Maybe you don't need to focus on "small", presuming you will be in your car when you are going to most places. If you keep a few magazines in your car, then you don't have to worry about carrying them with you in your purse, and you can widen your range of choices. :-)

That's a good insight, Erica! I usually have a book or magazine with me - a habit from when I was a kid and Mom always had me bring a book, no matter where we were going. My kids do the same and I get a lot less complaining when we stop for a quick errand if they have one!

I like to bring a small paperback if I am reading one. Otherwise, like you said, I have a reader's digest - it is small and has short articles, so I don't have to worry about being interrupted in the middle of a chapter or something. If I am reading a bigger book, I only bring it if I KNOW I will be waiting (car repair, doctor's appt., picking kids up, etc.). I also carry a small notebook and very often if I have a few minutes start making lists of things I need to do, get, grocery list, etc.

Never Be Late Again is book written about folks who are always behind. Maybe you'd be interested in reading that. It gives insight into why you may be late, and really good suggestions as to how to make fixes.

Here is a link that might be useful: Never Be Late Again

Regarding reading material, I subscribe to a ton of magazines and I hate clutter. When I get a magazine which has an article that I am interested in but can't read immediately, I rip it out, staple it and put it in a plastic envelope in my car. When I need reading material, I have something lightweight and disposable -- I read and toss.

I look through magazines ONCE -- they are not shrines to be preserved.

Regarding being late, there are a number of different reasons for it -- I don't think boredom is the reason for most people but perhaps it is for you.

The cure is simple -- you determine the time you have to be someplace and back up the amount of time it REALISTICALLY takes to get there including normal traffic or other transportation issues.

Personally I think being late on a regular basis is an act of intolerable rudeness -- occasional ok as everyone has crises and emergencies. In my industry it is practised as a form of power politics -- I am more important than you and my time is more valuable, therefore I will never arrive before you.

If someone is more than 10 minutes late, I leave -- they generally get the message. Obviously I can't practise this with those with whom I must be obsequious :)

I tend to run late. I hate hate hate being late. For me it is a matter of no matter how much time I think it is going to take, realistically- three kids will change the realistic time. If I spent all of my time trying to get ready, I still can't promise I'd get out the door on time. Invariable someone will jump in mud on picture day, need first aid in the form of bandaides due to bleeding etc.

It is not rude on my part at all. It is just part of being a mother with three kids. I am sometimes late. I am late more often than I ever wish to be.

So there you go. I also try to make a very big effort to call and explain that I am on my way.

So having shown another side of the picture-

I might suggest you buy a few electronic hand held games. THese fit in your purse very easily and are some what fun. ALso a palm pilot (or other palm type thing) might help.

Ginger

As I wrote people do have emergencies but in my book having children isn't an excuse for being chronically late -- most people with children mention to show up on time except in true emergencies. As I recall, my parents managed to have my brother and I out the door on time quite early in the morning for a lengthy commute and both my parents worked. We also managed to make it on time for social functions etc. I don't recall my friends with children being more chronically late than my childless friends.

One can rationalize any behavior by pointing to one's circumstances but as flylady points out that's whining. :) If one's life is that consistently chaotic, perhaps one should attempt to examine and take steps to make it less so.

I'm sorry if I seem judgmental but my time is not less valuable than yours just because I make it a point to be punctual as an act of consideration for those with whom I have made an appointment.

I love fill in puzzles so I try to carry a book of these.

Thanks for the great suggestions, in summary--magazines in car (not necessarily purse), notebook, games, puzzles, and the Never Be Late Again book. I'd seen that on Amazon and wasn't sure about ordering it, but now I will on your recommendation.

Blazedog, I know many people feel as you do, that being late is very rude. That's one reason why I'm trying to overcome it--along with the fact that I'm tired of feeling rushed, stressed, guilty, embarrassed and like I've failed yet again.

I have to disagree that the cure is simple. Just like with losing weight. It's simply a matter of eating fewer calories than you use, but that's easier said than done. There are lot of little skills and habits that go into it, and I'm just trying to work on this part right now.

FYI, my Fear of Boredom seems to happen for two reasons--

1-I'm going to meet someone who also tends to be late. If I get there early or even on time, chances are I'll be waiting. (It happens to be my mother, so I need to be obseqiuous and wait. ;) So why rush and then just sit there? Also, if I'm late, they'll probably understand.

