Cool.

Do the retired furry thieves make it into the compost pile? Funny how the Greenies never mention that. Earth worms have rights too!

I don't touch them. I have an old rusty fruit-picking pole thing that I use to fish them out of the bucket. Then straight to the dumpster. In this state they carry the fleas that carry the plague.

Delta9dave:

Could you give a brief explanation of your setup. Some of us were too turned off by the earlier thread to catch the details.

Thank you!!

The Fruitnut

I found the original thread in a different forum. They used a 5 gallon bucket to catch gophers. I used a 32 gallon trash can for the squirrels. Fill a little less than half full with water, float about a pound of black oil sunflower seeds on the surface of the water and scatter a handful of seeds on the ground around the bucket. Put some sort of ramp to climb up the bucket. One of the branches I used has a small branch through the handle of the bucket. The other branch is wedged under that one for stability. If you use 2X4's I would suggest tying them to the handles.
My wife laughed at me after I set it up and said no animal would be dumb enough to fall for that.

{{gwi:123048}}

{{gwi:123049}}

Cool.

Brandon7,
Youre right, and I apologize to you or anyone else who may have found my previous posts offensive.

I reposted the "bucket of death" because it was an experiment and there were updates for anyone that was interested. I didnt give it that name. I was skeptical of the idea at first but the speed and efficiency of the trap is impressive.

Lychees original post was asking for help in getting rid of squirrels. Lots of ideas were presented. Whether they were good or bad ideas was left open to the reader. If you think death is not an option and you have an alternative method for ridding a property of squirrels then please feel free to post it here. There is always room for an opposite view and no one should ever feel discouraged from expressing theirs. Thats the beauty of the Garden Web Forums.

However, hijacking someone elses thread with dozens of off-topic posts and changing it from a rodent problem to global warming issue is a different matter. There are many problems facing people of every culture. We cant solve them all on one squirrely thread in one "Fruit and Orchard" forum.
Gay marriage, abortion, the death penalty, unjustified wars, ethnic cleansing, genocide, etc. These are all minor issues. In my humble opinion I think the people of the world need to rise up and unite in an effort to undo the damage caused by one group of people. A group of people that are seeking to destroy our world, our countries, and yes, even our gardens.

Squirrel Lovers.

So as a public service for the benefit off all humanity I am contributing the following Q&A section. It contains FAQ about squirrel lovers. It is a culmination of years of dedicated research. Its a hobby of mine, no need to reply and thank me.

Q: What do you get when you offer a squirrel lover a penny for his thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: How do you confuse a squirrel lover?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why is it good to have a squirrel lover as a passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart squirrel lover?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
Q: How do you keep a squirrel lover busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How do you keep a squirrel lover busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to wait in the corner.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 squirrel lovers.
Q: What is foreplay for a squirrel lover?
A: Thirty minutes of begging.
Q: What is the squirrel lover doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold onto a thought.
Q: Why did the squirrel lover have blisters on his lips?
A: From trying to blow out light bulbs.
Q: Why do squirrel lovers work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What the difference between a squirrel lover and the rear end of a horse?
A: I don't know either.
Q: How many squirrel lovers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They prefer to live in the dark.
Q: Why do so many squirrel lovers live in L.A.?
A: Its the only city that is easy enough for them to spell.
Q: What do you call a squirrel lover with an IQ of 15?
A: Gifted.
Q: What do you call a squirrel lover with an IQ of 50?
A: A foursome
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of 200?
A: A squirrel lovers parade.
Q: What is it called when a squirrel lover blows in another squirrel lovers ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What's the difference between a squirrel lover and a sack of manure?
A: The sack.
Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a squirrel lover.
Q: How do you stop a squirrel lover from drowning?
A: Take your foot off the back of his head.
Q: What's the difference between a dead deer in the road and a dead squirrel lover in the road?
A: The dead deer has skid marks in front of it.
Q: Do you remember the squirrel lover on the Jetsons? No?
A: The future looks pretty good!
Q: How is a squirrel lover different from a real squirrel?
A: Some people actually like real squirrels.
Q: What do you call a basement full of squirrel lovers?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: How do you keep a squirrel lover out of your backyard?
A: Hang one out front.
Q: What do you call 5 squirrel lovers hanging from a tree?
A: Gardeners Wind chimes.
Q: How do you get a squirrel lover out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: How do you get a one-armed squirrel lover out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.
Q: Why are squirrel lovers always buried 12 feet deep?
A: Deep down they're good people.
A squirrel lover died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?" she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a squirrel lover? Here's a hundred - go bury 10 of them!"

