you're probably crazy

what happens when one of you gets a significant other, becomes financially unable at pay for their portion, needs to move for career reasons?

what happens when the children are grown and leave (that happens faster than you think)

Sorry to hear of your situation. My best friend from high school and his wife divorced but continued to live together with their children for decades. But he actually was crazy.

I would check zoning first. If not allowed, you might be able to subdivide. Or build close enough to connect the two houses with a covered walk, etc. It might be a garage with an apartment above or a small house that could be converted into a garage later for resale.

But also ask your neighbors if they want to sell or rent their house. Is your neighbor's wife attractive?

Be cautious, things change with time.

I have a feeling your plan will fail because the neighbors are not going to buy into the idea of putting the road in.

By the way, if I were you, I would edit the photos and black out the address.

There is absolutely no way this will pass zoning if anyone on the zoning commission or either one of your neighbors have any sense at all. If it did it would never appraise high enough for you to finance more than 40% of the build cost and it will never resale for anything like you have in it.

Someone in a neighborhood that I cut through on my way to work did something similar to this. They started trying to sell the house for 160k, (surrounding houses were over 200k) it eventually sold to an investor for 95k. He put it back on the market in 2010 and it has had a for sale sign for most of the time since then. That house has street access in a small affordable neighborhood surrounded by 600k plus homes with some of the best schools in the city, and they can barely give the house away. Here is a picture of it from the street.

This post was edited by Bry911 on Sun, Feb 8, 15 at 10:45

There's no use in speculating. First check with the city's zoning department to see if any of your ideas fit the area's zoning ordinance.

If they do, second talk to several lenders to see how they would appraise and lend on such a project.

This is a situation where you really need to do your due diligence.

Good luck!

Is there any other way to get back there, on your own property? I can't see it working due to neighbor objections. But, if you could get access on your own property, I could see it being feasible.

LOTS of infill in my area of this sort of thing. But, I've never seen one of them cut through 2 neighbors' properties instead of their own.

I don't think you are crazy for wanting to do this for you and your kids. How great that you and your wife think your respect for each other would allow this to work. I've known people who did make it work, actually living in the same (large and easily divided) house until the kids were older. Perhaps, as someone else suggested to you, you could do an addition attached to the house but with separate living spaces. You'd only have on street parking and a long walkway along the side of your house to access, but it might work.

I can't imagine the neighbors agreeing to a road so close to their homes, but if you start talking with them, perhaps you'll find that one of them has plans to move sometime soon. Then you could have a house next door with much less hassle.

If the new house doesn't work, another thing I've known some amicable couples to do is take turns living in the family home so the kids aren't uprooted and then rent a small apt for the "off" parent's weeks.

Good luck to you. Your children are really lucky you and their mom are thinking out of the box about this.

I think your situation is probably a lot more common than you know - and nobody who's not in your shoes has the right to call you crazy.

Perhaps it might be a better and easier idea to build an addition onto the current house - the addition could be connected via a lockable walkway and you'd have to rethink that smaller side of the current house to see if you can extend a driveway to the rear so you can have separate parking. This way, you've probably increased the total value of the property by adding an in-law apartment or rental unit.

If the two of you are truly interested in making something like this work, you'll make it work - but please include a decent attorney for each of you so that your rights are clearly articulated and protected. Good luck!

I'd check with my spouse. But this is the weekend, which she reserves for time with her "special friend," so I'm out of luck on that aspect of your craziness.

In the 19th Century, "back houses" were not that unusual where I live. But that was before zoning.

I would think the idea of building on as a large in-law concept as mentioned above would be a better plan if your zoning allows such an addition. But, first you would need two great lawyers to knock out an acceptable long-term agreement. Aging in place and multiple generation living arrangements are back in style. If I was a neighbor, as much as I might like you, there is no way I would grant you the driveway access. Good luck!

I don't know much about zoning, but as your neighbor, I wouldn't agree to that driveway because it might devalue my home.

I haven't been through something like you are going through so although I find your idea odd, I am not experiencing it at this point and it probably makes sense to you.

i don't blame you for wanting to live close to your children that is admirable
but i'd hate for you to sink a bunch of money into a project you couldn't get a return out of later.... and there will be a later --children get older and develop their own lives sooner than you think.......

My first wife and I got divorced (no children though) and we still spoke on the phone fairly often after the divorce and got along well....when I met my current wife that arrangement didn't last long.

Pretending you and the exwife and her new spouse and your new spouse are all best of buddies and happy with this arrangement (note for that planning ahead)

Why would the neighbors want a driveway that close to their homes? I know I sure wouldn't

Maybe the better thing is to demo the existing garage and rebuild one on the back of house along with the second house and a shared driveway with easements.

Or even better yet, sell the current house and buy 2 near each other

Perhaps a casita / guest house would be better. Whether or not you can recoup your construction costs would depend on the neighborhood.

On resale you could market the guest house as a rental unit (see your zoning laws), or even if it doesn't work out and you end up moving out. Assuming you could figure out parking for a tenant.

Depending on the neighborhood it would be pretty sweet to build a pool and then the guest house would be the "pool house."

Very likely not doable due to the neighbors and code objecting to the driveway going between their houses. They will also likely not split your lot in half, as it would be creating two small lots. Secondly, do you really want to do this? It sounds all rosy until you each want your own lives. Worse case, I would rent nearby until the children are older (and have moved).

One of Sarah Susanka's books describes a house for your situation. 2 separate houses connected by a courtyard(?) for a divorced couple who both wanted to be close to their children. So the idea in itself isn't necessarily crazy.

