First let me say that I have two sons, 19 and 16, and their bathroom is the also the guest bath as you've mentioned above. But not only for overnight guests, but any guests who come to the house for dinners, parties, visits, etc.

The funny thing is, I can really identify with the vanity top cluttered with the assorted toiletries for shaving, dental hygiene, deodorants and contact lense cleaning. But what I don't understand is how the mom can just let that all go and never go in there to clean up, especially if guests are coming! I'd be horrified if guests saw my kids' bathroom in its "natural state".

I taught my boys long ago how to clean a bathroom. They don't do it unless told to of course, but they do their duty as ordered. I recently hired a housekeeper to come in regularly so there's minimum clean up duty in there nowadays. However, the clutter on the counter still persists and must be cleaned up and organized when guests are expected.

That sort of thing, imho, is basic hospitality. Just as I wouldn't serve my guests water in a dirty glass, I wouldn't expect them to use a dirty bathroom!

As for getting a "Don't come back" message from relatives, well yeah, that actually has happened to me before, but not because of a dirty bathroom, it was a different sort of situation. I've not been back since it happened (about six years ago) but I know the occasion will come up where we'll need to visit that part of the country again. My future policy: HOTEL. In the grand scheme of things, the expense of a hotel is not all that bad when considering the comfort of all involved. And based on past experience, the idea of staying in someone's home where I'm not comfortable for even one night is so repugnant to me, I will never knowingly repeat it.

Yes, it will be a hotel next time. To think we could have relaxed in a clean and comfortable room of our own instead of worrying about wearing out an already thin welcome!

One plus to this kind of vacation experience is that once back home, you feel like you've arrived at a lovely little boutique hotel or B&B. I try to make a point of leaving my house spic and span whenever we leave for any length of time and boy, did it pay off this time!

This reminds me of myself as the perpetrator - Christmas (2005) we "deep cleaned" the house from top to bottom, repainted rooms, bought furniture for guest rooms, had the garden spic and span and hosted the large family event only to realize during the day that the guest bathroom we never use apart from my haircuts, wife's dying hair etc was overlooked and was an absolute disaster area! It really was a terrible mess with no towels etc, there wasn't even any soap to wash hands until we were alerted to the problem by a SIL. I'm still embarrassed when I think of it now but nobody mentioned anything and this Christmas was the largest with twice as many relatives (40) attending... nobody mentioned the mess last year and this time the bathroom was immaculate.

How could I overlook such a thing after all the effort we put into the big event! Well it's just one of those things I guess. We both work in retail and the trading hours are crazy and on top of our efforts to get the place ready for a large family gathering we honestly forgot to clean the bathroom.

It doesn't make sense to me that your relatives would invite you to stay and then leave a dirty bathroom with no towels just to ensure you never returned. Maybe, like me, they forgot that room... maybe she got sick of asking the boys to clean it up and gave up? Obviously it is playing on your mind and I think you should bring it up with with them or forget it as you get along with them. I do agree that a motel is a good solution though.
Just my opinion,
Ross.

My sister came to visit - she lives in S america and has a maid. She used my guest bath and said, horrified, "Do you know you have a water balloon in your bathroom?" Well, not only that, but over the holidays I spent each day playing with my three kids and husband. Did not take time to scour my bathroom, not even when I knew my sis would be stopping by. I now hope after reading your p.o.v. that she doesn't assume it was a message being sent to her that I don't want here here - my message if any is that I simply did not clean my bathroom - period. Not much else deeper going on there-

I imagine if you had offered to clean the bathroom - it is family after all - just said, hey gimme your cleaning supplies, I'm going to tackle this boy bath! She would have been grateful and would have appreciated the help from the visitors. If not, then at least she could have been the pissy one instead of you! Point being, there's no need to be upset about this, it wasn't intended as an insult to you. Let it go, and if you can't live with it then pay for a hotel next time.

