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ms_minnamouse

A problem with my mom

18 years ago

My poodle Ginger has skin irritations. She has spots that are raw and red from biting. I tried topical products but they haven't helped.

I want to bring her to the vet but my mom balked. She doesn't want to for some reason. So as a compromise, Ginger's vet said to use Benadryl. My mom was against that also, she said she doesn't want her on any pills. Which brings me to a side issue. My mom doesn't want Ginger on any supplements either. Ginger is 8 and I want her on something to help prevent any arthritis. For some reason my mom is against something that could possibly prevent or lessen something tragic and debilitating.

Back to the skin issue:

She makes excuses and one of them is that she started doing this since I began making her home made cookies. This isn't true at all. I use different ingredients and she hasn't had any for a long time now.

Also, my mom doesn't want her to change foods to see if it makes any difference. She kind of listened once and got her a couple of small sample bags of allergen food. She said it didn't make any difference in her so we're not changing. These we like three small bags.

Ginger is obviously uncomfortable. I don't know what my mom's problem is. We're not financially limited, my mom is all for bringing her to the vet for check ups and vaccinations, buying her heart worm and Frontline, etc.

We all adore Ginger, even my mom, she's the family baby.

I just don't know what her problem is and why she won't compromise. Ginger has had this problem for a while now. A couple of years but it's getting worse. It used to be just her feet. Now it's her legs and thighs.

I'm in college and don't really have a job, Ginger is the family dog and is registered in my parent's name. I dunno how I would pay for it. I have funds set aside for my birds in case of any emergencies so it needs to stay that way.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to get through to her??? I guess I could try going over my mom's head to my dad but he's impossible to deal with and get along with so I doubt that's a solution.

I have no idea.

Comments (43)

  • 18 years ago

    You might try writing a letter to your mom describing your feelings much like you did here. If you want to go the extra mile you can send it in the mail certified return receipt. This will get her attention. In your letter you can remind her that nipping this problem in the bud now may prevent far more costly problems down the road. If it gets more serious and the dog is in pain you can remind mom that it is a crimal offense in your state to deprive a dog of necessary veterinary care.

  • 18 years ago

    To deprive a dog of necessary care and medication is bordering on cruelty. Can you think of any reason why your mom is doing this?

  • 18 years ago

    Since this is spreading it could have developed into a skin infection which will need antibiotics. You say that you have funds set aside for emergencies for your birds. If Ginger's problem is that bad then maybe you should take a chance on using some of that money to at least find out what the problem really is. I know that's not what you want to hear but if your Mom won't listen someone needs to take care of Ginger.

  • 18 years ago

    Agree with Texaswoman. Ask your mom WHY she doesn't want Ginger to go to the vet for this. Then ask if you can take her if you pay for the visit yourself.

  • 18 years ago

    I think your mom owes you an explanation of why she opposes things as simple as food changes or Benadryl, which is pretty cheap and harmless. It doesn't make any sense that she would want to leave Ginger suffering if she adores her as you say.

    Without knowing what's behind your mom's attitude, I think it will be hard for anyone to give you much help. Here are a couple of things you could try if you don't get anywhere with her. Sometimes yeast infections develop in areas that are irritated from allergies. This happens due to the moist environment created by the dog's licking the irritation. You could try washing her weekly with human dandruff shampoo, because dandruff is also usually caused by yeast. You could also just try the Benadryl without telling her and see if it works. If it is a food allergy, new food would have to be tried for several weeks to see results, so your mom didn't give that a reasonable try.

    Also, you should be aware that liver disease can cause itching and Ginger should really have bloodwork to check for that.

  • 18 years ago

    This is a strange situation to bring to the forum. You say you have a Dad, but do not want to go over his head? There are other children in the family, but nobody cares? Where is your Dad's head? Does he ever see the dog?

    If you are in college, you have spending money. Why don't you pick up the dog and take it to the Vet? Why don't you ask your Dad for a loan?

    Your Mom takes the dog in for check ups, but the Vet doesn't see the feet or legs?

    Are you and Mom in a fight, and you want something to hold against her? Supplements don't necessarily save an animal's life.

    This is an odd post or it is a hoax.

  • 18 years ago

    Print out some articles from the web on skin problems in dogs and give them to your mom, then tell her it's going to cost more money in the long run if the problem isn't gotten under control ASAP. Plus, try to get her to understand the agony the dog is in to have open sores that itch all the time.........tell her to imagine the sores on herself.

