Software
Houzz Logo Print
neetsiepie

Yet another wedding attire question

16 years ago

Our nephew is getting married later this month. It's an early evening wedding at her parents farm. The invite didn't give a formal feeling, so I'm leaning toward dress casual.

I bought some black linen slacks and a black/purple/turquoise sleeveless chiffon-y top. I'll wear open toed sandals with a short heel. Not sure about the top right now, tho. Do you think that would be ok? Our summer evenings are balmy, can get cool as the evening wears on.

DH will likely wear a Columbia sport shirt and a pair of khakis...not sure what shoes he should wear. He does not own a pair of shoes that aren't sneakers or sandals. I'd hate to have him spend $ on nice shoes he'll never wear again. I might convince him to buy some more black sneakers...would those be ok?

Honestly, DH and I never dress up. My job is uber-casual, chino pants and a light sweater is as dressy as I get there. We don't go out to 'fancy' places...I can put together a nice outfit, but DH is extremely limited. So what do you think of what I'm considering?

Comments (16)

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Is there soneone you can call, like your nephews family, and find out for sure what the attire might be? A wedding on a farm could have a rented tent and have the wedding party in tuxes, or it could be a summer cotton white dress and the bride carrying a bouquet of wildflowers.

    Your outfit sounds fine, unless it is a very formal event. You might want to have a silky wrap (like a pashmina)in case of a cool or damp evening.

    Honestly, if it is a tux or suit event, I think your DH will seem very casual by comparison. I completely understand not wanted to spend a ton of money on things he wouldnÂt wear again, but would you consider checking out a resale shop for a blazer or jacket in navy? Then he could wear his khakis. Skechers makes some Âcasual shoes that are as comfy as sneakers, but look more like dress casual shoes. They are often on sale at places like KohlÂs for about $40, and they are something he could wear with jeans or khakis any time. An oxford cotton button-down shirt in blue, no tie if he prefers. and he would be set.

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    I think Les is right, if at all possible, your husband should get leather casual shoes, even a loafer would be better than black sneakers and another shirt, those Columbia shirts look heavy and way too casual, imo.

    Your outfit seems perfect. The fact that the wedding is early evening tells me it might not be as casual as you think.

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    My best friend was married at her husband's family's farm-- it was a beautiful affair with tent, gorgeous place settings and flowers, constructed dance floor-- but it was still a farm and the ground was wet. It wasn't very far into the reception when she switched to hiking boots with her wedding dress! Now, I should say she is an archeologist and has no problem with wearing boots-- but she's also a very classy and elegant woman. She carried it off beautifully.

    I would check with your nephew or family to ask about the attire. There are many flavors of weddings and I think it's as inappropriate to overdress as it is to underdress. I would be more inclined to suggest the new canvas slip ons than sneakers but that's a matter of taste. I think they are only moderately dressier. I would be very surprised that men would be expected to wear jackets for a summer farm event. Jackets were worn to my friend's service (in a church) but most men removed them for the reception.

    I think your outfit sounds fine-- my first thought was the same as Les'... a shawl would be perfect.

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    I agree that your husband needs a pair of leather casual shoes - loafers would work. Sneakers or sandals are not going to cut it.

    I am very much into casual clothes, but I believe everyone needs one set of clothing in the closet that they can wear to a funeral.

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    I agree with all of the above posters. Your outfit sounds fine and I would definitely add a wrap or shawl, maybe even an embellished lightweight sweater. I purchased a deep mustard lightweight cardigan with fun topaz beads sewn on the edges to use as a cover-up over a brown knit shell for an outside evening event this summer. I wore it with brown dressier cropped pants and dressy sandals and got many compliments. I felt neither over or under dressed, actually I felt just right.
    Your DH needs to perk up his wardrobe a bit. A nice woven shirt, along with a pair of casual leather loafers or even 'dressier' boat shoes might work, depending on what the attire expectations are. A jacket might be in order, as well. A man must have a jacket in the closet, even if he only wears it once a year. My mother used to say that it's part of being a grown-up LOL.

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Oh I agree completely about my DH's wardrobe. The only time in his life he ever wore a suit was my DD's wedding when he actually wore a tux.

    The biggest problem in finding a resale shop is my DH's size. He's got VERY broad shoulders. His arms are huge.

