Oh yeah, one in particular- I keep being told by others to watch my back. It does get tiring.

Tiring is not the word!!! Mine happens to be DH's sister, really tough when its in your family. It has been going on close to 20 years when DH and I started dating. Oh the stories I could tell.

Yeh, I was trying to be upbeat since we close our office at 2pm. I was talking about mean girls at work and tiring is an understatement, believe me- my job is at stake. And its oh so fun to walk into the lunch room and conversation stops and they look at you- can you say high school deja vu?
And your boss asks why does so and so dislike you so much??? guys don't get mean girls stuff.

I've got one as my stepmother. Two cliches in one. My father is, of course, clueless.

And it starts early! DD's "best friend" she met on 1st day of school was not even 6 yet, she told her mom mid-year that DD was pinching her (I've never seen DD pinch anyone), always had to have/do what DD had (or better), pulled up her dress to show DD's panties, and at the end of the year was saying that DD *bit* her (though DD told me that she was saying that on the bus, didn't hear anything from the mom). DD even said that she was digging her fingernails into her own arm to look like teeth marks. I just told her not to sit with her on the bus so no one would think it was possible. At least that girl isn't in DD's class next year.

A therapist's dream, to work this kind of stuff (oh if only i ditched my current career path early to become a psychiatrist or psychologist!).

Some people just need to bring other people down in order to feel better about themselves. They have deep holes in their self-worth and self-confidence, ones that will never be filled.

It's easy to say 'turn the other cheek' or 'kill them with kindness,' but when it's work related, and when you can't control how the boss is going to get wind of such stuff and how he/she will react (will the boss be smart enough to know that person is just a pest, or will the boss believe it, as cooperbailey relates), that is a huge, stressful problem.

At some point, you have to respond to the boss by saying, laughing as you do it, 'oh, she just never grew out of high school. maybe she could use some psychotherapy!'

Otherwise it just comes off as a 'he said/she said' game, and bosses never want to get involved in that (unless the boss truly has something against you!).

Narcissists can be wonderfully charming, helpful and good to you...as long as you are seen by them as a source of narcissistic "supply." If you meet certain needs they have, such as provide them with money, food, sex, or bolster their grandiose notions of self, you provide "supply" and they will usually reciprocate to keep the goodies flowing. Until...you deflate them in some way. Don't ever criticize them. Don't ever seem smarter than them. Don't ever, under any circumstances, God forbid, seem happy. They really can't stand that!

People are objects to narcissists. They do not have the capacity to feel compassion, so they can do or say mean things quite easily. They feel no remorse. They are emotionally autistic. Not emotionally distant. Emotionally autistic.

They are difficult people to be around. The best way to survive their company is to LOWER your expectations. Imagine they are very, very young children in adult bodies & you won't feel quite as disturbed by their inappropriate behavior.

I tend to be very direct and have no time for mean women. Mean girls weren't a problem for me growing up. Girls actually stuck together back then. No more, the girls are disgusting to one another. It seems they especially like to chose one or two girls to single out for torture.

ajasmama - DD had a similar type BF made in kindergarten. Fast forward to middle school and the BF's DM got a job and I offered for the girl to be dropped off at our home at 7 a.m. so that the mom wouldn't have any worries about her DD getting on the bus by herself. One morning I overheard DD's BF going at my DD for being a nerd, too concerned about her grades, teasing her because she had no boys interested in her (this is 5th ro 6th grade). I was seething. I said nothing and dropped the girls off at school. Now, DD never said anything to me about this type of treatment, ever. I have a feeling she was receiving a daily dose of this. Her self-esteem seemed low to me, but I figured it was a normal phase, yada yada. Also, DD knows me well enough that I would NEVER tolerate this stuff had I known about it. I called the mom that afternoon and told her that the arrangement wouldn't work any longer and that she would have to make other arrangements for her DD before school. Come to find out after many a talk with my own DD that this type of treatment was the norm from the supposed "friend". We had a long talk about what was acceptable treatment by ANYONE and what was NOT. I have to say I felt very guilty that this was going on in my own home. Had I not overheard this particular conversation, my DD would have tolerated this just because she so wanted to keep the popular friend.

I thought that incident was bad, but the latter part of middle and then high school proved me wrong. DD was always very tall and extremely thin - part genetics and part of her medical situation. There were many mean girls suffice it to say. Fortunately, during her freshman year of college, being away at school, she came into her own. It was amazing and very satisfying to see her confidence grow. Each visit home it became more and more evident that if she was dealing with mean girls, she was doing so differently. She also put on a few pounds. Not that there aren't mean girls in college, I think DD's self-confidence is at a point where she now better deals with that type of personality.

I haven't had much trouble as an adult with the "mean girls" turned women as I have a seriously strong personality and zero tolerance for that stuff.

I think it is one of the most disruptive things among women in the workplace. I had one incident early on in my career. I didn't let it slide. I promptly told the "mean" woman co-worker that I was an adult and wouldn't tolerate the childish talk behind the back act. I reminded my co-worker that we had an HR department and should she have any future "problem" with that she cared to air with our co-workers rather than directly with me, I would gladly make an appointment for us both to meet with the director to avert the type of situation similar to that which cooper posted.

I guess it is obvious that I really have no time for mean girls or mean people in general.

Thank goodness I worked in a field with mostly men so didn't have to deal with this from adult women (though there were a few I didn't care for and one that was paranoid).

I told DD gently last year that I didn't really think her BFF was going to WDW the same time we were, we'd see when we got back. I also doubted that she had the same stuffed animal named the same thing as my DD's. By the end of the year I came right out and told my 6-yr old that there were some people in this world that were very competitive, and always had to be/have better than someone else, and made up stories to make themselves seem important/better. By the time the lying about biting incident(s) came along (DD was very upset that someone, much less her BFF, would accuse her of that, she never even went through a biting stage as a toddler!), I told her that real friends don't do/say things like that and she'd make new friends next year after having fun with her cousins this summer. Not what she wanted to hear (for some reason this girl was popular), but she accepted it.

DD is a lovely little girl, her preschool teachers and K teachers have told me how she is a "friend to everyone" but she feels like she has no friends b/c all the girls seem to have their own cliques (maybe b/c they know each other from preschool or just naturally band together?). She has been invited to many bday parties (I guess the whole class or at least all the girls were invited) and seemed to have fun, no sad stories coming home. Should I be worried that neither one of my kids (admittedly, DS is a nerd/geek) has any *close* friends? Oops, sorry for getting OT.

All my life I'd heard about this awful girl my mom went to grade school and high school with, how she was mean to everyone all the time, thought she was beautiful and better than everyone else, etc. Well, I took my mom to her 68th HS reunion last year, when she and her classmates were 85 years old, and guess what? The mean girl was STILL MEAN!!! I knew who she was by her arrogant attitude and the way she held court with some and snubbed others. Imagine, being mean for your entire life! What a way to live.

Sherry