    This could be an allergy, a bacterial infection, or a side effect of something going on internally. DS's dog was recently treated for a bacterial infection. Within 2 weeks the sores cleared and the dog is now calm and happy!

    Benedryl may help with the itching, but it's just covering up the problem.

  • 18 years ago

    Ms Minnamouse posts with similarly unusual family/pet related problems here pretty regularly.

    I'm not saying it's a hoax but they are on the disturbing side.

    Anywy maybe mom, like many of us, may hesitate to take the dog to the vet if it is something minor if she expects it to be another expensive hassle and instead want to see if it will clear up on it's own.

  • 18 years ago

    I don't think this is a hoax or odd post, maybe just not a common post.

    My husbands family is the same way-their dog is 5 and has an umbilical hernia that is larger than a golf ball, her teeth are in severe need of a dental- the plaque and tartar are thick and green, she has cataracts in one eye, skin allergies, and ear infections.
    They refuse to do anything we have suggested to them, they let her suffer but talk about how she is their pride and joy??? I even offered to take her to a vet I used to work for so the rates would be really cheap and they still refused. I can have everything minus the cataracts treated for under $200. It is not an issue with money for them either. So next year for Christmas since the whole family "spoils" this dog- we're doing that as a Christmas gift for his family- but mostly the dog, bless her heart.

    Switch the dog to a better food- like Solid Gold or Blue Buffalo which can be found at chain pet stores. These lack fillers such as corn which is a common allergen.

    Like Deb mentioned- bathe weekly I highly recommend Selsun Blue shampoo.

    There is no harm in slipping her a Bendaryl once a day if you can-just use the proper dosage. The worst that will happen is your mom sees an improvement and she gets peeved for you going behind her back. You should talk to your dad and siblings and express your plan of action and see what they say. Pets rely on responsible owners that have their best interest at heart.

  • 18 years ago

    "Does anyone have any ideas on how to get through to her??? I guess I could try going over my mom's head to my dad but he's impossible to deal with and get along with so I doubt that's a solution."

    I agree that this is a very strange issue to bring up on a pet forum. This has absolutely nothing to do with your dog, and I think you know that. These are family issues, not pet issues. I think you should either post this question in a "family" forum, a "psychology" forum, or just go to family therapy.

  • 18 years ago

    "If you are in college, you have spending money. Why don't you pick up the dog and take it to the Vet? Why don't you ask your Dad for a loan?"

    I am in college and I DON'T have spending money.

    "This is an odd post or it is a hoax."

    It is definably NOT a hoax. Why in the world would some one make something up like this?

    "Ms Minnamouse posts with similarly unusual family/pet related problems here pretty regularly."

    What are you talking about??? The only unusual posts that I posted that have to do about animals was the issue about hunting, Craigslist and pets as Christmas gifts. None of which have anything to do with my family and are not disturbing unless you consider concern about animal's welfare disturbing and weird.

    "This has absolutely nothing to do with your dog, and I think you know that."

    I hope you're joking or that you just didn't read the post b/c this WHOLE post was about my dog. Really, that just went right over your head, didn't it?

    To the people that really tried to help, I really appreciate your suggestions and I'm going to try the dandruff shampoo, switching the food (if I can get away with it) and call my vet about the Benadryl. I don't remember the amount she told us to use the last time I asked.

    To all the other people, thank you for nothing at all. I don't know what is wrong with you for trying to make some one feel bad about asking for people's advice about a complicated situation that concerns the wellbeing of their pet.

    And of course I had to mention some of the things like my mom won't cooperate and neither would my dad otherwise people would tell me to go to them and ask for help when I very well can't.

    It's really disturbing that you're lurking in a pet forum yet jumping on and criticizing some one that is trying to do something beneficial for their pet that is in distress.

    It's disgusting.

  • 18 years ago

    Could this be one of the posts QQ was referring to?

    Here is a link that might be useful: Previous post

  • 18 years ago

    Not providing medical treatment to a dog in pain is cruelty.

    Its quite simple... tell your mom to get the dog the medical treatment or give the dog to someone who will.

    And quit making up impossible/disturbing scenarios and posting them on the web.

  • 18 years ago

    I'm not making anything up. What is your problem? Maybe the world you live in is peachy but that's not the real world.

    I didn't make up the dog boarding place and I'm not making this up. To suggest anything else indicates that there's something wrong with you. Am I selling something? No. Then why would I make this up. There's far better things I could make up.

    I volunteer for the humane society AND I volunteer at a wildlife rehabilitation center. But I don't care about animals apparently.

