I can see why you might hesitate to take this further especially since your daughter has an A in the class. But before any more time passes the 3 of you should jot down all all the hostile, sarcastic comments she made. You may need it. If you found out about the glitch after the conference then the teacher might think you were ignoring her email.

When you say that the teacher "continues to be surprisingly hostile, sarcastic and glib" may I assume this is her behavior towards your DD in class? Is she this way with all the students or just your DD? How old are the students?

Have you considered contacting the teacher again and letting her know that you never received her initial email and that you would have contacted her immediately if you had. This would give you the opportunity to verify that your DD's behavior has improved and that there isn't something else going on in the classroom.

This could help you decide if you need to take this further or not.

Deee, once you figured out about the e-mails that you never received, did you make it clear to the teacher that you'd been unaware of the problem? The teacher probably thinks you just ignored the repeated e-mails, of course, and resents this. It doesn't excuse her sarcasm and glibness, but it might explain them a bit.

Could you schedule another meeting with her to assure her that you're VERY concerned about your daughter's education and that you'd have never ignored the emails had you known about them? The problem seems to be solved if your daughter is quiet in class and is getting an "A". Let the teacher know you'll do anything you can to rectify the situation with her so that the rest of the school year goes smoothly. Assure her that you and she are both working towards the same goal together -- a quiet and respectful child who excels in the teacher's class. Maybe once the teacher sees that you're on her side she'll relent a bit on the sarcasm. So sorry you have to go through this!

This is so complicated...

The teacher IS aware that we never deliberately ignored her. During our confusing (why is this teacher acting like this?) conference we told her that we never heard about the classroom talking. We also told her that it is very important to us that our daughter behave in class. She accused of us of ignoring the notifications or not being able to use the school's website.

After the conference, we double checked my daughter's school account and still could not find the notifications. We emailed the teacher to confirm this and told her to please email us directly if there were any problems. Later, the teacher emailed us that there was a glitch in the school system and discipline notifications (for ALL students) were never sent out. We again reiterated in a follow up email that it was important to us that our daughter behave and that we wanted to know if there were any problems.

She has been hostile and sarcastic to our daughter in class and also sarcastic and glib in emails to me about the talking (that happened months ago), my daughter's class placement for next year and other things. Believe me, I have bent over backwards to placate this teacher.

I also want to add that the teacher never made an attempt to contact us in any other manner. No notes, personal email, phone calls and no behavior comments on my daughter's report cards. ????

What recourse do you have then, other than go to the principal? How is the principal going to know what is going on with this teacher if no one tells him/her?

Is this a public school? Does this teacher have tenure?

I agree to write down meeting dates, what has happened in regards to the emails, and the remarks that were made to you and to your DD. If your DD feels that she cannot speak in class anymore, then this is definitely impacting on her education. And being hostile and sarcastic to a student in class is totally inappropriate.

I don't see that you have much to lose. The teacher is already taking out her issues on your DD.

If you have friends whose kids are also in this class, you may want to speak to them to see if they have had similar experiences. Power in numbers.

I totally agree with Barb - you really do need to take this to the principal. Generally with my boys, when there was any school issue, the teacher had my support. I felt a teacher doesn't need to work around 'spirited children" AND a parent who say 'my little angel would never do that....'. But there were occasions when I felt the teacher did not have a proper handle on the classroom or my child or whatever and if I could not get anywhere in personal conferences with that teacher I'd go up a level.

You've made it clear to this teacher that you did not get the original notice. I assume you also made sure to give your other contact info directly to her - don't count on her digging through the school system to find it - give it to her if you haven't yet.

I'd ask for a conference with both the teacher and principal. Don't leave an opportunity for either one to try and interpret for the other. All parties in the same room is best. Be direct in telling her you feel there is still some lingering hostility either over your daughter's early year behavior or your non-response. Neither should be an issue any longer based on your daughter's performance and current behavior and the acknowledged glitch in the system. Then ask if you can be confident that this will not impact her placement for next year or any other concerns you may have. You are your child's advocate.

Did you keep those emails? Definitely something to document her actions.

tina

Silencing a child is a horrible step for parents to be driven to. Just unconscionable. Your daughter will have to remember that if she wants to get along, she'd better just keep quiet.

Remember the bumper sticker: "Well-behaved women rarely make history"? Words to think on...maybe to share with your daughter so as to help her get through this.

I agree *completely* with the suggestions to take it to the principal, *and* with the suggestion to ask *friends* about their experiences. I'd say make sure they're really friends first, or you might get someone trying to profit off your situation.

Courage! Look at it this way: your spirited daughter will have spunk to get her through tough times...not a bad quality to have, no matter what an individual institutional functionary happens to think. IMO, of course : )

I'd take it up with the teacher one more time before going to the Principal. I'd be co-operative but before I left the meeting, I'd let her know you intend to get this resolved one way or another, all the while communicating confidence in her ability to solve the problem...

It takes a village and you need to know your DD's village has her best interest at heart.

I would be curious to know if this teacher is sarcastic, hostile and glib with other parents and students.