Thanks D9D, I needed that :)

Cool.

Dave,

I'm not a "squirrel lover", but I'm wondering what this obsession you have with them and is all about. I guess most people find squirrels cute, at least until they eat those people's plants/fruit/electrical wiring. Maybe one or two of the posters in the original thread were "squirrel lovers", but you'd have to ask them about that.

My problem with your post is two fold. First, the method you use to address your squirrel problem is, in my opinion, a very poor one for multiple reasons. Secondly, and probably much more importantly, is that things about your posts are offensive to many people here on the forum. The things that have been brought up like global warming (I never did figure out why in the world that one was brought up)(and yes, I know you weren't the one that brought it up), the way you enjoy watching animals die, and the "squirrel lovers" jokes are probably not appropriate for this forum. They aren't related to fruit, orchards, or anything grown in orchards.

When things are brought up in a forum that are just plain wrong or personal, sometimes they have to be addressed. But introducing them into the forum in the first place is really not appropriate. The nature of these squirrel posts have become distractive and seem more and more to be here only to cause irritation or controversy.

BTW Y'all,

The bucked of death works for mice too. Five gallon bucket, and some uncooked oats. I kinda prefer the snap trap myself. Something satisfying about not needing to check the trap, cause you can hear the snap. Except for when all 5 traps snap right after bed and then you've got to get up and re-set them all.

End Trans
d

Just had another thought. If your sensitivities are upset when letting a squirrel drown, I suppose you could get a pellet pistol. I do not, however, know what kind of ricochet ya might get from the water in the bucket of death, so there's my disclaimer. Can't be any harder than shooting fish in a barrel, can it?

Brandon........
#1 You only speak for yourself on this forum as everyone else does.

#2 Who are you to tell me what is morally right, humane,etc?

#3 What is offensive is your trying to hijack the thread. We're here as fruit growers not moralist,
big brothers or preachers.
Respectfully,
Bonnan

Dave,
BTW it works on chipmunks too.
Bonnan

We used to chase chipmunks at the golf course, with a gallon glass bottle full of water. Chase em into the hole, dump the water in, and they come bailing back out thinking they're gonna drown. Keep the bottle on the hole and they pop right up into it. They can't get back out of a glass bottle till ya set them on the ground or dump them out. HOURS of fun for 8 year old boys.

Brandon, go back and read some of the posts in the other thread. They hate the squirrels because they ruin ENTIRE CROPS. They don't just take a little, or enough, they ruin the entire thing, every time, and most is left to rot. That's a waste, not killin and grillin a squirrel.

d

When I saw my Asian pear trees decimated by the deer from last nights ravaging I thought about you this morning d9d as well as our friend the squirrel harassed, BB gun toting, nectarine grower.

Glad you are making headway and thanks for the updates.

allenwrench,
You're going to need a much bigger garbage can to catch deer :D

Allenwrench, let me know where you live, I'll send my neighbor lady right over. She has the worst luck with deer -- she hit three within one year with her car, which she had had for only 3 months, bought new, when she hit the first one. Her insurance agent about had a coronary with the second one, and was sort of numb and resigned by the third one. None of them were her fault, the dumb things literally leapt out of the underbrush into her car, one of them land smack on top of it right behind the windshield before flying off sideways -- this on a PT Cruiser.