    I suppose there's no places where people hit dogs where their owners don't know about it. It's just some how impossible, right? And there's no starving animals, there's just no animal cruelty. Or when some one witnesses it, they're making it up. I'm not telling you to get out of your fantasy world, I'm telling you to not bother me.

    I am NOT giving away my dog b/c she has skin problems. I don't even own her. She isn't registered to me.

    She is NOT in pain. She does have ITCHY skin. I posted asking for advice on how to solve this.

    If you have a problem with me, stop replying to my posts. If you don't post anything helpful, then don't even bother posting at all.

  • 18 years ago

    You know what I find really strange about your "boarding" post in the above link?

    You initially state:
    "The place where I JUST STARTED working...", and this was posted on April 8th.
    Then, on the SAME date, you write "Tomorrow is my last day".
    That was a fast job!

    Hmmmm...sounds like someone likes to make up stories.
    Well, either that or someone is just looking for sympathy. You mention that your parents used to hit you, and then mention "I think I need to bring this up in therapy...".

    Then we hear NO follow up on this "story", which we were all concerned about. Makes me think your real reason for posting has nothing to do with animals...just a need for attention.

    Nobody said "there is no animal cruelty"...but if you care so much then why does it seem like all you want to do is post about YOUR problems.

    Regarding THIS thread, you already know what to do "medically" for your dog, as you stated in the first post. It's just a matter of family issues. So if you want advice on how to solve your problem, ask your therapist.

  • 18 years ago

    You are 24 years old, a college student, and you volunteer. You have a good heart, but sadly you are trying to take advantage of our earnest desire to care for animals.

    Many of us are mothers, teachers, physicians, etc. Telling us off is not new, and will do you no good.

    Why don't you post honestly about something that is real. Possibly you love your dog, but you are not in charge. Don't you understand that to bad mouth your parents over this issue is not really appropriate?

    I think it is very frustrating to be young, yet to be an adult. You must live at home to get an education. You are old enough for more responsibilities, but you now realize you must wait until you are on your own. It doesn't work to argue with your mother in her home, and Dad won't intervene on your behalf.

    We don't want to be in the middle of your conflict with your parents, but I for one would like to hear about how much you love your dog, and what you do to care for it. Do you walk your dog daily? Where do you go? Please do not think that you much shock us to get our attention.

  • 18 years ago

    OOOoooooh this has become a mystery. I love mysteries!
    Nancy Drew in the case of The Disturbing Scenario Poster.

  • 18 years ago

    Why is it necessary to be cruel? I've been slammed here for trying to get people to stop anthropromorphizing their animals, and at least this poster is intelligent enough not to claim the dog is itching out of spitefulness. If you don't think she's being honest, just don't answer the post. She's a young person, can't the rest of us act like adults?

  • 18 years ago

    Young?? Sorry but 24 may be relatively young to you, but at 24 I was already settled, saving up money for an apartment (which I bought at age 29), and had a career. Most people are married with kids at that age - she is an "adult", just like the rest of us. So I really don't understand why people are even using her age as an excuse for her strange posting behavior.

    To post about concerns for your dog is one thing. But to constantly post and feel the need to add things like "my mommy and daddy did this and this and this....." is just plain strange. I agree with Sammy in that the OP is taking advantage of us and trying to get attention by shocking us. Why not just be straight forward and leave out the childhood abuse and other disturbing scenarios?

    Sorry Cynthia, but you've also been slightly "cruel" in some of your posts. Things can get heated when people feel so strongly about things like animal cruelty. It's just the way it is, and if Minnamouse can't take the heat she shouldn't bring her family issues into this forum. It's just not appropriate.

  • 18 years ago

    I agree with cynthia. I followed the link and read every post and didn't see anything that justifies what is being said here by certain posters.

    People mature at different ages and I don't think it's our place to judge ms minn when we don't even know her. Just because she's chronologically 24 doesn't mean she's mature and capable of making difficult decisions.

    This quote from the link sums it up well..

    * Posted by munkos (My Page) on
    Tue, Apr 10, 07 at 19:15

    I would just like to say that as someone the same age as Ms_minna, (a bit younger, actually)

    I think she deserves more credit for even caring about what's going on than she's getting. While being legal to do all sorts of stuff at our age, it doesn't change that people this young are self-absorbed and can't be arsed more often than not. While this isn't true about all young adults, more often than not it is with most to a certain degree. I'm impressed that she even cares enough to say anything about it to anyone. I probably couldn't say the same about a lot of my friends, sadly.

