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Grieving for pets

19 years ago

Hello everyone.I'm new here. My name is Honey.

I was just wondering what it is like for others who have lost a beloved pet. He died last summer and I still think about him and miss him everyday. He was my baby boy and I loved him so much. The sadness is really strong right now because i just got an email from 1800petmeds using his name in their sales pitch. I did write them back and asked them not to use his name in the ads anymore. So, so much for them, but I keep wondering how long this will take, how long will my heart still ache when I think of him. I did get another puppy a few months ago, and though I do love her dearly, she can never be him, but you know what does help? Knowing that if he was here, he'd be so happy she is here too. He would love her completely. So there is my comfort in this grief. Thank you all for reading this. I guess i just needed to vent to people who I know would understand.

Honey

Comments (21)

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Hi Honey, I know exactly what you are going through, I lost my Boo almost ten months ago. The hurt is still very much there. Though I have other fur monsters (ha ha) Boo was special to me. Only 2 yrs old , a little black pug. Please go to Chances Spot.com , it will help you so much, that is what I did.It is a site of nothing but people grieving over there lost furbabies and helping each other get through it. They support and help because they understand.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Hey, Honey.

    So sorry to hear of your grief but it's normal to mourn our beloved pets. We lost our first golden retriever 12 years ago and to this day my husband is still distressed by it at times. The golden we have now we got a year later and although we love him equally, there is still the lose. For me, its to a lesser degree than for my husband. As the years have gone by it's almost like the same dog to me. Sometimes I call this dog by his predecessor's name. They have the same temperament, same behavior, same.....well, almost everything. At least to me. Maybe this is why I didn't continue to mourn for him like my husband has. I often have a difficult time recalling which dog did what, they are so similiar. Perhaps I should feel some shame in this? I don't know, but both dogs have/had wonderful lives.

    I'm sure your new pup helps fill the void to some degree and as time passes I would hope that you'll be able to only smile when you think of your deceased dog.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Hi Honey - We lost our first Golden six years ago and there are still times when he'll pop into my head and I'll tear up. We took in an elderly rescue and had her for only two months before she died - and I still cry when I think of her.

    My tears are partly those of sadness, but mostly those of joy that I was lucky enough to have them in my life. Just when I start crying, I'll laugh about some silly thing they did and then I feel better.

    One of these reasons we value our dogs as much as we do is because they grace our lives for such a short time. I try to look at the length of time they're with me - whether 3 years or 13 years - as the time that was needed to teach me whatever it was I needed to learn. It sounds hokey, I know, but I truly believe that my dogs enter my life for a reason I may never understand until they're gone.

    We have six dogs now, and each has imprinted our hearts in a totally unique way. No dog will ever replace them, just enrich our lives in a different way.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    When you loved so dearly, I don't think the pain ever goes away. I think it gets more tolerable as the years go by.

    Edna

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Sorry to hear on everyone's loss. I still recall my first cat. Animals have always played a big part in my life and I'm glad that they do, they bring so much happiness into ones life. It's only normal to think about them when they are gone.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Ther's a website you may want to look into, it's called Petloss. There's the story of Rainbow Bridge, a place near Heaven where our pets wait for us, and lots of sympathetic people who are in the same situation as you. I highly recommend it. It has helped me greatly. Hope I don't get into trouble for recommending another website.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    A lot of us on this forum have a very special emotional bond with a certain cat. When the bond is broken by death it is devastating. When it first happened to me many years ago I believed I had lost the one and only animal in the world that I could connect with so deeply. Since then, I have had the wonder fortune to know three other kitties that I have loved equally. This is what I believe now. Many, maybe most cats can be that special but it is up to us to make that happen. As time begins to lesson your pain, let yourself open up to this new cat and I believe you will find she is different but equally worthy of your love. Im very sorry for your loss and wish you well.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    We lost our 14 year old Brittany, named Chelsea, last February. It really hit my husband and I hard, even more so than losing our 18 year old Cockapoo in 1991. I think it was becuase then we had our son at home and our minds were filled by his needs. This time we were all alone with her and she had become the center of our attention. We waited 7 months before getting our TWO new babies, but I still have Chel's picture and urn on the dresser behind me. I speak to her each day and when her picture comes up on rotation on my screensaver, it takes my breath away. I swear every once in while, I hear her footsteps walking on the carpet. She was a heavy walker and you could hear her even when asleep. Another thing, it is that time of year when you remember loved ones. I will still put out her stocking, along with our two new babies' stockings.

    I'm tearing up now, time helps, as do your other babies but the loss is real and you deserve to grieve. Embrace it and realize that you will see her waiting for you at Rainbow's Bridge.

  • 19 years ago

    We lost our Pomeranian mix, PeeWee, in Oct of 2005. I can tell you the exact time, down to the very second, when she died. I still cry over the loss even though we have adopted another rescue dog into our home who is simply wonderful. We're like you in that we know PeeWee would have loved Pucci.

