Kim, I am holding you in my heart and prayers.
When one is deep in depression it's hard to imagine
that the light will ever shine brightly in our lives again.
You just hang on Kim, it will get better. One day soon
you'll wake up to a new world where there is once again
joy and light.

Keep thinking positive thoughts and know that we are here
and we're on your side.

Kim - I'm still here for you too my friend. I so understand what you are going through right now. I'm sending some of those beautiful sunflowers you have sent me in the past right back at you.

I haven't posted, but that doesn't mean you have not been in my thoughts, often, each day since you first posted about your medication change. I don't have any wonderful advice. I have worked with people who have had every sort of depression imaginable and seen them come out the other side. The best thing you have going for you is your motivation, and of course there is your family who loves you, and then there are us cheering for you.

You've been around this old forum for quite awhile, and handled your depression very well. Most of us would not even know of it, had you not shared. Great and wonderful things are happening now concerning emotions and breaking them down to the molecular level. And the future of treating depression looks brighter every day the more scientist get closer and closer to pegging what makes us tick as an individual. None of us are put together exactly the same, and that makes what is "normal or average" very fuzzy indeed. All of us have our glitches somewhere, some more obvious than others.......that's all. It's a wise person who picks up on the fact that they just are not satisfied with the status quo and is determined to make it a better experience.

Try not to look upon your life-style or diet changes as anything other than an open door to maybe something even better. And whenever you possibly can, do something good for yourself and make a habit of it.

Every time I try to write to say thank you, I choke up again, but at least I'm not bawling like a calf today. It's a little better. I'm overawed and overwhelmed, seeing so many of you here. You folks are a blessing, and the words "thank you" seem so small, but they're all I have.

Thank you.

Goodnight. And Good morning too:)

Another new day comes. I hope you sleep tonight.

Know that you have many, many people who care.

Still holding your hand my friend...

Kim, i'm here too helping to hold on to you.That light is a micro centimeter larger now. Can you see it yet? Don't forget what a special person you are. You deserve to get well. If i had a Purple Heart,i'd send it to you.
(((BIG HUG)))
vickie

Good morning Kim. Hope you are still hanging on. Sending you cyber hugs.

Hugs, hope, and love from Robert and Dorie, too! We'll be sending you warm thoughts.

(((Kim))) Sunflowers from an Oregon garden. You're in my thoughts.

Still hoping the best for you...josh

Kim, I hope you're getting some relief even if just a little bit. Each day is going to be better for you and your GP Support/Cheering Section is with you.

Nice to see Robert & Dorie here isn't it? You're a loved person, Kim. Don't forget that.

So many names that I haven't seen for so long. Just for me? In my state of mind, my first thought is that I'm not worth it. Thank you for thinking differently.

The date made yesterday tough. But after spending most of the day pondering it, I did something I haven't done in a long, long time. I put on the company colors and went to the monthly meeting of volunteer fire company I belong to. I received a warm welcome, which I had been unsure about. But the best part came after the meeting. They announced that they wanted all attendees to come to the engine bay to have a group picture taken to be posted on the department website. When I hung back, saying I hadn't been around lately, I was told emphatically that I still belong and should most definitely be in the picture. (I'll post a link once they get the pic up on the site.)

Without what all of you have said to me here, I wouldn't have had the strength and courage to go out last night. How can I thank you for that?

That first line should have read:

So many names, and some that I haven't seen for so long.

"In my state of mind, my first thought is that I'm not worth it."

But Kim, you know that thought is just a symptom of the illness. A cruel symptom--much worse that a cough or a sneeze or a fever. But now that you have the patch, that symptom will begin to disappear.

Hope you know we love you. So happy you were able to go out last night.

Kim, I hope your second thought was "I am worth it" because you are you.

You perhaps don't realize it but by reaching out for support you may well have shown the way to someone else in a similar boat to yours...that it's good to reach out, that's it's okay to reach and that friends will be there for you.

And here's another new day:))

Yes, another day is drawing to an end, which means another day further along. I'm so happy you had the courage to go out and see people, and you sound like you enjoyed their company and support too.

Sleep well Kim and best wishes for tomorrow.

I'm so proud you went out too and found out you were missed. Looking forward to seeing that picture.Hope you have a good night.

Don't let that depression lie to you. Hang in there.

(((MORE HUGS)))
vickie

setting:
M'Lynn pacing near Shelby's grave site,hands clenched. Her "steel", Clairee,Annelle,Truvy and Ouiser stand nearby, nervously holding hands tightly and with frightful pain,covering their mouths with the other hand.