    A lot of people (our age, older younger, even) would see it as not their problem. Which isn't a good thing, or is it right by any means, but it's the truth.

    I think we all need to realise that this isn't your generic "Guess what I ate for lunch today" Forum, and it is a forum for pet-lovers. Of course we all feel strongly about animals, and of course we would all do something in this scenario, but remember, on a forum outside of one for pets/animals/wildlife, for every ms_minna there is, there are probably atleast 10 people who would walk out of there thinking "How sad" and then turn a blind eye.

    We don't know her situation outside of this, we don't know anything about her other than she obviously cares for animals, so who are we to judge her capabilities and responsibilities. She knows and cares enough to realise this as something bad, and something that shouldn't be going on.

    I think we all need to get off our high-horses and admit that in certain instances we don't always know exactly what or how to go about bad situations, regardless of whether we're 12 or 50, and give her a break.

    And Ms_Minna, I think you know you need to report it somehow, and in whatever way is best and most suitable to your situation. Whether you need help figuring that out on here with those willing to be patient and respectful about it, or with someone else whom you're close to, is up to you. But I really hope you find a way to do this, so you can ease your mind about it, and help out those animals. And I'm glad you care enough in a situation you're unsure of, rather than just walk away from it going "Well, I dunno" and that be the end of it.

  • 18 years ago

    sounds younger than 24.

  • 18 years ago

    {{!gwi}}
    {{!gwi}}
    {{!gwi}}
    {{!gwi}}

    I'm making it up, right?

  • 18 years ago

    To anyone that cares...

    I used the dandruff shampoo, I used Selsum Blue. I think it helped some but I'm not to sure it's yeast after all b/c I use Sulfadine on her and I thought that kills yeast as well as being a disinfectant, but I could be wrong. It's just one of the many things that I've tried on her with no results.

    I REALLY appreciate the warning that it could have something to do with internal organ problems. I called the vet's office and I was stunned that my mom never had them do a blood panel. I even get blood panels for my two little lovebirds, a dog should definably get it done.

    So I scheduled that and it's going to be a geriatric panel since she's 8 now. It tests the thyroid in addition to the normal things.

    I finally got through to her!!! :) I told her that I made the appt. She said she didn't have the money. Which is completely not true. I said, I'm paying for it. So, she said that you don't have to, I will. So everything is taken care of.

    After her bath and her skin was wet, you could see the marks a lot easier b/c her hair is very curly and my mom was surprised.

    Her appt. is first thing on Saturday morning. The vet said that the blood work should be done first before they go into any testing for the skin b/c that may solve it. If it indicates nothing is wrong, we'll bring her back. I really hope it's just allergies.

    Thanks again!

  • 18 years ago

    By the way, I'm 22.

    I take full responsibility for all my own pets. I get them all the medical attention they need. I even used to take my gerbils for annual exams. I don't have a job, per say, (I work a couple of hours for two nights a week, and that's only if they need me. So it's peanuts and all my spending money goes into my pets) but when I need to spend money on my animals, I get money.

    I could sit here and justify myself to you but it's really pointless.

    I want to thank the people here who didn't attack me for their support.

  • 18 years ago

    Congrats! As you've discovered sometimes you have to take the reins............and also take the lead when it comes to convincing Mom!

    Keep us posted.

  • 18 years ago

    You were 22 in June of 2006. I frankly don't see much of a difference in 22, 24, or whatever, but I made the reference because of what you have on your profile.

  • 18 years ago

    Ms minna- I had started to respond yesterday, but got interrupted. Somehow I knew you'd convince your mom somehow to do the right thing. Good job.

  • 18 years ago

    "You were 22 in June of 2006." Maybe you need to look again since my profile states that my birthday is August 19th. I really don't care what you say. Anyone that's against some one helping an animal really doesn't matter to me.

    Thanks everyone else! The blood work came back normal so now we're trying to find the allergy.

  • 18 years ago

    You registered on June 26, and started your profile by saying that you are 22.

  • 18 years ago

    "Anyone that's against some one helping an animal really doesn't matter to me"

    Who said we are against helping an animal? I think the problem is with your inappropriate posts. Nobody wishes ill on your animals or anyone else's. We are all pet lovers, we just don't want to get involved in your family dynamics. You already knew what you needed to know in order to help your family dog - as you wrote in your first post. The only problem you came to the forum with was how to deal with your mother in the situation (hence the name of the thread "A PROBLEM WITH MY MOM")- so how does that equate to needing help with your dog?? Maybe you should have titled the thread "A problem with my DOG".

