I think first is for you not to feel any guilt at all about your feelings. You did the right thing in calling for backup. You have already put your finger on part of the problem and that is the meds that your Mom is taking. Also the change in environment and the shock of what has happened is playing havoc with her usual personality. There will be a lot of stress for all and the most important thing you can do at this point is take care of yourself so you will be able to help your Mom and Dad in the near future.

I have had so many patients and families in this situation in my nursing practice . It is paramount that you get rest and have someone to spell you . Also have someone to talk to. we are all here , of course , but it will be good for you to have others there that can wrap you in their arms..thus strengthening you to be able to do the same for your Mom and Dad. (( )) to you . c

My mom is 83 and fell down some stairs last fall. Fortunately nothing broken but she cracked her head quite badly which resulted in a concussion and was in the hospital for 4 days. She lives out of town but was here, fortunately when she fell. When she's in town she stays with me and I take care of her. Anyway, she was extremely unpleasant to me for a few days when she fell. She told me afterwards that she was just simply so DAMN mad at herself for falling and took it out on me.

She was frustrated, didn't want to be in the hospital, felt like she was being a burden to me and my siblings, was uncomfortable with the head injury and a little confused because of the concussion. Those may be some of the emotions that your mom is feeling - especially if she is used to taking care of herself and your dad. I think it is very hard for our parents to relinquish control and independence, especially to their children.

My mom and I got through this by my realizing that this really wasn't my mom - that if I had just fallen and hurt myself I'd be pretty darn ornery and probably not very pleasant to be around either. What surprised me was how much of a strain it put on the relationship between my siblings.

Take care of yourself and my thoughts are with you and your family.

My Mom fell down cement stairs and broke her hip and arm and shoulder in the same fall. She too, had to wait a few days for the surgery and it was very difficult to be with her. She was in the hospital on meds and awaiting surgery, I stayed all day and night every other night while a sibling did the same. Throughout the entire ordeal she was angry and bitter and not my Mom, that lasted till half way through the rehab when she started getting back to her REAL self.
I can only say "protect yourself in any way you can, expect her to be angry and influenced by the drugs" and don't take any of it personally. She's not in control right now. She'll return eventually but you have to give her time. She feels foolish and upset that it happened, we'd probably all feel the same way and throw in a few drugs and you have havoc. Good luck, better days are coming.

Could you talk to her doctor about putting her on a low dose of Xanax to reduce her anxiety while she is hospitalized?

I plan to do this this if/when my MIL goes into the hospital again. She is a terrible patient; I'm sure the staff would appreciate it.

Texas, First, I'm really sorry about your Mom's condition, and hope that the surgery and her recovery is successful.

I agree that it's good you called for help. Caring for our elderly parents can be really hard and shouldn't fall on just one person's shoulders especially if there are others available to help too.

I know it's hard not to take her words personal especially when you're doing all you can to be there for her but try not to. There are all kinds of things going on that can be causing this, medications, the scare from the fall, the pain, the fear of what will happen now during and after the healing period and even anger that it even happened to name a few.

Once you hit a certain age, I think getting old just plain sucks. My Mom is 80 and has severe scoliosis in her back. The pain for her is really bad and it has limited her considerably compared to how she used to be which was very active (an energizer bunny if you will) LOL She'd told me it's frustrating because inside she feels like a young woman but her body doesn't and it's upsetting that she can't do a lot of the simple things she used to enjoy like working in the garden or walking through a flea market. Sometimes she snaps at me or will say something that is mean spirited but I've come to realize she doesn't even know when she's doing it. As she's gotten older she just doesn't edit her thoughts the way she used to. It used to really upset me, but now I just remember the conversations we've had and try to focus on the good memories of when she was happy and physically able to do whatever she wanted.

They say we tend to take out our frustrations on the people we love the most. I think you are a very special daughter to be there for her the way you have been. I can promise you deep down, she knows this and appreciates it.