2-I dread the event for some reason. I know I have to be there, but I don't want to give any more of my time and energy to it than I absolutely have to. To get there early and give over even more of my time would be rubbing salt in the wound. I try to squeeze in as much as I can before leaving the house, so I don't feel like my whole day will be wasted. I do think if I could look forward to some reading if I got there early, I wouldn't be so reluctant to leave the house earlier. (This worked out well when I had Jury Duty last week. Got there early, and it was painless because I had books with me.)

Erica

Erica -- As someone who strugges with weight and is not a born organizer, I didn't mean to imply that changing life long behavior patterns is easy.

Change is never easy and one can't modify any behavior until one internalizes that the changing the dysfunctional behavior will provide more benefits and than continuing to follow what are one's normal behavior patterns. Change takes work.

However, what I have learned is that essentially one has to decide that the dysfunctional behavior has got to go -- then one seeks solutions.

From your last past, it appears that you have more than a lifetime of learned behavior in terms of being late as that is also how your mother operates.

Being on time (or losing weight or getting rid of clutter etc.) is not a character issue -- it's really just about learning certain behaviorial skills and then implementing them until they become habits.

As with any behavior, people will provide rationalizations for what their situation is different and harder than other people's -- and people do struggle with different issues of course. I struggle everyday with rationalizations for keeping clutter -- for example. It's not any different than justifying habitual lateness on any aspect of one's life - be it children, job, busy schedule. long commute etc.

My initial suggestion regarding counting backwards is that it is a very basic one -- and behavioral change are built on a series of very basic ones -- (I use flylady's basic steps to keep my organized (or at least semi so and my house not in a state of clutter and chaos). If one doesn't realistically leave enough time (including normal emergencies and contingencies) one can't even begin to be on time for most situations.

Why not bring up the pattern of lateness with your mother too. Your time is valuable and there is no reason she can't make attempts to be on time for appointments with you.

I suspect like most people you manage to be on time when you know there are consequences for not being so -- most people show up on time for jobs and you showed up on time for jury duty :)

As I stated originally, I realize behavior is complex. However, the first step in changing any behavior is wanting to change it as opposed to feeling vaguely that one would like to operate in a different manner but finding reasons why change would be impossible.

EricaSJ, one more idea: a journal, or stationery. WRITE, instead of reading.

Maybe think of a friend or family member you'd like to write to often. Or, just rotate. Make up a short list of addresses for people that you'd really love to write a letter to, and then write something short and conversational. Sometimes I don't write letters bcs It hink I need to include everything, but in fact that's not true. Shorter can be lots of fun. The wacky thoughts you're having about why anyone in the world would want to play hockey, or what your kid is doing well in hockey (great topic to write to grandpa about).

Or, write a one-page letter to your child--whichever one you're picking up right now--about this time in their life, and what it's like from your eyes, and what you think about them. Then, don't give it to them right away (or do?), but save it for the end of the year, or when they're 20 or something.

Or, write a journal entry for yourself.

Or, write out stuff you want to accomplish, or work on your budget, or compose your next post for here at the OrgTheHome forum (then you can just retype at home, which is faster),

I think "leaving late bcs of the kids" is something you can only recover from if you decide that leaving on time is more important than leaving clean, or leaving w/ everything you meant to bring. Would you rather be late, or get there without something? Would you rather be late, or have clean children?

my kids have taken to going to school w./ the rattiest looking hair you've ever seen--because we're trying to be on time.

I've also taken to using the 10 or 15 minutes I have to wait on something (like a subway train--use "hurried up" NYers do a LOT of waiting) as MEDITATION time. it's kind of nice not to be busy. I mentally "check out" and go somewhere completely else in my head. Sometimes I imagine a great story line for a Superman comic, other times I muse on how getting out of the house is such a pain and how can I fix it, and sometimes I think of my husband and what a great guy he is. I go VERY far away sometimes.

This is an interesting discussion. I'm not a particularly late person but I live in a parallel universe, so to speak,from most (all?) of you. In my community, the prevailing group of folks is habitually, permanently, and always late :). Really, it's a Miami Latin thing, as one might say. It's so endemic there are terms for it (CPT=Cuban People Time) and a standing semi-joke about Cuban wedding invitation time. That one being that when you're having an event, you invite your Anglo friends for the actual time and put 2 hours early on the invitations for your Latin friends....and really, to arrive punctually at pretty much any event down here is to arrive before everyone else. It used to be a perpetual joke among my set of friends when our kids were young. There was me, and one other mom, who would arrive on time and every single party started with us helping set everything up, since nobody else was around. I hope this doesn't sound insensitive or biased, because it isn't meant that way.