  • 18 years ago

    Ms minna sounds *much* younger than 24 or 22.

  • 18 years ago

    Ms Minnamouse, congrats for doing what needed to be done. Am so glad to hear that Ginger will get the care she needs. Way to go!

  • 18 years ago

    Who CARES how old I sound??? Who CARES if I'm mature for my age or not?

    Gabro, I could sit here and be provoked into getting into another one of your fights but I'd rather not. You're just not that important. It's obvious that something is missing or wrong in your real life and you feel that you have to sit behind your computer and express it on the internet.

    There's so many people like you and it's just pointless to get into anything with them.

    I'm done here.

    AGAIN, I'd like to thank people who helped. Ginger thanks you too!

  • 18 years ago

    The funny thing is you keep saying you're done, and then thank the people that helped...but then you go on and on in anger. If you're done, then be done already.

    I wasn't the one that said anything about your age, by the way. But I see from other posts that you have difficulty reading.

    If you don't want to get into anything with people like me, stop replying to my posts. It's that simple. I apologize if I find your posts quite annoying, but I do. So be it. If you don't like it, ignore me.

  • 18 years ago

    Gabro has not done anything wrong, but your little outburst is quite undignified.

    Frankly I think most if not all of the posts here have been an attempt to help you.

    Sammy

  • 18 years ago

    I'm new to here, And I'm sorry this is happening in your life, It isn't easy to be young and at ends with parents, I think its nobel of you to save money for the birds but prehap's you should get rid of them and use the saved money for Ginger, that helps you out in many ways, the birds go to good homes, the dog gets help and you have less life on your shoulders. Which at collage age is a good thing, you can always get pets later on in life when education and home living are improved. Then both sides win humans AND animals

    I don't know of your family history or anything and don't really want to know as I'm sure you don't want to remember any of it by posting or thinking . but sense your now 24 you could just take the dog away from mom and put her into a shelter, its your right, if its your dog, if not then if I'd just call animal control to report her or something. however I think you should try to treat her first, Ignorance isn't going to get anyone anywhere. I hope things get better for you, Growing up is a must-do, evil I'm afraid, and personally IMO if you can handle the nasty scorn you've gotten on here and grow and learn to follow your heart to do what right your already getting there.

  • 18 years ago

    Tell her you think its mange, (not sure if spelling is correct) its caused by some kind of parasite and it could be passed to people. It probably isn't but maybe that would give her the creeps enough to want to protect her health.

  • 18 years ago

    Perhaps some useful info on this thread:

    Here is a link that might be useful: ms minnamouse

  • 18 years ago

    What does this have to do with a dog? Who cares if she did not send seeds and how is that any of your business? I swear some of you just look for ways to be mean and ugly. This was completely uncalled for no mater what you think of the girl. If she bothers you so much that you need to go find things completly unrelated to bash her with I suggest you stop reading her posts!

  • 18 years ago

    This takes it to a new depth of meanness, and I am very for new members to read this and think that this is the way we are on this forum.

    I hope the OP gets the help she needed with her mother's dog! Perhaps look elsewhere for advice? To nicer people? So sorry!

  • 18 years ago

    miss Minna,
    have you tried bathing your dog in something more natural, some pets have strong reactions to all of the chemicals in commercial detergents/soaps/shampoos.

    I wash my pets with a natural soap, usually one that I got bored with and stopped using. They are typically bar soaps made with olive and other vegatable oils, shea butter, cocoa butter, and sometimes essential oils (though I would go with something unscented)

    A 100% castile soap would be great, they are made with nothing but olive oil, which is also conditioning for the fur. You can find them at health food stores, and places like Whole Foods or other natural grocery stores.

    Good luck!

  • 18 years ago

    I just joined this forum and was so looking forward to info, advice, sharing stories on our pets, etc. I am so disappointed after reading these threads. I agree that this forum should be about our pets, not personal family problems. Ms. Minn I am glad you worked out taking care of your mom's dog. I am an animal lover, as we all are on this forum, and I don't want to see any pet suffer. However, I hope to read more pet friendly posts in the future, not family problems.

  • 18 years ago

    Parker, there are many, many very nice people on this forum, there are a few vet assistants and students that have been so very helpful. Like anything you have to weed out the bad to see the good. Most of the people here are truly very nice people. Please don't judge us by our few "bad apples".