Am I being reasonable??

19 years ago

(continuation to my post on Marriage Advice 6/17/07)

DH's assignment in Spain has ended because the project is over. He is now on a new assignment in another country. This assignment has him working with different co-workers from the US than the Spain project. This assignment has him gone for 3 weeks and home for 1 week. UGHH!!

Problem: His boss has arranged for a team building/conference the one week he is home. This means he flys in on Friday and back out again on Sunday for the 3 day conference in the US. I have suggested going with him as they are staying at a beautiful resort. I have researched the area and have come up with several things that can keep me busy. When I presented this to my husband he didn't seem enthusiastic. The itinerary has his day scheduled with activities from 8am until 10pm. I told him I can entertain myself, I do it now at home. He took that as a jab against him traveling soo much. He thinks management will frown upon me being there since it is a "team building" engagement. I told him they don't have to know I am there. But I would like to meet the co-workers he spends 75% of his life with. I am sure they will congregate in the hotel bar at some point during the 3 days. He also told me he hasn't meet all of the people in his organization (12-15). What does that have to do with me being there?

Is it wrong for me to want to go on this type of trip? I understand he will not be able to spend time with me.

Also, I am working on getting a passport that is why I haven't been on any out of the country trips.

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Comments (8)

fairegold
19 years ago
If no one else is bringing along a spouse, yes, it is not a good idea for you to go. At least on this trip. A lot of what he will be doing will be meals and meetings at meals, and yes, you will be out of place.

Just wait for another trip, and enjoy that one!
sue36
19 years ago
At my company it would be VERY frowned upon for a spouse to go on a trip like that. If they were to find out you were there it could be bad for him. The type of thing that gets brought up at review time. Different companies have different climates.

How about if the next time he is home for a week you arrange for a trip for the two of you?
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sweeby
19 years ago
Sad to say, your husband's company sounds like the type of employer that chews through employee's marriages... I could be wrong, but some companies have a culture that values home and family, and others don't. Do you know how/where you husband's company is on this scale? Because it will have a big, big impact on your life.

Sorry, but I have to agree with Fairegold and Sue about "tagging along" on this trip if it violates the rules (written or unwritten) of the company culture.
busymom2006
19 years ago
I wouldn't go on a "team building" trip, either. Just the nature of the trip implies "no spouses allowed." Hopefully, this is just an annual event for your husband's company.

With any luck, you'll get your passport soon. Hang in there!
3katz4me
19 years ago
I'm with everyone else - it's not a good idea to tag along. My company specificially instructs people not to bring spouses to company meetings like this - they encourage us to bring family before or after - but not during.
db0916
Original Author
19 years ago
I appreciate all of the responses. I have decided to go towards the end of the trip and DH has extended his stay so we can spend the day at the resort together.
I know it doesn't sound like it but the company as a whole does value family. Unfortuantly it is his manager that interprets those values differently.
Thanks again!
DB
mitchdesj
19 years ago
what an excellent solution !!!!
bill_vincent
19 years ago
Maybe it's just that I'm not as career oriented as most, but I've always seen work as a way to afford to have a fun and fulfilling life with my family. Any time in my life where it's gotten to the point that it was turning the other way around (family being just a way to placate me to be a more productive worker), I've made changes.

There's nothing more important than family. No exceptions.