    Now in this pic it is NOT, I repeat, NOT my DH...but his build is very similar. Huge chest, arms, etc. My DH won't let me photograph him without a shirt on anymore, but in his youth...hubba hubba! (I like a big man). {{gwi:1513646}}From promo

    Anyway, this will give you an idea of what it's like to dress my DH. His waist size is 36-38, but he wears a 2xl in his Tshirts. The Columbia shirts he likes are midweight cotton blend...he likes them because they're cut roomy in the shoulders. I've tried buying him other dress shirts but he's got like a size 17 neck, and his chest is easily 48" or more...haven't measured. And he is sooo picky. Maybe I can convince him to buy shoes. He used to have a nice pair but we finally got rid of them as they ended up going out of style! He'd worn them twice in his life, once when we were married and then to my Dad's funeral.

    Anyway, I'll check with the B2B...nephews dad is my DH's brother and he's clueless. And then see if I can get DH out shopping.

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    SIL could probably fill you in as well. I agree with all the other posters on this one. Lots of men are built like your husband. Get him to a store! Then, leave him with the salesman. When you get back, I'll bet you he will be nicely outfitted for the wedding.

    Hope it is fun.

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    I totally understand not wanting to spend $$ on clothes that are not worn often. Functions always seem to happen ~ good & bad ones that call for nicer attire. The habit most fall into is if they need something for one event, they run out and buy poorly made clothes/ shoes. Then they don't feel comfortable & it goes to the back of the closet and never worn again. The initial investment may be more when you buy quality but when you can wear those clothes for years and like the way they fit & you look in them, then it is worth it!! (they also have bigger seams for alterations, should the weight fluctuate)

    While I love going out shopping for a new outfit for a dressy event, DH does not so we have several options that are always kept in dust proof bags ready for any occasion. If you buy classic clothes, they are always in style.

    Smiles:)

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    "Get him to a store! Then, leave him with the salesman. When you get back, I'll bet you he will be nicely outfitted for the wedding."

    Truer words were never spoken LOL. That's what I did with my DH the first time he went to buy him 'grown-up' clothes, other than our wedding attire.
    I didn't let on that this was my plan until we got to the store. Talk about deer-in-the-headlights! He fussed a bit, then quieted down, and by the time I returned (hours later), he was sitting with the salesman chatting away like they were old friends. He had some great pieces picked out. Now I go with him and then quietly disappear until he's ready for me to weigh in on 'his' choices.

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    "The habit most fall into is if they need something for one event, they run out and buy poorly made clothes/ shoes."

    Very insightful Scooby -- and very true! When I met my husband, he too rarely dressed up, and so didn't want to spend a lot on dressy clothes. (And it showed in the dressy clothes he had, which were nowhere near as nice as his casual clothes.) But I insisted that he buy one really nice suit (a navy pin-stripe Burberry in a conservative cut, perfectly-tailored) and one nice sports coat. With a few new ties every so often, those two items have lasted him through every nice occasion for the past 20 years, with no end in sight. And he always looks wonderful and feels comfortable, knowing that even though he doesn't wear one often, his suit is as good as anyone's in the room.

    You know haw a really great dress makes you feel wonderful? I think guys can feel the same way -- but only if their clothes are as nice as those few special dresses.

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    But I insisted that he buy one really nice suit (a navy pin-stripe Burberry in a conservative cut, perfectly-tailored) and one nice sports coat. With a few new ties every so often, those two items have lasted him through every nice occasion for the past 20 years, with no end in sight. And he always looks wonderful and feels comfortable, knowing that even though he doesn't wear one often, his suit is as good as anyone's in the room.

    Men have it so easy!

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Don't sell the farm in order to get the right clothes. But sometimes you have to bite the bullet and get dressed up. And you know what? You will probably have more fun in your new duds.

    Now go enjoy yourself at the wedding and dance with your husband. A farm wedding sounds so beautiful.

    .....Jane

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    My advice for his shoes is a nice pair of closed sandals. DH has some great fisherman's sandals that are pretty refined looking, as far as sandals go -- a good solution to the summer-dressy-casual look for him. They are Mephistos and cost a lot, but they're classy and have held up well.

    You're in the PNW, right? Take the man to Nordstrom for the shoes....

    I agree with everyone else who says that one nice "investment" sport coat (doesn't have to be a suit) is a good thing to have hanging around the closet. Men who don't like to get dressed up are the ones who need the right cut and a comfortable fit the most.

    Good luck!

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    My DH would rather die than wear a sport coat. He nearly had a panic attack at the thought of wearing a tux for DD's wedding. He is strictly blue collar when it comes to dressing and events.