Anyhow I tend to arrive within a personal 5-10 minute window. Being late stresses me greatly, so I do try. I attempt to build in a cushion of time; that doesn't always work.

And, without taking sides-I generally give someone with very young kids the benefit of the doubt. In Ginger's case, with 3 kids including one infant, I just can't agree that being punctual is a standard that can't be bent just a little bit for someone who is trying but may not succeed.

Just my .02,

Ann

How 'bout something completely different...start knitting socks. They are very portable.

Crochet is even more portable! Crochet little squares, and then sew them together into a big blanket or afghan.

I forgot to add, I keep a small bound lined notepad in my car and I often use that to make lists while I wait. Shopping, to-do, holiday gifts...you could even occupy those bits of time writing drafts if you need to write. I"ve heard other people talk about keeping note cards and stamps handy so they can work on thank you notes, etc.

Ann

Runninginplace - Your post illustrates that "being on time" is a fluid idea, one that's determined according to the unwritten consensus of the group in which you find yourself, not necessarily related to the hands on the clock.

For example, among my friends, agreeing to meet at, say, 7:00 p.m. means that everyone shows up between 7:15 and 7:30. After that, you have to call. Those are the unwritten rules. If someone new comes along, we remember to clue them in, though most people know that from experience. If you're meeting for a shorter time - say, a 45-minute lunch at work, then you'd get there at the set time.

In every place I've ever lived or visited, a party invitation for 8:00 p.m. means that people begin coming as it nears 8:30. To come at 8:00 would be unusual, nearly rude. And most people seem to know this instinctively, at least in my experience. I've come early to parties to help, and seen people in their cars, waiting until it's a bit later to come in. And I've invited a wide variety of people to my own parties, nearly all of whom show up about 1/2 hour after the time I set.

At a public performances, it's pretty much assumed that if you're supposed to be there by 9:00 p.m., you get there by then. Even so, there's often leeway. Theater performances start about 10-15 minutes after the appointed time, movies have previews that push back the main film about as much. Getting there after the performance starts and you have to inconvenience other people is "late."

Even at work, it's not always a problem to be "late". At a friend's office, they start work at 8:30, but everyone knows that they really *have* to be there by the 9:00 morning meeting. If they come "early," they spend the time reading the paper or getting coffee. My job is similar.

In different cultures, people have varying perceptions of what is "late". The Swiss (though I've never been there and don't know for sure) are notoriously on time. In the Latino culture, there is a general consensus that things run an hour or two later than the specified hour. It's no problem for them, as the culture understands it's own meaning of time. Only when the cultures clash is there a problem.

As a defense attorney, I watch over and over as my Latino clients show up for a 9:00 a.m. court appearance at 11:00. They don't think they're "late" until the judge yells at them. I do try to warn them of the differing perception of "late".

The best I can do is to show up at the set hour when seeing someone for the first time, watch to see when they show up, and gauge from that what they mean by "late."

Oh dear- you make it sound as if I'm late all the time. And you make it sound as if I am rationalizing that all off on my children. Not the case. I don't think I said I was chronically late. I am Late more often than I care to be, I would rather be late never. But, when I am late, it is often due to unforseen events surrounding children and sometimes traffic.

My point was, it really is not as simple and straight forward as previous posts made it seem. At least it is not that straight forward for me, nor for anyone I know. And to be honest, it is usually me waiting on others to arrive. So if I am rude once in a while because I chose to change children rather then let them go to church muddy or sit in poopy diapers so I can be on time or because I got stuck in traffic then so be it. I'll accept that title the few times it applies to me.

I thought it was admirable for Erica to begin looking for a solution.

I was merely trying to encourage her. Rather than striving for perfection, rather than thinking that every time she is late she is rude- to work towards rarely being late but to realize that sometimes you are late because you are late because ... and that is not an excuse or a rationalization but a fact of life. I also tried to provide some suggestions in answer to her original question.

I jumped on here to add another thought along the lines of providing a suggestion and was surprised to see myself called to task for some general thoughts I left on this thread. When you are left sitting waiting for me, then feel free to have at it and call me rude. Until then, I think that no matter how well we try, we really only know what each of us chooses to reveal on these boards. Compassion and a genuine effort to advise can only help.

My additional suggestion was I find it helpful to set an alarm or several alarms. I will set an alarm for the time I need to start getting ready (which varies depending on the time the event is and the type of event) and another for when I need to run out the door. When the second one rings, ready or not, we leave. I often do that if it is close to the time I have to go but I have a little bit of time and can finish a project. I tend to get lost in projects and forget the time. So I will set an alarm knowing that when it goes off, I have to grab my keys and go.

