivia and apologized. I feel good about how it all was resolved and will be helped in the future should such an incident occur. I'm still learning! Bear Hugs! Kirk

Geez I am sorry some people are so rude. I am a very shy person so I probably wouldn't have said anything but I would be steaming mad and would never go back there again. It would be nice if you could write them a letter and let them know what happened and that you are very upset. I am sorry for Olivia to have to witness such disrespect from an adult.

Kirk, we all are still learning, and I am overjoyed that the clerk actually spoke to Olivia. How did she respond to this?? I'm hoping that the clerk really learned something from this. Life can be overwhelming sometimes, and shows in our actions and words. I know I am guilty at times too. We can only hope to learn and treat other people as we would be treated.

Kat

What a beautful lesson Olivia learned,
Daddy will always be there for her to nurture and right wrongs that others do to her, nothing like a Daddy who shows so much love, I didn't have a father like that, but my husband is a great dad just like you!

Hugs right back to you

Sylvia
NanaGrandma

PS Hope you had a wonderful Easter!