Hm, golddust, I wonder if telegraphing the next punch is the best way to go, iykwim. If the teacher knows that dee is planning to go to the principal, the teacher might get in there first and narrate things in a way favorable to her. Dee's been more than cooperative and understanding of the teacher on more than one occasion.

The teacher *and* principal conversation that dlm mentioned might be the absolute best next step. With *both* parents there, so the numbers are equal on both sides.

Terriks echos my first thought too. Is there a way you can converse with some of the other parents to see if they're experiencing problems as well? It's more out of curiosity really because regardless of the outcome to that question, the principal should be made aware that there is an issue and the teacher should be put on notice that any repercussions towards your daughter won't be tolerated.
That said, I would trust that this is not the first time that the principal has had to deal with a similar situation and will understand the sensitivity of the it.

I also totally agree with Flyleft's thoughts about silencing her. Making a child pay for the teachers issues is not fair, right or in your daughter's best interest.

Deee, I am a teacher. I have taught in high school, middle school, and now in elementary school (special education with LD/ED mostly). You do need to go to the principal and I would not tell the teacher first. When you make the appointment, the secretary will probably ask what you want to discuss and I would give a brief, general explanation along the lines of "We have some concerns about our daughter's and our communication/interactions with so and so." Chances are the principal will ask the teacher if she knows what your concerns are and that is fine. The teacher may also be called into the meeting. That is okay, too, I think. It really is best to get all this out in the open. I would not include my child (whatever age) in the conference unless the principal decides to call her in for some reason.

Just one other note that is OT, so forgive me please: have to address the comment about "tenure." That is very often a misnomer. Where I teach, teachers can be fired (or not have contract renewed) without cause during the first three years in the district. After that, what we get is a "continuing contract" which only means that there needs to be a reason for being fired (can't be simply because the principal doesn't like you or whatever). We are formally evaluated every third year and if you get an unsatisfactory rating ("does not meet standards"), you have one year to pull up your evaluation to "meets standards." If you have the unsatisfactory rating, you are automatically evaluated again the next year and if there is no improvement or not enough, your contact will not be renewed. When that happens, your career is pretty much over as most districts won't hire a teacher who was not renewed. We are required to earn graduate credits in order to maintain our state license and we pay for these classes ourselves. My salary has been frozen for two years (also happened to me in the 90s) and will probably be frozen again next year. Very hurtful since I am close to retirement and even a COLA would help (of course, our COLA when we get one is around 1%).

Bottom line is that most teachers in most states (there are some places that rank consistently low unfortunately) are very good at what they do and most people could not do what we do day in and day out. That said, teachers need to be respectful to both students and parents and if we aren't, we should have to answer for it. There is no place for sarcasm or hostility in any situation. I hope the principal is able to help. I agree that your daughter should feel comfortable participating in discussions and lessons. Hate to see that taken away. Good luck.

Thanks for all your advice. I spoke with my daughter today and she told me that the teacher is also sarcastic and hostile to the other kids.

I asked if the teacher's behavior has changed since the conference. She said that the teacher has been trying to "catch" her talking and gives her dirty looks if everyone around Abbey is talking but she isn't. Other than that, the teacher has been ignoring her. Which I guess is better than being mean to her.

I will speak to some of the other Moms and see what they say about this teacher. Thanks for all your advice.

Wow, deee. That teacher needs some help now. She's affecting an entire classroom full of children for a whole academic year.

I think it's a great idea to ask the moms and go in with some of the other parents, so it's clear it's not just about whatever vendetta this teacher may have against your daughter. You'll be saving the kids she gets next year and the year after that, too. Hang in there. Your daughter will see your advocacy on her behalf and remember it positively, whatever the teacher does to her. How your parents act is really what's most important to a child, IMO/E.

My child was an excessive talker and fidget-er. It was not until 4th grade when his teacher somehow helped him chanel this energy constructively. This year -5th- his teacher allows him to move and fiddle and raves about his effort and success being quiet. He answers and participates freely. All of his teachers have encouraged him to be himself, but have also worked with him to focus on control.

That being said... I am an elementary librarian for grades Pre-K through 6th. I am astonished and very aware of the fact that the majority of children today cannot be quiet. I am not talking about regular childhood chit chat, but literal diarrhea of the mouth...noises, comments, and continued side conversations after you have expressly said no talking. The major part of my lessons are spent asking students to stop talking so I can teach. It is a common complaint among teachers and one most people cannot even imagine because they aren't there to observe it.

I have one or two students in every class that constantly and consistently just keep going no matter what I try, do or say. Are they bad students? No, but they do set the tone for the entire class and when they are absent it is heaven.

Do I single them out? No, but they can be exasperating and even the other students often get irritated,mainly because the talking is NOT usually related to the material at hand. Honestly at the end of the day, I feel horrible because I had to get on so and so's case again! I'm sure there are a few kids who think I don't like them but I do,I just wish THEY would get with the program.