-- and even then, let me be very clear, if something occurs with my children that demands my attention, unless I'm leaving them with someone else, I will take care of my children. I would rather take a minute to put a bandaid on a wound than to put up with 45+ minutes of crying while I try to drive. I have learned many lessons along these lines. And yes, I have set my priorities and I daily juggle those priorities as I go about my daily life. Those who can't understand that, I generally don't count among my friends.

The other thing I didn't see anyone mention was putting things out ahead of time. Put your purse in the same place and your keys with it. IF you need to bring your kids tutu and your son's soccor ball, put by your purse first thing in the morning. You get the idea.

I agree culture is tied into time in many ways.
I live in a culture of manana. Many times things are put off and put off and put off rather than completed. Similarly being on time is rarely setting a time and being on time. Eating out is a lesson in patience for many people who visit my small community. For us, who have grown up in this area, eating and visiting is an event to be enjoyed and not rushed through.

In our community my friends and I rarely set a time in cement to meet. If I am meeting friends our agreed upon time is 'somewhere been 8 and 9 at x place'. IF someone says "I'll call when I'm late- that generally means if they are later than about 9:10.

Additionally I live in a community that is 45 minutes away from anything. We measure our life in times and our distance in times. We don't say the mall is 20 miles away- we say 'the mall is 45 minutes away in good traffic or as much as 2 hours away if there was an accident'. For us to go anywhere out of our town, we drive 45 minutes at a minimum and we usually do leave our town as there is very little here. I build that time into my traveling. But as it is on a freeway we travel, we often have accidents. And for us, if the accident is on the reservation- the road is shut down both ways. There is usually no way around - it is just sit and wait time. That is not rude to be stuck behind an accident in shut down traffic. And really, there is no way to build extra time into that because when the reservation shuts down the road- it is hours and hours you can wait. Quite frankly, you simply can not build hours into your traveling time.

I do not know one person who has not been late at some point due to being stuck in unusual traffic or behind a horrid accident. I also do not know one person who would be upset about waiting because of this. In fact, I can't think of one person who has grown up in this area who feels tied to a clock to an extreme. We all do our best to be respectful and on time and yet we all have a healthy respect for reality.

And again, that is all I was trying to provide for Erica. Certainly aim to be on time to everything every time. However, it isn't always so cut and dried and so easy as others make it seem. Take care of the things you can take care of and do what you can to be on time. And when things pop up that are unexpected, just realize, things happen. It is not always rude to be late but I would agree that it is rude to be chronically late. I'll be interested to see how these ideas from this thread works for you.

Ginger

I was responding to the original post which I took at face value -- i.e. the person consistently showed up late inappropriately within that person's culture.

If you are dropping in at a party; dropping in at a friend during the afternoon or any number of relaxed occasions, most people assume a certain flexibility.

If you are meeting a friend at the restaurant, in a mall, in front a museum etc. -- I think the person is owed the courtesy of an arrival within a five to ten minute time period.

There are consequences for being late consistently for work or school. Some workplaces observe a more flexible starting time especially among professionals but you better believe that people will start talking if you arrive outside the boundaries of the starting time and/or don't work AT LEAST 8 hours from arrival time on a regular basis.

Life is full of emergencies and most people accept that. However, I do believe most of us know when a person's lateness is truly due to a crisis or emergency and when that person's arrival on time would be viewed with a gasp of astonishment.

I'm never late because I just don't go. LOL

Update - I now have a plastic dishpan in the back of my car, with magazines and one of the Chicken Soup books, which contain very short stories. The reading material has come in handy a few times already. Not only that, but the dishpan's also serving as a spot for some other stuff I never had a good place for: a phone list, coupons for fast-food restaurants, and a list of calorie counts at same.

I discovered I already had games with me, as Tetris and some other ones are built into my cell phone!

The Never Be Late Again book has a wealth of ideas; glad I bought it.

Thanks again for all the suggestions. And in my own defense, I'd like to add that I'm trying to avoid the rushed feeling of "running late" as much as preventing actual lateness. Most of the time, I'm on time but just by the skin of my teeth. I'm tried of the stress.

LOL at sus905!

EricaSJ, thanks for the update! I'm w/ you, I hate that 'I'm running late, I'm rushing, gotta hurry" feeling. It feels awful, plus it means I'm distracted and I forget stuff. Fortunately I don't drive much, bcs that rushed feeling also makes me a worse driver! The only fender-bender I ever had was when I was running late and feeling hurried.