But yeah, there's no way I'd give up 5'+ of my yard so the neighbour can build a driveway. And the zoning laws would probably prevent it, because their houses would then be too close to their property line.

Thanks, all, for the great responses (and well wishes)! As much as I would like to build a guest house, or pool house, part of my settlement with my wife is that I'm giving her all the equity in the house so she and the kids don't have to move. That being said, I will need to build my own house on the land we currently own (after it's legally divided, of course).

After taking into account your opinions, I do agree that it's probably not a good idea to build a driveway through my neighbors' yards. So I got to measuring around the side of our house, and maybe there's enough room to go around?

Currently, it's 13 ft from the side of our house to the property line. I'm thinking I could buy another 2 ft of property from my neighbor and build a driveway (15 ft total width driveway). That way, there would be a little road down our property to the second house (see picture).

Again, I get stuck with the re-sell, but a friend suggested I could rent it out, if I couldn't sell it one day. (And again, all this is contingent upon zoning approval).

Your thoughts are always appreciated. Thanks again for the input!

Will you be required to pay her equity loss? This home will greatly go down in value with your home built behind it. By agreeing to this she is losing a great deal of her settlement.

Your plan rises or falls on the willingness of neighbors to sell a chunk of their property. If I were your neighbor your offer to me would have to be substantially above fair market value for me to bite, not a pro-rated offer based on the value of my land. If my land is worth, say $200,000, and you wanted to buy 5%, amounting to a 5' slice off my backyard, an offer of $10,000 wouldn't interest me in the least. Offer me $50,000 for that 5% and I might THINK about it.

Maybe everyone doesn't think this way.

If you're intent on doing this then I'd be looking to rework your own property. If looks like you have a garage blocking your proposed driveway. If so, tear it down, put the driveway through the newly vacated portion of your land, rebuild the garage in the back of the house.

Secondly, instead of building an entirely separate residence you might consider a duplex.

What is the minimum lot size in your zoning district? Have their been previous subdivisions in your neighborhood? If you can't get zoning approval, take a look at the lot coverage ratio for your lot, you might be able to expand the size of the house and still be within permitted use.

Lastly, if you are committed to making this new arrangement work and you get stymied in your plan, perhaps combine your financial resources with your wife's and find some land where you can make this work. Look at the housing situation used in HBO's Big Love show - 3 houses all next to each other. Buy two homes right next to each other - way less headache.

Just so you know - I wouldn't sell you 2 feet for any amount of money. The neighbors who have a pretty green bit of land to look out at would lose all privacy and view. All surrounding homes will go down in value. Whatever you do, don't tell the neighbors your fall back plan is to rent ...... Surely there are two houses in the near vicinity for sale.

I had experience with inlaws living next door. If the kid was grounded from the phone they went next door and used theirs. If they didnt like my supper, they went next door and ate. You spank butt, they go next door and the inlaws call you to find out what the kid did to deserve a spanking. And it works both ways. The kids will use your proximity to their advantage and will make it hard for you to be a parent.

If/when one of you starts seriously dating, do you really want the kids to know you're having someone stay overnight? If one of you doesn't like the new s.o. of the other, or worse, can't stand the person, do you really want to have to see that person every day? Be in a position to possibly have your ex give your new love dirty looks/criticize how this person is interacting with your kids?

My daughter's ex is 5 minutes away, same school district. Started amicable, sharing everything. New girlfriend (then wife) was a control freak, turned into multiple court visits. She's gone now, back to amicable, sort of. They take turns getting kids to sports, getting homework done, staying home with sick kids, etc.

Before wasting any more time thinking about this, go to your city planning office with a drawing of the 2nd house with the driveway up the side of YOUR lot, and find out if it's even doable, or what suggestions they have that are allowed, and under what conditions. Instead of taking up so much of the lot with a separate house, I'd rather have an addition on the back of the garage. This would make more sense for resale as an extended family/mother-in-law suite. Quite a few people are designing this setup into their new homes.

It's interesting that your wife wants the divorce, and that she's the one that suggested that you build another house on this lot.

Anne

No way I would sell you my property...

but the point would be moot anyway, as there is no way a house like that would be built in my area. Zoning allows for one residence per lot (and no sheds).

I doubt you're going to be able to sever the lot to build a separate house. I think that for this to work, you're going to have to keep it as one property, co-owned by both of you. Then you *may* be able to build a MIL suite in the backyard.

When you're talking to the zoning board please also schedule meetings with your lawyer and with your financial advisor. It's great that you and your wife want to stay amicable and do what's best for the kids, and the kids should always come first. But this sounds like a big money loser for you to accommodate something that your wife initiated. Also, how old are the kids? As mentioned above, they'll be off to the next step (college or their own places) before you know it. (Ask me: we did a big addition when the kids were 10 and 12 and DH was healthy. Now I'm a widow with my oldest going off to college in the fall, a big house with higher taxes and paying mortgage on my own. Not meaning to sound whiny, but life throws us curve balls and the kiddos grow up so fast!)

I also like the idea of adding on to the current home since that could later be marketed as an in-law or nanny suite. BUT since your house has already become part of the divorce agreement it will take more paperwork to determine who gets what upon resale. It sounds like you are footing the bill for any new building and you can't pre-determine what resale will be, so you could lose out even more.

@chiefneil i saw a photo of a home plan that you posted in 2012. i was wondering if i could get a better scan of it. i absolutely love the plan and would like a copy if possible

Adrian, you can try messaging chiefneil but he hasn't been on here in the past year at least.