I don't go there for the most part. This place has opened my eyes to a lot of things. Example, I don't think I've ever seen a curtain rod hung way above the window and out the sides until I came here. If I have, I don't remember because my house wasn't my interest at that time. There are some people I know I can suggest things without hurting their feelings or insulting them. Some people I know it's not going to mean beans if I do give them the suggestion because they like it how it is. Which is fine. Some of my family and friends think I care too much about trying to make my house a home, paint colors etc. I probably do, but since I have a house now that's where my focus has been.

Are your family and friends sending you pics of their newly-done spaces in order to proudly say, "Look at our new space!", or are they specifically seeking your input? Unless they ask you to make tweaking suggestions, I think it would be a bit presumptuous to do so.

I do give some advice when there would be a disaster - like when my mom was complaining that dad hadn't put up her new curtain rods yet, showed them to me, and she had bought 48" rods for a 8ft bay window and a 6ft pair of DH windows in the DR! I told her she needed at least 120" for bay and 86" for DR. Guess that's not really decorating advice though LOL.

I haven't said a word about her pink (gloss) painted bedroom with the 7'9" ceiling and the 10" floral wallpaper border with the 63" long floral pinch-pleated drapes over vinyl roller shades. Though I did point out that the small AC they put in the frame where they took out a high small casement window would 1) look better if they centered it in the opening and replaced the window trim with wider stock to fill the gaps and 2) insulated the gaps around the (permanently installed) AC and covered the outside with either plywood or cedar shakes stained to match the cedar on the exterior. I even offered to install it for her. She ignored me on that - AC is resting on bottom of frame, filled in the sides with plywood (not stained or painted), left the trim in place, no insulation so the only thing between you and the outdoors (single digit temps now) is 1/2" plywood. At least it's better than the pullout plastic "fans" attached to the sides of the AC. And she paid a handyman $100 to this!

I feel like our homes are our individual sanctuaries, and we each have a right to do with them as we please. Unless I am specifically asked to offer a critique, I don't. Usually there is something in other's designs I can find to compliment. If it is not my taste, then workmanship and diligence are always praiseworthy. At the very least, I can be happy that they are happy with the results. I am very well aware that if a designer walked in my home - they would probably wonder what the heck I was thinking.

If my opinion is solicited, I still try to be very careful.

I don't offer unsolicited advice. I do have a number of friends who will ask my opinion, which I am happy to give. I think it's important to acknowledge and be positive regarding other people's choices in decorating. Find something that you can sincerely compliment them on. Your friendship will be more valued for it. It's more important with your friends to be supportive in their choices. Unless they are requesting your assistance, of course.

gracie, I think most of us who love to decorate also love to help others "tweak" their decor. But I agree, I'd only give advice if it were solicited or you definitely know the person on the receiving end of your "critique" wants your unsolicited advice. I have a son like that - he expects me to help and gets a bit annoyed if I don't. I recently visited him in Indiana and was helping him with some trim work when he commented that he didn't like the way certain rooms looked, mostly the art work. I had already noticed his pictures were hung too high. I finally mentioned he might want to try hanging them a little lower and see if he liked them better. He did and immediately saw the difference it made. Then asked me why I didn't tell him sooner. lol!

I would never offer "advice" if it isn't requested. I can't imagine how awful it would feel to send out pics of my new house and have someone send me back a list of "tweeks" in the place I'm already very proud of. Rightly or wrongly, proud of, and not wanting to hear someone elses opinion.

That does not mean I don't walk into a place and shudder on occasion :oP But they never know it. If they ak for advice I give it carefully and I am often asked since I seem to have a color gene stuck up my bumm, but again, it's NEVER appropriate to just "Share" your point of view.

The same thing goes for child rearing, thank you very much (that's a message to the five million people who are always willing to offer me assistance in curing my child's rare disease with some freaking vitamin, don't like to see me give him soda, or think they can fix his sensory perception issues with a quick time out period).

I never give advice unless I'm asked. And even then -- well, it depends on who it is, but often I'll say something like "Do you REALLY want to know?" and then I will give them an honest opinion... but never without a suggestion on how to make it better! In other words, I'd never say "that bureau shouldn't be there" -- I'd say "I wonder how that bureau would look on that wall instead?" But again -- NEVER unsolicited!

A couple years ago when my new house was just finished I emailed some pictures (as requested) to a few of the girls at work. The receptionist immediately began to critique my choices of paint color, fixtures, furniture, etc. She prides herself on her decorating talents and I'm sure she was trying to be helpful. I've seen some of her handiwork, however, and while I can appreciated some of it, it's much too cluttered and bold for me. Just not my style. So I learned from that how it feels to receive unsolicited advice. It didn't hurt my feelings, it was just awkward. She told me I could paint my fireplace and kitchen island to cover that old red brick, a brick I had carefully chosen and happen to like a lot :-) And my dining room would look great in bright red instead of the soft gold I chose. That's one of the things I love about this place. I think most people appreciate that we don't all have the same style and they try to help YOU even if it's not what they might choose. So I will speak up here, but not so much to my friends whose houses I walk into.

I feel unsolicited decorating advice is akin to "your butt looks too fat in those jeans..."

Nobody wants to hear that!

I have one friend who asks my advice and gives me hers, and while our tastes aren't the same, I trust her judgment. And I have another friend who has the dumbest house in the world, and I never say a word. I really adore her, but I just can't sit in that living room--huge family portrait, vinyl sectional, wall paper border, knickknacks that my 85 year old mother would think were old-lady. I keep hoping she'll have a flood or something. (That's a joke.)

In general, I think most people want to have their taste admired or at least approved. I used to work on a makeover show, and even the most gawdawful train-wrecks had something that the proud owner would point out so we (crew, producers, etc) could admire before we took the room apart.

I learned my lesson long ago when my mom was whining about her LR and how she just didn't know what to do with it. I told her how beautiful it would be if it were painted. Well, she took that as criticism (everything is criticism to her) started screaming, yelling and had a meltdown. So no, I don't go there!

What's funny is going to a friend's house (who cares nothing about decorating) and thinking to myself "Ohhh, the things I could do to this place in about 10 minutes", LOL.

I'd drop some hints like, you know that lamp you have on xyz table, well I had one like it and I xyz'd it. If they like my house they may chose to take that hint and if not then no harm done.