M'Lynn: I'm so angry I could hit something.
(Clairee grabs Ouiser, pushing her in front of M'Lynn.)
Clairee: Here! Hit this. Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!
Truvy: Are you crazy!
Ouiser: Are you high Clairee?
Truvy: Have you lost your mind?
Clairee: We'll do T-Shirts saying I slapped Ouiser Boudreaux. Hit her!
Annelle: Miss Clairee, enough!
Clairee:Ouiser,this is your chance to do something for your fellowman. Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!
Ouiser: Let go of me!
Clairee: M'Lynn, you just lost the chance of a lifetime.Half of Chinquapin Parish would give their eye teeth to give a whack at Ouiser!

(M'Lynn can't be stunned anymore and busts out laughing. Truvy, Clairee and Annelle join in the laughter. Ouiser stomps off angrily.)

Ouiser, (adressing Clairee):You are a pig from hell.
M'Lynn:Ouiser, don't leave.
Clairee: Ouiser, Ouiser, I was just kidding, come back.
Annelle: That wasn't a very Christian thing to do.
Clairee: Annelle, you've got to lighten up.

Dearest Kim,
Since this thread has been posted I've wanted to join the chorus with hugs, sunflowers and support. I do indeed have those offerings for you but all I could think of for days now concerning my response, was this scene from "Steel Magnoilias"! I hope and pray that my attempt to make you laugh doesn't do more harm than good. Because, my intentions are not to minimize what you're going through in any way shape or form. You and I, as many more around the GP, are the grateful recipients of some mighty fine 'steel magnolias', as I lovingly refer to friends here. Unfortunately or fortunately, I'm the "Clairee type" and I could no longer suppress what comes to me naturally. Sweetie-pie, I just want to make you laugh or smile.

I've learned that a laugh is actually possible in some of our darkest hours. I was so very blessed to have you and Jan(Treehouse) visit me a few short weeks ago.
Things couldn't of gotten sadder when we all stood in Lindsey's room as I described that horrible night we lost her. You and jan stood there stunned as you know I have a hole in my heart so large and so sore that the slightest breeze passing through that whole, gives me pain. And yet, a few moments later as we toured my pathetic gardens we were all laughing and jumping for joy because Jan spotted the one and only bloom in my entire garden! LOL
You have a lot of "steel magnolias" around here at the GP and I just wanted to remind you, that you're one too. We might have our days when we feel like we're made out of rubber and surely we're gonna flop over at any given moment but it's important to let you know that you're more steel than rubber. I know this because you've been a steel magnolia of mine.
All my thanks and love, ~di

Di..You're an awesome lady. Listen to her, Kim.

A silly thing but mine own: making a face at myself when I really just feel like weeping. My Dad used to pull a sad face to make us laugh from a skinned knee or other childhood hurt. I found it works as an adult to just stick my tongue out at that blue monster on my shoulder...even if just for a moment.

I hope today has been a little brighter for you. josh

A better day today, I hope, Kim:)) And another one tomorrow and the next day and the next day...

I'm off down to the Boatyard this afternoon to photograph a special sailing ship - I'll post of a copy for you to put your worst times on and have them sail out to sea and tossed overboard a thousand fathoms deep.

Sheila

Good Morning, Kim.

Just dropping a note to say hello and hope you're doing better each day, that the patch is doing it's job.

Take care of yourself today and know I'm sending my Pacific NW bracing briny energy to you:)

Kim, hope you have a good day today and that you'll feel like letting us know how you are doing.
My little dog loves everyone so she sends her best too.
vickie

A new day, a new perspective, a new opportunity...I wish them all for you. Hope you can spend a little time with nature, time with your family, and lots of time doing what most pleases you this weekend. josh

Good Evening Kim!

For us, they call it 'fighting the dragon', been on anti-depressents of all kinds the past 18 years, the present one I am on does no good and my doc says I have tried them all.

To You, from Me: We both know how long these meds take, we both will fight and keep on fighting until one day, we will feel that sense of 'strength' slowing coming back, and you know I am right! Chin up, your going to make this and you know that, remember, one has never died from meds not working! And one has never died thu lack of sleep!

So, I need to be firm with you and not suck up, you can and will conquer this!---------just as you have with other meds.

I know full well from experience, you will be
fine..................just give everything time and don't panic if it takes awhile, keep yourself busy, go for a walk, even though your body says no, do it! Read for relaxation even if you hate reading! I know full well, doing anything right now is a huge thing to ask, just try it!