    Years ago he was going into the business world and needed to wear a tie & slacks. That lasted 2 weeks and he started his own business where he could wear jeans & get dirty. My Dad was a fashion plate, he owned more suits and jackets than my mom had dresses. Always elegantly attired, but my DH is the complete opposite. And his family wouldn't know how to spell tie, much less wear one.

    Nephew and his fiancee are a little classier, however, so I went and bought DH 2 pairs of Dockers. Do you know how hard it is to find flat front, non-cuffed 29 inch inseam slacks in his size? My DH is 5'10 but he has the shortest inseam. Fuggedabowdit for tailoring...it's gotta be off the rack or he won't do it. I also found a pair of cordovan penny loafers at a fair price. He hasn't tried this stuff on yet, but we'll see. Might end up taking it all back and trying again at another store, but realistically, I will not invest a sum in anything for clothes for him because I forsee no time when he'll ever wear them again.

    My DH is very much a casual, Jimmy Buffet type of guy...except with permanently stained 'grease' under his nails. If he can't wear shorts or jeans, he won't go. It's ok, cuz it works for us...I get to dress up on occasion and go out and enjoy myself, he'd be miserable. But he'll dress for this wedding because he loves his nephew.

    My BIL will probably wear jeans & cowboy boots...that's his go to outfit.

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    DH is built a lot like the photo pesky posted (who is NOT her DH, let's reiterate LOL), sans champagne, cigar, and truly frightening mullet. ;-) So I really, REALLY feel for her. DH is also extremely difficult to fit, especially those dang Incredible Hulk legs of his! Buying the suit for his mother's funeral about 8 years ago was a complete nightmare; we spent an entire DAY shopping, it all ended up costing us a month's house payment, and it doesn't fit right anymore either even though he weighs exactly the same now as he did then. (Ditto for the black dress suit I bought, although I was able to get it in 15 minutes and it cost a LOT less because unless I wanted to go to Boston I had a selection of Lane Bryant, Lane Bryant, and Lane Bryant! I weigh the same, wear the same size clothes, but neither the jacket nor the skirt hang right, and let's not discuss the trousers.)

    99.9% of the time, unless it is specified that it is a formal occasion (and the last two evening weddings we went to were most decidedly NOT formal, so that "rule" is out the window!), DH gets away just fine with a NEW (unfaded) pair of black khakis/chinos/whateveryouwannacallthem, pressed to within an inch of their lives, black shoes (but you can get some good-for-a-half-dozen-wearings boring men's black shoes at Target for $20), new black socks (again, no fading), and a drycleaner-pressed button-down-collar white or oxford shirt. Regular undershirt, please, no "wifebeaters"! Tie for the ceremony itself but it comes off when the reception starts. LOL Back when they were more widely available DH found tab collars and band collars a lot more comfortable for thicker necks, but they're hard to find now.

    Thank heavens DH works in a business-casual office - if someone's wearing a tie to work there's instant gossip that they either have a date or an interview! - because if he had to wear suits we'd probably be living in a tent!

    I don't buy expensive shoes for DH because he destroys them. It doesn't matter if they're $20 or $200, they're trashed in short order (he wears through the leather on the sides). The $200 ones might last a few months longer, but they DEFINITELY don't stay nice looking ten times longer. The only time I spend money is on his running shoes (he does a half-marathon every other day), and even then I get last year's style/color at Sierra Trading or Campmor for half price. :-)

    Personally, unless you've got the bucks to burn, I think it's downright daft to spend a big fat wad of cash on a few pieces of clothing that you almost certainly will not ever wear again, and that may or may not fit (then there's more money down the drain on alterations, IF they can be altered), and that may or may not be hopelessly out of style should the occasion come up to wear that kind of clothing "someday"! If you KNOW the clothes will be worn again enough to justify the expense, that's another story, but I think pesky's made it pretty clear where on the spectrum her DH is... :-)

  • 16 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    The last time my DH bought a suit was about 15-18 years ago. Now he makes do, when he has to, with a couple of jackets and some pretty clunky loafers.

    However - he came up with a good solution while his mother was alive and he would travel once-twice a year to visit her, and was expected to accompany her to church. He left his "good duds" here (made packing for the flight much easier) and simply rented a suit or jacket and slacks in her town. By the time he went back for her final illness and passing, the guy at the store knew him and found an appropriate outfit for her formal funeral.

    IMO renting is a good solution, and rental stores can fit just about anyone.