Hey, all, I picked three bushels of peaches off of ONE of my 12 peach trees yesterday. Lots of all kinds of good fruit this year, and the least damage in years, since almost all of the squirrels in my neighborhood have been removed a few miles down the road to the community college nature preserve. I'm very convinced that a constant trap and remove OR eliminate campaign will go a long way towards making a good garden. Deer, of course, are too big to trap, and illegal to kill in most areas most times of the year, so that's still a problem -- good fences around the trees are the best solution I've come up with.

I wonder what tastes better, a tree ripened peach or self-righteousness? I vote for the peach.

Dennis
SE Michigan

Bonnan........
#1 You only speak for yourself on this forum as everyone else does also. You don't even come close to speaking for me or any number of other participants of this forum. Some of which have expressed to me their feeling of being offended by these controversial posts and some respondents who were just plain rude. Just a hand full of bad apples can indeed spoil the batch.
#2a I certainly didn't attempt to tell anyone what was "morally right". However, now that you mention it, I would guess that most people would agree that treating animals in an inhumane way was morally wrong. I'll leave it up to you to decide what you personally think is morally wrong, but you should also never make the mistake of thinking you can make that decision for me either. Just because you don't seem to see any problem with animal needless suffering, doesn't mean you get to limit the conversation as such. If you post to or read a controversial topic, expect others to have different opinions.
#2b The humane/inhumane part is a little different. While many of the things mentioned in this thread might fall somewhere in the gray area of "humane/inhumane", that's certainly not the case with the entire discussion. Intentionally causing unnecessary pain and suffering to animals is inhumane by definition. You may disagree about what is unnecessary, but that doesn't mean that anything goes. I believe every state has laws about the inhumane treatment of animals, and some of what's been posted in these threads would clearly fall into the area of criminal behavior in many areas. Because I know that you will be tempted to blindly assume I am talking about everything mentioned, I will go ahead and point out that I am only talking about the extremes recommended in some of the posts. As I've clearly expressed from the beginning, I realize that unfortunately some instances may call for a response that includes the death of animals.
#3 I happen to think you are 100 percent wrong here. In fact, I think it's people who are rude (much as you just were) that are offensive. When people (like you) make other people feel uncomfortable by posting controversial thoughts in a rude manner, YOU are the offensive one! It's quite apparent that you weren't posting as anything about fruit. And that brings about the point I was making above. This whole subject may have been a little overly discussed for the good of the forum. Many participants, including many regulars have been made to feel uncomfortable.

Deltadave- keep up the good work. You're an inspiration to us all.

Brandon- the Survivors of Parental Incest Support Group forum you are looking for is on a different website.

Fruithack- grow up! Small children shouldn't be playing on this site.

Hey Everybody,
Thanks for the replies and the additional information.

This thread is for help and advice about killing things. Any advice on killing squirrels, gophers, mice, moles, chipmunks, deer, or bear is welcome here. Any non-gun ideas on how to kill ravens would also be welcome here.

But please don't turn my thread into a Brandon7 bashing forum. Brandon7 is a person with very strong morals, principles, values and opinions. His ideas are also welcome here. If you want to slam the guy start your own thread. I always enjoy a good sparring match, and he seems to be able to hold his own.

BTW, I forgot a couple things from a previous entry.

Q: How long does it take a female squirrel lover to take a dump?
A: Nine months.
Q: How do you get a squirrel lover to stab himself?
A: Hand him a knife and ask "Whos special?"

Love the gallon jug idea. Can't wait for my kids to get old enough to teach them. Thanks.

I actually don't have a problem killing nuisance squirrels, but nevertheless, a couple of you on here are real pricks (and I don't mean Brandon).

Posted by dghays Z10A FL Brevard (My Page) on
Fri, Aug 29, 08 at 13:20

"I actually don't have a problem killing nuisance squirrels, but nevertheless, a couple of you on here are real pricks"

DeGays,

I'm not familiar with homoculture, is that a compliment?

Delta9dave,

I know it's been 10+ years, but with the hope that you might still be around, which were your pests: ground squirrels, grey squirrels, or red squirrels?

Thanks!