I wouldn't take it personally. I would think the bathroom may be point of contention in the family and the mother has simply decided that it is their responsiblity to clean and that she will not give in...no matter what.

Plus, if it's anything like the bathroom my kids use, even if I cleaned it, it would be a mess by the next shower time anyway. You really think that hand towel is going to stay put!

I would have just asked for the necessities you need and then asked where to dispose of them. But again, I wouldn't take it so personally (especially the lack of a robe hook and the unpainted drywall), or think it's unhospitable. If the bath is good enough for the boys to use, it can't be all that bad.

And not everyone has the same level of cleaniness in their house for guests. Plus, they may have spend hours if not days cleaning the rest of the houses and simply run out of time. I'd take what you can get, and if your stay needs to be more perfect, I'd suggest a hotel next time...just be leary of the bed bugs and unwashed comforters--LOL!!!

I don't know that it was an intentional message (we didn't want you here in the first place, so take this, and don't come back), but it certainly IS a subliminal message that she doesn't think your comfort is that important. Even IF--best case scenario--she'd forgotten about cleaning that particular bath ahead of time, your asking for towels should have been a jolt that sent her running in to check to see if the boys' outhouse was presentable for guests. It's unconscionable, IMO, to invite guests and not provide basic cleanliness for them.

Has anything like this ever happened to us? Afraid so. BIL invited us to stay at a resort while we were on vacation. He had an apt. with a friend. We got there, and there were no sheets on the bed. Apparently, he and his friends didn't use them. At all. Ever. YUCK!!!! and we had our small daughter with us. I ran right out and bought a set of sheets (which I took with us when we left!). Now, we didn't expect to find the summer place of a bunch of 20-something guys to be immaculate, but sheets? Well, we certainly never stayed with him again--just not my cup of tea. And I can assure you, that I definitely WOULD have cleaned that bathroom--no way I'd have used it as you describe. Or I'd have made some excuse to use the grown-up bathroom. Too bad if someone were embarrassed--they should be to invite guests into something like that.

You have to decide just how important this is to you. It doesn't sound as if they were all that welcoming--they had you sleeping on the floor, as well as not bothering to clean the bathroom before your visit (I could live with the patched plaster, but not the mold, lack of soap, etc). Me? I'd definitely stay in a hotel from here on in--when I travel, I prefer to be comfortable, and I don't really enjoy feeling like I'm imposing on someone. When we visit family now, we like the freedom to come and go that a hotel room provides.

I agree with the other posters: this wasn't a message to you. I think you are probably correct that she has just given up on keeping after those two sons to keep the bathroom tidy. Don't be too hard on her for that -- sometimes parents do know better but simply have to pick their battles -- although I agree that when company is coming that would have to share that bathroom, she or her husband should have gotten it cleaned up. And you were right just to ask for towels. Probably you did the same thing about not having space to put your stuff down: "Hey, nephew, how about putting some of this stuff away so Uncle Bocephus and I can have a little space?"

I am a little puzzled by some of the remarks, though. A torn vinyl seat, dirty baseboards, and unpainted drywall patches aren't pretty, and perhaps more towel bars and hooks would be convenient, but I think it's going a bit far to consider these things expressions of hostility. My mom just stayed in our guest room, where there are huge patches of wallpaper peeled off by the builder who is going to be remodeling it. I apologized for the mess, but I am sure she didn't take the fact that we hadn't completed the remodeling in time for her visit as a personal message that she is not welcome.

I think that this may be another one of those situations in which there is more at issue than a bathroom. Perhaps ask yourself how you would have interpreted this bathroom if it had been your best friend you had been visiting instead of this sister-in-law, of whom you do not seem to be especially fond ("my SIL is apparently not a happy woman, whereas DH and I enjoy each other").

Anyway, you are to be congratulated on your self-control in remaining a polite guest, and in being a good hostess who is considerate of her guests' comfort. I am sure your guests all learn from your example.