    The sadness was/is intense and the heartbreak was/is painful.
    I suppose I will always grieve for her.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Hi Honey: I am sorry for your loss and to answer your question I am not sure how long it takes or if it ever goes away. We lost 2 pets this year; it was a tough one for us. Next month will be a year for one of them and just reading your post got me teared up. It doesnt take much for me though. Recently we rescued a boxer and she is around the same size and color as our Kelsey and I often find myself calling her by Kelsey's name.

    I hope reading this and others posted is of some comfort. Hugs to you.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    I read this post this morning and it brought back a flood of memories.

    In January of this year, I lost my beloved Tara. I thought because I treated her various illnesses daily for at least four years and helped her cheated death twice, I was fully prepared to say the final good bye.

    Little did I know. The day I simply had to decide, I gave her a Hershey bar for a sweet good bye. A cat was sunning itself on the sidewalk in front of my house. She always wanted to chase a cat. I let her, even though she took a few arthritic steps. I took her for a final walk.

    After an initial injection was given to her, we laid her on a padded blanket in front of the lit fireplace and with lots of candles glowing in the rest of the room. I had a wonderful vet explain to me each detail about what she was doing, while I cried uncontrollably with my face buried in her fur and my arms around her. When the vet said she was gone, I could feel her slipping away. When this happened, a part of me slipped away also.

    For one week, I was completely incapacitated. I had to take off work, I cried so much my eyes hurt. I collapsed with grief to may times to count. I went to be crying, woke up crying. It just wouldnt stop. The decision was made for cremation, and the place called me to ask if I wanted to say a last good bye. At first I said no, then I changed my mind. More tears.

    For at least 6 months I cried almost daily. Sometimes I would just hold the box with ashes, caress her collar, and just cry. I have lots of medical records on file, I cant shred them. I cant spread the ashes.

    The dog wove herself into my body fabric. When she was gone, a piece of my fabric was ripped away. How could I not feel my lost footing and sense of direction.

    Even though two other dogs were in the house, by March, it was clear that recovery for all involved was not going well. One of my dogs closest to Tara, looked for her constantly. Thats when I decided that something drastic had to be done. A puppy of 3 months came into the house. She has provided great distraction and love. But, she is not my Tara that I had so many experiences with. True, we are having our own, but I still feel that huge piece of fabric gone forever.

    I dont regret doing what I did. I take great comfort in knowing that I did the right thing. Unfortunately, doing the right thing is not always the easiest. For those who are not spiritually ready for losing a creature in your arms, I dont think I would recommend it.

    Because I am not a religious person, I consider my dogs my connection with divinity. They, are a part of me in every way.

    SG

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Our experience was very similiar. We had a week of ups and downs with Chelsea, thinking one moment she was getting better than not the next. The Thursday night before our last day with her on Saturday, she played with us like she did as a puppy. Only for a few moments but still it was a moment I will never forget.

    The morning we knew we had to let her go, we gave her an extra dose of medicine, following directions from the vet and put her in her favorite chair. We held her, loved her, and then took her to the vet's office. (I didn't want to have it done at our home and then have her removed). We didn't have to go in the front entrance, the vet had us bring her in a back way. He gave her a dose of "sleeping meds" and she relaxed. When he gave her the injection she was gone.

    I too had her cremated individually. We were going to bury the cedar box in her favorite place in the yard but I still haven't been able to do it. I did have her paw print taken and it is framed along with a picture. I had clipped some of her long fur and some of her soft curls that day and have them in a baggie. For months I couldn't clean off the nose prints from the sliding glass door. The day I changed the vacuum cleaner bag I picked through and got another hand full of fur. I would cry at the drop of hat as did my husband for no reason(as I am doing now.)

    Just tonight we went to IHOP for dinner. We always would bring Chel back some omlette, after I had picked out all the onions. Tonight DH and I teared up as we left a little on our plates for her.

    Yes, your new babies will fill the emptiness but never the place in your heart and that's okay.

    Got to go get a tissue and love on my new babies.

    Mary

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Hi Honey, I am so sorry for your loss and I think you will find comfort here on this forum. Alot of us have been where you are now. Everyone grieves differently, and everyone does things differently to get through their grief. It is a personal thing and no one can tell you what is best for you, just go with your gut.

    We lost our first labrador in July, 2001. He was 10 years old and my first "grown up" dog. My husband and I picked him out when we signed the contracts on our first home. We brought him home the day after settlement, a month later I found out I was pregnant with my first child. He was such a bad as$$ dog. He was a true labrador with all the mischevious behavior that goes along with a male labrador puppy. He also was a model dog. He slept in his crate the first night we brought him home and never made a peep. He was potty trained in record time and had the best personality a dog owner could wish for. He also raided the trash if I forgot to put it up, swam in the creek the morning at the worst possible times, all the crazy things you remember with fondness, which at the time they are happening, seem maddening to you. If I only had that time back.

    Unfortunately, he developed a condition requiring a serious surgery and he did not do well, and passed within a few months of the surgery.