I agree with Lukki; try not to take it personal.

My 89 year old ex-neighbor fell & broke 4 ribs; punctured his lung; they had him on morphine & I can assure you he was the same way & doesn't remember any of it. What's funny (sad) is that he remembers none of what he said to others but remembers versions of things said to him that aren't even accurate. I was standing there & know how some things were said. He moved & the cover fell off of his privates; a niece said; "I just saw my uncles b-lls!" more so in a surprised tone.. his version is not like that; but hears her saying it in a mocking way. He also swears nurses were laughing at him in the ER when he was saying how much pain he was in.. There is no way I even believe that! It had to be someone in another bed just laughing.

I separated my SI joint in September & can't imagine the pain your mom is in. The pelvis controls so much; with an injury like that; you just can't get away from the pain because your always laying or sitting on it. It's horrible. See if it's possible to change her meds; I assume she's on morphine? Dilaudid was much better for me when I had my low back fused.

Morphine can make nice people mean. See if you can change her meds.

I'm so sorry. I have seen too many times how we sometimes hurt those we love the most. I saw it when my mom was my grandmother's caregiver. I saw it when my mom was ill - and without a doubt I know that much of "change of attitude" was due to medication. She may also be having a hard time dealing with her situation. Injuries like this, for an elderly person can sometimes make them feel very fragile and I think they maybe fear they cannot overcome the injury/treatment/rehab.

Also have them make sure her electorlytes, etc. are in order. I'm assuming they probably check these. I know when my grandfather was hospitalized, his potassium dropped and you would have thought he was strong out on LSD. He saw Winnie the Pooh in his hospital room - I was amazed he knew who Winnie the Pooh was! LOL My mom had a complete change of personality when her magnesium dropped (due to medication). I'd talk with her doctor.

Try to take care of you and get some rest and do have people help you out. I will keep you in my prayers and please keep us posted as to how she is doing.

tina

Wow, thank you for all your wisdom and insight. Her sodium has also been very low, which they are treating, but this might be compounding things. It was wonderful to have a break today and sleep in my own bed last night. Surgery is tomorrow morning. I have a newfound appreciation for all those caring for elderly parents.

The sodium could definitely have something to do with things.

I know what you mean. When we're younger, we don't think about what the time will be like when the tables are turned and we need to care for our parents. My sister and I were shell-shocked when my dad broke his hip, my mother was diagnosed with cancer within weeks. A couple of months later we were faced with putting my grandmother in assisted living. It is extremely stressful. We hired caregivers - at the start to help with my grandmother, they then helped with my dad after his surgery and my mom on through her illness and death. I can't imagine how we would have done it without them. If this is something you need, and your mom (or you and siblings) can afford it - remember you have that option. Our caregivers also cooked, cleaned, did laundry, etc. which was amazing.

Hoping for the best tomorrow and that your mom is soon off to a speedy recovery! Let us know how it goes.

tina

I hope your mother's surgery goes well tomorrow! I'm sorry that the waiting has been so difficult. My mother broke her hip a year ago and had an extremely good outcome. I'm trusting that your mother will have a similar experience and will be back to her normal cheerful self in no time.

Thinking of you and your mom this morning. Sending positive energy and prayers that the surgery and your mom's recovery process goes smoothly and well.

Take care of yourself, Texanjana. So Sorry you've been going through a rough patch lately.

texanjana - How did the surgery go?

Surgery was on Sunday, doc says all went well. She is up and walking some, which is great. She will go to rehab facility tomorrow. Thanks so much for asking!

Oh I'm so glad. Hopefully she will be back to her normal self soon.

My MIL broke her hip last fall (she's 83) and while it took a few months she has healed nicely and is back to driving and doing her social activities.

I was wondering about your mom too, Texanjana, as I'm sure many others were! So glad BLF asked & you updated us!
Everything sounds good! Glad she's going to a rehab facility before she heads home. Take care and keep us posted.