I thought I would share with you some email correspondence I have shared with a bromeliad enthusiast........

Dear Ms Tate, I have one bromeliad and have had it for

three years. I donâÂÂt know whether to put it in a tree

or in a pot or in the ground. IâÂÂm traumatised by this

decision and my husband rudely told me to shove it up

my arse! Will it multiply rapidly or will I have to

buy others to make my garden like yours? I would

dearly love to visit your garden and havachat with you

to extend my range as I feel it is a bit limited at

the moment. Please tell me a suitable time. I live at

Long flats and my name is Anna Dicks. My family is

known as the Longflat Dicks. I enjoy mint slices and

cuppas and look forward to becoming garden pals.

Please write back soon. Anna Dicks

Dear Ms Dicks,

Thank you for the kind words re my garden. My advice to you is that you carefully tie your one bromeliad very firmly and securely round and round the male member of the Longflat Dicks. Sometimes metal staples are required for a firm grip, and some people use nails - but be careful not to use copper nails, as they might damage the bromeliad. Once your brom is secure, simply stand your husband in a tepid shower twice per week, or better still will be natural rainfall. Give him morning sun or dappled shade, and plenty of ventilation. This way, your bromeliad should flourish and, in time, will root along its long flat host. I hope this has been helpful. Good luck, and let me know how you get on.

We only serve tim tams here, so, NO!, you can't visit.

Yours in gardening,

Kerry

Dear Kerry,

Thank you bery much for that wonderful advice. I did

what you suggested and the brom is thriving but the

host is not. He wilted. I have now tied the brom to my

horse's tail and it is lovely to catch a glimpse of it

every now and then as he gallops by. I am investing in

a few more plants and have endless ideas now thanks to

you. Do you talk to your broms? Someone told me that

you do but that person also told me that you were

crazy nuts. What are you doing on Sunday? I thought I

might visit(with horse) for a showing .If you are too

busy, I can amuse myself, though not well. Regards

from the Longflat Dicks Love Anna.

LOL! I have a very funny friend :)

Cheers,

Kerry