    We had Sonny creamated as DH's uncle is a funeral director. Half of the ashes were sealed in an urn which is sitting on my bookshelf in my office, and the others are in a cedar box in the stereo closet. At the time he was cremated, we wanted separated ashes so we could spread them in Sonny's favorite places. Over 5 yrs. later we still haven't done it. Somehow, it hasn't yet felt right.

    We have three dogs now, oldest (12 female) was Sonny's companion, 5 yr.old male who oddly enough was ordered for the purpose of a third dog, just didn't turn out that way in 2001, and another male (3 yrs. old).

    Our oldest gal is now 12 and we are facing some of the indications that our time together is getting shorter. We are fortunate that she has been with us as long as she has. Labs are not known for long lives, and she has so many medical issues. Old gal keeps on plugging and we keep her going as best we can. We are at the vet often, and she take 16 pills per day. Old gal is out and out my dog, my "shadow". She follows me everywhere and always has. Old gal is my best bud and always anticipates when I need a little attention if I am feeling blue, she is there will her head on my lap as if to ask, how can I make you feel better? I love her so much that it makes me ill to think that we will in the not so distant future, have to say our goodbyes.

    The thing that kept me sane during the time of my grief over Sonny was the puppy that we had ordered from our breeder. He came to us on July 28, 2001, only 12 days after Sonny's passing. It wasn't planned that way, but I truly believe there is a bigger plan, and our getting the now "middle" child, was God's way of protecting me from more pain. All of my efforts and emotion were put into the positive force of training my new addition, taking care of my old gal since she was grieving as well, and not taking very well to the new puppy. It was a very crazy time and I think it being so crazy, I didn't have time to really shut down.

    I wish this was easier for you, but it won't be for a long time. Just take it one day at a time and concentrate positive effort on your new dog, it may help more than you realize.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    My Born left me almost a year and a half ago and it still seems like yesterday - both in memory and in pain. Every single day at least one of his "ways" comes to mind and I get a catch in my breath and in my heart. Sometimes I smile sadly, lovingly and sometimes I cry and want to double over with no less actual physical pain than if having been struck. But I am thankful now for each and all of these because I know that it is just the physical, just the material that separates us from our departed loved ones. Right before he went over, I told Born to watch for me (he knew the phrase)and I pray with all my heart that he is. Until then, as an earthly creature, I believe I owe love to all the other occupants here with us - especially the furry ones! (Recently I opened my home & life to one big black cat. Others will be welcomed.)
    Peace to all the broken hearted, Cheryl

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Hi Honey. I lost the doggy love of my life on Sept.23 of cancer. There have been lots of others that I loved before her but none that have ever touched my heart the way she did. Buttons was the one that taught me what the love of a dog was really all about. All I can tell you is that rarely does a day go by that I don't shed a tear for her and never a day that I don't think of her or mention her somehow. But now I can laugh about some of the silly things she would do. And I can smile at her portrait that hangs over my computer desk now. When a dog is that much a part of you they never really go away and while I know I'll never love another dog like that again. I do know that I'll love another someday in a different way but just as deeply because that was the best gift she gave me. To know how to truely love a dog.

    Lisa

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Honey, thank you for starting this thread, and for everyone sharing their stories. I am sorry for all your losses. I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me.
    I had a devon rex cat that passed away of heart failure a few months ago. I have 4 cats, but fabio was the one I had the best conncection with. He was always with me and always wanting to be held and loved. I didn't think I would ever get over him. I immediately found a Devon red breeder and got another kitten. This new kitten helped me get over Fabio. He was so much like fabio in his actions. It was like I had my boy back. He was even the same color.
    The kitten was sick and I spent 6 weeks trying to save him and I could not do it. We had exrays, cultures, biopsy's, surgeries. Nothing worked. I put him down about 2 weeks ago and I can not stop crying. I have lost both of them and my heart hurts so badly. It will be a few months before I can have another Rex kitten. I know it will get better, but right now I am just trying to live with the pain. I think about them all the time. This forum has really helped.
    Lois

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    I am sorry for everyone's pain and losses.

    The grief is real. When they go, they leave a hole behind, inside you. I still cry for my cat Finney.

    My cat Finney died 2 1/2 years ago, and although I have my dear Sofie now, who I love with all my heart, I still miss my Finney, like so many people here miss their beloved pets.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan...

    from "The Once Again Prince" by Irving Townsend.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    All of you have my deepest sympathy. I have greived for my special friends too.

    Go to "my clippings" on "my page" and scroll down to A Tribute to Keebler. It is a beautiful thread for those of us who greive for our pets.
    oakleif

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    I'm sorry for your loss.I have not lost a pet yet but think about it all the time.My dogs are still young,one will be 4 in Jan and the other is around 2 1/2 years old.I almost sometimes wish I hadn't chose to have pets when I think about losing them as I know its going to be painful.

  • 19 years ago
    last modified: 11 years ago

    Deb, it is painfull, but worth it. I wouldn't trade a minute of joy I have had over the years. Don't think about losing them. Just enjoy them while they are here. So many wonderful memories.
    Lois

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