You don't have to wave them around but if you know anyone who has kiwi vines and has a male one then one piece with a few blossoms should pollinate several females (just as with animals). Simply put a piece of the vine in a bottle with some water in it and place it near the female vine. The way to tell if the plants are male or female is to lift the bark and look. Really, the female plant should have an embryo behind the blossom. Persimmons will fruit whether they are pollinated or not and if not, will produce seedless fruit.

The funniest story I heard a MG relate was about a caller who, when told the last frost date in her area said, "What time?"

We had a funny call a few years ago, It didn't happen to me but a dear friend. The MG told the homeowner to use tuna cans to measure rainfall or to see how her sprinkler was distributing water over the area. She paused a minute and asked him, "But what do I do with all the tuna?"

I was on the hotline last summer and got a call from a gentleman with a very thick Italian accent who told me he knew the name of the plant in Italian but wanted to know what it was called in English. But he couldn't describe the plant in any detail - just thought we "should know what he was talking about" LOL!!!

One of our MGs from the north had a gentleman call in and ask what should he do about the whale in his front yard.
A whale?
Yep, got this here whale and don't know what to do about it.
Well how did it get there?
Hit's always been here.
Come to find out he was talking about a water well but pronouncing it whale.

I think one of the most amazing one that I got was a gentleman who was having problems with worms/bugs etc on his apple trees - they were ruining all the fruit. He wanted to know if he made an arsenic spray would that kill them?.

Strange and funny calls come in all the time but you can't let the caller think you think they are funny. They are very serious about their problem. One call at the end of last years session came through a garden center manager calling for a customer who he put on the phone. I think he hid as soon as I was on the line. This person wanted to know what he could use to kill a tree in his neighbor's yard 10 feet inside the neighbor's fence. He said it was shading the grass and stealing the fertilizer he put on the grass. No amount of discussion would convince him he couldn't legally destroy his neighbor's property and he was convinced we would tell him how to do it.
Another caller had hired someone to spray her entire yard with Roundup and now wanted us to come and put down grass seed. She asked why we were there if we didn't do things like that.
Sandy

I heard a story, more wierd and scary than funny, about someone who called the MG desk and asked how to make a bomb out of fertilizer. I believe he gave his name, etc. on the info request form, and the coordinator called the FBI.
Wierd, huh?

Usually from some of the more affluent areas the calls that begin with-
"How do I kill"
I usually respond that a hammer works very well before assessing how much damage their pest is causing and hooking them up with the appropriate data sheet.

Ok, the funniest call we got was when my friend got a call about getting the pine nuts out of his pine cones in his yard. She politely said that she would have to call back after she looked it up in reference. When she called back, the gentlemen's wife answered and my friend said "Hello I'm with the master gardeners and I'm calling about your husband's nuts." Er - pine nuts that is.

Ok here's another one - A man calls up and is calling about a meat plant. What kind of plant sir? Does it have seeds what kind of leaves does it have do you know the botanical name of the plant? No it is a meat plant. I need to know how to take care of meat plant. After a 1/2 an hour, they finally figured out that he had the wrong dept. and wanted the agriculture department and needed to know santization procedures for a meat packing plant. Too funny.

Some days we get so many calls we get punch drunk and need to joke around so that we don't get a headache. One day I got a call on regarding some lady's holly bush. After I hung up, the agent and I couldn't stop singing "have a holly jolly Christmas, it's the best time of the year..." while laughing hysterically. We had recently gotten a new phone system and we finally realized that I still had her on the line.