So long as you're spending that kind of effort and money setting up Fort Tomato, why not build a gun turret up near the house from which you could lay down withering fire at any intruders with a hankerin' for a taste of your fruit.

Post pictures of Fort XWagner!

My score so far:

Squirrels - 2 Sophie's Choice
Birds - 1 Marmande
Me - nothing (but green tomatoes on the vine are still up for grabs)

Not there yet :-)

I didn't hear about the bobble head owl, rubber snakes or human urine yet.

Or remembering that squirrel is good, fried with tomatoes on the side :-)

haha, this is the funniest thread I have read on here! This sounds like something I would do, but luckily the birds and squirrels have pently of other stuff to eat here on the farm. Only damage is from horn worms and cut worms.

My only worry is that a cow or horse will crush the fence and get in my yard(or wild pig). Which already happened and I guarded them until I could get someone to help me get the cow back in the pasture.

I tried squirrel recently, grilled with BBQ sauce, and it tasted like some nasty chicken.

I like the gun turret idea... somehow control from my laptop which will have a closed-circuit television camera on it... hmm... would the community association complain?

Picture from this morning:

{{gwi:1366597}}

xwagner -- I love your perseverance! I, like you, am a smaller garden tomato grower, yet have managed to create a virtual mini-fortress. In an effort to challenge the multitude of groundhogs and deer, I've made raised beds with wire screen inside the bottoms and wire screened removable frames (alas, no woodworking skills -- not quite square) around the four sides. Needless to say, I need serious motivation to actually get in there, and I'm not quite sure it enhances my perennial garden, but that first tomato is worth it:)

Good luck with your mission! My neighbor just had five groundhogs residing under her shed "evicted." I'll take a hornworm anyday.

Cathy in SWPA