I agree with your husband. I think the problem with many kids today and why they get rebellious is actually from NO enforced structure from their parents.

As a child, one of my Mother's favorites lines to me used to be, "when you are 18, you can do whatever you want, until then I'm responsible for you."

For this situation though, I see where you could have a solution. How about buying a wig, letting her/helping her dye it, style it and wear it. Maybe she'd have fun with it for a few days and get bored with it.

I think you all three should sit down and work out a compromise. The worst thing that you don't want to see is somewhere down the line, someone saying "See, I told you so..."

Some kids, for whatever reason, seem to have a stronger need to "express themselves" than others. That's fine, but there still needs to be a certain amount of guidance. It's always better if it's handled in an upfront manner.

I'm just glad I don't have kids. I will say this though--the kids in the neighborhood like me a lot because I talk to them like an adult. Nobody likes to be talked down to.

-Ron-

My son went through this, but it was 7th grade. We said no way during school, it's a distraction in the classroom, could create potential problems for the teachers. Summertime, if his grades met certain high expectations, he could go blue.

He got the grades, got the bleached hair with blue, and it slowly turned greenish over about 3 weeks, maybe too much pool, sun, ocean. He did it one more time that summer and he was over it.

Personally, I think 5th grade is too young. Make her wait, but don't make it impossible to get, say summer after 6th grade. When my daughter used to push for special things I didn't approve of at her age, I explained they were "inappropriate" and she learned and understood that something inappropriate at 11 can be okay at 13 or 16, or 25. ; ) Maybe get her hair cornrowed with beads this summer instead -- really cute on young girls.

Hmmmmmm x 13 for this one !

Lots of ins and outs with this as it is a complex matter. I gots to break it down and see where this leads. Follow along if you like...

~ Would the school allow multicoloured hair or would they make a big hoo-ha about it and call you at home and pull her from class while the matter is settled one way or the other?

~ Hair is hair and one can have it cut, styled or coloured as they want. It is, after all, THEIRS.

~ Your DH and you both agree about the no make-up although other parents allow it.

~ You agree that your daughter should try different things with her hair if that is what she wants. Your DH says NO.
You yourself have had the experience of trying different styles and colours with your hair. I will guess that your husband has never tried blue or red colour for his own hair.

He may not personally understand how much fun something like that could be for an XX. Just to try something for the heck of it.

I am thinking more that he is a little in denial and not ready for his little girl to grow up. No make-up. No hair colouring. No dates until she is well into her 30s and even then the date better send in his resume and references! :-)

Is there a temporary dye she could try over a weekend? It just may be that she would see herself with blue hair and she herself may think "What was I thinking?" She could then wash it out and the matter is settled until the next idea comes around.

You may try some coloured hair extensions and your daughter could have all kinds of fun with her hair and it would not be permanent at all. I don't think your DH would object to your daughter having some temporary fun with her hair that way over a weekend...giving him a chance to see how much fun it is to put in and so on...giving him some time to get used to it.

If he is still upset over the hair colour change the hair can go back to the natural colour for school. To force the matter either way will cause resentment for someone.

A family sit down and discussion will be the best. It can't be that Mommy is right and Daddy is mean! You and your DH need to come to some agreement/compromise and your daughter will understand why you both came to the decision you have made.

*Can I try blue hair for at least a week? * What colour would you like my hair to be if not blue or the natural colour? *Can I have a kitten? *Can I try hair extensions instead?

I am still thinking your DH isn't ready for his daughter to even think about stuff like this. She's just a little girl, after all, and always will be in his eyes!

CleOH

I don't think it's worth causing a family riff over but I do agree with CleOH about the sit-down, the hair belonging to the individual etc and the temporary-type dye.

If she were my daughter and had a good head on her shoulders, I would let her do it with the temporary dye now. If she really likes it and wants to keep it up she can go permanent over the summer. The battles I would be more likely to fight with her over would be her clothes (no Brittany Spears or Christina 'type' outfits) or disrespect to me or my hubby or other people, etc.

Bihai, you sound like you have it together and I'm sure, blue hair or not, your daughter is going to turn out wonderful with such caring parents!

Well I halfway solved the problem.
We were on vacation at the beach last week and I took along a Clairol "Frost and Glow" kit. While we were there I frosted my own hair (wow I will never pay a salon to foil me again! Its so EASY and works so well!) and also used the extra to put some really nice blonde streaks in my daughter's hair. She was so pleased! So alternative color hair is forgotton (at least briefly)

That sounds like a fantastic solution, Bihai...and not just halfway. I'm sure she'll think of something new for you to ponder over in the near future like that kitten dilemma? :-)

LOL!!

C with 3Ds

I have a daughter who is in 8th grade. She wanted the same thing, blue hair. I let her do it in the summer, but only streaks. She is always wanting to do something different to her hair. I guess I did the same thing growing up as well. I was much more of a wild child than my kids are because my mom was a single parent and had to work nights and slept days. We got away with anything we wanted. Therefore I am much more of a strict parent with my own kids. I still think it is ok to express individualism. It is easier here in LA though because the schools make them wear uniforms and dont allow 'un natural hair colors'. My daughter compensates for this by wearing her crossbones and skull necklace under her shirt lol! She also puts in blonde streaks and then will change it back either dark brown or auburn (her natural color). It is pretty harmless compared to what I was doing at her age.
~SJN

LOL SJN I had blonde surfer girl streaks (real ones complimented by Sun In) my entire Jr and High School days, but once I got to college, I had all different colors of hair! Black, Purple, Green, Orange...we were also adventurous dressers, leather minis, leather jackets, safety pin jeans etc. We were pretty punked out. I liked my guys them with "big hair" like Tom Araya in Slayer. I myself had a Johnny Rotten spike doo.

I'm not an overly strict parent about clothes...my only thing is, no skin or inappropriately "sexy" clothing on an 11 year old PLEASE but I have no problem with skulls motif stuff (I have a few pieces meself, dontcha know), pierced ears (or even noses) Henna tattoos etc.