Hoping this newbie hasn't overstepped her boundaries, but
you will fight that dragon and kill it!

sincerely! Mats---------who is a woman!

mats is right kim, hang in there. We're pulling for you so grab our hands and pull with us.
vickie

Kim, I'm still here for you too - you can do this!

Hand somehat grubby because I've been gardening but still reaching out to you, Kim. I fell in love with plants in the early sixties and then became completely obsessed ...the study of botany on my own and just for my own gratification was what I believe enabled me to get off meds and be able to control my own mood swings. Somehow realizing that everything from the sturdy oak to the merest slip of chickweed had a place and would reach for sun and air, withstand flood and drought, serve animals or humans or no purpose yet discovered...soothed and excited and fascinated me. Further reading and actively gardening (even if just in pots nowadays) is still my lodestone when bad days return.

I'm just trying to say that it is sometimes possible to discover a way out...please have hope and believe in yourself. Your work with the volunteer fire department may be your way...now that is much more useful than my mulling over a philodendron...LOL Our volunteer station here just received a new engine and were like kids with a new toy. What a great service they and the EMTs render. Kudos to you for pitching in.

Hope today is a better day...josh

I saw a wonderful hand holding image on Friday. I was sitting outside a cafe having a cup of coffee when here come one grown up with about seven little pre-schoolers attached to her...all holding hands. A little chain of children all connected by their hands to their teacher who was guiding them along. All the kids looked different and, indeed acted differently. Some were kind of loud, some just quietly trundling along, one little girl was being a bossy boots with a little boy...but they were all holding hands, keeping other safe by being connected.

I had an instant visualization of what our hand holding with Kim would look like - and it was a powerful image of connectedness and caring.

What a great bunch of hand holder we have in here:)

Gives new meaning to the phrase "you're in good hands".

Kim, my friend, I sent you an email (assuming that your GW address is still good). DH and I will be in Lancaster next month....

With each day that medicine is circulating in your body, and soon now you'll begin to feel its effect. Just hang on and know we're pulling for you. josh

Kim, hope you are feeling some better by now,if not it will come.
Thinking of you.
vickie

Still thinking of you Kim.

I'm still sending you love and good energy. One hand here, the other part of the gp chain.

I just go an email from Kim. She sends her love and thanks for all the support coming her way from her friends at the GP.

The patch seems to be working, but she's moved into a different place now, what she describes as "mental overload". Just now she's not in a place where she can post.

I feel sure all kinds of chemical changes are taking place and it's tough to cope with all of that.

Kim knows and appreciates how much we all care. Don't let go of her hand.

Thanks for letting us know Sheila.

Kim, we're still here, holding on to you. Rest, don't overdo things. We understand.

Thank you Shelia for letting us know about Kim. I've been concerned about her.

Kim, i hear you about mental overload. Try not to think and just heal. I know; much easier to say than do.

My hand is streched out holding yours.
vickie

Kim, we are all here, just don't read the words, if it's too much, just feel the vibes and allow us to sit quietly with you, not pushing and not pulling, just being.

Sheila, thanks for the word from Kim. I was wondering myself if our posts were helping or keeping it constantly before her so that she couldn't forget even for a little while. I'll be thinking of her and but think I'll stop daily posting...her mailbox must be overflowing. josh

Sheila thanks for the update
Kim, still holding you too.

Kim was at pains to say the "mental overload" was not stemming from us...and she's not getting all of these posts sent to her.

However, I'm inclined to agree with Josh and I'm going to back off a bit. I just don't want it to be out of sight out of mind. Kim still needs support.

Kim, Just quietly hanging in there with you.

Hi, Kim...I hope your weekend is a good one. Thinking about you.

Kim, Here's another hoping a healing weekend for you.
vickie

You're still in my thoughts, Kim. Peace. josh

A quote just for you Kim.

Works of art are indeed always products of having been in danger,of having gone to the very end in an experience, to where man can go no further.
=Rainer Maria Rilke

Never forget you are a work of art.
vickie

Another quote just for Kim.

Be like the bird that,passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give away beneath her,and yet sings, knowing that she has wings.
-Victor Hugo

Still thinking about you.
vickie

Kim. Vickie's quote for you this morning is so beautiful...hope it brings comfort and a smile to you. josh

Still thinking of you also, Kim. After several gloomy days, the sun is shining beautifully today, coming out of the shadows so to speak. Hope your clouds and shadows are disappearing too.