I would hope any teacher would not squash out a child's thought process or creative intellect and is only trying to give the child skills they will use throughout their life both personally and professionally. Excessive talking in the classroom is much like the neighbor,co-worker,or family member that just doesn't shut up and you dread being left with them for any amount of time. It can be very disruptive and frustrating in the educational setting especially when expectations and consequences are clearly defined and it affects 20 other students class time.

I would hesitate to jump to the conclusion that she is being stymied from having opinions and self-worth. I'd like to think the teacher is helping her set and understand social boundaries and norms.

But in regards to the OP's situation, her daughter, like my son, has learned and mastered the expected classroom behavior and can now participate and add constructively to the class being taught. Children make amazing leaps and bounds throughout the school year and all progress, socially and educationally, should be celebrated. =D The issue seems to be on how to establish or re-establish a working connection with the teacher for the rest of the year.

I would request a conference with the teacher one more time. Perhaps explain that you are concerned because when you read her e-mails they seem to come across as hostile and sarcastic. Nicely add this is a matter that you didn't want to bother the principal with because e-mails are hard to read because they can be interpreted so very differently than the writer intended. Is there a problem that needs to be cleared up? It gives the teacher a chance to explain or puts her on notice that her attitude has not gone unnoticed, and she has a chance to rectify and change the situation.

A very wise woman told me as my first child entered school that my child would not like every teacher, and every teacher would not like my child, such is life. =) So true and so liberating to both you and your child, and isn't it the truth? It helps us teach our children that everything is temporary and they may need to persevere through some trials for a time that they cannot change. This same thought is also applicable to the wonderful high points of life, they don't last forever either! HTH!

I just read Cyn427's post and Dee's follow up.

I am sorry to hear other children are feeling hostility also, that makes for a long year. =( Even though I have "talkers" I always try to leave them with a smile because the bottom line is they are children. We cannot expect children to respect us if we cannot respect them, and school should always be a happy safe place.

Cyd427's advice is an excellent route to follow also Dee, and it is common practice if you don't feel comfortable talking to the teacher at this point.

My oldest is in his 2nd year with a teacher he dislikes. The teacher habitually loses homework and takes points off. We have tried to give him several tools to combat this such as getting a copy of his homework signed when he hands the original in, but it does make for a longgggg year!

I hope I didn't go on too much about the "talkers" or sound insensitive to your plight. =) I know they need to talk and believe it or not I do allow them to whisper and share books in the library!

Don't let this slide. Have a meeting with the school principal right away (include your spouse, not your student). I would not tell the secretary anything specific, just say that you have some concerns about the classroom environment and the dynamic between your student and her teacher. That is more than plenty. If you don't want to give that much info, limit it to some concerns regarding your child.

Have as much documentation as you can and stick to your guns. Not every child will like every teacher, nor may each teacher like every student, BUT, and I can not stress this enough: your child's teacher is supposed to be a professional. His or her own personal feelings about a student should NEVER be obvious to that student or any other student. This is how children get tagged and not only can it cause havoc with their self esteem, it can also cause issues with future teachers.

One of my kids had a bad experience in 4th grade with her teacher. My child talked too much in class, it was distracting to other students at times. How did the teacher deal with it? She was isolated at a desk of her own, away from the table setting of the other kids. Even if someone near her was talking, she got in trouble for it.

The next year, new teacher. Totally different environment. My child became a dedicated student and had glowing reports at conferences. It was her fifth grade teacher who told me how badly her confidence had been shaken. When he asked her why she thought she was not a good student, she told him it was because her teacher last year told her so. What do you think that does to a child to hear that 5 days a week for weeks on end?

I would be willing to bet that this teacher is also doing this to other students in her class as well. I found out several parents were unhappy with Ms. X but did not know about the other kids and would have spoken up if they knew.

Please meet with your school principal.

I would meet with the principal asap. Your child has no power to protect herself from this unprofessional and toxic bully. Ask the principal to monitor her class if that is possible.

Covingtoncat said: "Not every child will like every teacher, nor may each teacher like every student, BUT, and I can not stress this enough: your child's teacher is supposed to be a professional. His or her own personal feelings about a student should NEVER be obvious to that student or any other student. This is how children get tagged and not only can it cause havoc with their self esteem, it can also cause issues with future teachers"

Agreed 100%. It's not just that 'not everyone likes everyone else', it's that this is an *adult* professional in an extremely powerful position over a *child*.

Unprofessional professionals need to be called on their behavior and have whatever damage they're doing labeled as such and changed. Ethical standards are there for a reason. Learning to endure illegitimate use of power, even if temporary, is really not a lesson I'd want my child to learn. I want my child to learn the rule of law, not the rule of irresponsible power. No one should be bigger than the law (even though recently we're seeing multitudinous examples of people attempting to be just that).

(and covingtoncat, it sounds like your daughter has pulled through, with the help of an extremely caring 5th grade teacher and you all, of course. Your daughter had crucial validation by a later person who had power over her -- I wish, wish, wish, that that would happen for everyone. What a fabulous 5th grade teacher that was.)